Daomu Biji: The Southern Archives

Chapter 16.2 Zhang Haiyan Flying Above Shit

Steven was wearing a robe that had been modified from pajamas, and Zhang Haiyan had written a lot of small English words on his face. Steven was holding a sign in his hand that had a big English word painted on it: Psychic.

They were in Zhang Haiyans room, where he had just finished putting makeup on Steven. He circled around Steven twice, and decided he looked rather convincing as someone who had some kind of European magic.

What are you trying to do? Im a man of science. I dont believe in this kind of stuff, Steven said. Even though he was extremely mad, he still cooperated politely. He seemed like a very rule-abiding person.

Foreign monks are good at reciting scriptures (1), Zhang Haiyan said.

In Malacca, those ship doctors with advanced western medical skills made people form the notion that western doctors could treat illnesses better. Witchcraft and Taoism were also popular, so a lot of people pretended to engage in it. On the ship, superstition and science were different things, so a western warlock who looked like a doctor and a magician could generate a lot of stories.

I dont understand.

You don't need to understand. You just need to know that you have to read the Bible to me for the rest of the day. Zhang Haiyan went to the toilet and started putting makeup on his own hands.

He painted the Wudou disease measles on his arms. He had seen many people infected with the disease, so he was able to draw the measles vividly. He covered them up before wandering outside with Steven.

Zhang Haiyan wandered around until it was dark out, and deliberately greeted a lot of people along the way. He was very conspicuous in his military uniform, and a lot of people were impressed by him. He asked Steven to follow behind him where others could see him, but not to walk with him.

Steven looked grim as everyone pointed at him and whispered to each other, but he didnt get angry. He even became a little curious since he didnt know what Zhang Haiyan was trying to do.

Around eight oclock that evening, Zhang Haiyan arrived at the third-class cabins activity area. Some goods had been piled up there. It was said that a part of the cargo hold was changed into the third-class cabin, so the cargo had been piled on the deck. Even so, there were still a lot of people in the activity area looking out at the sea and chatting with each other.

Steven was really tired by this point and ended up leaning against the ships railing. He had to admit that he couldnt keep up with Zhang Haiyan, who was still full of energy and didnt look like he had been walking around all day.

Steven was looking into the distance when he was suddenly attracted by an Asian woman next to him. She was a girl with a wonderful figure who was walking past him.

Steven looked at the girls legs and found that they were very long. He rubbed the bridge of his nose, feeling a little sleepy. When he turned his head again, he saw that Zhang Haiyan was gone.

He hurriedly walked over to where Zhang Haiyan had been before and saw everyone walking in the same direction. After taking a few more steps, he saw Zhang Haiyan lying on the ground, constantly twitching.

Steven walked over, completely puzzled. He saw that Zhang Haiyans arms were exposed, and his hands were full of rashes. When everyone saw them as well, they didnt dare step forward. One person screamed, Plague!

This person obviously had seen people infected with Wudou disease. After the person screamed, a few people moved forward to get a closer look. Once they did, they immediately retreated and shouted, Plague! He has the symptoms! Dont get close to him.

All the onlookers began to retreat, but Steven didnt. In fact, Steven was now standing at the forefront of the crowd in his psychic clothes.

Zhang Haiyan looked at Steven in pain and stretched out his hand, Master. Save me, Master.

Steven looked around, puzzled. He saw Zhang Haiyan wink at him and sighed in his heart before walking over and squatting down.

Read the Bible to me. Hurry up, Zhang Haiyan said.

Steven looked at the people around them. He was very embarrassed, but he still read the Bible perfunctorily.

Zhang Haiyan worked hard to perform. He tried to put his head in Stevens arms so that he could wipe off the makeup on his hands in an instant.

Then he lay flat on the ground and began to gasp. With everyone watching, he stood up and looked at his hands in surprise.

Everyone saw that there was nothing left on his hands and that they now looked very smooth.

The onlookers looked at Steven in surprise. Zhang Haiyan got up and hugged Stevens thigh. Thank you, Master! Thank you!

Steven helped Zhang Haiyan up and said softly, What are you trying to do?

Zhang Haiyan said, You only gave me these few days, so I have to use a special method. Smile.

The two people smiled at those around them, and Zhang Haiyan continued, I'm going to kiss your hand. You have to look like you have supernatural powers.

No. I refuse.

Youre breaking your promise.

Steven sighed. When Zhang Haiyan kissed his hand, Steven patted him on the head.

Steven was so exhausted when they returned to the room that he immediately collapsed on the sofa and took off the psychic clothes. Zhang Haiyan poured him a glass of wine.

He could tell by the looks on those peoples faces that their performance was effective. Although the scam was rough, it was a white man saving an Asian man.

In this world, no one thought that white people and Asian people would work together to deceive others.

But the scam wasnt over yet. Steven would go back to his room soon, so Zhang Haiyan gave him the psychic clothes.

Please take these. Ill go to your room tomorrow. There will be a lot of people coming to find you.

Why?

Zhang Haiyan nodded. If were lucky, we can catch the bad people tomorrow. Please?

Steven gave Zhang Haiyan a long look before grabbing the clothes and leaving.

That night, Zhang Haiyan didnt sleep at all. He went into the third-, second-, and first-class cabins and randomly painted the Wudou disease measles on the passengers bodies.

When he went to Stevens room around nine oclock the next morning, some people were already there kowtowing to Steven. They were the people in the first-class cabin. Those in the third-class cabin had all been stopped by sailors at the hatch to the first-class cabin, and the conflict between the two sides was very intense.

Steven looked at Zhang Haiyan, obviously having no idea what to do. Zhang Haiyan made a chanting motion and then waited by the side with some alcohol. After Steven chanted for a while, Zhang Haiyan wiped the measles off.

Zhang Haiyan looked at everyones faces. He remembered all the people he had painted last night, and they were appearing one by one. Since there were too many guests in the third-class cabin who couldnt enter the first-class cabin, they could only run a psychic treatment facility in the salon.

Zhang Haiyan watched it all silently. He knew that everyone on the ship would soon know about this incident. Moreover, the criminals who spread the plague would soon know that there was an American psychic who could cure the plague in no time.

He remembered all the people he had put makeup on. Most of them were children, old people, and foreigners. He was basically certain that the group of soldiers on Flower Reef had something to do with this. That group had all been Chinese, so he mostly avoided the Chinese sailors.

He believed that no matter what kind of criminals they were, they would definitely look into and try to understand what was going on once they heard the news. If the plague could be cured, then their actions would soon be meaningless.

He only needed to pay attention to two kinds of people: the ones he painted but didnt show up, and the ones he didnt paint but showed up anyways.

The treatments lasted until the evening. Steven was about to faint, but Zhang Haiyan didnt gain any specific clues.

Those who showed up were the ones hed painted.

As Steven went back to his room that night, he clutched his sore back and said to Zhang Haiyan, I will arrest you the morning after tomorrow. You can do whatever you want before that.

Zhang Haiyan was still confident that night, but the situation remained the same the next day. Steven stopped talking, and Zhang Haiyan realized for the first time that he had been too optimistic.

These murderers were very patient.

He didnt fall asleep all night, but walked around the ship instead. His mind was a mess, but it was too late to change the strategy now. He couldnt understand why the murderers werent interested in this matter.

Were the measles not realistic enough? Or had the murderers seen the measles and knew that it was a scam?

Zhang Haiyan was very confident about his makeup skills. Ordinary people couldnt tell that they were fake, nor could they be wiped off with other concoctions. He was the only one who knew how to do it, so there basically shouldnt be any problems with the scam.

Why arent they coming?

At dawn, Zhang Haiyan realized that his plan with Miss Dong was going to fail. The ship would sail today, and time was running out. Maybe what he should be considering right now was how to avoid Steven instead of investigating the case.

At that moment, Zhang Haiyan suddenly thought of something.

Even though the murderers werent interested in this matter, someone who should be interested in this matter didnt show up.

Zhang Haiyan sat up from the bed. The ship's doctors.

The ships doctors were able to give the guests pills, which meant that they could easily control the time at which the guests would get sick if they mixed the diseased pills in with the other pills.

If there was someone on the ship who could cure the disease, common sense dictated that the patients would go to the ships doctors first. When the ships doctors learned that there was a plague outbreak, they would normally stop the ship from leaving port. That also meant that Zhang Haiyan could continue his investigation, which should have been the side effect of his plan.

But the ships doctors didnt do anything.

They didnt want the ship to stay here any longer.

Zhang Haiyan checked his watch, went to the salon first, and asked the waiter, Did any of the ships doctors show up when we were seeing the patients?

The waiter told him that the ships doctors had been resting in the salon and looking at them. Four ship doctors in total had appeared in the salon.

Zhang Haiyan slapped his thigh and moved to rush to the infirmary. As soon as he left the salon, however, he saw Steven walking over and looking at his watch. Mr. Zhang, you are under arrest.

Zhang Haiyan looked at Steven, clutched his chest, and suddenly fell to the ground. Infirmary. You can arrest me after sending me to the infirmary first.

Zhang Haiyan put his best efforts into his performance and even worked up a sweat on his neck. Even the sailor standing beside them couldnt stand looking at the scene anymore and said, Mr. Steven, your friend isnt feeling well. Youre a doctor. Do you think he should be sent to your room or to the infirmary?

Steven looked at Zhang Haiyan, annoyed. It was as if he was trying to help an old woman cross the road, and the old woman turned out to be a swindler. But he still checked Zhang Haiyans pupils and counted his heartbeats with a strange expression.

Get him to my room. Steven sighed.

Zhang Haiyan knew the situation wasnt good. He didnt expect this accommodating white man to be a doctor.

He wanted to immediately stand up and say he was fine, but felt like that would look too deliberate, so he decided to recover gradually on his way to Stevens room. Once he entered the room and sat down, he would act like he was completely recovered, show his gratitude, and then leave.

But as soon as they entered the cabin, they turned a corner and reached Stevens room. He was just about to act like he had made a quick recovery, but was completely shocked when he saw the room.

Stevens room was very large, and could be considered the VIP of VIP rooms. It even had a balcony, where the sun was shining in from the outside. The interior had been completely done in a European-style. His suitcases seemed to have been sent up earlier, for they were all open and looked to be stuffed full of books and papers.

Zhang Haiyan was still clutching his chest as he was placed on the green velvet sofa. When he sat down, the springs made a soft creaking sound. The velvet cushions molded to his body, making him feel as if the devil himself was embracing him.

He had been in and out of the rainforests and sea for years, sleeping on tree branches and ships decks. He didnt know how long it had been since hed slept in a soft bed with springs, and involuntarily let out a groan.

When Steven had the sailor leave, Zhang Haiyan reacted immediately and started to act as if he had recovered. In the end, Steven poured a glass of whiskey, took a sip, and said directly, Stop pretending. Dont you know your heart is on the other side?

Zhang Haiyan froze for a moment and then looked down at his hand. It was only then that he remembered he was different from others, and his heart was on the opposite side. A doctor had told him about it during their adult physical examinations, but he hadnt cared at the time.

Why didnt he care? Because all the children like them had hearts on their right side. It even seemed to be the reason why they had been chosen.

Dextrocardia isnt an illness. You dont need to be afraid. Steven said. But what are you trying to do? Friend, I thought you were just attracted to Miss Dong and wanted to get her attention by using special methods. But now it seems that you do have an ulterior motive for getting on this ship.

Zhang Haiyan was still clutching his chest, and realized that he had really made a mistake this time. He sighed and told himself he was getting rusty. If he had known this would happen, he wouldve pretended to have a stomachache.

He looked at Steven, thinking that the whole thing was troublesome. If others knew about his investigation, that would double the difficulty. Not to mention the fact that the Southern Archives was an obscure department. Even if these foreigners believed that he was here on business to investigate the plague, the news that the person responsible for spreading it was still on the ship would be enough to cause mass panic and ruin their journey.

He had to make up a story.

Zhang Haiyans mind was racing as he thought, I was fine when I boarded the ship alone. My ticket was real. But why did I pretend to be sick?

Got it!

The person I like works as a doctor on this ship. I miss her very much. Zhang Haiyan said. Im sorry that I bothered you. Im a little too childish.

In the past, ships usually only had one or two general practitioners on board. But because of the plague in Malacca, the Nanan has three doctors and four nurses. As far as I know, the doctors are all men. The person you like is a man? Steven frowned.

How do you know everything?! Zhang Haiyan thought to himself.

He didnt dare spout anymore nonsense for a while, and was still wondering how best to keep lying, when Steven said, Stop pretending. You got on the ship because of Miss Dong, right? Where did you learn about us?

Zhang Haiyan was still perfecting his next lie, so when Steven suddenly said something like this, he was dumbfounded. Huh? What? Whats going on with you?

Steven turned around, opened his suitcase, and said, Although Miss Dong asked me to arrest you, I think its a bit too much. So, how much money will it take for you to get off the ship?

Zhang Haiyan reared back and thought to himself, weird. Is this a gift from heaven, or the awakening of the earth?

He wanted to make more excuses when he suddenly found that there was something wrong with Stevens hand movements. But just when he wanted to get a closer look, Steven suddenly turned around with a revolver in his hand.

He raised the gun and fired, but Zhang Haiyan immediately dodged it. The bullet hit the sofa behind him, sending the springs and cotton flying.

Zhang Haiyan kept moving around as Steven unhesitatingly fired all the bullets at once. They hit the mahogany furniture and bedding in the room, causing sawdust and cotton to fill the air.

Normal people wouldnt shoot so frequently, but Stevens hand was very steady as he fired all seven rounds in an instant. He spun the revolvers chamber, dropped the spent casings onto the ground, and already started reloading.

Zhang Haiyan wanted to approach him, but before he could even take two steps, Steven had already raised the gun again and fired. Zhang Haiyan dodged again, fully understanding how strong this opponent was.

This guy was clearly an expert gunman.

Zhang Haiyan rolled to dodge the second shot and jumped out onto the balcony, where he stepped onto the ships railing and leaped into the sea. Steven shot the remaining bullets into the sea, returned to the room, and then picked up the phone. Notify Mr. Warner that the whole ship is under martial law. That strange man is a liar. He jumped into the water on the left side of the ship. He must be captured.

Meanwhile, Zhang Haiyans head popped out of the water. When he saw his cap floating next to him, he grabbed it and looked towards the shore. The police had gotten onto a boat and were rowing towards him.

The sea waves by the port became so big that they were almost like floating hills. Not only was the view poor, but there was some distance between Zhang Haiyan and the boats. The snipers were also blocked by the waves, so they had to stop their pursuit.

*

As soon as He Jianxi got on the Baoen, he heard the sound of firecrackers coming from the huge ship behind him. He looked back in surprise, thinking that there was some kind of religious ceremony going on.

He was suddenly pushed to the ground from behind by the people who had just gotten on the boat.

The Baoen was a small barge heading to San Francisco. It had two masts, the sails were in tatters, and the deck was now full of cargo. The crew also raised chickens and ducks, so the feces and urine were everywhere and the smell was horrific. Both of He Jianxis hands had landed in chicken shit, which felt greasy and moist.

He Jianxi quickly got up and checked whether there was any dirt on him. He was wearing his more decent casual clothes, which were far more suitable for life on a boat. He didnt want to get them dirty as soon as he had gotten on the boat.

A nearby sailor came to collect his ticket and said to him, If you add a silver dollar (2), you can have a woman accompany you at night. He pointed to a woman standing nearby. She seemed to be in a daze and was leaning against the cargo. This woman is one silver dollar short, so she doesnt have enough money to buy a ticket. Brother, do her a favor. Pay her silver dollar, and shell accompany you to San Francisco. Im also a good person. Shell definitely die if she stays in Malacca.

He Jianxi looked at the woman, who seemed to notice his gaze. It appeared she had been rejected many times and had lost all hope. There was only despair in her eyes.

He Jianxi thought about it and went to grab the money in his pocket. He had one silver dollar since the owner of the winery had given him a lot of money. But things were expensive in San Francisco, and the money had to be spent very carefully. He thought it over and walked up to the woman.

Do you have any relatives in San Francisco?

The woman instantly came to her senses, stood up straight, and said, Yes, a little brother. My brother is there.

I dont do perverted things. My mother said that I shouldnt help people indiscriminately when Im out and about, but if youre willing to return this silver dollar to me in the future, Ill lend it to you, He Jianxi said.

It took the woman a while to realize that someone was willing to help her. She couldnt believe her eyes and immediately nodded. I, Ill definitely pay you back. Thank you, little brother.

He Jianxi took out the silver dollar, held it out half an inch, but didnt let go. You need to write me an IOU and press a fingerprint on it.

The woman froze for a moment. Little brother, such things are so troublesome! I dont have anything. In fact, I was married, and my husband is dead. If you want me to accompany you, I wont care since Im experienced and not so young anymore.

He Jianxi shook his head. You have to promise to pay me back, or I wont lend you the money.

For some reason, the woman was perplexed. She looked to the sailor, who came over and said, Come on. How can she possibly pay you back? Itll be a very lonely journey. You two can look after each other. Moreover, dont you know that a widows butt is rounder than beautiful girls?

When He Jianxi still shook his head, the sailor lit a cigarette and pushed him. Go away. You two had a fateful meeting, but it didnt work out. The nearby sailors roared with laughter. He Jianxi didnt know what they were laughing about. The sailor seemed to be embarrassed and pushed He Jianxi again, Go and wash the chicken shit off. Are you saving it for dinner? When he pushed him this time, his hand pressed onto He Jianxis pocket, which contained the silver dollars.

His banknotes were hidden in his waistband, but the silver dollars had been sewn into the inner pocket of his clothes. With this push, everyone heard the sound of coins clinking together, and could tell that the amount was quite large.

The people standing around suddenly became very quiet, and everyone turned to look at He Jianxi.

He was startled by the change in atmosphere. The sailor stopped pushing him and patted his pocket again. The clinking sound of coins became even clearer.

The sailor wasnt being polite and even looked down inside his pocket. The other sailors looked at him with interest, and even the woman was looking at him.

He Jianxi grabbed his luggage and looked into the others eyes, but didnt know what they meant. He immediately closed his pocket and walked away. When he looked back, he found that the sailor was watching him, but didnt follow.

After taking a few steps, he looked at the chicken feces on his hands and started searching for the ships toilet. At this time, all the sailors behind him stood up and slowly followed.

The toilets on the ship were usually on the side at the tail end of the deck. They were basically wooden boards with several holes in them. There was a bucket attached to the rope on the side that could be put into the sea to draw water up, which people could use for washing. And they could pee or take a dump by sitting above the holes since the sea was right below.

All the toilets on the ship were relatively clean. He Jianxi went in, looked behind him, and decided to pick a hole where he could conveniently sit down, and then fetch water to wash his hands.

He thought about which hole to choose for a long time. There were four of them, and he chose the second one from the left because it looked the cleanest. He had just taken off his pants and was about to turn around and sit down when he saw a persons head poking out of the hole.

Brother, hold it. Zhang Haiyan poked his head out and then climbed out of the hole with difficulty.

Who are you? A stowaway? He Jianxi asked in shock. It was a serious crime back then, and he might be thrown into the sea if he was incriminated.

How can you think that? Zhang Haiyan was completely soaked. He looked around and tossed his hair back. When I was in the toilet just now, I suddenly took a nap and fell off. Im sorry, so sorry. I get sleepy whenever Im taking a dump. I even feel sleepy whenever I smell shit.

There was no way He Jianxi would believe this nonsense. But just as he was about to leave, the toilet door opened and a group of sailors walked.

They were all carrying daggers and went right up to He Jianxi. They grabbed his hair, had him kneel on the ground, and then someone immediately grabbed his arms. He Jianxis mouth opened because of the pain, but someone quickly covered it.

His pocket was instantly torn open, and the silver dollars scattered all over the floor. Everyone panicked as they rolled towards the crevices on the side, since the sea was right below. Someone immediately stepped on them, and the scene became chaotic.

Quickly. Lets get his money before the boatswain finds out about it. The sailors leader said. Dont mess up.

They obviously didnt think there was another man in the toilet and froze when they looked up and saw Zhang Haiyan.

Zhang Haiyan looked down at the silver dollar under his foot, picked it up, and said a little awkwardly, Ill buy a ticket with this.

****

TN Notes:

(1) Foreign monks are better than local monks. It means that people dont trust those they are familiar with, and often feel that foreign peoples ideas are more fascinating.

(2) Its called Da Yang in the Chinese text, and one Da Yang equals 1,000 pennies back then. They are silver coins that looked like this:

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