Fighting to be Kind in a Cultivation World

Chapter 56: Pain and Trauma

Going through the 1^st level of the farm relatively easily, I heal all the seeds that the spiders are to plant. While they will need more time to till the field, it is coming along well. With nothing left to do in this area, I move on to my next job.

Thus, I double back into the tunnels to head into the secret entrance to the lower, secret farms. Traveling along the walls towards the underground lake, I finally come across the entrance to farm. While it appears to just be a normal web covered wall, it actually is a dense tunnel of webs. There is enough space for an enormous spider, larger than Gong to go through, but only if we clear all the webs. However, it appears for normal usage, there is an easily clearable section within this already large, but obstructed web tunnel. Most likely this is for us to use in getting to this area. Using the spiders on the other side, I have them in the tunnel so I can go through.

They work quickly, showing me they made the tunnel to be torn down easily. Walking into this section reveals a sight similar to the one above, with a few major exceptions. Here, there are waters flowing from the walls. Some go between fields of dirt and back into rocklike drains placed on the other side. Others are stagnant pools. There are a variety of different versions of these two formats, including waterfalls and dams. There are even walls separating some, appearing to contain humidity and release it in others.

It is fantastical, with the lighting shining above from the thousands, maybe tens of thousands of light stones. The water flowing through the area and sitting in others, forms a swirling mist that seems like a living thing, swaying from one side of the cave to the other.

Its not alive, though. I checked.

And all around, spiders, both big and small, scurry around. Carrying items. Digging. Making supports, channels, and walls.

None of this was by coincidence.

With all the different types of planting areas, it is almost as if they knew how theses seeds should be grown. Not too out there, considering that we have the book that explains some concepts.

What IS out there is that the book was pretty large, but Im pretty sure it didnt cover the specifics of how to cultivate these for farming.

Feeling curious, I do a quick intuitive scan of the seeds stored here. Glancing over them reveals the different environments needed, are exactly what has been created here.

I do find some improvements on the designs, using my intuitive scan but not much, honestly. Whichever one of them planned this out, was able to figure out something from extrapolation, that I had to cheat to even get an idea on how to do.

Considering how they did the plan for the aboveground farm, figuring these out between their experiences shouldnt be too shocking, now that I think of it.

With that in mind, I head throughout the area, healing the seeds, like I had done at the first farm. After I completed this, I headed out.

Theres no real reason for me to mess with what they are doing. Leaving a message with a spider on the minuscule updates I suggest to make for the seeds, I head for the aboveground farms.

Surprisingly, it feels like it only takes a few moments to reach the main room of the caves. I take a look around for Gong, but true to her word, she seems to be busy in one of the distant tunnels.

What I do find, is Ai and Lin in their room. And as I come close to their room, I hear a peculiar conversation.

hes already become acquainted with the prostitutes What do you think is going to happen? Just look how he gets with Gong. Come on Lin, dont be foolish.

I hear Ais voice whispering throughout the main room.

Ever since I got to this world, its felt like my body has been improving at a remarkable pace. Far beyond my normal abilities on Earth. Great normally, but I REALLY dont think I should be hearing this conversation.

I begin heading in the opposite direction.

As I am moving away, I can hear Lin say, I get you, but hes not that type of guy and frankly he makes really poor and nave decisions. A lot of them. Many times, without regret. Theres no way I could start something with him with that type of mindset. Its one thing stay in the same area and work together, and another

That pauses me in my middle of my strategic retreat.

Wait. Lin? I thought she actually liked me?! And now shes saying that she wouldnt want to be in a relationship with me?

Okay, that was a li pretty cocky and messed up of me to assume that she liked me, just because I saved her and she was grateful to me.

Also, now that I think of it, how could I blame her on those critiques?

I certainly have brought more potential trouble than good. Even if it has turned out okay in the end.

Just because I healed her, doesnt mean Im entitled to her affections, gratefulness, or any shit like that.

Damn, though. It does hurt a little. My own fault for making stupid, white knight assumptions.

I tune back into the conversation, now fully listening to what they are saying. While keeping my scan on, to make sure no one sneaks up on me.

Gong and her spiders are working elsewhere still. Great.

bility is really important for us right now. You cant tell me that you arent feeling a bit naked, as well, being away from the alleys? As great as it is that we are here and safe with Gong, this feels almost wrong, how well things are going. Theres no way it will keep being like that. Especially if he keeps causing issues like this. Even if I do sort of like him, I just I cant rely on him. I cant rely on anyone. Uhm except for you, Ai.

I can hear the faintest exhale, as Ai responds.

Honestly, Im glad to be away from there, as well.

Regarding him, all of those quirks can be handled, though, Lin. Trust me when I say hes better than most men out there  at least, from what we can see.  

We just need to keep him under control and close to us, both physically and mentally. A guiding touch, that will keep him from doing something crazy or worse, uninterested in us.

Wait what?

Jiejie, you cant be saying Lins voice gets a little fearful.

There is a pause, but Ais voice comes out quickly, as if she was interrupting something else. Something not said.

Lin, I know you dont want to think about it, but we need to make sure that he has no reason to hurt himself or us. He already knows too much about us and if he does have that knowing ability, then the only way to protect ourselves is to train him ourselves. Imagine if he continues this way and mentions our name when hes away from us? If he gets captured by someone and they need bargaining chips?

Weve both heard the stories, of what happens to foolish people and the people they know.

He has almost no reason to stay with us. We all can see that he can do so much more, with or without us. We need to give him that reason, so we can still have some influence before he gets too far along. A strong reason, that every man has

Lin interrupts, her voice filled with anxiety and stress.

N-n-no Ai, he isnt like that hes not like th-

How do you know that? Youve seen the way he looks at Gong. He may be weird, but theres only a few places he was looking at and we both have them.

I can hear a sigh, rough and raspy.

Since hes not getting it here, eventually hell go to those prostitutes for it, instead.

This cant be going in the direction Im thinking of no fucking way. She cant think that

I can hear a twinge of sadness in her voice, as she continues. You know, Lin. Everybody wants something. Theres a reason why he helped those prostitutes, helped us, and helped Gong. I didnt see anything about him specifically helping any men Its clear he has motives, even if he doesnt realize it himself. We cant afford to lose him like that. Not right now.

I can hear heavy breathing and some whispers that are difficult to catch.

Look, he may be nice now, but what about later?

muffled speaking

It gets louder, after the missed words.

No, Lin. We dont have choice. Dont you see? Those abilities of his, they are our best chance to finally get out of here! To reach our goals. Who else could heal us completely? Who else can provide protection, at least? You know, we would have no chance with a cultivator doing that. At least with him, we can

Yes, youre right. Gong definitely could help us, but all it would take is an instant for him to take it away. You heard them!

Let me handle this. Once hes a little more under control, well well figure things out together. At the very least, he doesnt seem to be like Father.

Theres silence, though I hear sniffles.

Its okay. Its okay. Im scared too. Well make it through this. Together.

Suddenly, I can almost hear an unnaturally soft voice that somehow sounds like Lin.

Jiejie, I-Im s-so sorr

Shhh well be fine, Lin. Well be fine.

You alwa

for you, Lin, Im happy to do anything. I dont feel it, anyway. J-just let your Jiejie handle this.

Its quiet.

The sound only occasionally being broken by small sniffles. And the strangely discernable sound of a hand combing through hair. No movement, no other sound. Not anything.

Nope.

Nope.

Im going to have to think about this one. And how to unpack alllll the layers of how to deal with this.

Shit, man.

James, what have you gotten yourself into?

Im definitely not trained for this.

And I dont even want to think about the connotations of what they were saying. This is crazy serious stuff. Coping methods. Years of fucking trauma I dont even know.

Shit.

All I do know is if I avoid her, that will definitely make things worse. I just I just

I-I Im just going to focus on the job right now. Get above ground. Handle the farm. Come back down. Use tonight to fuckin A, I dont know. Come up with a way to make sure they know Im here to stay. That they dont need to do stuff like that. That Im actually someone they can count on. As a friend. Not as someone who just uses them.

You know, without reinforcing some really fucked up transactional mindsets.

Sigh.

This REALLY isnt some happy fantasy world. Fucking real world shit.

Dammit.

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