Getting Warhammered [WH 40k Fanfic]

"Scales, bone spikes, tough skin, gigantism, frog tongue, four eyes, fur, tails, bones, exoskeleton, extendable claws, feathers, clawed legs..." I could go on and on, listing every dumb and inconsequential mutation I've assimilated in the last three days but I won't, I know each and everyone down to the genetic level.

 

Just thinking back on what my palette turned into was somewhat depressed, who wants to eat mutated rats, insects, and what were once humans? I sure didn't but not having to crunch down on them bit by bit and not having to taste them sure helped. Quite a bit actually, I didn't even have to look at the meter-long rats with seven legs and five eyes.

 

Even if they didn't prove to be much of an upgrade aside from the thousands of new plagues, bacteria, and viruses I've got along with the antibodies to them they were good to have. I've gotten a much better handle on the human genome and how I could change it up to reach the desired effect.

 

Previously I've been mostly in the dark, instinctually reshuffling DNA and scissoring it together with other genes lie I was copy-pasting functions into a code but with these varied mutant samples, I could now write the functions themselves. Well, kind of. Trying to make entirely new mutations was a hit and miss but I knew it was possible.

 

Soon, I'd have diamond-hard skin with the same silky smooth touch and look as the one I had now. Goals have been set, now all I had to do was work towards them.

 

My cells became much more resistant to radiation too, which was a boon as Tyranids didn't quite give a damn about stuff like that, their immune system was so ferocious that it ate cancerous growth before it could spread to more than a dozen cells.

 

Combining that with the mutant's natural resistance to it was a great combination and I was feeling proud of myself for not lunging about in the last three days. I stood near the top of the governor's spire with a few extras I got since I killed the patriarch.

 

I knew a Melta or boltgun would be far too much to have so I opted for a pistol instead, this beauty was hiding under a pile of ugly bulky weaponry back in the stash the genestealers had hidden away. I went back after only finding shitty laspistols while hunting in the undercity.

 

 

This gorgeous little thing could shoot plasma. Real, honest to god, plasma and not some molten slag or concentrated flame. I was tempted to pick it apart and find out how it worked but considering the embarrassing number of laspistols that blew up in my face trying to do just that I needed more practice before doing that.

 

Despite being in this grimdark shithole I felt like a little girl in a candy shop, it was damned hard leaving a lascannon and a mealta grenade behind after I tested them out on some unfortunate mutant. There wasn't even biomatter left of him to absorb after the grenade which was less than optimal but cool.

 

Both of them paled in comparison to this Plasma Pistol though, this little thing that fits my small feminine hands so well could bore through several reinforced bulkheads. I instantly understood what people meant when they said 'Don't get between a girl and her gun' or something at that moment. I'd murder for this pistol, try me fuckheads.

 

It sat comfortably on the left side of my waist, strapped onto a utility belt and into a holster I made from Tyranid armor. A bit overkill but with it being in Kraken's blood red color it fit well with my white and black bodyglove. I took to expanding a chitinous shell over it whenever a shot or melee strike would damage it as it was by far the best clothing I've ever worn despite looking quite indecent.

 

 

I've thought about how to signal to the ship in case they didn't have sensors or decided not to send a shuttle or something down onto the surface. I could reconnect with the Warp, I could always use more soul energy anyway but I could also try sending some other signal.

 

Unfortunately, the few servitors or what I assumed were tech priests once before were in a far too bad condition to use telepathy on and I had no idea how tech worked here. I was sure there was real meaning behind the binary babble and whatever chanting tech priests tend to do to coax machines into working order but I couldn't even begin to figure out what without knowing said chants and binary code.

 

The Psychic option was there as a backup plan but I still couldn't make a viable plan to try before that. I stood out on a balcony, it was covered with barely visible glass to protect the one looking out from the violent winds this far up in the atmosphere and miraculously it survived all the battles that took place in this spire.

 

I fidgeted with the second and last trinket I prepared for this meeting, it looked like nothing extraordinary really, just a simple amulet in the shape of an 'I' adorned with a stylized skull in the middle. In short, it was a replica of an Inquisitorial Rosette, only a replica but I depended on them not even asking for it but then again it was good to be prepared.

 

I was also ready to grab whatever machine spirit would be checking out its authenticity by the balls and making sure it knew what to answer when people asked whether my trinket was the real deal.

 

I poured both soul energy and my internal energy into my eyes, enhancing them far beyond what I thought possible even a week ago and my vision shifted, focussed and then it zoomed in. Infra-red and ultraviolet light joined the visible spectrum in my vision.

 

I swept my gaze around, searching for the material representation of the soul constellation I saw so clearly with my soul's eyes. I found it without much trouble, the distance might be warped in the Warp but directions mostly said the same in such close ranges.

 

My eyes made out a dot, shining with infra-red light as it radiated heat in the void of space and I zoomed in further. I've been frowning for a while now, thinking about how to signal them or lure them down onto the planet but it seemed like I shouldn't have worried.

 

In original Imperium fashion, the only way to check out a fucked up planet not responding to your signals is to send a landing craft down and check it out with your flesh and blood eyes. Dumb as hell and dangerous but convenient in this situation, or they were just that confident.

 

 

I observed the small dot of a landing craft drift closer and closer to the planet, it was engulfed in flames as it broke into the atmosphere. When the flames died off it was close enough for me to make out details beyond its mostly black color and blocky shape.

 

Its side had some remains of painted golden lines and a white blob which I assumed depicted a skull once, it's always skulls and gold.

 

It was quite unimpressive really, especially to my eyes that wanted to see streamlined sci-fi ships already but had to watch this brutalist block float of metal float around. Its only saving grace was that the thing was probably more armored than nuclear bunkers back on my earth, seeing as it was as large as a two-floor family house despite only being a landing shuttle.

 

I watched the shuttle approach, flying closer and closer to the city but much to my annoyance it started circling the hive city. After spending twenty minutes glaring at the far-away block of irritation I decided to just wait, I was sure they'd land sooner or later.

 

I took out my fake rosette and glared at it, I had no idea how every single imperium tech could identify a real rosette and obey the commands of its holder. Well, I had some ideas but none of them had any solid foundation, I only knew that renegade groups could fiddle with the tech and that this made the rosette useless against them, but this took time and most importantly loyal tech priests.

 

After circling around a bunch of times and even going around the planet once the damned shuttle started to head towards me, probably because they had the same idea as me: if there was information on what happened here, it'd be in the governor's palace.

 

I watched on as the shuttle closed in on the landing pad located highest on the spire and consequently only a handful of floors beneath me. I had some doubts about its ability to hold that much weight but it was their life they were playing with.

 

I tucked away the rosette into a satchel hanging off of my utility belt on the right side of my waist. With that done it was time to meet these people.

 

By the time I reached the floor connected to the pad, they were already out of the shuttle which gave me just enough time to observe each of them before revealing myself. I didn't feel any of the stronger souls down here even though the Warp was a bit more fucky than usual around the people.

 

No, that wasn't quite right. It was less fucky than it should have been, it was somehow suppressed. What the hell?

 

Then I remembered the Grey Knights and their Wards, some sort of weird symbols that somehow suppressed demons. There should be Wards for psykers too, I didn't remember reading about those but then again I wasn't a lore nerd and I focused on Necrons when I read books.

 

Didn't matter, without psykers, I could use soul energy to observe them. My attention was easily drawn to the woman standing at the head of their formation, lithe battle armor covering her form and her shoulder-length black hair getting thrown about by the winds.

 

The woman had a severe expression that wouldn't be out of place on a military official but the man on her right fit that role much more. With a large burn scar leaving a fourth of his head bald and his gaze snapping about alertly, searching for any danger. He also had a big-ass gun in his arms and was almost two meters tall.

 

The last figure that stood out of the gaggle of well-organized and obviously well-trained military grunts was the large and unmistakable form of a tech priest. Nah, tech priests weren't three meters tall with only half of their face remaining organic, this was a much higher ranking than a tech priest, probably a Magos or even an Arch-Magos

 

Even though I disliked the mechanicum as a faction I knew some stuff about them as Belisarius Cawl was one of the best real scientists and inventors in the galaxy and I enjoyed his book.

 

 

Said underlings wore black tactical gear similar to what special forces wore back home but with weird helmets that had integrated green night goggles. I couldn't tell what sort of weapons they had but they looked to be in a much better condition than anything I've seen so far.