Etsusa Bridge

Volume 3, Chapter 3-A: Howl & Low

Aboveground, on the East-West boundary.

I’m standing between one ruined building and another.

The area is deserted, partly because it’s far from the underground business centers. The abandoned buildings and construction materials only worsen the unfriendly air, which is second only to the Pits.

Not a good place for a nice chat with Miss Nazuna, then.

But in that sense, there’s almost nowhere on this island with sweetness in the air. The casino, maybe, but if I went there again I would turn her into an enemy again.

Wait. Now’s not the time to be worrying about the atmosphere. First, I have to solve this misunderstanding.

What happens once we clear up the misunderstanding and we become close? It’d still be too soon to ask her out. But how to go from friend to boyfriend? …How long do people usually hang out together before they start dating?

…It’s not like I have zero dating experience.

Back in junior high a girl in my grade asked me out, and we dated for about two years.

But we ended up drifting apart, partly because we went to different high schools. I remember being a high school student and seeing her in town, arm-in-arm with her new boyfriend. It felt complicated.

But this time… well, I’m the one in love with the girl. And… I’ve never wanted to know someone so much before.

I hope things turn out well.

It’ll be okay. As long as I’m earnest about it, things will work out.

I had been repeating those thoughts in my head for about three hours when Miss Nazuna passed by the passage ahead. She probably didn’t notice me because I was standing in an alleyway.

When I hurried after her, she seemed to have heard my footsteps.

She stopped in her tracks and provoked me.

“…What, did you bring a gun this time?”

…?

What is she saying? Did she get me confused for someone else?

Oh. She looked at my face and froze. She must have been expecting someone else. But that tension in her eyes… I think she’s on edge. Which is understandable, but that doesn’t ease my sadness.

I decided to start with a friendly greeting to show that I am not hostile.

“Hey there.”

Good. Perfectly natural.

I think that was a very natural greeting.

But for some reason, Miss Nazuna seems tense. She’s clearly being cautious. But what does she know, really? Does she know that I helped her yesterday, instead of trying to kill her?

I don’t have any intention of gloating over that, but it still makes me sad to be treated as her enemy.

…No. It’s okay. I came to see her today so I could resolve this misunderstanding.

But anyway… yeah. I finally ran into her.

Forcing myself to interrogate those people yesterday paid off. The two foreigners supposedly run a detective agency from a hotel in the Western District. I didn’t know which hotel they were in, but I guessed that Miss Nazuna would return to the Eastern District along this passage once she came to.

…Wait a second.

Doesn’t that make me a stalker?

Not good. Should I tell her that this is a coincidence? But she’ll see through that instantly. And then she’d really think I was a stalker.

Right. For now, honesty is the best option.

Fighting to resolve myself, I begin the conversation.

I can’t freeze up now.

Relax, me. Relax. Freezing is an automatic fail.

Put on a relaxed smile and make friendly chatter. Smile, me. Smile.

I slowly release air from my lungs—

“Bwa hah hah hah… I’ve been waiting. I knew you’d be passing this way.”

“Oh? You sound pretty confident. Are you thinking of taking me hostage to take down the Guard Team? I’ll make you regret underestimating me.”

Bloodlust rises to her eyes. Something’s wrong. My plan is failing.

…This must be another misunderstanding. I think I might have picked the wrong laugh.

“W-wait wait wait! No! Stop. I… I don’t really want to fight you.”

“…Then what?”

What a relief. She’s willing to listen to me. But she’s got a knife in her right hand. Come to think of it, I saw her drawing it from her belt while I was talking. What a relief. I was worried she’d be caught unarmed by punks on the way. But with her skills, one knife should be enough to fight her way through.

But she still seems wary of me.

Calm down, me. Calm down.

What do I say this time? That’s the important part.

…Wait, I have to give her something before that!

That was close. Almost forgot. I breathed a sigh of relief and pulled out her katana from the bag I had slung behind me.

Anyone would recognized this blue scabbard on sight. The blade is slender for its length, lightweight enough for women to wield with ease.

I handed her the sword, holding it by the scabbard. Surprised, she took a step toward me.

“Oh! …That’s my sword!”

“I’m sorry. I… I was holding on to it. Yesterday, umm… when you were knocked out in the explosion, I picked it up because I thought it was important to you. But I ended up running away with it.”

I lied.

Actually I didn’t forget to give the katana to the detectives.

I just wanted an excuse to meet Miss Nazuna.

I’m just confirming my own suspicions now, but I began to feel even more like a piece of trash. I want to tell the truth, but I don’t want her to hate me because of this.

As I wallowed in my own guilt, she slightly lowered her guard and took another step toward me.

“Then… you’re the one who left me to the detectives after all.”

“…Yeah.”

I answered without thinking, but a part of me was overjoyed.

What a relief!

It looks like the foreign detectives told her about me.

Did Miss Nazuna understand now that I meant her no harm?

But little by little, I stopped caring about that.

We’re talking to each other.

Why does having a conversation with her make me feel so happy?

“…Why? Why did you rescue me? And not just me—you never kill anyone from the Guard Team, even though we’re enemies.”

“Well… like I said to Zhang yesterday, I don’t want to end up powering up the Guard Team by killing one of you.”

“Then why did you rescue me from the explosion? Mr. Gen was the idiot who threw the grenade; you could have just avoided it alone.”

Because I like you.

If only I could answer her honestly. But even I’m not that optimistic.

“You see… I…”

The answer I tried to muster in my embarrassment was erased by a sudden noise and Miss Nazuna’s scream.

As red blood through the air, I saw Miss Nazuna’s face contort in pain.

I had no choice but to see.

“Ah… Gyaah!”

“Miss Nazuna?!”

The noise was a gunshot.

As soon as I understood, blood squirted from Miss Nazuna’s shoulder and splattered in alien patterns on my face and clothes.

For a moment I was wracked by fear, but I forced my confusion aside and focused my attention on her.

Blood spilled from her upper left shoulder, but she had not been hit on the torso or a critical weak point.

The logical me restrained the emotional me from running to her.

‘No. I have to take care of the gunman first.

‘Miss Nazuna is safe.

‘But if I don’t find the enemy now, we’re both done for.’

The emotional me was already screaming, but the logical me calmly took over my body and my vision.

The next moment, a vulgar roar echoed across the deserted area.

“…Bitch… I’ll kill you… I’ll slaughter you!”

When I turned, I saw a thug like any other on the island. Likely a hopeless creature who made trouble on the mainland and came to the island believing he could do anything here, cast out even from the mafia or the yakuza.

And for some reason, blood is dripping from a fresh cut on his forehead. He looked almost like a pro wrestler fighting to draw blood. But he didn’t look nearly as distinctive, and he certainly didn’t act like one.

They say to never judge a book by its cover, but considering his actions and the shotgun in his hands… what choice do I have?

For a moment, I thought he was the one who shot Miss Nazuna.

‘Kill him. Kill him. Kill him.’

The emotional me cried for blood. But the logical me demanded more time to understand the situation.

I thought about killing him on the spot, but his shotgun was not smoking.

He has friends.

The moment I came to that conclusion, I turned back to Miss Nazuna.

Then I spotted two more figured approaching behind her.

One held a small handgun trained on her.

The other was holding a knife, cautiously glaring from afar.

“You little slut… It’s payback time!”

“…You bastards again…”

Nazuna addressed the thugs as she stood pressing her hand to her shoulder. What a relief. It looks like it wasn’t a critical injury.

“We’re not letting our guard down this time, you little bitch. We’ll chop off your hands and feet before we have our fun. And mommy ain’t gonna come running to help you.”

Miss Nazuna didn’t even seem to hear him. She glanced at me and put on a wry smile.

“Heh… Looks like I let myself get too distracted by you.”

No.

Does that mean she wouldn’t have been hurt if I wasn’t here?

Damn it. This is my fault. I was so caught up talking to Miss Nazuna that I didn’t even notice these people coming. If only I’d been shot instead.

But before the expression on my face could even change, she denied her own words.

“…Sorry. I didn’t mean to use you as an excuse.”

Oh.

The moment the words registered, something seemed to run through my body.

No. My body? My heart? My brain? Or maybe my soul? Anyway, it felt like a current had run all the way through me.

They say love begins from the simplest of gestures, but this is worrying. I don’t know what in those words had the power to affect me like this. It felt kind of like… like cogs suddenly snapping together.

Damn it… I can’t let this happen now. Where’s the romantic atmosphere?

I knew it. Everything I’d felt for her so far—it wasn’t love. It was just a mistake based on the feelings of affection that grew in me as I watched her.

I understood that painfully well. Because…

Because, at this very moment, I truly fell in love with her.

Interrupting that monumental moment, the man with the shotgun looked at me.

“You her boyfriend? Heh heh… You’re not half-bad, either. Looks like we can dress you up a bit before we give you both the treatment.”

A sick pervert.

Just my luck. Why a sick pervert now, of all times?!

Oh no. Oh no. If Miss Nazuna thinks I’m gay, I’ll never be able to convey my feelings to her. I think it’s all right for all kinds of sexualities to exist in the world. At least, I don’t want to discriminate. But forcing your sexuality on someone makes you a sick pervert, nothing more. In fact, the ‘force’ part is a crime in and of itself, sexuality notwithstanding.

This is bad.

And they’ve even got guns.

They might have killed a man or two on the mainland.

…Ah, okay. Let’s just say they did.

I tightened my grip on Miss Nazuna’s sword and moved in toward the shotgun man.

“Freeze!”

He yelled something, but that doesn’t matter. I just scattered his vision so stray bullets wouldn’t hit Miss Nazuna.

And at the end of that action,

The emotional me and the logical me came to an agreement.

‘It’s decided.’

‘I’m going to kill him.’

At that moment, I focused my every nerve on the act of taking his life.

My waking world distorted as the man became clear in my sights.

Then, time became heavy around my world.

“One more move—

“and” Oh, how to kill him. If I want to take out all my anger on him

“I’ll” I can’t let him die quickly. But there’s no time. Cool my emotions.

“blow” If I spend too much time here, Miss Nazuna is going to get shot.

“out” The world feels like it’s slowed, but my movements haven’t accelerated.

“your” If only I had the power to stop time, like in those manga.

“fucking” After all, even my body becomes slow and unwieldy just like the rest of the world.

“brains” But that’s more than enough to kill a lowlife like this one.

“you son of a biiiiiiiiiii…?! Rgh… AAAAAAAAARGH!”

The man howled like an animal and rolled to the ground.

Blood spouted like a fountain from the back of his head. It was clear he’d died instantly. I thought he’d fire off at least one shot from the impact, but I was relieved to see his fingers had let go quickly.

It was simple.

I had drawn Miss Nazuna’s sword and thrust it through his neck, then pulled it back out.

I had taken advantage of his confusion and moved as little as possible.

With my mind still focused on the world, I turned to the thugs closer to Miss Nazuna.

My mind is already there, but my body won’t follow. I’m getting impatient.

By the time my eyes caught up, the man with the handgun was pointing it at me.

There was nothing to deduce.

He was the one.

The one who shot Miss Nazuna.

Noting that the gun was not aimed at her, I let my emotions lake over.

“What the—

“fuck” kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill

“did” die die die die die die die die die die

“you” kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill

“pull” die die die die die die die die die die

“you” kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill

“piece” die die die die die die die die die die

“of” kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill

“shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii…? Agh…? Gah… Ah… Hah…!”

The katana I threw as I turned hit its mark, driving itself into his body. I’d never thrown a katana before, but I adjusted my movements bit by bit in the sluggish time, referencing the sensation of throwing a knife.

One left.

My bare hands are enough against a knife.

I loosened my focus slightly and shifted the speed from the frame advance function to slow motion. This is the best metaphor I can think of to describe the sensation, although my perception is what changes, not the world.

The last one must have been confused by his friends dying so suddenly. Though I was unarmed, he ran off screaming with the knife in hand.

I considered chasing him down, but because I was worried about Miss Nazuna’s wound I watched him disappear into the alley and stopped, loosening the world from my focus.

The world quickly returned to normal speed, and the reality of Miss Nazuna before me flooded my body.

“Oh… A-are you okay?”

It was only then that I remembered the body fallen by her and the katana stuck in it.

“Um… I, uh… I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to just use your sword like that…”

“Don’t worry. It’s supposed to get bloody all the time.” Miss Nazuna smiled, pulling the katana out of the corpse. “I thought I was used to seeing your skill, but you’re really something else. I guess… I guess I should thank you, first.”

“No… it was nothing.”

Even if I wasn’t here, she would have made it out with ease.

She couldn’t call herself a member of the Guard Team otherwise.

But when Miss Nazuna looked down at the handgun with the corpse beside her, and the shotgun by the other corpse, she became grim.

“Where in the world did they get these guns? …Damn it. I hope we don’t get a repeat of what happened this summer.”

She was mumbling to herself. Her shoulder was still bleeding, so I thought it might be best to stop the blood and disinfect the wound.

She must have noticed my gaze on her shoulder; Miss Nazuna slowly stood.

“Don’t worry. It didn’t hit any major arteries, and my bones and muscles are fine. It’s just a scratch. Really.”

“Yeah. You should see a doctor. …Let me take you.” I said honestly, but she lightly shook her head.

“The nearest doctor would be the one at our office. But you’ll make scene if you come, whether you like it or not.”

With that, she gave me a smile.

My eyes might have made a mistake.

I might have been seeing things.

Thoughts like that occurred to me then, but my brain—focused entirely on her and her alone—assured me that her smile was real.

Oh. My heart. It’s beating.

My pulse is all I can hear. It’s like it’s beating through my veins and straight into my brain.

“I’ll ask you about the details some other time. …See you.”

She turned her gaze toward the Eastern District.

I’m floored by her strength, leaving two dead bodies behind as though nothing had happened. Although I have no right to say that, being the one who killed them.

At that moment, the emotion I had locked up inside suddenly escaped.

If she’s not scared of me, even after seeing these corpses… is what I might have thought. Or maybe I just wanted her to acknowledge me. Even I don’t know which.

I think it might have been a mix of both emotions that I came to ask the forbidden question.

“S-say…”

Stop.

Don’t call out to her.

No. That wasn’t it, Miss Nazuna. Please don’t look back at me.

“…Do you think I’m abnormal? Do you… think I’m strange?”

There. I said it. What did I just say?

I don’t want to hear her answer. I don’t want to.

But by the time I thought to cover my ears, she had already given me a nonchalant answer.

An immediate reply.

“What, you didn’t already know?”

…

…

…

I’m such an idiot.

That’s why I tried to stop me.

I just had to acknowledge myself in my own heart.

I could have lost myself in the fantasy that maybe she would understand.

I know already. I know that any normal person would have answered that way.

I kept telling myself that I was normal because I knew that. Even knowing the fact that I was the only one I could convince that way.

But I started to dream.

That maybe she would be different.

That maybe someone who was filled to the brim with this island’s air—someone like her, so calm in the face of death—might understand.

And my dream was shattered to bits.

And in only a minute since I truly fell in love with her.

I guess this is what it feels like when a man confesses to someone he’s never met before and gets rejected.

So… maybe we’re from different worlds after all.

Am I different from this world itself? Is that why I can see this world’s time differently?

No…

If we’re from different worlds…

If our souls can never truly come together…

If she can’t be mine…

Then I’d rather—

Once more, I focused.

? ??

Yes. I’m normal.

People can go mad over jealousy and love.

Anyone can.

But they suppress it all with the mask of logic.

On this island, I wear the mask of Yakumo Amagiri. I look at the world through this mask, separate from logic.

So am I really normal, now that I’ve expressed everything but logical thought?

People who kill for logical reasons, fully intending to murder.

People who let their emotions take over, winding up taking lives.

Which one is truly insane?

And am I really normal for constantly debating this?

Of course I am.

I want to be acknowledged. Not by myself.

By even just one other person.

Someone. I want someone to acknowledge me.

Someone please answer me.

Am I… am I normal?

What… did I just do?

Was I… normal?

Someone…

Someone, please…

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