Chaos Effect

Chapter 39

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/UzumakiLegacy

"Welcome back to the All Mariah Carrey Christmas Channel! Up next we have Mariah rapping Oh Come All Ye Faithful but before that we have her performing Chorus of the Bells... on the tuba!"

I let out a groan and rolled out of my bed, slamming my hand down as the tuba began to play... poorly, not surprised in the slightest that I wasn't wearing my breezy mismatched pajamas that I'd gone to bed in. Of course, as I thought about it... I honestly couldn't remember going to bed. I remembered having a duel during Battle City and then... waking up in bed. In red and white pajamas with snowflakes on them.

"...another filler arc already?" I complained as I opened the blinds to confirm that indeed it was a winter Wonderland outside. Snow gently falling... not enough to cause any car accidents (Troy began playing Drew Carrey's "Up On the Sidewalk BAM BAM BAM!") but enough to blanket everything in a pureness that made the world seem more quiet and peaceful and bright. It was dark out, the sun having not risen yet, so I was able to see the moonlight causing the snow to almost glow under its beams. The buildings were decked out in strings of Christmas lights so that each one of them looked like an illuminated present. The stoplights had garland all around them and on every street corner I was sure you could actually hear silver bells. The giant billboards advertised all the stores and their Christmas sales with many of them featuring Duel Monsters. There were Kuribohs throwing snowballs and Summoned Skull wearing a Santa hat on its head and the Dark Magician Girl-

"Whoa," I said, blinking as I saw just how low cut her elf costume was. "I knew I killed the censor but I didn't realize I'd turned this into R Rated Yu-Gi-Oh!." I tilted my head. "And I don't think she should have that candy cane there..."

I walked over to the TV and flipped it on, seeing ads for toys and gadgets and-

"And now a holiday message from the CEO of KaibaCorp: Seto Kaiba."

Seto appeared on screen, scowling as he stood in front of a festive blue screen image of a snowy landscape.

"My lawyers told me I had to wish you all a Merry Christmas."

"This has been a Holiday Message from Seto Kaiba!" the announcer said cheerfully.

"Wow," I muttered before grabbing my bathrobe and walking out to the dining room/living room where Renard, as was per the norm, was making breakfast. My uncle wasn't up yet so Renard was moving about as quietly as he could as he cracked some eggs and scrambled them up. Thankfully both me and Renard were earlier wakers so our sleep patterns matched well.

"Boy," I said in a whispering shout, "what day is this?"

"Tis December 20th, sir," Renard said with a smirk.

"Ah, awesome." I moved to help with breakfast only for Renard to shoo me away, wanting to do it himself because that was how Renard did things. "Come on, I can at least make the toast-"

"Captains sit at the table and First Mates make breakfast," Renard scolded before he set to work making fresh orange juice.

"Even if the captain orders it?" I teased.

"Even then," Renard said firmly.

I shrugged and decided that this wasn't a fight I was going to win so I might as well move on and focus on other important thing... like the fear that I was going to get one of these Filler Arcs where I really did have to be Scrooge.

'Nah, that would be Kaiba,' I thought before my eyes widened. 'Shit, that better not make me Jacob Marley. Spirit of Christmas Present or Future? I could do that... but they better not stick me as fucking Marley with those chains!'

My next set of thoughts were on the logic of this world and the fact that even though I hadn't even been in the world of Yugioh for a year somehow we'd had a Christmas, a Halloween, and now another Christmas.

'of course the entire calendar year of Yugioh is screwed up,' I thought as Renard set a plate of eggs, bacon, sausages, and toast in front of me before going to get his own. 'Yugi and his friends lived through-' I mentally ticked off their adventures, 'Three world ending events? Battle City, Wake the Dragons, and Memory Arc. Three. Yeah. They went through three and didn't even move on to the next grade. I honestly think most of that happened during the summer!' I paused as I bite into my sausage, 'Or it's just a case of Christmas coming earlier and earlier every year that now there are two of them.'

"So," Renard stated, "what do you have planned for today?"

"Well, there aren't any tournaments or world ending events... and I doubt the Spirit of the Ring is going to want to face me again after I pecker slapped him with Ghostricks..."

~Meanwhile...~

The Spirit of the Millennium Ring looked at his large wall of 'Things I Hate'. Normally the Pharaoh and his little pals would have been the main ones featured on it but recently he'd added a new category: chibi Halloween monsters.

The Spirit slowly began to sharpen his knife...

~MC~MC~MC~

"So I figure we'll do what we did last Christmas." I paused. "Hey! You weren't hired last time so now you get to be part of the fun!"

"And that is?"

"I do a Christmas party on the 22nd or 23rd, so that people can attend but not choose between my party and their families. So we'll call up the gang and all go shopping for that. Get the required tacky hats and scarves, make up shopping lists, then we eat lunch and come back here to wrap presents, make cookies, and watch Die Hard."

Renard nodded at that. "Yes, that seems like a nice distraction. Though I do feel sad when the heroic Hans is defeated." He then shot me an... odd... look. One I couldn't entirely place. "Is that all you need to prepare for, Captain?"

"I think so," I said. "I don't do New Years Parties." I didn't mention that the Filler Arc would end after the party and as such we wouldn't even hit New Years. "I don't drink, remember? And I like to go to bed early."

"Hmmm," Renard said before pulling out his phone and browsing it, acting as if the conversation hadn't even happened.

I just stared at him before shrugging, figuring that he would tell me what the hell that was about when it suited him.

Though I did have the sneaking suspicion it would lead to shenanigans.

~MC~MC~MC~

The goddess Selene had allowed her host body to suffer many indignities in her quest to return to Endymion.

While it was true that Mai Valentine wasn't fully Selene, as she hid her memories away so that she might better behave like a human, she still remembered WHAT had happened to her when she finally remembered her role as the Titan Goddess of the Moon. Sins and crimes against her immortal being that normally would have seen entire countries burn were allowed only because Selene understood that if she wished to convince Endymion she was a mortal as he was (and thus earn his trust before revealing her glorious true nature to him) she had to go through the horrors that such an existence brought.

Infanthood had been a nightmare she refused to ever remember. She had only allowed herself to awaken once for that before purposely hiding her memories for nearly a decade to get over the trauma of defecating in a cloth sheet. After that childhood had been something she'd only briefly allowed herself to enter into before fading back into the darkness of her own mind, satisfied with her Mai persona living their life for them. The time between childhood and adulthood, her 'teenage years' had been marked with odd highs and lows that Selene would never understand. Her flawless skin developing odd swellings that released pus like she was an infect soldier on the field of battle. Aches and pains from her body growing into its grand form. The foolish worry about her breasts not developing... as if Selene wouldn't will her body to be tall and curvy and beautiful!

There had been a few moments where she'd been forced to step in to ensure that her Mai self did not face greater trauma than Selene would allow. An employer on the casino boat Mai had worked on who had felt that he had the right to slip his hand up her skirt? Selene had allowed that because she knew that Mai could handle the bastard. Him slipping her a mortal drug that would have allowed him to violate her without realizing what was happening?

Selene had taken control and unleashed such pain upon the pathetic little cretin that she was sure Hera herself was applauding from wherever she'd hidden herself.

But this? This was the absolute worst thing to ever happen to her Mai self and she honestly was debating stepping in and stopping it...

"Its require, Mai, ya know that!" Joey said, holding out the bag.

"That is not a rule! You can't make it a rule!" Mai exclaimed in horror and anger. Joey though merely smirked and wiggled the bag at her. Mai looked about, hoping she'd find someone, anyone, that would back her up and help her out only to see that no one was going to come to her defense. Half of them were traitors that were helping Joey with this torture while the others were gutless cowards who refused to say a word, having already surrendered.

Mai glared at Joey.

Joey merely smiled.

"...FINE!" she roared, grabbing the bag and pulling out the elf half with its fabric elf ears sewn onto it and shoving it onto her head, working to tuck her hair inside of it as best she could. "Happy?"

Joey, wearing his St. Benard hat, bobbed his head up and down, causing the cask of hot coco he wore around his neck to bounce about. "Very much so!" he said, slinging an arm around her. "See? We're now all in the festive spirit!"

"I hate you so much," Mai growled.

"We all have to do it, Mai," Yugi said. He'd been given a headband with reindeer antlers attached which might have been fine... if not for the glowing bulb nose he also had to wear as part of his outfit.

"I like it," Tea said. Her and Joey had decided to handle getting the Christmas Hats this holiday, to take some things off Edwin's plate, and thus some of them were sporting their original hats (like Joey with his St. Benard hat and cask) while others like Tea had brand new hats. Hers was a Santa hat but it was white and looked like a happy snowman. "It makes things more fun and festive."

"Or dignified," Tristan said with a grin, tipping his top hat that was decorated to look like a candy cane.

Mai though glared at Yuri, who had dyed her faux-hawk red and green for the season and thus gotten out of wearing a hat though she did have earmuffs that were shaped like polar bears covering her ears. "You are supposed to protect me from things like this."

"Give me a raise and I'll fight the hat," Yuri snarked.

"So, what must we do first?" Bakura asked, wearing a standard Santa hat. "I have a list of gifts I want to get, of course, but I know we need to shop for the party first."

"Which means that the first thing we need to do is wait for Edwin to show up," Yugi pointed out. "I think he said he and Renard were going to pick Mokuba up..."

"And we did!" Edwin called out as he came around a corner. "And we picked up extra help!" he said, gesturing at Duke who was trying, and failing, to look cool and aloof while wearing hat made to look like a fruitcake. Renard had traded his long blue pirate coat for a furry red santa coat and he had on a tall Russian fur cap on his head. Mokuba was wearing a penguin hat on his head with matching mittens and Edwin, of course, was wearing his green scarf and hat with gingerbread men on it that blinked merrily. "So, this is everyone?" he asked.

"I asked my grandpa if he wanted to help but he said he'd earned the right to drink eggnog and watch TV while we handled the shopping," Yugi said.

"My brother is busy with stuff as KaibaCorp. Arranging for the donations we do to the orphanages."

"Oh, like toys?" Bakura asked.

~MC~MC~MC~

"Mr. Kaiba, are you sure you want to give each child a college scholarship?" his assistant asked.

Seto smirked. "Edwin suggested we buy them each a college and I was considering that-"

"Scholarships it is!"

~MC~MC ~MC~

"...sure," Mokuba said quickly.

"Alright, so we need to get the food, decorations," Tea said, pulling out a list and going over it. "Pick out some movies... Pegasus was nice to bring those stop motion films but let's do something different."

"We could do Arnold Schwarzenegger's timeless award winning classic Jingle All The Way," Tristan suggested.

Edwin snickered. "Good reference."

"Huh?"

"Jingle All The Way."

"What about it?"

Edwin blinked. "Uh... you weren't referencing Conan O'Brien?"

"No... I was talking about the Oscar Winning Film Jingle All The Way."

Bakura frowned. "Just the first one or the sequels?"

"What about the reboot?" Joey asked. "I know it was controversial but it was pretty good."

"Ever watch the Korean remake?" Mai asked. "That is the best."

"...what the fuck?" Edwin muttered in confusion.

Tea rolled her eyes and continued on, that gang used to Edwin being uncultured when it came to movies and TV. "And we all need to get presents but we'll have to separate for that. I'm thinking we hit that new mall that opened up. Can't do the old one since someone-" She shot a dark look at Edwin, "-destroyed half of it."

"To be fair I thought that was a filler episode. Who knew the musical was canon?"

"It isn't run by a mysterious person who has a grudge against Yugi or me or Seto, right?" Edwin asked. "Because that is asking for us to be sucked into a duel and I'd really like to go one Christmas without having to duel someone with the fate of the world at stake."

"That... is a good question to ask, admittedly," Yugi admitted, trying to remember if him or the Pharaoh had done anything recently to upset a mall owner.

Mokuba pulled out his phone and began to check to see if his brother had pissed the owner of the mall off... or anyone who worked there... or even someone who might decide to visit there. When one was Seto Kaiba's brother one kept such records.

"I like it when everyone agrees to join me in being genre savvy," Edwin said with a smirk. "It makes my life so much easier."

"I don't like it," Mai said as the group began to walk, threading her arm around Edwin's and drawing her close to her. "It limits the number of stores we can visit."

"It hurts to say this because I made a career in retail before Domino... but it's a dying industry. Internet shopping is the way to go."

Joey frowned. "I don't know about that, Ed! There is something to be said about actually looking at items and seeing if they are things you want to get."

"And there is something to be said about not having to deal with molesting Santa Clauses at the mall chasing you while Karen McIWannaSeeTheManager screeching about how you took the last Switch." Edwin paused. "Question, are you guys all okay with me just buying you Switches?"

"Edwin!" Tea scolded. "You can't tell us what you are getting us for Christmas."

"Tea," Joey hissed, "let the man spoil us!"

"I was thinking those would be the grab bags, not your gifts."

Tea stumbled at that.

"Tea, I'm a fucking multimillionaire who has minority control in the two biggest companies in the world... and the owners made my last contract just one line, which was "Edwin gets more money if he stays out of our way". I need to do something with that cash or I'll begin building my own personal Mechagodzilla."

Duke frowned. "Would it actually be Mechagodzilla or based on it but look like you?"

"I was going to make it just Mechagodzilla but you do bring up a good idea."

Tristan laughed. "I'm surprised you don't just make a Megazord."

Duke and Edwin shared a look before changing the subject.

"So Mokuba, mall good?" Edwin asked quickly.

"Yeah, looks like we are all good to go there." Yugi gave a thumbs up as well.

Tea smiled. "Great. So we can get the food and decorations first, have lunch, then shop at the mall for a few hours before heading back to Edwin's place to make Christmas cookies, wrap some of the gifts, and watch Die Hard."

Renard suddenly spoke up. "Is that all we should be doing today, Captain?"

"...yes?" Edwin said, confused.

"Nothing else special we should be shopping for?"

"Not that I know of."

Renard began to hum a familiar song.

Mokuba frowned. "Happy... birthday to you? Happy birthday to you?"

The former eliminator nodded before slowly turning to his Captain.

Yuri was the first to catch on. "Edwin... do you have a birthday coming up?"

"Yeah," Edwin said with a shrug.

"Why didn't you tell us?!?" Yuri screeched.

The beaded man just stared at her, befuddled. "Uh... it's not that big of a deal."

"Not that-"

Yugi spoke up. "When is your birthday, Edwin?"

"Christmas," he said.

"Whoa!" Joey exclaimed. "You were born on Christmas?!?"

"Yeah... a lot of people are. In fact there was another kid who was also born to a carpenter and his wife on that day..."

Mai pulled away from Edwin before he could finish his snarking. "I want to get back to the fact that you just said your birthday is no big deal."

"Because it isn't," Edwin said with the same casual air one might use to comment on the weather or having a small smudge of chocolate on the corner of their mouth. The gang all stopped walked, causing Edwin to stumble slightly as he came to a quick stop before turning to look at them. Every one of his friends were looking at him, shocked by what he was saying. "Uh, guys? Care to clue me in on what I'm missing?"

"What you're missing, man, is that it's your birthday and ya don't seem ta care!" Joey said, throwing his arms out.

"Because it's just another day," Edwin said slowly, puzzled. "I mean, yeah, I officially made it another year around the sun. And considering my life that is a major deal to be sure. But in the end that's all it is."

"But what about the parties?" Tea asked.

"Having a ton of guests to cheer and pamper you," Mai added.

"Getting a cake and all your favorite food," Duke added.

"And presents!" Mokuba said, horrified. "Toys!"

Yugi frowned. "I think Edwin is-" He paused as he suddenly remembered who he was talking about. "Oh yeah, the toys."

"This is a crime Captain!" Renard said fiercely. "Ignoring your birth!"

"It's no big deal!" Edwin pleaded. "Listen... Christmas is a big deal to everyone, okay? My birthday always gets lost in the shuffle. I never have to work it, presents are done at the exact same time so when I did get them-"

"You don't get birthday presents anymore?" Tea said, utterly heartbroken by that fact.

"I haven't gotten presents in..." Edwin paused, doing the math. "Uh, since I was 13 or 14 I think?"

He started when Tea ran up and hugged him, murmuring softly as she stroked his head soothingly.

"But what about a party?" Tristan asked.

"I mean my mom and dad and brother would have a cake. We got pizza usually."

"We mean a party with all your friends," Yugi said.

"I did that once. We went to Chuck E. Cheese. Me and one friend and my parents and brother. It was okay."

The others just stared at him.

"Ed man," Joey said softly, "my pops is a drunk and even he gives me a kick ass birthday party every year."

Edwin finally managed to get Tea off of him. "Guys, come on, it's no big deal! You reach a certain point where birthdays... just don't matter."

"Oh Edwin," Mai whispered.

"Why is this a big deal?!?" Edwin complained. "If I want to hang out with friends I do! And I don't need a day that's just about me getting presents because I'm fucking rich and can pretty much buy whatever I need! Watch!" He turned to a stranger that was walking by. "Sir, I will buy that suit you are wearing now for $10,000."

"Sold!" the man said happily as Edwin pulled out his checkbook.

Duke shook his head, grabbing the man's wrist. "Don't... he's dealing with the grief that he never got a birthday party."

The businessman sobered instantly. "Oh you poor man... here, have my tie. Happy birthday."

"No... I don't... god damn it!" Edwin looked at the tie he had now and the man who was walking away, ignoring him and muttering about that 'poor bastard'. "Guys, can we just focus on Christmas shopping?"

"No!" Tea declared, leaping onto a bench and posing dramatically. "Everyone... Christmas is postponed!"

"Can she do that?" Edwin snarked only for Renard to begin petting him, whispering how he couldn't hide the pain behind jokes. "Please stop."

"Not canceled!" Tea said firmly. "Because we all love Christmas! And Santa would be disappointed."

"Fuck, do we need to invite him to the party?" Edwin asked. "And Renard stop cuddling me in the street!"

"Shhh, it's okay, angry Tasmanian Devil," Renard murmured, hugging Edwin close.

"But!" Tea said dramatically. "Christmas is postponed... so that this year we might give Edwin Lucifer Chaos-"

"That's not my middle name!"

"-the birthday he deserves!"

"Tea's right!" Joey said, leaping onto the bench beside her. "We are gonna give Ed Satan Chaos-"

"Oh come on!" Edwin roared.

"-a kickass birthday party! A surprise birthday party!"

"Could the surprise be that we don't have one?" Edwin asked only for Renard to pick him up in his arms. "Why are you carrying me like a Mountain Man Bride?"

"I will take Edwin away and ensure that he does not find out about your plans. Text me what you need me to do. Come captain!"

"Renard... Renard!" Edwin shouted as the former eliminator hurriedly ran through the streets of Domino.

"So... what should we do first?" Yugi asked once Edwin was out of earshot (they could tell because they didn't hear his screams of vengeance).

"Oh! I'm going to see if Seto is interesting in helping!" Mokuba said excitedly, pulling out his phone.

"What did Edwin do this time?" Seto growled after the first ring.

"He's never had a birthday Seto so we are planning one for him! Want to come help us?"

"Do I want... to help Wheeler and Tea Gardner and Yugi Muto... plan Edwin Chaos' birthday party?"

"Uh huh!"

"..."

~MC~MC~MC~

"Do you hear laughter?" I asked as Renard continued to carry me through the streets of Domino. Renard shrugged and I sighed, laying my head on his shoulder. "Tell me about the house we'll have in the forest, Big Jim..." I said with a breathy sigh.

~MC~MC~MC~

"So I guess that's a no," Mokuba said as he hung up the phone.

"Meh, who needs your brother?" Joey declared. "We can do this all on our own!"

"Yeah!" Yugi said excitedly. "And we know what we need to do!"

"I'll make the reservations at the best restaurant," Mai said with a grin.

"I'll find the Putt Putt Golf course that's closest to us," Tristan added.

"I'll hire the clown!" Bakura said happily.

Yuri held up her hands as others began to chime in... wildly different ideas for Edwin's birthday party. "Uh... hold up." The gang grew quiet. "I think we all might have different ideas on what this party is supposed to be like."

"Nah, we're all on the same page!" Joey said. "Ed's party needs ta be special...

~Dream Sequence~

"I can't believe you convinced Kaiba to rent out this football stadium just so we could play a game of Flag Football, Joey!" Edwin said excitedly.

"Hey, ya know I'd do anything for ya Ed!" Joey declared before flipping the ball in his hands. "Now come on, let's win this game!"

"Go Joey!" Mai, Yuri, and Tea cried out, dressed as cheerleaders.

~MC~MC~MC~

"...no," Tea said sternly.

"Someone smack him," Mai declared.

"OW!"

"Thank you Bakura."

Yuri pointed at Mai. "Okay, what do you think his party should be like?"

"Well..."

~Dream Sequence~

Mai smiled as she handed the menu back to the waiter. Everyone was dressed in their finest evening wear, sitting in L'oeuf d'or, one of the most exclusive restaurants in all of Domino. "Now remember, there is a performance of The Magic Flute we must get to by 9."

"But of course," Edwin said with a soft smile.

~MC~MC~MC~

"...wow, that sounds... really bad," Joey complained.

"Better than your idea of slumming it on a sports field, Joseph!"

As Joey tried to explain why his idea was awesome Yuri walked over to Mai and whispered, "That wasn't your actual idea for the best way to celebrate Edwin's birthday, was it?"

~Dream Sequence~

"Thanks for all the well wishes guys!" Edwin said, waving goodbye to Yugi and Tristan as they left his apartment. He closed the door... and locked it before spinning around and smirking at Mai. "Alone at last."

"Indeed," Mai said... before reaching up and tearing his suit off in one fluid motion before doing the same to her dress, leaving them utterly naked. They two of them collided, lips pressed together as Edwin lifted her up, hitching one of her long legs so he could easily slide-

~MC~MC~MC~

"MAI!" Yuri snapped, Mai blinking as she came out the vision... and then wiped some drool from her lips.

"I know I've only met him recently," Duke said, "but now that we've actually decided to do this I think we're kind of backed into a corner."

"What do you mean?" Tea asked. "We're going to throw him a birthday party."

"Of course... but will it be a party he actually likes?" He looked at the others. "He's never really had one before. A big huge one with a ton of friends and all that. And he doesn't seem to really care about them to begin with. So if we are going to do this we need to make him care. It needs to be something Edwin would actually enjoy."

The others were quiet after that point.

"...he's really down to earth," Mokuba finally said. "He doesn't really do fancy restaurants or the like."

"Tell me about it," Mai complained. "It's pulling teeth to get him to go anyplace really nice. He goes but only because he knows I like it."

Yugi nodded. "And despite becoming friends with all of us and how he acts some times when there are crowds... I don't think he really likes to mingle like most parties." He helplessly shrugged. "I mean... whenever we do anything together he always keeps to topics. He doesn't like small talk or having to go greet a ton of people."

"Same at work," Yuri said. "When Mai and I visit he knows everyone but he's okay when they go off and have fun after work and he's left behind." She paused, face falling. "God that's... really sad we didn't notice that."

"Ya remember Duke's Halloween party?" Joey asked.

Mai scowled. "You mean the one where I kept having to gargle Scope because some idiot turned us into our costumes?"

"Yeah!" Joey said. "When the actual party happened almost all of us went and chatted with other people but Edwin sat at the table the entire time. He didn't dance, he didn't go meet new people... heck, he wanted ta turn in at 10!"

"So we need to do something that special that he'll actually like," Tea said. "Some kind of outing?"

"I suggested Putt Putt Golf," Tristan reminded them.

"That would be over far too quick," Bakura said. "And you can't really have a ton of people there."

"That also rules out a concert," Yugi commented. "Longer but not really good for a party."

"Maybe an arcade?" Yuri suggested. "He did say his one birthday party was at a Chuck E. Cheese."

Tea though shot that idea down. "We did that on our Double Date. It works for something like that but if we are going to invite a ton of people to this it needs to be more special than that!"

Joey let out a yowl of frustration. "Man, why is this so hard!? We're just tryin' ta give Ed a good birthday and we can't even figure out what ta do! And if we don't figure out soon we'll miss watchin' Die Hard and I am NOT missin' a chance ta watch that movie."

Mokuba blinked before his face lit up. "That's it!"

"It is?" Joey said. "Uh, what is?"

"The party! Joey, you're a genius!"

His phone rang at that moment.

"Seto?" Mokuba said in confusion, answering the call.

"You are coming home right now, Mokuba. Hanging out with those dweebs is making you go insane if you think Wheeler is a genius." With that Seto hung up.

"...how did he even know you said that?" Tristan whispered.

~Later that night...~

"It's the Domino 7 Action News! With Tim Prompter. Sandy Goodbeats. Sports commentator Flip Leatherballs. And meteorologist Stormy Daniels (no, not that one)."

Tim Prompter looked at the screen. "The investigation into the mysterious damage done to the Domino Mall continues with no answers in sight. We ask what is taking so long." On the screen an image that clearly showed Edwin destroying part of the mall while singing appeared with a caption that read 'Termites? Aliens? Bad Luck?'.

Sandy took over next. "We'll also be looking into the latest phone scam... though this one seems to be targeting the young and being done by old people."

A vocal clip of a man who was TOTALLY not Solomon Muto began to play. "Yes, is your refridgerator running?"

"It is," Weevil Underwood said.

"Then you should send me $1,000 to stop it."

"Seems legit."

The camera cut back to Tim. "But our breaking story is the weather and the arctic blast heading our way. Stormy, what seems to be going on out there?"

The meteorologist gestured towards a map of Japan. "You see we have an unusual cold front that is coming in from the Arctic headed our way, looking to drop temperatures even lower than they've been these last few days and bring about record snowfalls. If you were hoping for a white Christmas you might just very well get it."

~MC~MC~MC~

"Hey boss?" Sal the Shipyard Worker called out, scratching his chin. Despite the cold weather he was wearing a tank top that didn't even manage to cover his beer belly, soiled blue jeans, and a trucker cap. "Mes and the boys gots some concerneds about that there ship over deres."

"What's the problem?" the foreman of the port asked.

"Wells, ya see, we are a bit concerneds that it's a 1800s sailing vessel instead of, ya know, an actual cargo ship."

"Still floats."

"And then theres the fact that it weren't on nos manifest."

"Paperwork got lost."

"And the facts its called The Demeter is worrisome."

"...I didn't take you for a fan of Dracula."

Sal scoffed. "I'd gots ta read somethin' inbetween my nudie mags."

"Fine, don't unload it. It came in late anyway."

Sal the Shipyard worker nodded. "Goods. I'ms gonna go knock off early and do some Christmas shoppin' for my nephew Joey."

On the ship, unnoticed by the dock workers, a figure slowly shuffled out of the captain's quarters.

"Soon, Edwin Chaos... you will pay for exercising me from my previous host and forcing me to enchant this Chirstmas snow in order to create a body for myself. I will have my revenge against you... for such things are best served... cold."

And with that Yami Frosty adjusted the Millennium Crown, lifted up his broom stick, and began to make his way through the streets of town, right to the traffic stop.

~Two Days Later...~

"Isn't this cutting it close for our Christmas party?" I complained as I road in the back of Mokuba's limo. I was wearing a variation of my Battle City suit, with the jacket gone and a different vest so I was a touch more comfortable and not feeling like I was going to have to battle Marik in order to save the world. To one side was Mokuba, because it was his limo and he'd refused to let me just use my uncle's, and on the other was Renard who had taken the last 48 hours to basically kidnap me and ensure I didn't try and figure out anything about my 'surprise' birthday party.

It wouldn't have been that bad of a ride if I didn't have a silk bag over my head.

"We decided we're going to do the party after Christmas this year. We're thinking the 27th." Renard was typing... something on his phone, as I could heard the little BEEP BEEP BEEP of keys being hit which I assumed was the anime making the sound effects louder because normally I didn't hear his phone make a peep. "Merge it with a New Years party. Still close enough to Christmas but now people can spend time with their families."

"We should get planning that. Maybe draw up some plans, remove the bag from my head, decide on what we'll have for dinner..."

"I have that handled, Captain. You did it last year. Now shush."

"...god damn it Renard get this bag off my head!" I reached up to yank it off myself only for Renard to clap a firm hand on my wrist. "You're going to ziptie me if I try that again, aren't you?"

"They will be festive and colorful zip ties so that you are still prepared for the surprise."

"Which isn't much of a surprise when I know we are heading to my birthday party!" I complained. I leaned my head back against the seat. "Guys, listen, its sweet you all want to do this for me and I'm not going to be a bastard and ruin things. I'm going to the party. I'm going to have fun. You guys put a lot of work into it so we aren't going to get the sitcom set up where I spend all sorts of time whining about the party only to then give in. I've already given in. I think it's a bit wasteful but I've given in. No big deal. My point is that I don't need this bag on my head!"

Mokuba chimed in at that point. "But we want it to be something of a surprise."

I let out a huff. "Fine." I grew silent, trying to hear where we might have been going but I was never good with directions and the limo was soundproof so I couldn't hear exactly where we were. Leaving me sitting in the dark with a sack on my head wondering just how fun and/or horrible this night was going to be. Because honestly it could be both, depending on the gang. I was being honest... I would do all I could to have fun. But if they had some horrible High School Dance Style party planned I was going to fake food poisoning or something to duck out after 2 hours.

'What's more concerning is the time,' I thought to myself. It wasn't in the evening. I'd been picked up by Renard (literally; he threw a sack on my head and lifted me up and carried me yet again, which I really hoped didn't become 'our thing') at 10:30am. I thought I'd have hours before the party but that was the first surprise: this was going to be a long one. Because I knew without a doubt the gang wasn't going to just do a luncheon and then we all went on our merry way. No... they had something planned. Something that was going to take a very long time. 'Knowing my luck it will be a fucking roast or something like that,' I though in annoyance even as the limo came to a stop and Renard opened the door, helping me out.

"Come along Captain, everyone is waiting for you."

"Why do I feel like when you remove this thing I'll be in a Mexican fort being offered a final cigarette?" I asked as Mokuba moved to grab my hand, Renard pushing me gently forward. I could hear sounds of people talking, murmurs of conversations that didn't give me anything, and then a blast of air as we entered whatever building we were going into-

Renard ripped the bag from my head and I blinked.

"SURPRISE!" everyone shouted. "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!"

I took a moment to take it all in, starting with everyone that was gathered. It was basically last year's holiday party attendees with a ton of extra additions. The main gang. Mai and Yuri. My uncle looking rather pleased with himself. Kaiba off in the back, glowering but motioning for Mokuba to come over to him. Rex and Mako and Pegasus on the opposite side of the room. Rebecca and her grandfather and Mr. Muto. A bunch of people from KaibaCorp who I'd met when I actually went in for work. Industrial Illusions workers and even Chaos Communications was represented. Some of Duke's workers like Hina who I'd become friendly with. Miho who was wearing a lot of black and pink and I swore had her morpher attached to her belt.

Seeing that there really wasn't anyone I didn't know I began to look around the building itself. It was huge, probably about 3 stories tall, but all done rather tastefully and invitingly. Low ply carpet, muted tans and reds, with a statue that depicted a cowboy, a spaceman, a ninja, and a generic superhero all posing dramatically. I could hear bells and whistles and the good kind of alarms going off to my left while to my right I heard the crash and clatter of multiple things falling down but it didn't seem like anyone noticed. But it was what was right behind the group that finally clued me in to where we were: a massive concessions stand.

Not just popcorn and candy but there was a huge brick oven fired up, a grill, and a bar to the side where a bartender waited to serve up drinks.

I glanced up at the showtimes listing and smirked when I saw every one said, "Edwin's Birthday Choice".

"A movie theater," I murmured, a smile forming on my lips.

"We thought you'd love this!" Tea said excitedly. "The main theater is set up like a restaurant. Everyone can sit down at tables and eat lunch while watching the movie. We'll be doing that together."

"And what's on the docket there?" I asked as Tea led me over to the concession stand so I could place my order.

"Mai went through your favorite movies," Tea told me.

"I did," Mai said, moving to stand on my other side as the worker running the concession stand handed me a menu to look over. "We'll be starting with Kong: Skull Island."

I nodded at that. "A VERY good choice!"

"After that," Yugi stated as I looked over what the theater had to offer, "They will be showing several different movies in the smaller theaters and people can move in and out. "

"Downton Abbey The Movie," Mai said, ticking off the points, "Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, Jurassic Park, so on. If people want to do something different we also have the bowling alley and the arcade."

"At 7 pm we'll be doing dinner and then cake and presents before Murder on the Orient Express as the final film of the night."

I let out a pleased little laugh. "Okay... you got me." I shook my head. "This... is going to be a fun party!"

~MC~MC~MC~

Seto wished that the introductions would be over with so they could get into the theater already. When Mokuba had come to him wanting to pay for Edwin's birthday Seto had known he wasn't going to be able to deny his brother that but his approval had come with strings. Much like the year before there was no question that Seto was going to attend to make sure Mokuba was safe. He'd also demanded a table in the far corner for his brother and himself, so they didn't have to eat with anyone else; later Mokuba would hang out with the others when the (and he couldn't believe he even held the notion to be true) "responsible adults" like Edwin and Renard and Mai Valentine weren't totally consumed with everyone.

But at the moment he wasn't able to hide in the corner (though he'd deny it if anyone claimed he was hiding because Seto Kaiba didn't hide) because there were other people from KaibaCorp at the party and as such he had to be front and center to make sure they were behaving themselves. Edwin was able to be professional when he represented KaibaCorp but on his off hours the man was a menace at times and the last thing Seto needed was his staff believing the party was an excuse to embarrass him.

'So far though they are all doing well,' he thought as a woman slightly younger than Edwin walked up to great him. She was of average height though thanks to Seto and Edwin almost everyone was average when it came to height. She had brown hair with purple bangs and brilliant green eyes that popped all the more thanks to her black jacket.

"Mr. Chaos," she said politely.

Edwin let out an annoyed huff. "How many times do I have to tell you Aria, it's Edwin?"

"And when are you going to realize that your annoyance just makes me want to mess with you all the more?" Edwin rolled his eyes but there was a smile on his face.

"And who is this?" Mai asked, holding onto Edwin's hand. Yugi and his dweebs were nearby chatting with others but Edwin and Mai were the main 'hosts' greeting all the guests while everyone's food cooked.

"Aria. She's in charge of the Beta Testing Division at KaibaCorp. Lately she's been the one sending people out to try out the duel discs. City, country, out to sea... we need to make sure they can connect to the network."

Seto let out a light snort. "She's the only one that is competent."

Aria glanced at him but proved she deserved her position by not making a smart comment and instead focused on Edwin. "So... self-insert?" Edwin balked at that, going pale for some reason. "Come on, it was friggin' obvious. The God of the Rugrats universe?"

Edwin let out a sigh of relief before looking at a confused Mai. "Fanfiction."

"You wrote a fanfic about babies?" Seto grumbled, his low opinion of Edwin tumbling even more.

"You pay me to sit in my office and do NOTHING with KaibaCorp! I have to have a creative outlet or I'll go insane-" he held up a hand as Aria opened her mouth, "-er. Insaner."

"Spoilsport," Aria said before patting Edwin's shoulder. "Happy birthday."

A few more of the department heads came walking up to give their greetings, Edwin greeting them with smiles and polite chatter and Seto realized that despite his attempts to keep Edwin as far away from the running of KaibaCorp the man still had managed to find a way to latch onto his company and ingrain himself with the people that Seto actually... well, he didn't trust them but he at least was willing to give them tasks to complete. More than that... they actually liked him. Not because he was the sole member of the KaibaCorp Board of Directors but because they actually liked him. And Edwin... he knew who they were. He asked about their projects and discussed their families.

He actually made friends with them.

"Cassie!" Edwin suddenly called out, holding out his arms and giving a hug to a woman who hurried over to him. She was in her late twenties, with messy reddish brown hair, blue eyes (not the steel-blue of Edwin's... a more natural blue... not that Seto took the time to memorize exactly what Edwin looked like so he could make programs that would track him using traffic and security cams so he'd always know where he was... not at all). She was dressed FAR too casually for Seto, with ripped jeans and thick purple-rimmed glasses. Though... he could appreciate the black t-shirt she was wearing under her jacket that depicted a roaring blue eyes.

"Huh," Mai said, raising an eyebrow at the embrace and Seto began to worry that he might have ended up in a lover's spat... the very last thing he wanted to be a part of- "So... what's the story here?" Edwin broke the hug and stepped back, wrapping an arm around Mai.

"Story?" the woman, Cassie, said.

"The Captain hates to be touched," Renard said. "Yet you are allowed to hug him?"

Edwin laughed at that. "Believe me, the first time she hugged me it didn't end well."

"He tried to hit me," Cassie said.

"Edwin Beelzebub Chaos!" Tea exclaimed, smacking his shoulder. "You shouldn't hit people!" She began to whap the arm that wasn't around Mai. "It! Isn't! Polite!"

Yuri snickered. "Like smacking birthboys at the parties?" Tea's eyes went wide and she pressed her hand to her mouth, gasping in shock. The former detective looked at Edwin though, eyebrow raised. "You hit her?"

"He TRIED to hit me," Cassie complained. "I ducked. He apologized. I startled him in the breakroom when he wasn't paying attention. After that we cut a deal... I don't tell people how horrible he is at throwing punches and in exchange I get free hugs." She smirked. "I'm a huggy person."

Seto took a step back... just in case.

"Cassie works for Industrial Illusions. One of the main writers for the Duel Monster Lore Magazines."

"That's you?" Yugi said excitedly. "I love those articles!"

"Thanks," Cassie said. "I'm just glad KaibaCorp agreed to continue publishing them."

Seto merely looked away, refusing to admit that he too also read those articles too and was now... well, not embarrassed... that he hadn't realized who she was.

"Merry birthday, Edwin," Cassie said, peering about. "Great to be here... see you... you know..."

"The bar is around the corner," Edwin told her.

"Thank you!" she said, hurrying off just as a man in jeans and a leather jacket (though it was far more militaristic than Aria's) walked up, shifting a present he had under his arm.

"Hello sir."

"Hey Caesar..." Edwin paused. "Just Caesar?"

"Just Caesar."

Seto instantly realized who the man was. Caesar was a holdover from KaibaCorps' military support and weapons production days. But rather than storm off or plot against Seto when he'd taken the company into the realm of children's entertainment Caesar had instantly asked to continue on, showing skill with programming. He was currently working on a new virtual Duel Monsters program that would allow duelists to test decks online. Duel Links was the project's current title-

"Just Caesar?" Mai asked.

"Its okay," Caesar said when Edwin opened his mouth. "I have DDI. It normally doesn't affect my work but Edwin has been kind to be accommodating."

"Caesar and I are the unofficial moral officers at headquarters."

"When Mr. Kaiba doesn't lock you out," Caesar teased.

"True. I'm guessing you helped Mokuba get everyone from work here?"

"I did. I think it will be good for everyone considering how the KaibaCorp Christmas Parties usually go..."

~Last Year~

Aria frowned as she unwrapped her gift. "It's just a note that says, 'You aren't fired'."

Caesar shook his head. "That man is like a bitter Mr. Wick."

~MC~MC~MC~

Seto frowned as Caesar headed off. That was a wonderful gift.

"Glad I was back in Domino when Mai sent the invite," the next in line, a short guy that looked like Indiana Jones' red-pompadour-rocking cousin, said as he shook hands with Edwin.

"Good to have you here, Alan." Edwin turned to Seto. "This is Alan Staniec, head of archeology at the Domino City Museum. I've been chatting with him recently about... things... concerning Egypt."

'The God Cards,' Seto thought to himself, narrowing his eyes, that being the only thing he could even conceive Edwin asking about. 'What have you found out about them? Are you trying to take Obelisk from me? Is this party just a ruse?'

But Edwin and Alan continued to talk about meaningless things before he moved one, letting another guest come up and say hello. Seto frowned as he saw more people moving to greet Edwin, placing their presents on the table...which was looked rather crowed. There were the glad handlers and those looking to 'get in with the boss' even if Edwin wasn't actually their boss but a well paid figurehead... but there were far more that actually wanted to be there because they cared for him.

The Blue-Eyes duelist turned away to go place his and Mokuba's order for lunch, banishing that thought... and the thoughts they inspired... from his mind.

~MC~MC~MC~

Joey laughed. "Seriously? That's how you two met?"

"What can I say?" I said as I gestured at Martin Fielder, one of the many KaibaCorps' insurance claim agents but the only one that the gang had invited to the party. Which was okay with me as Martin was the only one that didn't bore me to tears. He was average build but American which was always a plus when I was surrounded by the Japanese, with buzzed brown hair and wire rim glasses. "I was impressed. There aren't that many people that can take on Seto at a full rage and not wilt."

"Mr. Kaiba merely had strong opinions when it came to the situation," Martin told Joey. "And I-"

"Told him he was an idiot?" Joey said with a grin, rubbing his hands together at the thought of the claims agent reaming out Seto. I blinked as I actually SAW the thought bubble appear above Joey's head, with the image of Martin towered over a kneeling sobbing Seto dancing like sugarplums through the blond's brain.

"No, because I'm not an idiot," Martin said simply. "But I did explain why we couldn't allow him to go the route he wished to go."

"Blue-Eyes White Jet," I whispered to Renard, who quickly nodded. Martin promised to talk later and moved off, allowing me to great the next guest. "Okay... I am going to remember this... Nic?"

"Correct," the new arrival, who looked a bit like he could be my greek cousin. Blonde hair, a full beard that was very short and neatly trimmed, with an Adonis-style hair cut in that it was long and straight till it reached the ends where it curled. One ear was larger than the over and stuck out a bit but otherwise he was a good looking chap. "Hello Mai."

"Nikolas," Mai said. "This must be a rare thing for you... seeing me and not losing."

The two began to banter and I found myself moving towards Yuri, a lull in the guests wishing me a happy birthday. "So what's with those two?" she asked me.

"So you know how Yugi and Seto are rivals?" I asked.

"They are?" Yuri gasped. "I never would have guessed."

"You've gotten snarkier recently," I pointed out.

"It rubs off when I have to hang around you all the time," Yuri pointed. "So Mai and Nicolas..."

"Rivals, basically. Keep bumping into each other at tournaments. Nic and I met when I traded him some cards only to turn around and trade those to get some monsters to help Mai's deck. Luckily he likes the fact I'm a wheeler and dealer." Nikolas said something and Mai shot him a dark look. "So long as they don't begin slapping each other we are okay."

I glanced to my right and saw Renard talking with another guest. "Hey James!"

James Bradley, one of the security guards that manned the front desk at Chaos Communications, waved back. "Happy birthday Edwin," the man said. He was one of the few people I'd met that actually could look me in the eye, being my height with a buzz haircut and the scruffy unshaved cheeks and chin that JUST barely managed to keep within CCN's dress and grooming code. "Just making sure this one is safe during this party, would you? I heard what happened last year."

"That wasn't my fault!" I complained.

"Uh huh. Just like you getting kidnapped... repeatedly?" James asked.

I flipped him off and he went back to chatting with Renard, the two swapping stories about my tendnacy to get into trouble. "I swear," I told Yuri, "this time things will be-aw fuck I jinxed it."

~MC~MC~MC~

Sally checked her phone again, making sure she had the right address for the party before hurrying along, shifting her gift for Edwin. She'd meant to leave an hour ago but there had been a fight between some of the toddlers and the other daycare workers hadn't known had to deal with it, leaving her to soothe hurt feelings and correct the outbursts. She'd sent a text to Renard who'd assured her that she'd get there in time for the movie. Though it would be cutting it close.

"Better late than never," she said as she turned a corner... and smashed into a thick icy body.

"I was wondering if I might be your Plus One..." Frosty said coolly.

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