Chapter 58
Gu Cheng Yao didn’t know what was wrong with him. He’d suddenly thought of his first wife Gao Xi on this quiet winter night.
Gao Xi had passed away on a snowy winter day in the twelfth month the previous year. As soon as Gu Cheng Yao returned to the residence, he’d been informed that Shizi Fei had passed away.
What had he felt back then? He couldn’t remember, only how shocked he’d been at the time. He’d been prejudiced against Gao Xi due to the incident with the jade pendant and afterwards, he disliked her overbearing personality, so he didn’t want to see her even more. It wasn’t until she died of illness that snowy day did he realise the severity of her illness.
Before that, the entire time, he’d thought it was just a woman’s trick to blackmail him.
Everything Gu Cheng Yao knew about Gao Xi came from Granny Bu and Yun Hui. Most of what he heard all day long was about how Shizi Fei was once again throwing her weight around and how she was relying on her family background to bully the old servants. A gentleman should, of course, care for the elderly and help the weak. As a result, it was difficult for Gu Cheng Yao to have a good impression of his wife. After that, when news of Gao Xi gradually decreased, he began to think she’d realised that her tricks were useless and had stopped out of embarrassment. It was only much later he realised that Gao Xi had suppressed the news and prevented the servants from passing it on to him. However, Gu Cheng Yao never expected that the next time he heard news of Gao Xi, that it’d be about her death.
At that time, he stood in the hall as white snowflakes steadily fell onto his shoulders. Gu Cheng Yao stood in the wind for a while before slowly remembering that as he was about to leave that day, it seemed that a maid indeed came to him and requested he see Shizi Fei. He’d been in a hurry to leave at the time and avoided Gao Xi as he disliked her using such tricks to coax him back. So he hadn’t taken it seriously and sent her away. It turned out that it would’ve been the last time he saw Gao Xi, but he still hadn’t gone to see her.
Gu Cheng Yao finally went to the inner courtyard to see his Shizi Fei. Gao Xi’s courtyard was just as quiet and tidy as before, and he was completely unable to tell that its mistress was no longer around. Gao Xi had been extremely strict with how she managed her servants. Gu Cheng Yao had always felt that it wasn’t good for her to punish her servants so readily. But as he stood in the house where Gao Xi had lived, he saw that although the servant’s eyes were red, they didn’t dare scream or shout. They were messy but not disordered. He was amazed that Gao Xi’s reputation was so strong among her servants that even in death, no one dared to disobey the rules she implemented when she’d been alive.
That was how Gao Xi, unfavoured, fell seriously ill and remained bedridden for a year.
When the maids who were bustling around saw him, they lowered their heads and avoided him like he didn’t exist. Some of them were probably Gao Xi’s personal attendants. They looked indignant when they saw Gu Cheng Yao but were immediately held back by those next to them.
Gu Cheng Yao felt that he ought to see Gao Xi one last time. Those few maids were very unwilling and one of them even said, “When Shizi Fei was seriously ill, we didn’t see Shizi visit even once. Now that Shizi Fei has made up her mind and you have no relation with each other, why has Shizi decided to visit? Shizi Fei left peacefully by herself. Shizi, why are you disturbing her after death?”
The maid wearing silk was pinched by someone next to her before she could finish speaking and reluctantly shut her mouth, bowing her head angrily. Gu Cheng Yao had received a great deal of doting since young and had never been contradicted by someone like this before. The fuzzy and lingering sense of suffocation that wrapped around his heart since learning of Gao Xi’s death greatly reduced. He originally wanted to just turn around and leave. Who were these maids to provoke him? But he didn’t leave in the end; he had his attendant pull down the white cloth. Separated by life and death, he saw Gao Xi for the last time.
Gao Xi had always strove to do everything well. Even at a time like this, she had herself tidied up clean and proper, without any sign of weakness or sickness. Instead, her makeup was beautifully and vividly painted, as if she were just sleeping. Gu Cheng Yao merely glanced at her once, before having his servants pull the white cloth back up and leaving.
The shock from this last visit was beyond what Gu Cheng Yao, and even greater than what Gao Xi, had expected.
Since then, he continued to deliberately avoid Gao Xi’s death. In the mourning hall during her funeral, his father-in-law, also Gao Xi’s father the Duke Ying Shizi, carefully suggested remarrying his daughter. Gu Cheng Yao agreed without really thinking about it. He felt that he needed a new wife quickly. As long as someone held that position, all traces of Gao Xi would soon fade. Actually, he hadn’t clearly heard that day which one of Gao Xi’s sisters he’d be remarrying. It was only later that he learned it was Gao Xi’s half sister, Gao Ran.
Everyone knew what happened next. Gao Xi passed away and Gao Ran became his second wife. Gu Cheng Yao told himself that this was good. Everything had been restored to before the mistake he’d made and everyone was happy. This was enough. After Gao Ran married him, Gu Cheng Yao did his best to be good to her out of a sense of repayment that even he himself wasn’t aware of. Everyone thought it was because he loved her, and he almost felt the same way. But on this chilly, snowy night, as he listened to the wind that sounded exactly like it had on that day, he realised it might not be true.
He felt guilty and he was making it up to someone who didn’t know.
When he was young, Gu Cheng Yao often listened to his mother tell him about how she’d met his father. On almost a daily basis, as long as she had the time, Shen Shi would certainly recount how Prince Yan had saved her life and their burning, passionate love for each other. Actually, the details of Shen Shi’s story often changed, and Gu Cheng Yao didn’t know what was true and what was from her imagination. His mother really liked to read story books. She could hardly pull away from stories of gifted men with beautiful women, heroes with beauties, and often couldn’t differentiate reality from fiction. Although Gu Cheng Yao felt it wasn’t good for his mother to do this, at the end of the day, she was his mother. He instantly felt it was unfilial of him to think so.
At that time, only his grandmother, mother and him lived in the Residence. His grandmother would sometimes call him over to teach him, but not long after sitting down, Shen Shi would follow and stand to one side with tears in her eyes. She’d stare at him, as if she was afraid he’d be abused. Of course his grandmother was displeased. After reading but a few sentences, she had no choice but to let Shen Shi bring him back. After this happened several times, his grandmother rarely spent time with him anymore.
The effects of one’s childhood were invariably invisible and ubiquitous. When Gu Cheng Yao recalled the past as an adult, he felt that what his mother did hadn’t been very good. His grandmother, the previous Prince Yan Consort, was the di daughter of a literary family in the capital. Personally teaching Gu Cheng Yao history and classics was completely for his sake, but he’d still been unconsciously influenced by Shen Shi. He subconsciously felt that his parent’s love would overcome all obstacles, that gifted men and beautiful women could cross social divides, and that Prince Yan and Shen shi were together because he’d saved her life. So when the same thing happened to Gu Cheng Yao, he unconsciously succumbed to a kind of meticulous suggestion. He told himself that this was the right thing to do, so he married a complete stranger, someone whose identity, looks, conduct, and family he knew nothing about. When he later found out she was the eldest di granddaughter of the Duke Ying Residence who was worthy of Prince Yan’s family, he was pleasantly surprised and believed even more firmly that he was right.
It was just like a fated marriage in one of those mystical novels.
After Gu Cheng Yao spent the first month of his marriage with his wife, he suddenly learned that he’d identified the wrong person. In other words, his fated partner had been deliberately replaced with someone else.
It looked like this could be a story with twists and turns. If Shen Shi were to see this situation, based on her personality, she’d definitely cry for the pitiful heroine and resent the vicious sister who took the heroine’s place. Gu Cheng Yao’s impression of Gao Xi plummeted and he remarried Gao Ran after she died. If life were a play, this would be his happy ending.
In the month following Gao Xi’s death, Gu Cheng Yao felt a constant buzzing in his ears. He quickly arranged for the wedding despite knowing it would offend his father. It was only after Gao Ran entered the household the following month and the remnants of Gao Xi’s presence quickly faded, did Gu Cheng Yao feel a bit better.
Everything was back on track, as it should be. It was just a pity that his father couldn’t make it to one of the most important days of his life. Then one day in early spring, as the ice was melting and the air carried a distinctive feeling of dampness, his father, who’d been away for many years, finally came home. Gu Cheng Yao personally went to greet his father’s attendants. When they entered the residence, under the bright red winding corridor, he suddenly saw a slender and quiet figure facing him. At the same time, he heard someone shout, “Sister Xi.”
Gu Cheng Yao’s blood froze. Immediately after, he saw the woman slowly turn around, her skin pale as ice, white as jade. This was the first time in his life seeing someone so lovely, her gaze ice-cold and indifferent. He didn’t know if he was relieved or disappointed. Oh, it was Lin Wei Xi, a woman he didn’t know at all.
From then on, this Lin Wei Xi seemed to suddenly enter his life, vivid and full of life, and showed up almost everywhere. Whenever he entered a room, he always unconsciously searched for a trace of her. He watched her go from snow-white plain clothes to high buns and bright, beautiful dresses. She became his stepmother, his father’s Princess Consort.
Gu Cheng Yao knew his actions were utterly outrageous, but he couldn’t help feeling ridiculous. Her every move, her every word and action, even a slightly raised eyebrow or glance all felt incomparably familiar to him.
“Shizi? Shizi!”
Gu Cheng Yao suddenly snapped back to reality. He saw Yun Hui looking at him worriedly, concern clearly reflected in her eyes.
He suddenly wondered if Lin Wei Xi was this loving and gentle when she spent time with his father in private. In his memory, Gao Xi had always been refined and honourable. She was almost never gentle and thoughtful of her husband, neither did she seem concerned about how he was doing.
Yun Hui noticed that Shizi seemed to be thinking of someone else. She’d painstakingly dressed herself and even purposely changed into seductive clothing that showed her breasts, putting perfume on her body. Shizi was alone with her, yet he was spacing out? Yun Hui felt anger and shame amidst her discouragement. Who in the world was the person who could cause Shizi to worry so much?
Gu Cheng Yao truly wasn’t thinking about Yun Hui in a positive light. He suddenly remembered that on the night he and Gao Xi married, Yun Hui broke into their bridal chamber. Gao Xi had fluttered her eyes and with a few words, scolded Yun Hui so badly that she was unable to lift her face. The next day, Yun Hui naturally came to complain to him with tears in her eyes. He also felt that Gao Xi had been too tough, not at all like the ideal gentle wife. Now, Gao Ran fulfilled every aspect of the virtues of a wife advocated by scholars. Even if Yun Hui provoked her, Gao Ran would bear with it. It should be a good thing that his wife was sensible and generous. Yet he was now suddenly wondering what Gao Xi would do if it were her?
She would have definitely long since blocked the door to the study room, not only embarrassing Yun Hui, but even he would probably not be spared. Gu Cheng Yao smiled as he thought that, and his smile faded as his long buried feelings of pain surged, prickling and sharp as needles.
It was yet another year of heavy snowfall, and it had been a year since Gao Xi passed.
Yun Hui watched as Shizi stared at the same spot without moving. He was obviously thinking of someone, and smiled gently in the end. Although he was smiling, it was a very wan and distraught smile. Yun Hui was astonished. What was happening? She was beyond bewildered when she suddenly heard him say, “I don’t need you here. You can leave.”
Yun Hui was immediately dragged back from her wandering thoughts, clearly surprised, “Shizi?” Seeing that he hadn’t moved, she immediately felt wronged, “Shizi, it’s already so dark outside. If this servant goes back now, it may alarm the other servants. Besides, you can’t have no servants to serve you. Shizi, if you dislike it, then this servant will wait outside the room. This servant will come if you have any instructions, and will definitely not disturb you.”
Gu Cheng Yao thought that it was indeed quite late. Yun Hui was someone he’d grown up with and he couldn’t bear to leave her out in the cold wind, so he said, “Then, wait on the other side of the folding screen. I can help myself. I don’t need you for anything.”
Although she’d been chased out of Shizi’s study room, she fortunately didn’t have to go back. Although Yun Hui didn’t really want to, she softly answered in affirmation. At this time, the inner courtyard would’ve already locked its doors. If she went back now, she’d definitely disturb the maids and grannies in charge of guarding the entrance and the keys. If that happened, with so many people making a racket, the news that she’d been chased out by Shizi after going to serve him would become widespread. Fortunately, Shizi gave in to her. Although she hadn’t succeeded in becoming his woman, her dignity was still intact. She was truly relieved.
After Yun Hui left, Gu Cheng Yao was the only one left in the room. He sat at his desk for a long time without turning a single page of the book in his hands. In the end, he couldn’t bear it any longer and put down the book, walked to the window and forcefully pushed it open.
Cold wind immediately whistled into the room and the air, carrying fluffs of snow, caused the candle flame to dance under the lamp covering. Gu Cheng Yao stood amidst the wind and looked out the window at the tranquil sky and the snowy ground that glowed under the moonlight. He stood still, lost in thought for a long time.
The lights were on in Gu Cheng Yao’s study. If he headed North from there, he would see that the largest and most magnificent courtyard in the Prince Yan Residence was also constantly lit.
“Taicu Judui is the Taicu men, and Yinde Jugan is the Yinde men. The first general on the right, the line can be water, the black flag banner, is for the Jingmen◇.” After Gu Hui Yan explained it, he asked Lin Wei Xi, “did you understand what I said?”
◇
She pursed her lips and stared for a long moment before finally shaking her head in despair, “No.”
“Shoushan Pavilion is a series of ten books that describe plots, military formations, memorial addresses, divination skills, etc. Without Qimen Dunjia◇ as your foundation, it will be extremely difficult to understand these.”
◇
Lin Wei Xi thought to herself that this was beyond extremely difficult. She didn’t understand it at all.
She already regretted it. Why couldn’t she have a normal conversation with Prince Yan with this little time they had. Why did she have to give herself trouble?
But Prince Yan was a careful person and a meticulous planner. He felt that although his student’s foundation was a bit lacking, he’d definitely make Lin Wei Xi understand after trying a few different methods. So he picked another book from the bookshelf and considered starting from Qimen Dunjia.
Lin Wei Xi got a headache the moment she saw the thick ancient tomb. She watched Gu Hui Yan put the book on the table and move to take another brush in a manner that screamed ‘don’t give up even if you don’t understand’. She panicked. She didn’t care if it embarrassed her, she hurriedly reached across the table and tightly hugged Gu Hui Yan’s waist, “my Prince, it’s already dark outside. Let’s take a break and do something else, alright?”
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