Canon Fodder

CHAPTER 418 FLAWFUL

“So recap for you,” I told the new girl. “We break into Fortress of Balditude. Leave Boomerang for dead-”

“Hey,” the man cut in but I continued. 

“Probably get our asses handed to us by some high-tech mystical timebomb of a trap. Check out the mini-bar. See what’s on TV, probably mess up his DVR recordings. Set at least one or two things on fire.” 

“Don’t forget to break into the vault,” Deadshot growled. 

“Right, I forgot,” I said. “Break into the vault which my bet has a combo of 1-2-3-4. Then explode the place. Walk away in sweet slow motion as we do, then after-party. All clear?”

“Fuck no,” the girl said shaking her head. The newest member of the Squad was named Crystal Frost. She had long blue hair and reminded me of Justice in Hero World. Although this version couldn’t fly and was probably evil. She could create ice and shoot it out of her like a Pokemon. 

“Good, you understood as much as Croc did,” I said with a nod. 

“Poor Croc,” Boomerang said, doing one of those Catholic prayer crosses on his chest. “I told him not to venture out into the yard. We told him his head would explode.”

“It was his heart and he tried to eat Waller,” the older man in the Squad said. Apparently his name was Count Vertigo, and he could make people dizzy. Older than me, I was glad he was there so I didn’t feel so old. 

“That was funny,” Deadshot said laughing. “You really think they’ll make crocodile skin boots out of him?” 

“I bet Waller would make a whole pants suit out of him,” Boomerang said.

“And a crocodile tooth necklace,” I added. 

“You both will be next if you don’t cut the shit,” Waller said in our earpieces. 

“See, I know you heard it too,” I said. “Satan, please lose my number.”

“Weston, my finger is hovering over the button that kills you,” she said.

“Oh baby, rub it how I like,” I said, laughing. Uncaring about what she thought, I had already zapped the bomb in my chest with my Spark. I was about 90% sure it wouldn’t activate. If she tried I would just coat it in Nen. 

“Cut the shit,” Flag said. The only non-con around us, he had the most firepower too. In full military gear he had an assault rifle in hand, and enough handguns to hijack a Starbucks in Texas. “Frost, the plan is she,” he pointed at the nerdy girl, “causes some havoc. “He,” Flag pointed at me, “Opens a door. We rush in. Deal with the guards. And you try to freeze the vault.”

“I’m telling you, I can do it,” I said.

“And I’m telling you, Luthor probably has lots of protection on his vault. We got a lot of plans, and we will be trying everything to finish this up today,” Flag said. “We head out in 5 minutes once the shift changes.” I looked around, the squad grumbled but I shrugged as I walked over to the other girl in the group. 

“So Juney, about our conversation earlier-” I said, catching the dark haired woman’s eye. 

“No, I will not show you my powers for no reason,” she said. “I lose control a little bit, and really don’t want to let her out for long.”

“I understand,” I said. “I just kind of maybe heard that you turn into a succubus.” I really did hear some of my guards talking about it. With my current luck with women I couldn’t help but get curious about what type of succubus she was. The fun kind, or the really fun sucking your soul through your dick kind. 

“And?” She asked, doing her best not to blush. Though she was rather average, I couldn’t help but be attracted to the dark haired woman. Some curves, wearing a black shirt and jeans, she also wore an immaculate necklace crusted in gold. The necklace supposedly allowed her to turn into the ever mysterious magic wielding, Enchantress. 

“I mean…come on,” I said. “Do I need to watch my own…safety around you? Or is every guy going to turn into a sex crazed maniac?”

“Hasn’t happened yet,” she said, putting her professional face back on. “Maybe I’ll make an exception for you, Old Man Rivers.”

“Old man?” I asked, acting hurt. “No, I prefer the term experienced. I could show you a great time, Juny Moony. You and me, bottle of wine, some of my secret pirate stash, a little summoning of an ancient sex god. We could have fun.” I gave her my best smile, and to my surprise it was actually kind of working. “I mean, we are on a suicide mission. I’d hate to not live my life to the fullest. I can’t help asking out the most beautiful woman around to at least get some enjoyment before we die. I’d hate to die with any regrets. Wouldn’t you?” 

June blushed, slowly opening her mouth as Flag barked, “Move it people!”

“Fucker,” I hissed as June turned around and walked away. Her Haki a mix of lust, embarrassment, and a little hope, I couldn’t help but watch her.

“Weren’t you just hitting on me?” Crystal Frost asked.

“Talking to you is considered flirting now?” I asked, shamelessly. “That sounds desperate. How long were you locked up? That starved for some male attention?” 

“You asked if you could warm me up some time,” she said, causing Boomerang to bark a laugh and Deadshot to hold back from joining him. 

“That’s a team building exercise,” I said. “I was worried about you.”

“I’m seriously going to kill this fucker,” Waller said on the other line. I doubted she meant for me to hear.

“Love you too, Satan,” I said and Flag did a hand motion. Rolling my eyes we all headed in the direction he pointed. 

“Radio silence from here on out,” a tech on Waller’s end said in our earpieces. 

“Remember everyone,” Waller said. “No killing, in and out. Get me my stones.” With that the earpieces clicked and my earpiece was silent. 

Though I felt like we were supposed to be in some jungle in the middle of nowhere, we were actually in Suburbia. Or more accurately upstate Suburbia. The nearest house to where we were besides Lex Luthor’s was a half-mile away. A section of New York set aside for the top 1% they liked their massive lawns, private estates, and private army on staff. 

The Luthors had been at the top of every industry for over 100 years. Currently run by the very bald Lex Luthor he was seen as a humanitarian to all. Basically Bill Gates with a secret plan to take over the world…so like Bill Gates without hair. A Bezos maybe. Either way, the Luthors were also the largest holders of the very rare and expensive kryptonite.

Since everything Task Force X did was off the books, Waller didn’t care how many laws we broke. Stealing from a billionaire was one of many sins each of us had, and I was sure that if we were caught it would be claimed that we broke out of prison. 

I continued to trudge through the grass, walking like a savage since I didn’t want any of these people knowing that I could fly. The others around me, the only one actually nervous was the new girl. Pretty much grabbed from prison as an afterthought after Croc’s snack fought back, her eyes were darting this way and that. Only about 19 years old, I couldn’t help but wonder what brought her there. Ready to risk death for early release from prison. 

“Kid,” I whispered to her. She eyed me, her eyes big as she stared up at me. “Just stay close to me and you’ll be fine.” Instead of saying anything though she moved a little closer. I kept my Haki up, reminding myself to watch out for her as we got to the brick wall around the Luthor estate. 

“Go,” Flag said. We ran through the clearing to the wall. I pushed out my power, making a crack in the air in front of us. Forcing it open people jumped through the Rift to the other side of the wall. Once we were through I pulled the power back in to reveal a guard behind us. He had fallen asleep in a chair, but was quickly waking up as he pulled up his radio.

Captain Boomerang threw his…boomerang, bonking the guy on the head.

“That’s your power?” I asked as the Australian man ran over to pick up the boomerang. “It doesn’t even come back.”

“It does,” he hissed. “Just gotta be the right conditions. It’s not a fucking yo-yo.” 

“Quiet,” Flag said. “More guards that way.”

“Don’t worry, we got Captain Throws a stick,” I said.

“Oy mate, I’ll throw a stick up your ass,” he shot back.

“Why bother, you’ll have to go get it anyway? Why not just shove it up there?” I asked.

“Because this is what I’m good at,” he said. “You don’t see me calling you Servant-guy for opening doors and shit.”

“Actually that’s pretty accurate,” I said. I did that to different worlds and with my power. A gunshot rang out and we turned to see a line of guards facing us. Deadshot didn’t hesitate and began returning fire. 

“I told you to shut the fuck up!” Flag yelled.

“Up yours. You’re worse than a kindergarten teacher that yells at the kids for not listening to her,” I said.

“Ha!” Boomerang said. “That’s way too true.” He threw his boomerang again. It hit two guards in the head and the thin metal weapon actually looped around and came back.

“I take it back, that was pretty cool,” I said.

“Right?” He said, brandishing the weapon at me like Arthur wielding excalibur. .

“Maybe you should teach Deadshot to bring his bullets back,” I offered. 

“Weston, shut the fuck up,” Flag said. 

“Fuck you, I’m here to open doors. You lot should protect me,” I said. I was actually having a lot of fun. I really didn’t care what happened to these people since they were criminals, and they didn’t care about me. Not the weird emotional rollercoaster the movies portrayed where they were supposed to risk life and limb after knowing one another for a few hours, this was the true Suicide Squad. Everyone expendable, no one has a plan, and of course plenty of head-exploding drama.

“Move it, people,” Flag said. He continued to fire his weapon and we moved toward the mansion.

As we got to the massive place it had a huge fountain out front. Military grade guards riding golf carts toward us, things started to get serious as June Moone began chanting in a weird language. Black smoke billowing around her the smoke covered her like an egg, then shot out all at once to reveal someone new. 

I didn’t mean she transformed. I meant she became someone completely different. Where June’s Haki had been timid and weak while a little inquisitive, this was like a raging inferno. Power poured out of every pore as the new woman stood up. The black hair now pink, it wrapped around her to cover her now naked body. Her skin pristine, she looked like the girliest character choice on a fighting game. 

The woman radiated sexuality. Shocking me by the mere force of it. Every guy and girl around stared at the bright spot in the night as pink mist shot out of her. The mist passed over our feet and went right for the guards preparing to fire from the golf carts. As soon as it hit them they fell to the ground asleep with smiles on their faces. 

“Shit,” I mumbled as I realized she was called the Enchantress for a reason. “Nevermind Flag, you can have her.” The stoic military man stood staring at her slack jawed. Everyone did, including Crystal. I could feel some weird energy coming from the Enchantress form of Moone, but it drew everyone in. I wasn’t interested in being one of many, that was for sure. 

“Flag, let’s go,” I said, pushing the man toward the mansion.  “Call me unprofessional. Boner popping virgin,” I said. 

“Let-let’s go,” Flag said as he readjusted his pants and finally ripped his eyes away from the pink haired Succubus. She floated after us, utilizing some kind of magical sex energy that even made me get heated. Despite my control on my libido, being around her was awakening something I didn’t care to explore. 

“Why so cold now, Walker?” A high pitched voice asked. I cursed, looking back to see the Enchantress right over my shoulder. 

“Fuck me,” I said, trying to look away from the heart shaped iris’. Her voice was like the girl next door and your lifelong crush running their fingers along your neck. 

She giggled, freaking me out more. Boomerang stumbled. “Scared of me now?” She asked. I pulled my eyes away from her. I knew how to fight people that had power in their eyes. Under some sort of a spell I pulled in my lifeforce, practicing my Zetsu. Immediately I felt whatever she was expelling pull away from me. She paused, her smile dropping for a moment. “What did you do?” She asked. 

“Nothing. Head in the game Pink Ranger,” I said feeling better as she floated around me, twisting in the air to stop right in front of me. 

“What did you do?!” She yelled. Her voice the only thing I wanted to hear in the world. I studied her hands, unwilling to look her in the eye. Apparently whatever she was doing actually affected lifeforce. Which meant it was probably soul magic. 

“You’re not the only one with tricks, Ella Enchanted,” I said. My eyes steering clear from her I ran around and caught up to the others. They were all staring back at Enchantress 

“Look, it's Superman!” I yelled pointing up, breaking a few of them out of the spell. 

“What?!” Flagg yelled, pulling his gun out as if it would do anything. 

I pushed a Rift ahead of me, opening a path inside the mansion. “Just kidding. Let’s go, people!” I yelled. My good mood ruined after finding out June was the unfun Succubus. 

“Right,” Flag said. He and the others ran through to inside the house. Enchantress following in last she was glowing less pink as we entered the quiet home. Supposedly Luther was out on a business deal in Europe. But he also was rich. He could have any number of traps-

“Whoops,” Boomerang said as he bumped into a piano causing it to play some notes. 

“Jesus,” Deadshot cursed. 

“This way,” Flag said as he ran toward the stairs. I extended my Observation Haki outward. Trying to feel everything around us there were cameras but no people. 

I seriously doubted that someone as rich as Lex Luthor wouldn’t know if the government was planning to kill Superman, let alone rob him. I was starting to think he might have been letting it happen so he could get his nemesis out of the way. Or maybe some insurance ploy. There were lots of reasons to allow us in. 

That’s why a few minutes later we found ourselves staring at a huge vault door attached to the master bedroom. Acting as a safe as well as panic room we somehow had all the access codes to get to the door itself, just not the combo for the door. 

“Crystal,” Flag said. The young girl jumped and walked forward. A blue beam of ice shot out of her hand. Bringing up her other hand the flow increased as the temperature in the room dropped dramatically. 

Her blue hair waving in the air she continued blasting the door but I could tell it wouldn’t be enough. Sadly the door was a couple of feet thick and I doubted I could make a Rift inside either. Luckily I had many skills at hand. 

“Screw this,” I said, moving to the combination lock. 

“Weston-“ Flag said. 

“Shut it,” I said. “We got three groups of flunkeys surrounding the house and we have a schedule to keep if we are going to leave Count Vertigo for dead.”

“Why is it me now?” The old man asked, offended. I ignored him as I searched the innards of the vault door with my Observation Haki. It wasn’t long until I found the sequenced pins that were required for the lock. 

My senses focused on inside the door. I began spinning the combination dial then slowly turning it. I felt the first latch catch, then the next, and next. Four turns total, the door clicked and I spun the wheel causing the door to unlock. 

“Fuck yeah,” Boomerang said appreciatively as he ran in first. 

“We live through this, we might be able to work together, Weston,” Deadshot said, nodding with a smile on his face. 

“Thanks,” Crystal mumbled and Flag grumbled one as well. 

“Nope,” I said, unwilling to look Enchantress in the eyes. She pouted cutely but I didn’t care. Her Haki focused on me, I was struggling not to reciprocate as I found myself in the home sized safe. 

My first home with my wife was a three bedroom ranch style brick house. That looked small in comparison to the vault. My Haki searching every nook and cranny there was food, entertainment, a feed for the cameras, and a hell of a lot of loot inside. 

People scattered, grabbing jewels and necklaces. Laughing happily as if we had stumbled on a pirate horde. Flag scanned the room trying to reach our target, but I was quicker. Finding a trap book I pulled it when Flag was inspecting one of the rooms. The bookcase slid away and I rushed in to find the true treasures. 

At the center of the room was a glass case protecting a huge mound of green shining kryptonite. But I could care less about that. Sitting on a shelf to the side was a golden lasso. Unassuming to the untrained eye, it radiated lifeforce. 

As people moved to follow me I grabbed the lasso as my hand was covered in Armament Haki. I didn’t spill my secrets but began walking around the perimeter of the room. Taking everything that shined as I used Gyo. More than a few items glowed with lifeforce proving their rarity. I opened a small Rift into my pocket dimension and tossed the items inside. 

“Finally,” Flag said as he opened the glass case for the kryptonite. An alarm went off but he didn’t care. Throwing the mound of green rock into a lead lined bag we were out the door in seconds. 

People stuffed valuables into pockets or between busts. I opened a Rift to the outside and we were jumping out the side of the house where there was no one gathering. Running into the woods I was surprised it was going so well, that was until the streak of white went past. 

Wind blowing us back, the blonde woman with a bust to write smut about stood in midair as she held the bag with the kryptonite in her hand. 

“Thank you,” the woman said with a smile. Though she didn’t look like the Supergirl I knew, I much preferred this one.  

“You’re welcome,” I couldn’t help but say to her. She opened her mouth, turning to me then laughed a sweet laugh. Then without a word she shot off, the only sound that followed her was the sonic boom as she broke the sound barrier. 

“Shit,” Boomerang said. “That’s gotta be embarrassing there, mate. You didn’t even fight her.” He eyed Flag who stared after her in awe. 

“Can you blame him? I would have given her everything she wanted too. And then some,” I said. I heard Enchantress hurrumpf. I didn’t think she liked being ignored. “Better hope Waller doesn’t have a button for you made when we get back.”

It took a moment for Flag to recover. When he did, he was cursing and pushing us to run faster. I looked in the direction Supergirl had come from. Hopeful that she wasn’t trying to blow up the world I really didn’t want to have to kick her ass. Then again, Zuina in DBZ liked it when I did. I’d have to get to know her to find out what Supergirl preferred.  

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