Canon Fodder

CHAPTER 425 BLONDES

“Mr. Walker, nice to meet you,” the gorgeous woman said as I walked in. Without hesitation she reached out her hand toward me. Her skin pale, she had a firm grip as I shook her hand. Wearing a white lab coat with a red blouse it was easy to see how pretty she was. Her glasses barely helped to tone down her beauty. 

Blonde hair tied back in a bun, she was skinny as can be. Her hands bone-thin, A-Cup breasts pushed up with a bra,  blue eyes, and a fantastic ass that was well hidden behind her desk. I made sure to keep eye contact with her as I studied her. Unimposing, she looked like any young doctor, but it was obvious to me that she would become one of the best villains someday. 

Though she wasn’t twisted by the Joker yet, Harleen Quinzel was a prim and proper sorority girl. Certificates on the wall, a yoga mat hidden under her desk, her Haki leaked interest. Not so much in me, but about me for some reason. 

“So, I don’t think I’ve ever talked to a psychiatrist. How does this go?” I asked as I sat down across from her. 

“However you want it to go,” she said. 

“Naked?” I asked.

“What?” She asked, turning her head to the side. 

“Can we conduct it naked?”

“No,” she said with a frown, but I could tell she mildly enjoyed the joke. I laughed, acting insulted. “No, we can sit like this, or you can sit on the couch or whatever.” She smiled wide at me, meaning her words. Acting more like a doctor for kids than criminals, it was a little easier to see how the Joker pulled her to the dark side. There was an innocence about her I couldn’t quite understand, yet.

“Here is fine,” I said. I looked around the room. New furniture, a wing of Arkham Asylum was seen out the window. Bars on all the windows I noticed the small sofa and stains in the ceiling tiles above. About what I expected for the insane asylum, I couldn’t help but wonder what brought her there.

“How long have you been doing this?” I asked. 

“I usually get asked that,” she said, rolling her eyes. “Yes, I’m a little young. But I’ve been a native of Gotham all my life. I completed my residency here.”

“Do psychiatrists need a residency?” I asked. 

“We do,” she said with a nod. “I got my Bachelor’s, then some medical school, then four years of residency,” she admitted. 

“Oh so that makes you-” I was going to guess 30, which was far older than she looked. She cut me off though. 

“Don’t say it,” she said playfully. “But trust me, I have the experience.”

“And what has your experience told you?” I asked. 

“What do you mean?” 

“I mean, why here? Why criminals, or in my rare case, an ex-criminal?” I asked. 

“No reason…”

“Come on, Doc,” I said. “You don’t want to start our first session off with a lie, do you?”

She opened her mouth then closed it. Looking out the window for a moment she sighed and smiled. “I love it,” she said. “Trying to figure out what makes you all do what you do. It’s what interests me.” Shivers actually ran up her spine. “It fascinates me.”

“Ah, so you’re the girl that watches serial killer documentaries in her spare time,” I said. 

She actually laughed. “How did you know?” She asked, genuinely surprised. 

“Lucky guess,” I said. “So, you like the front row seats then? Asking the questions instead of listening to someone ask them.”

“Exactly,” she said. “Although I haven’t had the chance for anyone big yet.”

“I’m sure it will come,” I said, smiling at her sadly. I wasn’t sure what to do with the girl, but I did like her. I just didn’t want the Joker to corrupt her. He was always a crazy son of a bitch, and if he was running a cult, I was sure he could. Was there a way to turn her to my side first though? The Joker was still out there, unable to twist her mind yet. I couldn’t help but wonder if there was a way to bring out the true Harley without damaging her too much. 

“Enough about me,” she said, opening my folder. “Gotta say, pretty interesting. The famous Rift, eh? Just robberies. No deaths, which is rare for Gotham. I’m surprised they got you.”

“Me too. Or at least I was. It was Superman that did me in,” I said.

“No-way!” She said, her mouth wide as she studied me. “You can’t be serious.” She sounded like some unbelieving girlfriend hearing gossip. I nodded. “It doesn’t say anything in here about him.”

“Superman isn’t really part of the law,” I said. “He just nabbed me and brought me to the police.”

“That is so cool,” she said, leaking far more interest than I anticipated. “And you finally got out on parole?”

“Conditional parole,” I clarified. “But it’s good to be outside.”

“I bet,” she said. Smiling, I could actually feel her kicking her feet happily as she studied my file more. When she was done refreshing herself on everything about me she leaned back, studying me for a bit. “What about your wife?”

“Ex-wife, you mean?” I asked, my gut clenching. I had mostly forgotten about the old me’s ex-wife. 

“Right,” Harley said. “Ex-wife. Have you talked to her at all.”

“I haven’t,” I admitted with a sigh. “Kind of a messy breakup when you do it from a prison cell. She moved on with her life, and I…hung out with a bunch of dudes for a few decades.” I didn’t bother to keep the frown from my face. Old me had hated her for a long time. It wasn’t until he finally admitted he wasn’t getting out that he understood he was the problem and not her. We had been young, in love, and got married on a whim. 

“Have you thought of reaching out?” Harley asked. 

“Shit, you really don’t beat around the bush,” I mumbled. 

“I’m sorry, Mr. Walker-”

“Weston, please,” I said with my best smile.

“Weston,” she said, slowly, hesitating on the name, but moved on. “Crime isn’t some phase people go through. You grew up in this city like I did. Your childhood wasn’t…the best.”

“Utter shit,” I said for her. 

“Besides that, men such as yourself tend to relapse. In the country the rate of recidivism-”

“What’s that word?” I asked, confused. 

“The chances of you recommitting a crime is about 80% in the country. In Gotham it’s over 95%,” she said. That statistic didn’t surprise me. 

“So what, meet my ex to reopen some wounds so I can drown my sorrows and think it’s a good idea to rob more banks?” I asked. 

“No,” she said. “The opposite. Of all the people you hurt by your crimes. Your ex-wife is possibly the only person you can put a face to. She was hurt most of all. I recommend you meet with her. Remind yourself why being a criminal isn’t the right answer. I know that you put in your time, but I don’t like to see people come here after they’re out.”

“Despite being fascinated by us?” I asked. 

“Despite that,” she said with a nod. There was a lot of sincerity in her voice and Haki. She genuinely cared. “Get yourself some closure. See first hand who you hurt. Then move on. Get your life back. The kind of life you should have been living before you turned to crime.”

I frowned more deeply. Like with the Marvel world, I didn’t like paying for the crimes of the past me. I didn’t feel comfortable with the old versions love of Anne Marie, and though I did have feelings for her, I did need to understand what it all meant. With that, I probably should see the ex of the old me. There was a reason I married her. Maybe she would forgive me, or it would lead somewhere. Besides, I did feel a little guilty that she didn’t get a piece of the money I had squirreled away, at least before she divorced me anyway. 

“Alright, Doc, I’ll consider it,” I said. “Got any other uncomfortable topics to talk about?”

“I’ll save the others for your other visits,” she said. “No, let’s just talk about your mother.”

“Oh god, that’s even worse…” 

—

I left Arkham more than a little annoyed. Since I wasn’t crazy, I guess Harley didn’t pull the punches. Scrutinizing everything in my life up to my arrest, she didn’t care how uncomfortable the questions were. Annoyed, and put off by the fact that I actually answered her truthfully, I needed a shower. Or to beat the crap out of someone. 

I decided to do the latter on the way to the former. Putting on my Watanabe heart covered hero costume I flew through the city watching for crimes. Though in Batman’s Gotham everything happened at night, the day still had plenty going on as I searched over the city. First was a purse snatching. Which was simple enough to deal with. Landing I grabbed the purse and threw it to the lady who had it taken. Then punched the guy so he was knocked out. 

Nice and simple it was easy to deal with petty criminals. Next was an actual cat stuck in a tree. A small kid thanked me and offered me some crack. Which would have surprised me, but this was Gotham. The place was messed up. Another kid lost her balloon and was nice enough to not offer me crack after I gave it back to her. 

It was simple work. I could fly and got most everything done efficiently. Since using powers wasn’t illegal like in My Hero Academia, I decided I might as well make my debut. Batman wasn’t around, so I would keep my eye out for anything big going on in hopes I would become this world’s Batman. 

I kept my hood and face mask up to protect my identity. Helping or not, I was on parole, so I didn’t want to give Waller a reason to throw me back in. Though I had been wearing my hero costume for her, I doubted they would throw much of a stink as long as I didn’t do anything too big. That was until I noticed an armored truck being robbed anyway. 

It was professional. Old me would have wanted in on the job. Car in front blocking the path, one in back blocking the retreat, they fired upon the armored truck. Bullets bouncing off metal and impact resistant glass, I dropped down. Using a Nen Blast to hit the front car I blasted a hole in the engine. 

A grinding noise sounding from it, the car unfortunately didn’t explode like I had hoped. The driver freaking out, I used Timeflow to speed up and punched the main shooter at the front of the truck. Knocking him into the other guy I took their guns and bent the barrels. Impressed by my own show of strength it was good to see my Viltrumite form could bend metal now. 

Knocking out the yelling driver I heard more yells from the back as an explosion happened. Using Timeflow again I rushed to the back to find them all getting beat up as well. Moving in slow motion as I screeched to a halt, I came face to face with the most beautiful crime fighter of all. 

Short blonde hair waving in the air as she turned her head to deck someone. White skintight suit, red cape billowing in the wind behind her, she punched a guy’s front teeth out as time sped back up to normal. Another guy spraying her with bullets they bounced off her outfit and she threw the original guy at him. 

The driver of the rear car trying to speed away, she grabbed the rear bumper and picked the car up. Showing off her fantastic glutes I was sure I was drooling as I stared at her. She flipped the car over, unceremoniously and turned to face me with a smile. 

“Hello, beautiful,” I said numbly as Powergirl walked up to me. 

“Who are you?” A man asked. We turned to see the armored truck rear door was blasted open. Inside was an older man with graying red hair and a thick mustache. He jumped out the back, and stared at us one at a time. 

“I’m Powergirl,” she said unashamedly as she reached out her hand to him. He took it numbly. “Just in the neighborhood.” She shrugged and giggled, making her chest bounce. I already had a crush on her, but tried to pull my eyes away from her. 

“Batman,” I said and shook his hand. “What happened here, Mr….” 

“Gordon, Commissioner Gordon,” he said, shaking my hand. My mouth opened wide, happy to finally meet the man in the flesh. He had tan weathered skin. Older than me I guessed he was closer to 50, but the stress of the job had made him age more. He and I had a history, but I hoped he didn’t remember that. 

“Honor to meet you, Commissioner,” I said readjusting my face mask. “Just uh, in the neighbor…what she said. Good luck with whatever.” I turned to go. 

“Wait, do you need more help?” Powergirl asked excitedly. “What’s inside?”

“A witness,” the commissioner said as police units pulled up with the sirens going. “Why don’t you stay to answer some-”

“Gotta go,” I said, grabbing the girl’s hand I lifted off. She didn’t fight me, but let go as she started flying. When we were higher up I said, “I’m guessing this wasn’t a coincidence.”

“No, I was just coming to talk to you,” she said. “My cousin said we should thank you for helping the other day.” 

“Oh, right,” I said, pulling down my mask and pushing back the hood. “Well, no problem. I assume that guy we saved is still sleeping?” 

“He woke up this morning,” she said excitedly. “We hope to get some answers on what happened to the Krytonians soon.”

“Awesome,” I said, wanting to join in on the interrogation. “Thanks for stopping by. Have anything else going on?” I asked. 

“Not really. Why, what’s up?” She asked, confused. 

“I mean…I watched your interrogation. In between you talking about all the foods you’ve tried, I got a pretty good sense that you’re new to the planet. Wanna go on a date?” I asked with a shrug. I was older than her, but I didn’t much mind. I actually preferred it, and I might as well take the chances while I could. 

“Like a date date?” She asked, a slight blush on her cheeks.

“More like a romantic date, but yeah a date date can work,” I said. 

“What’s the difference?” She asked. 

“Let’s find out,” I said, reaching out my hand to her. She blushed a little more deeply but slowly took it. I smiled wide wondering if this could actually go somewhere. 

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