Earth’s Doom Starts with… Me?

Chapter 122: Elf kingdom's future (1)

After allowing myself one last sniffle, I closed my eyes and took a deep breath to compose myself. C'mon, Chae. This wasn't a great place to have a breakdown.

"Hoo..." I wiped my eyes with my wrist, despite it being all bloody. I bet I had a blood-smeared face now. Ugh, I would need to bother Elena for some skincare after this.

My shoulders slumped as I sat on top of the freezing elf king, not moving from my spot. Despite my crumpled state of mind I was in, I tried my best to focus on something else. Skincare, bibimbap, that autobiography book from the library that I hadn't finished reading, what else, uh...

My gaze slowly wandered around, before stopping to focus on his peaceful face again.

"How nice..." I muttered, "how nice it is to die without losing anything."

I clenched my fists.

For him, dying for his people was exactly something a good king would do. Something he should do. So, he died while proudly treading the path he chose himself. He died as someone he truly believed he was, which was a good king. By dying, he had accomplished his duty, and thus, dying for this cause wasn't a loss for him, and rather, a gain.

But if he somehow managed to survive and kill us all, then he would also be playing the role of a good king who fought bravely to protect his people, and who led his people to victory. And then, he would proceed to lead his people to rebuild their civilization, earning another point for the 'good king' role.

Either way, no matter which side won and which side lost in this war, he would end up with happiness and satisfaction for carrying out his chosen life, his chosen identity.

Sure, we may have control over his people now, but it was none of his concern since it was now another king's reign. This new problem wasn't his responsibility anymore. He had fulfilled his duty perfectly, and in his perspective, he had lived a fulfilling life.

... How nice.

I bit my lip in frustration, and frowned.

How could my wish, one that was so simple compared to his grandiose wish of ruling over an entire race, be much more painful and complex?

It didn't matter if I was alive, or if I died, both would suck for me. If I stayed alive, that meant I had to continue living alone, especially since Eli had forgotten about me now. But if I was to die, I haven't achieved what I wanted yet, not even a simple vacation with friends. How could even a vacation with friends feel so distant to me?

In the end, no matter the outcome, I would always be on the losing side.

"... I'm tired," I sighed and covered my face with my palm, "but I can't die yet... But I'm tired."

"Chaerin! What happened!?" A familiar, bright voice snapped me out of my thoughts, and I instantly lifted my face to see a tattered blonde general running towards me with worry painted on her face.

"Jeanne?" I muttered weakly.

"Did... Did you succeed in killing the elf king?" She gasped when her eyes finally caught onto the thing underneath me, "Chae! Are you okay? Where does it hurt? We need medic--"

"No need, Jean-jean," I smiled sadly and scratched my cheek nervously, "I'm fine. I'm all good."

"Uncle Erenduill... Is dead?"

I held my breath when I saw Firiell standing beside Jeanne, with her hands covering her mouth. She had this mix of shock and disbelief in her eyes. Uh-oh, was this too hard on her?

"Yeah, um... You can close your--"

"He's really dead?" Her voice cracked as she walked closer to examine the body underneath me, "this is... Real, right?"

I scratched my head, trying to figure out a phrase that was mild enough, but alas, a death is a death. There was no way to sugarcoat it.

"You're right. He's truly dead. I can even take out his heart right now to prove it," I sighed in defeat, "if this is too hard for you--"

"So that means... I'm free now?" She blinked a few times, her doe eyes looking into my dead ones.

"Huh? Free?" I blinked back, utterly confused. What did that have to do with her king dying? Was she bound to him or something? A slave? But I didn't see any slave marks or attire. Mental abuse? Plausible.

"I can go to the village whenever I want to now?" She asked, "does that mean I can also go outside? And explore? I can wear whatever I want?"

"Eh? Wait, wait, what? Did Erenduill forbid you to or something? Were you threatened?" I questioned, still a bit bewildered.

"I... I'm not sure myself," she hesitated, "he did tell me not to do certain things like coming into the village or going away or eating and dressing in a certain way, but he wasn't threatening to kill me or anything. And he had his reason, too..."

"He told you to? When he has no right to do so?" Jeanne joined in.

"Ah, no, no. He was my king and my uncle, after all. It's only natural for a king to give commands, no?" Firiell waved her hands in front of her, making a 'no' motion, "besides, he wasn't explicitly forbidding me. He just... Told me that's how a good elf should behave."

"... So like, basically, he was implying that if you didn't follow his 'suggestions', you're not a good elf?" I stared at her in a deadpan manner.

"Um... Y-yes... I understand where he was coming from, though. He just wanted what's best for his people," she fidgeted with her fingers, "ah! That doesn't mean I'm glad that he died... Or something."

"Ah, yes. Our daily dose of gaslighting. Mmm, delicious," I sighed sarcastically, "but seriously, get those excuses out of your mind."

"I agree with Chaerin. That's just manipulation. Either way, you're being controlled by him," Jeanne patted her head, "I'm so glad you're free now."

"Not yet." I interrupted.

"Huh?" Firiell looked up at me in confusion.

"You're not free as long as you keep searching for excuses to justify his actions. He may be dead now, but he still has influence over you," I pointed at her, "so snap out of it. You still have a long life ahead of you, don't think of this as a finish line. It's your starting point."

"But, I--"

"I don't wanna hear another word justifying his actions. Listen, Firiell. You're going to be a queen soon. You're going to take his spot," I explained, "if you think what he did was okay, then are you going to do the same thing to your people now? You know, since you said it was okay?"

"No! I don't want to confine my people... They don't deserve to be oppress-- ah!" She gasped, and looked at me with amazement, "now I see your point!"

"Thank god you're easier to convince compared to some people who have lost their mind." I sighed in relief, but also in annoyance when I remembered some of my friends who got caught up in a clearly toxic relationship.

"It... It will still take time for me to adjust, I think... But I really want to try to become a good queen for them." She sheepishly said and smiled.

"Good, you can be whatever kind of queen you want to be, no need to be so fixated on being good," I ruffled her hair, "but if you want to be a good queen, then prepare to work hard for it. We know you can do it." I grinned at the little girl in front of me.

"T-thank you! Yes, I will work hard!" She excitedly exclaimed.

"Well, for now," I grabbed her hand and handed her the dagger that Erenduill used to slash me, "let's start off by having you fish out your uncle's heart, shall we?"

"Huh?"

"Go on. I'll be here watching you. Don't be shy." I patted her back and moved away from the frozen body.

"EHHH!?"

"Chae? What are you doing?" Jeanne asked me with a surprised gasp, but she didn't seem to disagree, either.

"She's going to be a queen of the entire elf race. What do you think will happen if their queen can't even kill? Rather, this isn't even killing. He's already dead and she just needs to retrieve the heart." I placed a hand on top of the frozen king's chest.

... Cold. And yet, he looked comfortable.

'Pang!'

"There, I've thawed the ice for you." I crouched beside the dead king's chest, and looked at Firiell, who still stood there like a stone.

"I-- I have to... Cut uncle's chest open?" She hesitated and trembled a bit, but I could still see the determination on her face.

"Yes. And do every step by yourself. Open his shirt, slice his chest, grab his heart, and take it out, all by yourself," I said as I stared right into her eyes, "and remember what a dead person's body feels like."

She clutched the dagger, and stepped forward with newfound confidence. She knelt in front of me, on the other side of the dead elf king, as her grip became tighter the more she trembled. Truly, it was a bit pitiful and at the same time, encouraging to see her trying so hard.

'STAB!'

Ah, as I saw Erenduill's blood slowly drained out of his body, a little thought crossed my mind.

The same red blood that I found so beautiful last time, didn't look as beautiful now... I guess intent did play a big part in clouding our judgment. Surely I wouldn't see a person killing another person as a beautiful thing, but then, I just did, towards myself.

... Yeah, I wasn't very different from them, after all. From other humans.

We often judge people by their actions, and yet, we judge ourselves by our intention.

What irony.

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