Canon Fodder

CHAPTER 83 THANKFUL DAD

“Weston, give me those weights,” I heard. I grumbled, pushing the person away. “Stop being a stingy dick.” I pulled them out of my screen and dropped all the weights out. I heard a loud crash and my bed rumbled but I was soon asleep again. A long dreamless sleep. 

It wasn’t till Luffy yelled that I woke up fully. “I slept amazing!” I grumbled throwing my pillow at him. “Ech! Weston, get your lazy ass up!” Luffy yelled, throwing the pillow way harder at me than I did him. I grabbed another and hit him harder. This time the pillow burst into feathers. That’s when the fight started. 

“What the hell! You could have killed me!” Luffy yelled. He had me by the neck pounding me in the head with a pillow. I ripped it from his hands hitting him with it. Both of his arms extended out grabbing more. He used them like cymbals, smashing them into my ears. 

“I’ll kill you! I was trying to sleep!” I said. 

“It’s time to wake up!” He yelled, hitting me harder. This time he caused the feathers to fly. 

“How are you 2 so lively?” Nami asked from across the way. I opened my eyes fully to see we were in a large room with beds lining the walls. Nami was on the other end of the room reading a book. “You’ve been in bed for 2 days now.” 

“2 days?” I asked with a yawn. Luffy and I released each other as we separated. 

“Where’s my hat?” Luffy asked. Vivi was sitting by Nami. Picking the straw hat off the table she tossed it like a frisbee. Luffy grabbed it, putting it on with a content smile. 

“Yeah, 2 days,” Nami said. 

“We win?” I asked. 

“Of course,” Luffy said. “I’m hungry. Where’s Sanji? I missed 10 meals.” 

I laughed loudly. “That’s 5 meals a day, Luffy.” I looked at the drooling man. “Nevermind, you’re probably right. How did your fight with Crocodile go?”

“Eh, he was dumb. He tried poisoning me, but I guess it didn’t kill me,” Luffy said with a laugh. 

“That’s because I made an antivenom,” the small Chopper said. The Drum Kingdom, where he was from, was known for having the best doctors. 

Zoro soon walked in. I noticed the training weights on his arms. All of them. “Hey, that’s my set,” I said. “I gave you your own.”

“You weren’t using either,” Zoro said. “Now I get twice the training done.” 

“Give em back,” I said walking up. 

“Zoro, you shouldn’t be training!” Chopper yelled. “Your injuries were too bad.” 

“Psh, they’re the ones that slept for 2 days,” Zoro said. 

“Quit, changing the subject. Where is Sanji? I need food,” Luffy said as I made Zoro unbuckle my set of weights. He frowned by did so. 

“Right here,” Sanji said, walking in with a cart. On it was meat and fruit piled high. “I also have the kitchen working overtime to make you a real meal.” 

“Sanji, you are a lifesaver,” Luffy said, running up to the cart. He was soon putting whole fruits in his mouth and swallowing them down. His rubber body stretching to allow them inside his stomach. 

“Alright, what did I miss during my cat nap?” I asked. 

“You mean coma?” Chopper asked. “You were barely alive when we found you.” 

“Let’s start there. What happened? I don’t remember much,” I said.

“Well you grabbed the bomb that was supposed to blow up the city and ran out of town with it,” Nami said angrily. “Then it blew up in your face.” 

“Right, right,” I said. Vaguely remembering. “What about you all? Beat your opponents?” 

“Mr. 1 wasn’t so hard,” Zoro said. 

“Mr. 2 was a dick,” Sanji said.

“Huhd whdkk hhghl,” a voice said. I turned to see a mummy, the only reason I recognized it was the long nose sticking out of the bandages. 

“Oh no, Usopp died,” I said. 

“Umm hatt fedd!” He yelled. 

“These are the death throes I’ve heard about. I will say a prayer on your grave, Usopp,” I promised. He began yelling again. I laughed and said, “Good job beating up your opponent.” He nodded, saying more but I moved on. Heading over to Nami and Vivi I asked, “And you girls?” 

“I beat that Double Fudge Sunday lady,” Nami said, closing her book. 

“Good job. And you Vivi?” 

“I didn’t fight anyone,” she said with a frown. “Just a lot of running around. After you showed up they finally stopped fighting.” 

“That was my role. Did you…do what I asked?” She slowly nodded. “Good. Thank you.” I had made her promise to let Nico Robin see the Poneglyph. “Any idea if she stuck around after?” 

“No,” Vivi said. I nodded. Hoping she would be waiting for us on the Going Merry. 

“What about the Marines?” I asked. 

“The palace has been saying we aren’t here,” Nami said with a sigh. “We are waiting for the heat to die down.” 

“Sanji! I need more!” Luffy yelled. 

“Alright, I’m sure they’re done with dinner,” Sanji said. We were soon following him out of the room. Walking down the halls we were let into a large dining hall. On it were plates littered with piles of food. 

A woman that looked very much like Igaram said. “Dinner is ready.” Luffy didn’t wait long and was diving right into the food. Used to his lack of manners we all sat around him. The king himself soon appeared with his personal guards.

I had pretended to be him to stop the fighting. He was a lot more regal in person. “I hear that you all are to thank for keeping my kingdom intact,” the king said. Luffy didn’t hardly register the guy as he continued to scarf down food. 

“What? No,” I couldn’t help but say. “We are pirates, right Luffy?” The rubber man looked up. Mumbled some words between bites then went back to eating. “Well said, captain.” 

“That’s right,” Zoro said. “We take what we want.”

“And damn the consequences,” Sanji added. 

“We just happened to want to start a war with a Shichibukai, and your country was caught in the middle,” I said. 

“Really?” Chopper asked. “I thought we were helping.” The cute reindeer said. I gave him a stern look. But it wasn’t long until the room burst into laughter. 

“Igaram!” I yelled across the table. “When did you make an appearance?” 

“A few days ago,” the tall man said. “Sorry you had to infiltrate the Baroque Works like that.” 

“It was pretty awful,” I said. “They were the lowest of the low.” I really wanted the number of those girls that gave me the massages. I hoped they got jobs again soon. “Thanks for believing me about the whole faking your death thing.” 

“Oh no, thank you,” Igaram said. “Your bounty poster was proof enough for me.”

“What did end up happening to Crocodile?” I asked. 

“We gave him to the Marines,” the bird-man said next to the king. “There was plenty of proof of his crimes. Many of those in Baroque Works flipped on him. Apparently more people knew about his identity than we realized.” 

“Enough of that!” Luffy yelled. “It’s time to party!” Raising a mug of ale he extended it out, ready to start the drinking. It wasn’t long until we all had mugs in our hands. Clinking them together we chugged them down and started throwing a real Straw Hat party. It wasn’t long until the king and his royal guards were drinking and celebrating with us. 

“One thing I never understood is why we aren’t singing?” I asked. 

“We don’t have a musician!” Luffy said. “We need one.”

“We don’t need a musician to sing!” I said. “Alright, alright, I got one.” Ale in hand I began to sing. It wasn’t long until the other Straw Hats were throwing out ideas. By the end we had a passable sea shanty. 

What can you do with a drunken Zoro

What can you do with a drunken Zoro

What can you do with a drunken Zoro

Early in the morning

Way hay and up she rises

Way hay and up she rises

Way hay and up she rises

Early in the morning

Hide his swords where he can’t find em

Hide his swords where he can’t find em

Hide his swords where he can’t find em

Early in the morning

What can you do with a drunken Zoro

What can you do with a drunken Zoro

What can you do with a drunken Zoro

Early in the morning

Way hay and up she rises

Way hay and up she rises

Way hay and up she rises

Early in the morning

Mow his hair like the grass it looks like

Mow his hair like the grass it looks like

Mow his hair like the grass it looks like

Early in the morning

Put him in the fridge with the captains bento

Put him in the fridge with the captains bento

Put him in the fridge with the captains bento

Early in the morning

Stick him in the crow’s nest till he’s sober

Stick him in the crow’s nest till he’s sober

Stick him in the crow’s nest till he’s sober

Early in the morning

That’s what we do with a drunk Zoro

That’s what we do with a drunk Zoro

That’s what we do with a drunk Zoro

Early in the morning

By the end even Zoro was singing. Luffy clapped loudly and in our drunken state it was the funniest song in the world. Once over we wrapped up the meal. Vivi mentioned the amazing hot bath they had. 

It wasn’t long until we were running to it. Though separated by gender, it was still an experience. My first real Japanese style bath house. The others had to walk me through it. Cleaning up first. Scrubbing each other’s backs before dipping into the water. It was a little weird but they acted like it was normal so I did my best to act normal as well. 

“Where is the girl’s bath?” Sanji couldn’t help but ask. 

“Like we would-” 

“Over that wall,” the king said. It wasn’t long until a few of the guys were climbing up it. Since I wasn’t one to fight peer pressure I joined as well. The 10 foot wall showed the steamy mirror of our bath for the girls’ side. On the other side Nami and Vivi were washing one another. Nami turned, locking eyes with me. 

“You said this bath was our side too!” I yelled. 

Nami smiled big. Grabbing her towel she said, “100,000 berrie for a peek.” Those men on the side of the wall quickly dropped down. Too rich for their blood. 

“How about 10 million,” I said with a smile. Nami laughed and flashed me. Her towel only open for a split second. I still saw her in her glory. 

“Worth it,” I said, dropping down. 

The others were already playing in the water. Dicks flopping around, I decided to sit in the pool by myself. Letting it relax me, I could feel my tense muscles loosen up. It was easier to see the draw to a hot bath in a situation like that. 

“I want to thank you,” the king said. His voice drew all of our eyes. “All of you.” He surprised everyone by getting on his hands and knees, bowing in our direction. 

“My liege, you shouldn’t-” Igaram said, trying to stop him, but the king cut him off. 

“As a father. I want to thank all of you for bringing my daughter back safely. As a king I thank you for helping my countrymen.” 

“Of course,” Luffy said. “It was fun.” The king looked up with a tear filled gaze. Nodding as he recovered his composure. It wasn’t long until someone found a bucket of cold water and dumped it on Zoro. That’s when the real fight began. 

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