Fighting to be Kind in a Cultivation World

Chapter 373: No Regrets

Pain.

All I feel. Nothingness.

An eternity.

Stars.

…

Something is wrong.

I groggily open my eyes. Gong is gripping me, clasping her arms around me. Silently. Her eyes were wet with tears.

We sit in a tunnel, dark and chilled. No sound, no movement.

In order to not cause a fuss yet and figure things out, I stay quiet and don’t change my movements.

 The memory of the last few minutes is a blur. And the growing realization that I feel this way is terrifying. As my healing aura runs through my body, with my scan coming in with investigation into my condition.

I see surprising, but simple news.

I was knocked out.

Unharmed, but knocked out.

I can feel my teeth grit, letting my emotions show despite my normal reticence.

How did she do it?

How did she get through my soul strength, suppressing it in a way that didn’t harm me, but caused me to lose consciousness? Even though I have been able to maintain a form of consciousness even without a body or cultivator soul.  

On top of these thoughts, there is one realization that is layered within my body.

I’m lucky.

Lucky that, despite everything telling me otherwise, that Big Sis Crane spared me.

An obvious result, despite the blur of thought that is left after…

I quickly realize what I was going to say to Big Sis Crane. What wasn’t even spoken before I was knocked out.

“How dare you?”

…Yeah. That would have gotten me killed by anyone else. If only because of the disrespect to a higher realm cultivator.

As I think this, Gong finally acknowledges me being awake. Albeit, without moving even an inch.

“…You idiot man.”

This is no longer on the level of anger. All that is gone. What remains is fear.

Fear of loss.

…

…

The silence between us grows.

I already know that it was her that saved me. Whether it was through their relationship or words, it only would have been her.

So, there’s really only one thing I can say.

“I’m sorry, Gong. I messed up everything we planned.”

She says nothing to my words. After all, she’s the same person who was willing to sacrifice some of the very same people living in the demi-human contract, because of their conflicting interests.

Only because I pushed hard did she consent to including people such as the tiger demi-human woman, the boy with his necromancer sister, and others. Even in this, though, she’s a special case. Most wouldn’t have allowed even that, no matter what I said.

No wonder everyone hates my choice. To save those who almost everyone would say should die. People who have done real wrong in this city and a part of groups that would be distasteful to those in Big Sis Crane’s position.

For me to turn around and try to protect those people?

Unthinkable.

However, I’m still here. Me.

James Delinion.

And even with the fear of almost dying still resonating across my entire being, I realize the truth of this world in a wholly different way.

If you want change, you need to be strong enough to shut everyone else up.

Even those that are ‘on my side’, will stand in my way of this change.

I haven't needed to face this head-on, as my ability was sufficient enough to enable others to bypass those concerns. To ignore my ‘eccentricities, to maintain the benefit. But someone who is so high of a realm that even my abilities are a passing entertainment? All that I have and are could be removed… with a wave of the hand.

… I’ll be stronger.

Never again.

I raise my arms to delicately move Gong's from my chest.  

Hers tighten for a moment before releasing me. It seems she had shrunk to her original size to get as close as possible, while waiting for me to wake up.

I initiate my conversation scan to help with the clearly difficult conversation that is going about to happen.

“Hey… Do you want to talk about what happened?”

She freezes in place, before gradually shaking her head.

Looks like she’s the type to bottle things up.

I won’t blame her, though. She’s had to do that for a long time now to survive.

For now, I’ll just move on.

“Okay. Do you know where Ai, Lin, and the rest of the group went?

Another headshake. After though, her yellow-green eyes look up and to the right.

“It looks like they went back to the base. Our protected sector, I mean.

“I sent them away… just in case things didn’t turn alright with Big Sis.”

She pauses before adding something else.

“They didn’t want to go, but I convinced them.”

She falls silent again. Leaving some clear gaps in what happened. Of course, I use my scan to fill it in for myself.

It looks like it played out how she said, with one huge thing missing. I was knocked out by Big Sis Crane, but she made it look like I had fainted. Without even touching me.

And from what I can tell, when she brought me to Gong, she told her what I was about to say. And left a warning.

“I spared him this time. There will be no next time. Have him visit me later in the week. There were some things I wanted to handle, but now they’ll need to be put on pause.

“Have him prepared to heal.”

Well.

I suppose that was always going to be the reason she wanted me to come over here. In a way, it’s one way that I can still leverage my abilities to influence her. Maybe even one of the additional reasons that she kept me alive.

 “I understand.”

I fall silent, using my conversation scan to hit the timing right.

“… Hey Gong. I know this is a tough time now, but I’m really glad you are here. With me. Thank you.”

She tenses a bit, but then relaxes, giving a slight smile. Showing that my words are helping to release a bit of the building pressure within her.

“Me too, James.

“We’ll talk more a bit later, but you don’t know how much having you here helps me. It’s been rough lately.”

That’s a bit different than I was expecting. It sounds like there’s more going on that I don’t know of.

This is a good time for positive reinforcement.

I get closer to her again and pull her in for a hug. An easy endeavor considering she’s already lowered herself closer to the ground. Her arms tighten around my back, holding me close and nestling her head against my neck.

“Anytime you want to talk about things, I’m here. And we’ll be coming up with a way that we can always be in contact from now on. Okay?”

Her voice timidly comes out next to my ear.

“… Okay.”

We stay like this for a bit, just marinating in each other’s company. But soon enough, she pulls away. Maybe a slight holdout from her earlier frustrations.

I don’t say anything, letting her collect her thoughts a bit.

She’s the first to speak as she rises. Breathing out and re-centering.

“Is your group ready to see the other demi-humans in the underground section?”

Got it. Moving on.

“Mostly. They aren’t fully aware of the situation, but I’ve already run my scan to make sure they wouldn’t have overly negative reactions. As well as knowing the people themselves.”

With a quick nod, she moves down the tunnel we are in, likely toward the base.

“I’ll show you some things that have come up while you were gone.

I follow soon behind, with a feeling of apprehension growing in my stomach.

Time to see how deep this rabbit hole goes.

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