Gift of the Unicorn

9. Canary in the Coal Mine

It was a warm morning, and sweat ran down Iseut’s face as she took aim. Rohesia’s hands were on her arms, keeping them steady. Iseut took a deep breath and let the arrow fly. It landed right in the center of the target.

“Very good,” Rohesia said, patting Iseut on the back, “But go a little faster.”

Iseut grinned and nocked another arrow. It was a struggle to hold herself steady against the strain of the tense bow. She focused on her breathing and tried to draw forth her hunter’s instincts. Iseut let the arrow fly and it landed close to the first.

Rohesia nodded and said, “Your accuracy is getting better.”

“Thank you.”

“Try to go faster, though. One breath between drawing the arrow and letting go.”

Iseut frowned.

“I used to be so good at this,” she mumbled.

“And you will be again, with practice.”

Afterward, Iseut sat down on the steps of the hunting cabin and massaged her sore arms. She rubbed her fingers together, feeling the new callouses finally start to form. Iseut wasn’t as soft as she used to be, and that bothered her, but the familiar callouses were nice to feel. Rohesia sat down next to her, shifting uncomfortably. A gentle breeze blew hair into her face, and Ro shook her head aggressively.

“Should just cut this all off,” she said.

“I remember you with short hair,” Iseut replied, pulling the ribbon out of her own hair and letting it fall, “I was always upset. I thought, if I had long hair I’d never get rid of it.”

After a moment, Rohesia asked, “How did we not realize you were a girl this whole time?”

“Hey, guys can want long hair too.”

Ro chuckled.

“How are you fitting in?” she asked.

Iseut shrugged and replied, “Okay, I guess. People are slow to change.”

“Have you been talking with other women?”

Iseut furled her brow.

“A little. Why?”

Rohesia told her, “If you’re going to live like this from now on, you need practice interacting with other women, learning how we behave.”

“Ever the teacher,” Iseut teased.

“You were my best student.” She paused. “Nobody has been treating you poorly, have they? Because I won’t stand for anybody mistreating one of my own.”

Iseut chuckled. It looked like there was a bit of momma bear in Rohesia after all. As aggressive as she could be, she had a soft spot for the people who mattered to her.

“Ro, why did you never start a family of your own?” she asked, “I think you’d be a good mother.”

“Family isn’t for everyone,” Rohesia replied, frowning slightly, “I never wanted children of my own. People gave me a hard time for it.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t—”

“It’s okay. I have you,” she insisted, looking away, “Do you want children?”

After a moment, Iseut nodded.

“Yeah, I do. I just didn’t think that I’d be the one to carry them.”

Rohesia stood up.

“Be careful what you say,” she said, “People might think you’re starting to regret your decision.”

“Never,” Iseut insisted, standing up as well.

Iseut picked up her bow and the two began walking toward town.

Rohesia asked, “So what are you planning to do now?”

“I don’t know,” Iseut admitted, wiping the cold sweat from her face, “I’m not sure what to do next. But I guess I’m going to need to find a new place to stay.”

“Eventually,” Rohesia agreed.

Iseut continued, “Some new friends of mine said that they have a free bed.”

“Do you want that?”

“I… think so.” Iseut frowned. “But what if things are awkward between us? I used to be a guy until a week and a half ago.”

“The only way to make things better is to embrace the new opportunities fully. You need practice being a woman just like you need practice with your bow.”

Iseut stopped just outside the gate, and Rohesia stopped to look at her.

“You think I should take them up on their offer?” Iseut asked.

“If you don’t take advantage of the opportunities in front of you, they’ll slip away,” Rohesia reminded her.

Iseut nodded slowly.

“You’re right,” she said, walking through the gate into town, “I’ll ask them if they’ll let me move into the bunkhouse with them.” But her stomach was turning. “If this goes bad… can I move back in with you?”

“I’ll help find you a place where you’re comfortable,” Rohesia said, “But I’m going to ask you to stick it out for a week first. Unless it just doesn’t work at all.”

“I’ll try,” Iseut murmured. Then she asked, quietly, “Are you upset with me for quitting? I know you wanted me to take over the squad.”

Rohesia frowned and admitted, “I was a little disappointed at first, but the truth is I just want you to be happy, Iseut.”

A warm feeling bubbled up in Iseut’s stomach.

“Thank you,” she said.

“And Judd will just take over the squad instead,” Rohesia finished.

“Judd?! You can’t be serious!”

Rohesia threw her head back and started laughing.

That afternoon, Iseut returned to Aldith’s hut eager to learn more about magic. But when she knocked and entered the hut, Iseut saw Stace scribbling into a large book. Stace gave her a long glare that screamed “run!” but it was too late. Aldith closed the door behind Iseut and explained what they were doing.

“Some of the old books are fading,” she said softly with a smile, “They’re a few generations old. We need to start copying them onto fresh paper. I hope you have good handwriting, deary.”

Iseut sat down next to Stace and started muttering obscenities under her breath as she worked. Stace would occasionally glance her way and smirk at something Iseut said. Sometimes she’d mutter something back and they’d snicker, earning them a glare from Aldith on the other side of the room.

“Are you children now?” she asked suddenly, still keeping her voice even.

“No ma’am…” Stace mumbled.

“We’re sorry, owl lady,” Iseut added, and Stace burst out laughing.

Aldith was struggling not to grin herself.

She told Iseut, “I hope you’re not regretting your decision to accept my offer of apprenticeship.”

Iseut’s hand was getting sore, but she shook her head.

“No ma’am. Learning about magic this past week has… well, it’s really changed things for me,” she admitted, “Everything feels a little different now. I think I understand nature better. I want things to be different for me now that I feel like I’m more in touch with my spiritual side.”

Aldith nodded sagely.

Iseut continued, “I really appreciate that you’re doing this for me.” She paused to shake out her hand. “If not for you, I would probably have just rushed back into my old life as soon as possible. You really gave me a second chance.”

She could see Aldith smile softly across the room. The big-eyed witch closed her book and sat it aside, then stood up. Aldith walked over and sat down beside Iseut in order to inspect the work she was doing.

“How is your life going to change from this point on, then?” she asked.

Iseut felt her smile fade. She stopped writing for a moment. Both Aldith and Stace looked up to watch her.

“I don’t know,” she answered, setting the quill pen down, “I’ve been taking things one day at a time. I’m not sure what I actually want in the long run…”

Aldith nodded, then took Iseut’s hand and started massaging it gently.

“If you could have anything,” she said, “what would it be?”

“There’s so much… I wouldn’t know where to begin…”

“Anything, dear.”

“Anything I want?”

Aldith nodded, but Iseut squirmed a little and pulled her hand away.

“Well…” She got a faraway look in her eyes. “I guess I’d like to have kids of my own some day. Find a husband, get over my fear of being pregnant. I want to continue learning magic so that I can help the town; hopefully it will help me feel more connected to nature and the spiritual world. And maybe I could one day be as good a tailor as Hamon is. Is that enough?”

Stace answered, “That sounds perfect.”

Iseut smiled softly, then picked up her quill pen again to start writing.

“I never really felt like I had that kind of freedom,” she continued, “I figured that my life was basically decided for me already.”

“Well, perhaps the unicorn isn’t the only creature that got a second chance at life in those woods,” Aldith mused.

Iseut felt her cheeks start to get warm.

“Yeah, I guess that’s true,” she admitted, smiling softly to herself.

By the time Stace and Iseut were done for the evening, they had only made a small dent in the work they needed to finish. Both of them had hands that were too cramped to use. By the time they made it to the tavern, they were using their less dominant hands to hold their drinks.

“You really don’t regret becoming her apprentice yet?” Stace asked Iseut.

“She won’t scare me off that easily,” Iseut replied, grinning stupidly.

“At least it’s not as boring with you around.”

“I do make everything better,” Iseut agreed, “But I wanted to ask you something. Can you talk to your friends and tell them that I want to take them up on their offer?”

“Oh?”

“Yeah. I want to try moving in with them.”

Stace nodded, saying, “They’ll be happy to hear that. Are you sure you’re ready?”

“I think so. I have to try, anyway.”

She finished her drink and the green-eyed bartender came by with another one.

“You’re starting to get the hang of this, then?” Meggy asked.

“I think so,” Iseut replied as another man walked up beside her to get a drink.

Meggy turned back to the keg to pour another drink and continued, “You’re awfully brave for committing to this. I used to see you come in here every couple of weeks, and you’ve never looked as happy as you do now. It warms my heart.”

Iseut smiled, feeling blush return to her face. But the man who had come up to the counter scoffed. Iseut leaned away, closer to Stace who placed a supportive hand on her arm.

“Is there a problem?” Stace asked.

“Hann is right,” he said, “He’s a man and he needs to act like it. This behavior is going to confuse people. It’s going to confuse the kids. People can’t go changing between man and woman. It’s not right.”

Meggy placed the tankard on the counter and said, “Maybe you should take your drink and go.”

But Iseut wasn’t going to sit silently either.

“Maybe the best thing for children is to see that they aren’t stuck with the life that they’ve been given if it’s not right for them,” she snapped, “Maybe I’m just the first person to try something new and make sure that it’s alright after all.”

The stranger snorted.

“Everybody would be better off if things went back to normal,” he said.

Iseut just grit her teeth.

Meggy pushed the tankard into the man’s arms and ordered, “Leave.”

He glared at Iseut for a moment, then took his drink and walked away muttering under his breath.

“I’m sorry about that,” Meggy said.

“Yeah, don’t mind him,” Stace added.

“It’s not a problem,” Iseut insisted, “And… I mean that. It doesn’t bother me as much as I thought it would.”

“Really?” Stace asked.

Iseut took another drink and nodded, adding, “I guess it’s because… I won. I get to stay like this. Nobody anyone says can take that away from me. I just wish… he shouldn’t have brought in children like he did. It makes me worried for… if any of them decide…”

Meggy replied, “I’ve heard you don’t get along well with your father, kid, but Hann is a good person deep down. If someone’s kid said they’d rather be a different gender or no gender at all or whatever, he’d be understanding. I think he’s just… maybe too close to you to see what’s best for his own kid.”

“I hope so…”

Stace added, “People will change. They’ll see that you’re happier this way and the world isn’t ending as a result and they’ll just accept it. You’re going to have more than just my friends helping you out before long.”

Iseut whined a little and clutched her drink close to her.

“I really want to believe you,” she said, “But I’m nervous. This is all so new.”

“If nothing else, you have us to lean on,” Meggy assured her.

“I’m grateful for that much.”

Meggy had to attend to other patrons, leaving Stace and Iseut alone for the most part. Occasionally she’d stop what she was doing and listen in, even laugh accordingly. Iseut slowly found her calm again, and by the time she was finished with her second drink she felt fine again.

“Randel.”

The hair on Iseut’s neck stood up and she turned around slowly. A man about her age with a thick beard was standing in front of her awkwardly. She gulped and took Stace’s hand for comfort.

“Judd,” she said.

“Hello Randel—”

“My name is Iseut now,” she said.

Iseut felt another hand on her shoulder, presumably Meggy’s.

Judd took a deep breath and sighed.

“Okay,” he said quietly, “Morris is looking for you.”

Iseut felt her stomach turn over, and she wanted to throw up both of her drinks.

“I don’t want to see him,” she mumbled.

“Whatever,” Judd said, looking away, “I’ve done my part. I don’t know what’s going on between you two, but I don’t want any part of it.”

He turned and walked away. Iseut let out the deep breath she’d been holding. Stace leaned in and grabbed her in a gentle hug.

“Don’t worry,” she said, “Just focus on how you’re going to get a new place to sleep very soon.”

The next day, as Stace and Iseut were copying down more pages onto fresh paper, Stace confirmed to Iseut that she’d talked to her friends and their offer was still on the table. Iseut was relieved, then nervous all over again. They wanted her to move in that night. In a few hours, she’d be moving her things into an uncertain future.

“I’m not ready for this,” she told Stace, shaking her sore hand out.

“Yes you are,” Stace insisted, not looking up from her work, “At every turn, you’ve been ready. You just need confidence.”

When Iseut found herself standing in front of her packed chest that night, she was shaking.

“Are you okay?” Rohesia asked.

“I have to do this,” she replied, “I just don’t know if I’m strong enough.”

“You are.”

“I’m glad you believe in me. That means so much.”

“Do you need help moving the trunk?”

Iseut snorted and grinned.

“I guess I’d better get used to being vulnerable,” she said, “Please. It’s not… terribly far.”

Ro chuckled and picked up the chest without any difficulty. She followed Iseut out the door and through town. Iseut kept asking if she was okay. It felt weird not to be helping.

“Here we are,” she said nervously, stopping in front of an unfamiliar bunkhouse.

Rohesia sat the trunk down and turned to face Iseut.

“I’ll see you for our next training session,” she said.

“Yeah…”

Then Rohesia surprised Iseut by raising her arms to offer a hug. Iseut chuckled a little and stepped forward. They embraced, and it was tense and brief, and then Rohesia stepped away.

“You’ll be fine,” Rohesia assured Iseut.

She walked away, leaving Iseut alone in front of the bunkhouse. She clenched her hands into fists and knocked. For a moment, everything was still.

The door opened and Stace’s friend Eda was standing there. Her eyes lit up when she saw Iseut, and she swung the door wide open before stepping forward and grabbing Iseut’s hands.

“Come on in!” she cried.

The bunkhouse was nearly full. Wilmot and Jocosa were also there, sitting on a bed together. There were two other women in there, and when Iseut counted the beds there was one empty. Iseut tried to make herself a little smaller.

“I’m happy to be here,” she mumbled.

“Glad you agreed to move in,” Jocosa said. She briefly introduced Iseut to the other two women, who nodded curtly but said nothing.

Wilmot leaned over and rested her head on Jocosa’s shoulder, adding, “We promise not to be too loud while you’re trying to sleep.”

Iseut chuckled and sat down on the unoccupied bed while Eda dragged her trunk inside.

“So you’re the girl who used to be a guy?” one of the other women asked.

Iseut nodded.

“And you’re going to be staying here from now on?”

Iseut groaned, but Jocosa quickly shot back, “We asked her to move in, remember?”

“Thank you,” Iseut muttered.

“What’s it like, though?” Eda asked, sitting down next to Iseut on the bed, “And do you really like it better than being a guy?”

Iseut sighed and replied, “Yeah, I like it better. But I think I was always supposed to be a woman.”

“How do you know?” Wilmot asked earnestly.

“Um… I’m actually pretty tired. I could use a nap before dinner.”

“Oh, of course,” Eda said, standing up, “We can talk later.”

“Of course,” Iseut replied, but her heart sank. She just wanted to put this behind her. Now she really did feel exhausted. The next time she was at the shrine, she was going to need to pray for strength.

Iseut pulled her blanket from her chest and curled up on the straw mattress. She closed her eyes and tried to shut out the mutters around her.

“Is she really going to stay here permanently?”

“Should we even be calling them ‘she’? They weren’t raised a girl like we were.”

“Are you comfortable with this?”

“Relax. Stace vouches for her.”

“Stace is kind of weird, too. I don’t know how you three are friends with her.”

“At least she doesn’t live with us. This girl is probably weird too.”

“Yeah, okay, she’s a little weird, but it’s not her fault.”

Iseut shut her eyes tight to try and stop the flow of tears. This would get better, right? If she was patient, this would all pass. She had to believe that.

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