Etsusa Bridge

Volume 5, Episode 2: Sleep=Death Part 2

Eight and a half years later, somewhere on the island.

It’s been nearly 24 hours since I escaped from the psycho in white.

I found myself in front of the TV at the fountain.

I thought I could meet that girl again if I came here.

But there wasn’t a big crowd of kids here today.

A few people with time on their hands stopped and stared at the screen. That was it.

This is a waste of time.

I’ll come back when the wrestling show’s on again.

Although it’s not like this TV has a programming schedule. Nobody knows when wrestling’s gonna be on again.

With a sigh, I turned to leave—

But I stopped when I spotted a flash of white on the screen.

The DJ’s voice grew distant in my head. I was distracted.

The victim shown on the TV was wearing white flowers in her hair.

Did someone kill her?!

I ran over to the TV, drenched in cold sweat—

But she turned out to be someone else wearing the same flowers. She wasn’t the one I was looking for.

What a relief.

Almost jumped to conclusions there.

It wasn’t her.

I almost lost it just now, when I thought the girl named Lilei was the victim.

…I really am obsessed with her.

What’s going on?

Maybe I should just leave. Force myself back to the mainland.

No. I can’t.

I couldn’t ever go back to that company.

I have to spend the rest of my life here. I have to live with the strange reality that I am being attracted to a girl I glimpsed just once.

I decided to leave with a sigh, but the pirate radio playing from the screen and the speakers all over the island shook my thoughts again.

I felt something stir deep in my gut.

Villains are being killed.

That’s nothing to get upset about.

I know all too well that some injustices simply can’t be punished by the law.

So I wouldn’t be surprised if vigilantes went after wanted criminals hiding on the island.

But there was no guarantee that only bad people were murdered.

The girl I’m looking for—in the words of the psycho in white—has blood ties to a gang that controls the island.

That alone raises the chances of her death.

…No.

In fact, it’s reason enough for someone to want to kill her.

Seized by terror, I found myself running through the alleys.

I was headed for the roof of the building the kids led me to yesterday.

They said the interior was so full of junk it was impossible to navigate.

But I have to get there, even if it means clearing that hurdle.

It was only when the possibility of her murder occurred to me—

—that I finally understood.

Why was I so drawn to her? Because she is completely pure.

That’s why she looked so familiar. Because I must have seen that same purity in another child on the mainland.

A girl like her doesn’t belong on this island.

Someone has to rescue her from the malice lurking here.

It’s the right thing to do.

I have no reservations in my heart.

This is how I felt when I revealed my company’s injustices.

The people of this island might look down on me. But I don’t care.

I lost everything before I landed here. I have nothing more to lose.

? ??

Two hours later. The rooftop.

I’m finally here.

Finally. I’m here.

I crawled over haphazard heaps of trash, climbed mountains of junk, and sometimes crept between broken wires. No wonder people never come here, even to look for a place to sleep.

In other words, the girl is isolated.

I don’t know how she got up here. Maybe there’s a secret passageway.

But there’s no time to look for one.

I was covered in scrapes and cuts, but there was no time to worry about that.

And now that I think about it, that psycho in white is a problem.

I saw him climbing down from here.

He climbed the walls of the building. Like some kind of lunatic.

It’s dangerous to be alone with a psycho like him.

She might be safe now, but who knows what he might do one day?

And even before that, her mind might break.

Maybe it already has.

Then that’s all the more reason to help her.

Who would help her? Obviously, me.

Because I wasn’t brought here by my own faults or wrongdoings.

I was exiled here for doing the right thing.

…Maybe I’m acting self-righteous. But that doesn’t matter.

Because… if I didn’t have any purpose at all, my mind will be the first thing crushed under the island’s weight.

I wanted to rescue my mind as well by rescuing the girl.

I forced the rusted door open. A warm breeze stroked my face.

And there she was.

“…”

The door creaking must have surprised her. She looked at me.

But her eyes were the same as before. As if she were looking at the world from far away, from a world behind a glass wall.

“H-hey. …Nice to meet you… I guess?”

I didn’t know how to start. So I dusted myself off and smiled.

She didn’t smile or frown. She took a step toward me and spoke.

“…I see you. In front of TV. I hug children. You watch me.”

Her Japanese isn’t very good. Maybe she really is from the Chinese gang.

I wondered how I should tell her about my wanting to help her escape this hellish island. About everything that led up that realization. I eventually decided to begin with a light chat.

I have to make sure we have no misunderstandings between us.

“Oh. Umm… Well… so you know. So I, uhh… don’t want any misunderstandings here. I don’t know if you’ll believe me, but I just want you to know that I’m not attracted to you. I’m not going to try and do anything to you!”

“…It is not interesting.”

She mumbled, and took another step.

Damn it. How am I supposed to explain myself?

I should have thought of something before I clambered here.

I don’t see the gangsters who’re supposed to be her family.

At that moment, I heard a gunshot.

“?!”

More followed. The gunshots shook the air.

I froze. But she was unfazed.

“Gunshots. It is below. It is no matter. It is Inui. It is Mr. Kugi. Kill enemy. Or each other.”

“Oh. Um. I… see?”

I had no idea who ‘Inui’ and ‘Mr. Kugi’ were but from the girl’s complete lack of fear I could tell she was not normal.

The island must have destroyed her mind.

I have to do something.

And what is going on down there? Why is there a shootout happening below?

At one point I had assumed that gunfire was part of daily life on the island. But the volunteer police seemed to be on top of things. I rarely ever heard gunshots in the Western District.

“H-hey. Get down so you don’t get hit by a stray bullet. Listen to me.”

I doubted that a girl standing in the middle of the rooftop would be hit by a stray bullet, but I had to figure out a way to start the conversation.

Without even an icebreaker in mind, I began by reaching out my right hand.

I had to show her that I meant no harm.

It’s all right. She’ll trust me.

Because I’m doing the right thing.

Clang.

I heard a metallic noise behind her.

She must be dragging something around.

What is it? I can barely see her face, but the moonlight and the glow from the buildings hit the object and—

—at that moment, she flicked her right wrist.

And then, somehow the long object in her hand moved—faster than my eyes could follow—

Crunch.

It was completely different from the earlier sound.

At the same time, my body was shaken.

“Agah.”

I stuttered foolishly.

Why did I just… why… whaaaaaaa…?

What the hell.

I realized that my right wrist was limp—like it was a completely separate creature—and at that moment, I was overcome by pain.

“Wha…? Ah… GAAAAAAAAAAAH!”

I screamed. I howled.

The pain in my wrist ran up my arm and coursed through my body, and my own shrieking threatened to rupture my eardrums and tear my vocal cords.

And as though filling in the gaps—

Her gloomy voice echoed coldly against my ears.

“I see you. In front of TV.

“I should have. Should have kill you. Kill you then.”

-----

~My Heart-Pounding Nap Diary~

_______ __th, 2021.

On rooftop.

Not-adorable person. It comes.

I kill. I did.

-----

Seven years ago, somewhere on the artificial island.

Change came to her life about a year and a half after she began to battle her nightmares.

She had managed to conquer her nightmare for the day and was about to drift into a deep sleep—

She heard angry voices from afar, she thought.

Then the sound of small explosions.

If her memories were correct, those were gunshots.

With that in mind, she slowly woke herself.

By then, a scream that seemed to curse the world had already shaken the darkness and faded away.

And in less than a minute, she heard the door crash open.

She felt someone cling to her. From the person’s weight she supposed it must have been her helper.

And from the way the helper shook, the girl supposed that they must be terrified.

She wondered if she should say something. But when she opened her mouth she realized that she was once again barely capable of speech.

At that point, she heard footsteps from the door.

“Turn out the lights. She’ll be in pain if it’s too bright.”

She heard a sharp voice.

The voice belonged to a young man. And it occurred to the girl that she had never heard that voice before.

“Making a second child with that whore… Father’s more careless than he lets on.”

The man grumbled under his breath, but the girl did not understand. Then he began to gingerly peel off the talismans from her eyelids. She thought he might tear them off by force, but he showed surprising care as he slowly removed the talismans.

Once they were off, the girl felt something on her face—it felt just like when her face was being washed.

But something was different this time. A strong-smelling liquid was applied to her eyelids, then carefully wiped away.

She finally noticed the unusual sensation on her face.

Her eyelids moved.

At first they barely opened, but as she lifted them little by little, she began to see the things she had only seen in her dreams.

“…”

“How does it feel to see the light for the first time in years?”

He had said that the lights were off.

The only light in the room should have been the dim glow from the hallway.

But even that was too much for her.

The faint light hit her eyes and began to run wild.

It was like going outside after an all-nighter, but magnified a million times. Even the dim glow was excruciating for her eyes, for so long adjusted to darkness.

That her vision returned over the course of only a few minutes was perhaps thanks to the realistic dreams she had faced every night.

But it took her yet more minutes to finally be able to see.

Her eyes and her head still hurt. But she did not scream.

Her optic nerves remembered how to see and kicked the muscles around her eyes into action. Meanwhile, the young man spoke as though to himself.

“These eyes… I knew it. They’re just like that young vixen’s.”

Another voice then spoke.

“You’re still quite young yourself, now.”

“Please, Elder.”

The young voice and a voice clearly belonging to an elder were conversing.

Drip. She heard something falling.

In a corner of her recovering vision she saw something red dripping from tip of the shining object in the young man’s hand.

But the girl was not afraid.

After all, the men in her dreams rose from pools of blood and breathed blood like fire.

“Do you remember your name, little girl?”

The young man asked in Mandarin. the girl took a few seconds to prepare her voice, then mumbled.

“…Lilei. Lilei Horrocks.”

“I see. You will no longer need your mother’s family name.”

“…?”

Confused, the girl—Lilei—slowly looked up.

She saw the face of a boy. He had sharp eyes, and he seemed to be about five or six years older than herself.

The boy with tattoos on his face placed his Chinese broadsword across his shoulder and continued, his eyes as cold as ice.

“And if you cannot overcome the trial I have prepared for you… you will not need ourfamily name. Or your own, for that matter.”

He gave a signal. A group of men in black entered the room.

They dragged in a small figure and threw it at Lilei’s feet.

As her eyes adjusted, Lilei realized that it was a young girl, only a little smaller than herself.

At the same time, she came to a realization.

This girl must have been the helper who had been at her side.

“Her vocal cords seem to be damaged. Did they do this to keep your existence a secret? An obsolete strategy. It would have been over for them the moment she learned to communicate.”

“…”

“Condition aside, this girl is one of the people who took away your light.”

The young man pressed down on the back of the helper’s head with the broadsword.

Then he raised his chin. One of the men in black drew a knife and offered it to Lilei.

She took it and stared, wide-eyed.

The boy gave her an uncharacteristically cold look.

“Kill her.”

A single command.

“We’ve killed the rest. This pup is all that’s left. She may have been your caretaker, but no matter the circumstances she is one of the rabble who imprisoned a member of the Ei bloodline.”

“…Kill…?”

“You must take revenge. We have no need of anyone who is incapable of such a trivial act.”

Lilei comprehended what he meant.

She was to kill the girl who had taken care of her—the girl whom she had only now seen for the first time.

If not, she would die as well.

Lilei was only about ten years old. But she could sense the bloodlust in the boy’s voice and bearing.

It was the first time she ever felt such bloodlust.

But she was not particularly shaken.

After all, she had lived in the carnage of worse things; the grotesque creatures she had created in the dreams during her time in darkness.

Lilei was silent for a long time. But she eventually looked around, her eyes finally adjusted to the light.

Her eyes came to a stop at a certain point. She tossed the knife aside and walked over—and before the men could react, she picked up the object on the floor.

It was a partly rusted lead pipe.

“So you’d prefer to bludgeon her to death?”

Ignoring the boy, Lilei stared at the pipe.

It wasn’t as colorful as she had imagined.

But she was not too rattled.

After all, the magic wand in her dreams was already long stained with blood.

She walked back to the boy and the girl along the very same rhythm as before.

This time, she stared down at the girl on the floor.

The girl’s vocal cords really must have been damaged, as she moved her mouth but did not vocalize.

The girl, who was covered in injuries from head to toe, looked up tearfully at Lilei.

She was a nondescript girl. Simply an adorable child.

Why was someone like this looking after her, Lilei wondered.

Then she remembered something.

What had the previous helper said as they ran?

“I have a daughter just about your age, a little younger than you.”

“I watched over you because I at least wanted to free my little girl.”

“Adorable children should be happy. But, you’re adorable, but my daughter too. Yes. If an adorable girl like you is happy, my daughter will too…”

In the jumble of memories, Lilei came to a conclusion.

This girl must be the previous helper’s daughter.

She quietly went up to the girl and knelt.

“…”

Then she placed a gentle hand on her head. The girl flinched, but when Lilei patted her head she stared, wide-eyed.

She reminded Lilei of a puppy.

“…Adorable.”

“What?”

The boy frowned. Lilei continued mechanically. For herself, the one who protected her world.

“This girl. She is adorable. She has to live. Or I can’t live. If the adorable girl is happy, I am happy… She said.”

“I don’t claim to understand completely… but you mean you cannot kill her.”

To the tattooed boy, Lilei’s words must have sounded like delusional rambling.

He raised his broadsword and drew an air around himself to cut down both Lilei and the girl in one stroke.

“Not to fear. You will die together here and now.”

Lilei looked at the broadsword, and instead of trying to run, she thought to herself.

‘What is this.

‘What is he trying to do?

‘Is he going to kill us?

‘I’m not scared.

‘I’m not scared this time. But—

‘He’s an enemy, too.’

She did not differentiate between dreams and reality now.

She could defeat the enemy that threatened to take away her light, just as she did in her dreams.

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-AHJZSypzgMA/VTL43otFgpI/AAAAAAAAB3E/wU-RPoS2Sfc/s1600/5656_133.jpg

That was all that mattered to her.

Lilei simply glanced at the boy.

The boy with the broadsword felt a chill run down his spine.

His pores seemed to scream as the hairs on the back of his neck stood on end.

‘What’s happening?’

He was a stranger to this sensation. The boy froze without thinking.

‘No. I’ve felt this before.

‘I know this sensation…

‘It’s just like the time I faced a gun for the first time.

‘Like the time I first felt a blade against my neck.’

The boy who had clawed through countless battles felt his instincts screaming.

He had just stepped into mortal peril, they warned him.

‘Impossible!

‘Am I… afraid of a child like her?!’

Refusing to accept the fact that he was cowed by a single glance, the boy decided to shake off that fear by swinging his sword.

But then, he felt an impact on his hand. Something glinted as it flew across the room.

The moment he realized that the object was the tip of his sword, he saw that the girl at his feet had moved.

But it was too late. She had moved out of his line of sight.

“?!”

He heard a resounding impact near his left temple.

He saw a creaking lead pipe right before his eyes, and a foot clad a black shoe that had deflected the pipe.

“My word. I thought I’d taught you well, Lihuang.”

The one who saved his life was the old man who had come to the room with him.

“You must obey your instincts when they cry out in fear. What I taught you was self-defense.”

“…”

Even as the old man spoke, Lilei continued to swing her pipe at uneven intervals.

The man Lihuang had earlier called ‘Elder’ parried the attacks with practiced ease as he spoke to the girl in Mandarin.

“Not to worry, young one. We will do nothing to you. Or the adorable young lady.”

No sooner were the words out of his mouth than did the attacks stop.

“…Really?”

“Yes. I swear I will make them stop.”

“Elder.”

The boy stepped forward, disgruntled that the old man was pursuing the matter without his input. But he quickly noticed the sweat on his hands and instinctively realized that he had just narrowly escaped death.

The old man laughed jovially.

“Lihuang. I will take your sister under my care for the time being.”

“…What will you do with her, Elder?”

“What I taught you and Yili was simply self-defense. I did not instruct you in the ways of killing. However…”

He grinned fiendishly and gently put his hand on Lilei’s head.

“I’ve gotten the urge to teach this child ways to kill and break people. I am not a young man anymore. And though these techniques may be of little use in modern times, I do not think it would be such a bad idea to pass them on.”

“But Elder…”

The boy was stubborn. But the old man was ruthless.

“I can’t have you getting jealous later, so I will tell you now. This girl is more talented than you are.”

“What…?”

“Talent aside, you almost lost your life to her just earlier.”

“…!”

The tattooed boy’s expression changed. The elder continued.

“I know what you’re thinking, Lihuang. ‘How could a concubine’s daughter surpass me’, you wonder. Worry not, boy. This talent did not come from blood. It is clearly learned. Remember; even your own father has little talent for battle.”

The old man walked up to Lilei and stroked her head.

“Aha… I will raise you to be stronger than me in five years’ time. I will turn you into a weapon—unnecessary in peacetime, wastelands, or battlefields, useful only on this island. What you do with your life after that is up to you.”

The girl thought for some time on the difficult words the old man used.

Then, still looking quite gloomy, she replied.

“I’ll be strong? …So no one interrupts my dreams?”

The question seemed to come from nowhere, but the old man nodded firmly.

“Of course.”

“Okay then.”

The girl accepted her fate with surprising ease. The old man guffawed and stroked her head again.

“Ah! Splendid! I like your honesty. Now we have nothing more to discuss, Lihuang.”

The old man turned. The tall boy stared anxiously, but eventually he resigned and turned to Lilei.

“Lilei Ei. That is your new name. And from this day forth, you are my sister.”

“…Sister?”

“You’ll understand the circumstances soon enough. Do you have any questions?”

Don’t make the mistake of thinking that you’ve been saved, said the look on Lihuang’s face.

A new hell will be unveiled before your eyes, said his expression.

Lilei looked at him, her led pipe dragging against the floor.

“Sleepy.”

“What?”

“I’m going to sleep. Sleeeeeep.”

Immediately, Lilei lay down on top of the helper and closed her eyes.

The helper froze in surprise. But the warmth from Lilei’s body seemed to calm her down.

“…What just happened here…?”

“She took the wind right out of your sails, I see. I have the feeling that someone similar to her may be fitting for your future wife. A woman who can instantly deflate the air around you.”

“Enough of your jokes, sir.”

The boy sighed loudly, then turned to the girl supporting Lilei.

“What is your name?”

The girl flinched, but she wrote her name on the floor with her finger.

“So you’re called Fei.”

The girl nodded weakly.

“You were lucky, Fei. I will have you remain as Lilei’s helper from this point on. …Elder, I leave the rest in your hands.”

With that, the boy led the other men out of the room.

In her terrified confusion Fei came to two conclusions.

One was that she was spared.

And the other was that the one who rescued her was the girl snoring softly on her back.

Her tension drained in an instant. Tears ran down her cheeks.

As though giving her her blessings, Lilei continued to snore.

The girl christened Lilei Ei, who joined the Western District’s clan.

Several years later, people once again began to call her ‘Sleeping Beauty’.

It was a term of respect.

For her love of sleep, and for the eternal sleep her lead pipe delivered.

? ??

Eight years later, the rooftop of an abandoned building.

“Agh… Grrrrrrrkaaaaaaaaaaargh…”

My own scream is echoing from the distance.

I’m so confused. I don’t understand.

What just happened?

What’s happened to me?

I can’t feel my right hand.

No… I feel something. I feel pain.

It’s like there are two of me. One’s screaming and bewildered. The other is watching calmly from afar.

But I still don’t understand.

What did I just do?

What did she do to me?

“Nrghaaaaaaaa… What… is thiiiiiiiiiiiiiis?!”

“It is loud.”

I shouted in the midst of my pain. Without even blinking the girl raised her rusted and stained lead pipe and crushed my left wrist.

“GAAAAAAAH! Urgh!”

By the time I thought to pull away, the pain was ringing through my body.

My wrist came loose. It dangled dangled dangled dangled dangled ohgodfuckfuckfuck

“GRAAAAAH! EEEEYARGH! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!”

What is this

What the hell

is

this

I almost lost consciousness.

Writhing in pain, I began staggering around the rooftop like a drunkard.

My first instinct was flight.

My left knee turned. There was an impact.

“GYAAAARGH!”

I thought my leg had exploded.

The pain the pain the pain the pain the pain the pain the pain the pain the pain the pain the pain the pain the pain the paaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa—

…!

…!

…

My fading consciousness was jolted back into my body at times.

What’s happening?

Why

Why is this happening

What did I do what

“AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!”

Calm down! Calm down!

I have to think! What is happening?!

I-I just came to help!

So why is she beating me with a lead pipe?!

Why? Where? How?

Where? Where did I go wrong?!

Think. Think! Once I figure it out, I’ll make it up to her—

And resolve this misundersta—

Ssshh.

I… think I heard something in my ear.

The noise turned to the sound of something deflating as it enveloped me.

As I dragged myself away, I began to feel like the world around me was moving very slowly.

I couldn’t move properly. As if I was dreaming.

I just didn’t understand what was happening to me.

I had to think.

Why is this girl beating me with a lead pipe?

I came to this island because I did the right thing.

I exposed the company’s corruption. That’s how it started.

The great power of evil tried to eat away at me. At the world.

…That’s right. Evil. You can’t really apply a black-and-white morality to the world, but I can guarantee that those bastards—the company bigwigs—were unquestionably evil. I only wanted to expose that and lead the company in the right direction.

But I was fired, and society didn’t protect me, either.

In other words, the power of their evil was stronger than the rules of society.

So I was fired.

But I didn’t give up.

I had to make them pay for their crimes and stop them from committing any more injustices. I had no intention of returning to work, but I had to do something to help the good people in the company and all the people who would work for it in the future so that they could lead upstanding lives.

The enemy was strong. The CEO, the chairman, and the media execs who covered up the news are all my enemies, too.

So I decided to begin by cleaning up my surroundings.

An executive from the newspaper company that tried to gloss over the corruption. I caught him having an affair on camera.

Then I used the photo to lure him to a deserted place. I hit him with my car and put him in the back seat, taking him deep into the mountains.

And with a great deal of effort, I managed to get information on the corrupt executives.

Once I had all the details, I no longer needed the man. I didn’t need to kill him, either, so I just left him in the mountains.

His arms and legs were broken and he had some ruptured organs, but if he managed to survive three or so months until hiking season, someone would definitely call for help. I don’t kill people without a good reason. Because that is not right.

After that, I used the information I obtained to take away the material possessions they had acquired illegally.

First I decided to burn down their homes. Real estate is the easiest way to use dirty money, after all. They might have had bond certificates—and if those burned too, it’d be like killing two birds with one stone.

Because I didn’t intend to kill them, I waited until the executives were out at night to start the fires.

Apparently some family members died, but it doesn’t bother me too much if I consider that the dirty money went into raising those people.

It didn’t bother me.

After that, I kidnapped the CEO’s daughter.

I met her as she went home from school, telling her that her father had collapsed. She followed me without a second thought.

You should never get into a car with someone you don’t know. It’s common sense. And foolishly enough, the company never took back my employee ID when they fired me.

Talk about careless. This is exactly why corruption runs rampant. So I decided to teach the CEO this very lesson by using my old ID to earn the girl’s trust. Now they’ll reflect on their half-baked system.

After kidnapping the girl, I talked with the CEO over the phone.

He didn’t need much convincing to see that I was serious. It was the right choice to send him his daughter’s severed fingers and thumbs.

“If you want to kill someone, kill me! M-my daughter has nothing to do with this! I’m the one you want!” He cried.

He had the wrong idea.

I’m no murderer.

I’m not particularly out to get people killed.

I want him to reflect and repent.

What use was there in killing him before that? Killing him would be simply an act of self-satisfaction.

I’m not pursuing murder, I just want to complete the process—I want him to reflect, repent, and fear until the moment he dies.

I mean, sending a laughing madman to the gallows doesn’t wash away his crimes.

Everyone would agree. People like them should be tortured before their deaths so that they suffered and repented.

Everyone would agree. So it must be right. No one would think otherwise.

…In any case, if I wanted to purge the CEO and the company of their wrongdoings and create a wholesome world for the other employees, there had to be punishment. The CEO had to repent.

I let him listen to his daughter die.

He screamed more than she did.

What a relief.

If he’s so concerned about his daughter, it means he’s still not completely inhuman.

Now he’ll give up on his corrupt and unjust ways and give that love to his company.

I did the right thing.

But apparently my sentiments weren’t conveyed properly to the world. I became a wanted man.

If I was caught, I would obviously be judged by the law.

Then that would mean I am evil.

As if.

No. No. That’s not going to happen.

If it did, it would mean I was wrong.

And if I was wrong, what did the CEO’s daughter die for?

A girl dying in vain? Things like that only happen in an unjust world.

So I could not let myself be caught.

I had to be in the right, if only for her sake.

I ran so I could give meaning to her death.

That’s right. I did nothing wrong.

But the world still did not understand—

And as a result, I ended up here.

…?

Wait.

It’s on the tip of my tongue.

Something important. Something so important…

“Hraaagh! Argh! AAAAAAAGH! Stop… stop…”

Shit my mind is synching with my body agaaAAAAAAAHHHHHH—!

It hurts! I can’t think! Fuck! What! The! Hell!

I did the right thing! So… so why?!

“Stop… what did I… do to…”

She was as cold as ever.

“You kill Fei.”

“F-Fei?”

“Fei. White flowers in hair. Like my hair. Last week. You kill Fei.”

At that moment—

Another memory surfaced.

Not one from long ago.

It was last week—

? ??

After wandering for a long time, I thought I finally found her.

But when I spoke to her, I realized that she was just wearing the same hair decorations.

She looked at me strangely. She was adorable, yes, but her eyes looked completely different from the girl I was looking for.

Unable to hide my disappointment, I asked her,

“Are those flowers popular on this island?”

“…?

“S-sorry. I was just looking for a girl with the same flowers in her hair.”

Then she suddenly began gesturing.

She seemed to be pointing at herself.

“No, not you. I’m looking for—”

Then she grabbed me by the sleeve and tried to pull me into the alleys.

…!

I came to a realization.

She was trying to trick me.

She would lure—seduce—me into the alleys and steal everything I had, or she would have a group of men ready to do that work for her.

I’ve been fooled enough times on this island. I see right through you.

I was furious.

Each time I was fooled, more anger piled up in my heart.

Maybe it was a side-effect of finally sensing danger before it it me. I lashed out with all my pent-up rage.

When I looked at her, I saw an adorable girl with a still-childlike face. Her eyes were different, but she somehow resembled the girl I was looking for.

That was even more unforgivable.

Dressing just like my angel—trying to fool me into thinking she was her. Trying to defile her.

That’s why this island is hopeless.

Even children like her try to pull the wool over my eyes.

You thought I wouldn’t see through this?

This island is hopeless.

So I will make this island right, I suddenly felt.

For whom? For the girl with the empty eyes, who did not match the rest of the island.

That was why I could not allow an impostor to exist.

I must do the right thing.

Because that’s what I’ve been doing all this time.

So die, you fucking whore.

? ??

As the memory hit me, I cried out to the girl.

“W-wait! That ‘Fei’ wouldn’t be… those flowers… the same… URGH!”

The lead pipe shattered my left ribcage.

“You strangled. Your face. On cameras. I asked. Do not tell. Elder Brother. Elder Sister. Volunteer police. Only me.”

“W-wait…”

It was her. The girl on the TV.

I remember breathing a sigh of relief when I realized that the dead girl wasn’t Lilei, but a stranger.

I had no idea.

That was all.

How could I have known that she was her friend?!

The girl didn’t say a word! On this island of lowlifes!

My mind struggled to try and resolve the misunderstanding, but my body reflexively backed away—and soon I was leaning against the low railings at the edge of the rooftop.

“You are not adorable. I kill you.”

“Wait… w-wait. Wait! I-I was just trying to save you!”

All I had were questions—why was she holding a lead pipe? How could she move so inhumanly fast? But there was no time to ponder the answers.

Now that I think about it, I don’t know a thing about this girl.

Really. Why was I so drawn to her?

At that moment, someone grabbed me by the neck.

They yanked me back toward the railings. …In other words, someone had pulled me from beyond the rooftop.

“Hey there.”

It was a familiar voice.

I didn’t have to turn.

I only met him once, but once was enough to burn his image into my mind.

“Thanks for yesterday.”

It’s the psycho in white!

Of all the times… Shit!

“Yakumo. Doing what?”

The girl stopped and asked the psycho in white.

The psycho named Yakumo replied lazily.

“Oh, well. I was just passing by. But I heard the news. I heard about it all. And it looks like you did something ridiculous. Of all the people you had to kill, it was her dear friend. The girl she thought of as a sister. It’s ludicrous from any perspective.”

…A dear friend?

…A sister?

What the hell. She never said a thing! Not even when I killed her!

I tried to respond, but the pressure around my neck and the agonizing pain in the rest of my body would not let me.

“Maybe you lost your mind on this island, too. Or maybe you came to this island because you’d lost your mind to begin with. I am curious, but I wanted to repay you because you helped me get closer to her.”

…Repay me?

“Lilei plans to toy with you for days. It would be only decent to save you, but I can’t forgive you for killing Fei. I only met Fei recently, you know. So I decided to compromise.”

What kind of crap is he spouting—

“I’ll just make it quick.”

—————————————————

“Bye.”

———————?

————————————?!?!?!

What happened to me?

I felt myself rising—the world turned upside-down—

The second I felt myself floating, a powerful force began to pull at me—

The irresistible force known as gravity.

I’m falling.

Down. Down.

Strangely enough, I was calm.

It felt like time had slowed around me.

A moment later, the memories of the past few days bubbled to the surface in clearer detail than before.

The girl I killed. Her gestures.

I saw the way she moved as she pointed at herself.

Now that I think about it, something was familiar about those movements.

…Oh. I get it.

Sign language.

…Maybe that girl couldn’t speak.

And when she heard I was looking for someone she knew—

Come to think of it… that alley she was trying to take me to… It leads straight to… to…

Oh. Oh!

Ahahahaha!

It’s here! It led here!

To this building!

What in the world did I do?!

She wasn’t trying to trick me! She was trying to take me to Lilei! She was just showing kindness!

But I misunderstood and ended up killing her!

Ah. I see. I understand.

My god… that’s what happened…

…

…

…

Then I guess I deserve to die here.

Because I killed someone without a good reason.

So I must accept this agony!

Because death is my punishment!

Punishment for my misunderstanding!

…That’s right. Other than that, everything I did was in the right!

I didn’t do anything wrong! My life was an upright one!

I can die with that understanding! Therefore I must have done nothing wrong!

…

But why is the world… so… slow…?

Why am I remembering the past? I’d ignored it all this time.

…

Oh, I see.

So this is how it feels to have your life flash before your eyes.

But the last thing I saw was not my past.

It was the ground, rapidly drawing near.

A rainbow-haired man and a black-haired man taking aim at one another.

Oh. I understand. I’m going to fall between them—

My memories continued. Specifically, they chased after me.

This is my final memory, and here I will—

That’s right. I finally understand.

Why I was so drawn to her.

Why she looked so familiar.

I understand! I finally know!

Why she wouldn’t leave my thoughts.

It’s her eyes eyes eyes eyes eyes eyes

Endlessly murky and endlessly pure eyes eyes eyes eyes eyes eyes eyes eyes

The girl I killed… the CEO’s dead daughter had the same eyes eyes eyes eyes eyes eyes

A hallucination rises out of the ground ground ground ground

The girl I killed rises up and reaches out to me me me me me no no no no no no my body body body body I’m sorry! It’s my fault! I was wrong! I admit it! I’m sorry please spare me forgive me the arms pulling at me no please forgive me I was was wa—

But a hallucination had no capacity for forgiveness.

A second before I landed, her hand touched my cheek.

Her hand touched my eye.

And something hot leapt into my eye socket—

my stomach my chest at the same time

cant even recognize

ohgodit’ssohotithurtsI’msorryithurtsitburns

brainfirstmyconsciousnessatonce

—crunch.

-----

~My Heart-Pounding Nap Diary~

_______ __th, 2021.

I write diary. Write properly.

Misunderstand, Yakumo said.

Write properly. About yesterday.

Not-adorable person. Hurt Fei. Come to roof.

After die. Talk to Fei.

Fei cried. It hurt. She said. Died. She said. She cried.

I revenge. I promised.

No revenge, Fei in dark.

Break dark. With lead pipe. Happy.

So I broke.

I broke lots.

End. Yakumo dropped.

Died. Broke. Happy.

Sleeeeeep.

Fei happy.

Fei smiles.

We play. It is happy.

I sleep soon. Sleeeeeep. Hug. Hug.

-----

The rooftop.

Without sparing a glance at the falling figure, the ghoul in white shrugged.

“Was that nosy of me?”

Lilei shook her head.

“No. It is all right. Now it is.”

“I’ve never seen you kill someone so painfully before. Although I guess that’s natural, considering how much you cared for Fei.”

The girl seemed no different from usual.

Her voice. Her complexion. Her dead eyes. She was completely normal.

“He is bad dream. Break bad dream. Or not happy.”

“You can’t be happy?”

“Fei.”

“…I see. That’s sweet of you.”

The Killer Ghoul walked over to the stoic girl. He reached over between her flower ornaments and gave her a gentle pat on the head.

“It must have been hard on you, too. I think you could let yourself cry today, at least.”

“Why?”

“What do you mean ‘why’?”

“She is dead here. Not in dream. I see her anytime.”

Dragging her lead pipe loudly across the floor, she met the Killer Ghoul’s eyes.

“Adorable children. Must be happy. So Fei sleeps. Sleeps happily. With me. Always dreaming. So I kill. Not-adorable man. Breaks dreams.”

Then, she spun where she stood and walked over to the center of the roof—and with the lead pipe still in her grip, she sprawled out on the floor.

“So I sleep. Sleeeeeep. Hug.”

Seconds later, Lilei was snoring softly.

The Killer Ghoul, watching from a short distance, thought for a while. Then he came to a realization.

‘I see.

‘I always assumed Lilei couldn’t distinguish between dreams and reality.

‘But maybe she did try to distinguish between them. And maybe she concluded that they were one and the same.

‘So death doesn’t mean much to her.

‘Just like people don’t fear the void when they go to sleep.

‘Lilei isn’t scared of the deaths of others.

‘She’s trying to override the nightmares of her reality with her dreams.’

From a logical perspective, it might seem like simple escapism.

But having spoken with the girl many times after becoming her nap friend, the young man realized that the signs were there all along.

“You’re an assassin, right?”

“I am.”

“Was there anyone you were reluctant to kill?”

“No. But when Elder Brother said. Kill you. It was lonely. Bye nap friend.”

“…You were pretty merciless, though. …Then what about someone else? One of those adorable kids you love so much? Like your friend Fei?”

“Elder Brother do not ask. From beginning. I say no. He knows.”

“But if you won’t do it, someone else will.”

“I save. If I can’t save. I apologize. In dream.”

“…?”

“People die. Die someday. But it is dream. Wake up someday. It is same. But I sleep. Dream again. So it is okay.”

“In other words, you’re a sad girl who can’t distinguish dreams from reality…”

“Do not want hear. From Killer Ghoul.”

Remembering that exchange, the Killer Ghoul thought.

Sleep was like death, he had said to her, handing her the journal. The girl had tilted her head curiously.

To her, there was no difference between dreams and reality, no difference between reality and death. Perhaps there was no difference between death and sleep worth mourning. Perhaps dreams—the state of nothingness in sleep—were a second life for her.

Wasn’t that something terribly sad?

She did not mourn her friend’s death, saying she could see her any time in dreams.

Was that really ‘living’?

‘Even if she loses a loved one… can Lilei not feel that sadness?

‘That’s heartbreaking, isn’t it?’

Perhaps she was the most broken individual on the entire island.

The Killer Ghoul looked into the sleeping girl’s face.

“…”

She looked happy.

She was at peace, as she never was while awake.

‘Maybe she looks as indifferent as ever in her dreams, though.’

The young man sighed. Though he felt pity for her, he wondered quietly if he was being too conceited. He lay down in a corner of the rooftop and looked up at the sky.

Moved by the sparkling stars, he thought to himself.

‘But… there are lots of stories about dreams that get so real you can’t tell which is real and which is a dream.

‘Then maybe it’s not so bad to pick whichever side you prefer and make it your reality.

‘If nothing else, Lilei looks so happy when she’s sleeping. …yawn…’

The Killer Ghoul quietly fell asleep.

He simply let his mind fall to the void, without dreaming of anything.

As he did, he wondered if that really was death, and thought that he wouldn’t know anyway since he’d never died…

And in the end, two sets of soft snoring filled he rooftop.

As though the carnage and death from several minutes earlier had all been a dream.

-----

~My Heart-Pounding Nap Diary~

_______ __th, 2021.

Fei wake up.

Shadow hurting Fei. Gone.

Happy. Now we play.

Mom Dad here. Happy.

Everyone happy.

I beat dark.

Everyone happy.

Fei laughing. Adorable.

I hug. Hug.

Together forever.

So hug lots and lots. Hug.

Wake up. Yakumo pats head.

Adorable. He said.

Fei more adorable. I said.

“Yes. She is with you. More adorable.”

He said.

He is Killer Ghoul. But good person.

If dies, I take him. Take to dreams.

Sword woman. Take to dreams.

Will be friends. Friends with Fei. Everyone happy.

Fei is adorable. Everyone friends.

So everyone happy.

I smiling.

Today. I hug Nejiro. Lots. No escape. Hug.

Everyone adorable.

Everyone cool. Many people.

I am happy.

So I sleep. In peace.

I break bad dream.

So everyone happy.

I hug.

I hug everyone.

Why.

I want to write. Write lots today.

Want suddenly.

So now. I hug. Hug everyone. Right now.

First Nejiro.

Rats are adorable.

I hug lots and lots. hug.

Before. I stop.

Nap time. Walk with people in dream. Yay.

Good night. Hug.

-End Episode 2-

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