Depthless Hunger

Chapter 61: Mana to Qi

How many hours had he been sitting and gathering qi? Opening his eyes to peer at the sun again would only make things worse, and he was safe since he would smell any monster approaching. So Kai remained seated and focused on qi condensation.

He had expected it to be like gathering dew off of grass in the morning, but it was so much worse. Like sucking clouds from the sky by huffing and puffing. The strange energy was so thin on the ground that it seemed to exist only in the corners of his vision, evaporating whenever he focused on it. Zae Zin Nim had years of experience with the task but could only describe how it had felt in her home land, where they were swimming in the stuff.

She was still in the small city they had passed, running errands so that he wouldn't incite attacks from anyone. The trip was supposed to take some time, so he threw himself back into qi condensation so he could show at least a little progress when she returned.

The second major problem was that so many of his instincts were wrong. Mana required a strong and confident hand, drawing in power quickly so that it became second nature, just part of his normal actions. Qi flowed away from him if he applied more force than a butterfly's wings. He had needed to adjust his mental models: thinking of stirring it with his hand was too forceful, he needed something more like a thin reed.

But still, when he really focused, he could succeed to a small degree. The insubstantial wisps gathered together inside him and became... well, if not droplets, at least spiritual moistness. He'd gotten better at the first task, the problem was what came next. No matter whether he concentrated fully or tried a light touch, the energy seemed to dissipate once he held it.

Then a scent interfered with his meditation: Zae Zin Nim was back. He tried to keep working until she stood just in front of him and began setting things down.

"These tents are small, but reinforced," she said tersely. "I wanted to acquire sanitation stones, but the quality was unacceptable."

"They might not make them to your standards here." Kai opened his eyes and looked over what she had bought. At least she'd gotten a proper flint. "If you don't buy them now, we might end up smelling like this for a long time."

"It may not be appropriate for fine courts, but we are training ourselves in the wasteland, not striving to impress. Besides, one grows accustomed to it. Your hygiene standards on Deadwaste are nowhere near as slovenly as I had been led to believe."

"I've always reached for the high ideal of 'marginally less slovenly than expected.' "

"This is the remaining money." Zae Zin Nim set the bag down in front of him. "It was somewhat replenished by selling the monster cores. I tried not to waste any."

At a quick estimate, there were about five hundred Goralian Eagles left. Based on his best guesses for prices, she had haggled for good deals, but also purchased a few things for herself. He hadn't noticed at first, but she was wearing a new tunic, longer than necessary and cinched with her old belt. If a few small purchases made her more comfortable, he was glad to let them pass unmentioned.

"I'm afraid my time has been less productive," Kai said. "I was successful at the gathering process almost half the time, but none of it lasted. Be honest with me now: do I have any hope of doing this right? I figured it would take me longer than most cultivators to get started, but it's already been two weeks."

"I have... actually been somewhat deceptive." She gave him a bow that he thought was apologetic and then sat down opposite him. "I gave you unrealistic standards in the hope that it would make you apply yourself more. I now see that was unnecessary."

"Then there's some hope for me after all? How many days do competent cultivators usually take for this stage?"

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"Kai, most average cultivators take their entire adolescence to become able to properly gather qi. Even for those on a path that requires them to start late, it takes them months. There is nothing shameful about your performance so far."

He blinked as his expectations swerved wildly. "So that's good... but you said that I was supposed to start accumulating in the second stage. Wh-"

"First stage. It's the second step, but this is all part of the qi condensation stage."

"Alright, second step, whatever. But you said the qi is supposed to be accumulating inside my inner... dantian thing. I'm not sure if it's unstable, or improperly formed, or if I'm just losing my grip on it, but I still have nothing. It just all slips away."

"For that, I need to attempt something different." Zae Zin Nim hesitated as she picked up the bundle from her home, but eventually withdrew a small pill. He immediately realized that it wasn't more of her medicine: this one glistened white and smelled like concentrated qi. "Your cultivation so far has been limited by the severe lack of qi. I allowed you to struggle because this leads to forming good habits instead of using qi density as a crutch. But now that you have reached the next step, a better test is how well you do with a surplus of qi."

"Are you sure?" Kai wanted to grab for the pill but restrained himself. "Your supply of those has to be limited."

"Take it. This one is too weak to do anything more than replenish me, and it would only leak out due to my condition. Just don't forget everything you have learned so far."

Kai eagerly grasped the pill, struggling with a new hunger. This energy had been foreign to him not long ago, but now it looked as good as perfectly cooked meat to a starving man. He forced himself to remain calm, repeated all his meditation lessons, and then swallowed.

It was like stepping out of mist into a waterfall. He actually gasped as the qi flooded his soul, then hurled his full willpower into keeping it from escaping. All the techniques that had been as hard as pulling teeth were suddenly effortless and he understood exactly what she meant about an excess of qi producing bad habits. He did his best to cultivate as if he was still in a qi desert.

Only a little of it was lost and he succeeded in stirring the rest into his soul, forming a solid bead... and yet it still seemed to be dissipating. He desperately tried everything he could, but the qi was ebbing away no matter what he did. Eventually a small remainder stabilized, settling in the new hollow that existed in his soul. Was that failure?

Zae Zin Nim abruptly pressed a palm to his forehead. He could feel her examining him, like spiritual sight but tactile. A moment later she pulled back and frowned.

"Well?" he demanded. "Don't keep me in suspense."

"Nothing has changed from my first evaluation of you. Your dantian is large, and your body soaks in qi like nothing I've ever seen, but the heavens have blessed you with very poor growth."

"Does that mean that I'm doomed as a cultivator?"

"It will never be your central source of power, but you can still gain something from that fiendish determination of yours." Zae Zin Nim sat down opposite him and folded her hands in her sleeves. "The qi condensation stage will help you develop, and if you can reach the Body Refinement stage that will reinforce everything you've gained. What I have to offer is not useless to you."

"I'm glad to hear that. I want to ask you how your mana exercises are going, but there's one other thing... you said my capacity to retain qi was good, but it doesn't feel that way to me."

"Some of it is being absorbed by your body. This is natural, if a bit unusual. I'm afraid the fact is that your path is different from those I've studied. This can be neutral or even beneficial, but it is easy to deviate catastrophically if you aren't following a stable path. For that reason, your cultivation will need to proceed slowly and carefully."

"So if there's no path for someone like me, can we create a new one?"

She blinked at him several times, as if he'd suggested they punch a mountain. "Kai, I need you to understand something. Paths on Cloudspire aren't invented on a whim. All of the cultivation techniques I used were developed by entire sects over many generations. After a lifetime of work, a master might hope to add a few strokes to their techniques. No, we can't just create a new path."

But it seemed like that was the only option available to him. Kai wasn't even bothered by the fact. Ever since he'd begun to accept that his soul was apparently a freakish product of coincidences, he'd known that he'd need to move forward cautiously. The monstrous parts of his soul might offer potentially great power, but they weren't going to hand it to him. He'd need to work harder than ever before.

Of course, he couldn't have done that without Zae Zin Nim, so he needed to pay her back. He smiled even though he knew she wouldn't smile back and stood up. "Thank you for your assistance this far. Would you like to work on mana training now?"

"Yes. There is much work to be done."

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