How To Survive as a Villain

In the Tyrannical President rule book, when you’re faced with the embrace of a young woman, of course the Tyrannical President must hold her tightly, and with an evil smile say: “Beauty, you asked for this.”

However, when Xiao YuAn, a former President, felt that someone got into his arms and started to undress him…

He!

He rolled over, and with a standard defense move, he grabbed the person’s arm by the wrist and twisted it over, pressing down the person’s head with his other hand, holding them down!

Holding them down!

Xiao YuAn’s first reaction after restraining that person was….

‘My path as a Tyrannical President is completely hopeless!!!’

That person, who was being held down by him, was also extremely stunned. With a trembling voice laced with hidden fear and tears, they said: “Your Majesty, Your Majesty, could you be a little bit more gentle?”

‘Huh, this voice was very soft, sweet and cute.’

‘But it’s a male’s voice!’

Xiao YuAn quickly released him: “Sorry sorry sorry, you scared me, that’s all.”

The young man slightly curled up: “This slave, this slave didn’t mean it, Your Majesty. Please don’t be angry.”

Xiao Yuan touched his forehead.

Suddenly, he remembered two important things.

Firstly, this Young Emperor, he’s a fucking cut sleeve¹!

Secondly, while he was taking a bath earlier, Hong Xiu must have asked him if he needed someone to sleep with at night!

When the young man saw that Xiao YuAn had been silent for such a long time, he thought that Xiao YuAn was angry with him. Panicked, he took out a rope from beside the bedside and said: “Your Majesty, don’t get angry, you can tie up this slave. Didn’t His Majesty say that he wanted to whip this slave with a ruler last time? This servant has the ruler ready, Your Majesty?”

Xiao YuAn’s head started to hurt even more.

‘I already knew that the Young Emperor was a cut sleeve, however, I didn’t know that he was an S²!’

‘Not only that, he was also born with the beautiful body of a Shou, but his heart was the one of a Gong³! He really dared to challenge fate like that?! So thoughtful! So innovative!’

Xiao YuAn’s strange attitude suddenly made the young man panic, he ripped off his own clothes, and then wrapped his hands and feet around Xiao YuAn’s body, hugging him tight. His clothes fell down to his wrists, and his smooth chest and shoulders were all exposed. Then, the young man’s voice trembled: “Your Majesty, this slave wants you so bad, please, give it to this slave.”

Xiao YuAn held the young man’s trembling hand and smiled slightly: “I won’t give anything to you, I will definitely not allow it.”

The young man became speechless out of astonishment, his panicked expression was somewhat broken and pale.

“Well then? Have you finally calmed down?” Xiao YuAn patted the young man’s head as gently as an Elder Brother would, and then reached out his hand to help him fix his clothes.

The young man couldn’t say anything, he was so scared by Xiao YuAn’s unusual behavior, that he froze in place.

“Hong Xiu, Hong Xiu.” Xiao YuAn called twice in a loud voice. Suddenly, a candlelight outside the Imperial bedchamber’s door flickered, and Hong Xiu pushed the door open.

Hong Xiu quickly lit the candles around the bedchamber, illuminating everything around them. After that she knelt down in front of the bed, and with a respectul voice, she asked: “Your Majesty, what’s wrong? Did this slave not serve you well?”

Xiao YuAn felt that the young man behind him suddenly shrunk, he was obviously shivering: “No, he’s very good. I’m the one that lost interest. Take him back and don’t forget to give him a reward.”

Hong Xiu nodded and waited for Xiao YuAn to lie down again. Then she blew out all the candlelights, and led the young man away.

Surrounded by silence, Xiao YuAn closed his eyes, but then opened them again. He subconsciously reached out to take his phone beside the pillow, but after half-way stretching out his hand, he silently withdrew it.

Xiao Yuan had a problem.

When he sleeps, he must be surrounded by the sound of other people’s breathing. In modern times, Xiao YuAn could use his phone to record and then play it when he needed it. However, the current situation made Xiao YuAn feel really helpless.

After unsuccessfully trying to fall asleep, Xiao YuAn sighed heavily. He sat up, rubbed his temples for a while, and then decided to go out for a walk.

The entrance to the Emperor’s bedchamber was heavily guarded, so after Xiao YuAn pondered for a while, he finally decided to go out from the window.

The two Imperial Bodyguards on the night-watch were stunned when they saw that a man jumped out of the Emperor’s bedchamber, rolled around on the grass, and then stabilized himself.

The two Imperial Bodyguards drew out their swords and then pointed them at the strange man’s neck

Xiao YuAn raised his head and looked straight at the two Imperial Bodyguards.

The swords in the Imperial Bodyguards hands clattered to the ground.

……

Xiao YuAn stood up and calmly removed the weeds from his head, then he patted the Imperial Bodyguards on their shoulders: “Comrades, you’ve worked hard. It turns out that the windows are also heavily guarded.”

The Imperial Bodyguards felt their knees going soft, and quickly knelt on the ground.

Xiao YuAn helped one of them to get up and then asked: “Which road is less guarded?”

The Imperial Bodyguard, while shivering all over, pointed his finger towards a stone path in the south.

Xiao YuAn nodded with satisfaction, and with his hands behind his back, he was about to walk towards the stone path.

The Imperial Bodyguards quickly shouted out to him: “Your Majesty, the night is too dark, if you go alone…”

“I’m happy to be alone, like the fluttering colorful wings of a Phoenix⁴.”

“But…”

“I pity the cold food of Qingming⁵. Can you talk less?”

“But…”

“Just let the Dragon City Commander fly away⁶. If you say another word, I’ll beat you up.”

After seeing that the Imperial Bodyguards were really afraid to say another word, Xiao YuAn couldn’t help but sigh with lament: “The 300 Tang poems, really are the crystallization of wisdom.”

With those last words, Xiao YuAn hummed a small tune and left, leaving behind the two Imperial Bodyguards, who were at a loss for words: “What are the 300 Tang poems…”

The Imperial Bodyguard didn’t deceive Xiao YuAn, the South side of the Imperial Palace was uninhabited. The moonlight was barely lost behind the clouds, and from time to time, it will spread a soft light, gently brushing on Xiao YuAn’s body.

It was the beginning of winter in the Northern Kingdom, and the wind was particularly cold; so Xiao YuAn, who was dressed in thin clothing, felt that he couldn’t bear it any longer. In the end, he decided to go back to his bedchamber. Just as he turned around to walk back from the same path, the dazzling sound of a guqin was suddenly heard.

Footnotes

1. 断袖 duàn xiù; The allusion to “cut sleeve” comes from the Western Han Dynasty [206 BC-8 AC]. Emperor Ai, because his sleeve was trapped under Dong Xiang’s body, and because he couldn’t bear to wake up his lover, drew out his sword to cut off his own sleeve. Later on, it was often said that Emperor Ai had a thing for getting his sleeve cut everytime he was mentioned, therefore, “cut sleeve” became a synonym for male homosexuality since then.
2. S = sadomasochism.
3. 攻 gōng; Used as a slang term to describe the Top on a relationship. Gong = Seme. The original meaning of the character is: To attack/to accuse/to study.
4. 身无彩凤双飞翼 shēn wú cǎi fèng shuāng fēi yì; A line from the poem《无题》(wú tí) “Untitled”, written by (李商隐 lǐ shāng yǐn) Li Shangyin [813-858], a poet from the Tang Dynasty [618-907]. The poem writes about the cut of nostalgia, the pain of longing, and the hate of not having the wings of a colorful phoenix, so you can fly over to your lover.
5. 可怜寒食与清明 kě lián hán shí yù qīng míng; A line from the poem《初入秦川路逢寒食》(chū rù qín chuān lù féng hán shí) “When I first entered Qinchuan Road, I met with the Cold Food”, written by (李隆基 lǐ lōng jī) Li Longji, personal name of the seventh Tang Emperor, Emperor Xuanzong [685-762], who reigned from 712 to 756. The poem refers to the day before the Qingming Festival, where the food is served cold. The Qingming Festival takes place between mid and late spring, it originates from ancestral beliefs and rituals of Spring rituals in ancient times. The two main themes of Qingming are: praying to the ancestors, and tomb-sweeping, which have been passed down in China since ancient times.
6. 但使龙城飞将在 dàn shǐ lóng chéng fēi jiāng zài; A poem line from the famous poem 《出塞》(chū sāi) “Out Of The Frontier”, written by (王昌龄 wáng chāng líng) Wang Changling [698-757] a writer from the Tang Dynasty [618-907]. This is a famous poem about a frontier fortress, it mainly describes the story of the Qin [221-206 BC] and Han [206 BC – 220 AC] Dynasties attacking the Huns, showing the hardships of the expedition outside the fortress and the heroic ambition of guarding the frontier. The Dragon City was also a frontier fortress used in the Tang Dynasty [618-907 AC] to defend against foreign invasions.

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