I Don’t Want To Be An Ojakgyo

After her warm shower, Shuraina's skin was tinged pink. The tips of her fingers, nose, ears, and even her lips. Shuraina's skin was milky white from all the time stuck in her room with her curtains shut. Her body still had a bit of steam coming off of it thanks to the steam in the restroom.

Yves handed Shuraina a cup of warm milk. Then, he led her to the bed and began drying her hair with a towel.

"Yves, you look really sleepy."

"I'm usually asleep at this time."

Shuraina sat facing Yves as he dried her hair. She just stared at him. She sipped on her warm milk and looked at his downturned silver eyes. For some strange reason, he was trying to avoid her gaze.

Shuraina began to feel sleepy as she sipped on her milk. Her head began to nod slightly. It didn't help that Yves' hands felt nice and comforting as he dried her hair.

"Shushu, are you sleepy too?"

"Yes, I feel kind of drowsy."

When her head began to nod off near his chest, Yves stopped drying her hair. Her hair was pretty dry at this point, anyway. He carefully raised the white blanket. It rustled slightly. He gently laid her under the blankets and laid down next to her. Yves stretched his arms and hugged Shuraina's thin body tight. He liked how he could smell himself on her.

"Ooh…. That's nice."

Yves pressed down on Shuraina's neck and back and gave her a massage. He stared at her small back and how she laid on the bed. The white pajama dress contrasted nicely with her pinkish skin.

Yves had a line that he tried to keep between her and himself. No matter how physically close he was to her, he never put his lips on her. He thought that he was strong and able to hold on, but his confidence began to show little cracks here and there.

He put his nose close to Shuraina's skin. He could smell himself again. Her body was warm. Without even realizing it, Yves put his lips on the nape of her neck.

"Are you a mosquito? Get off."

"But you're so sweet. Don't turn your back on me. Show me your face."

His tone was a bit desperate so Shuraina turned around. He could see her annoyed, sleepy face as soon as she did.

"I know that you like touching to get some emotional comfort. And I'm kind of familiar with the touching that happens between the two of us. But let's not touch each others' necks, backs, or the insides of our arms with lips, please."

"Why?"

When Yves became even more tenacious for a response, Shuraina's scowl deepened.

"It just feels weird. And it makes my feelings weird too."

"It feels weird? How?"

He wanted to keep asking how she felt. How would she react if he touched her here? What would her feelings be? Yves thought, before catching his breath and stopping his actions.

Again. He kept losing bits of his patience and mind as time passed. He was scared that he was going to make Shuraina do as he wished because of his unseemly selfishness. He didn't want to be part of a relationship that made things difficult for Shuraina. Whenever he caught himself, he was pushing Shuraina into a corner because of his selfishness. If he didn't keep his guard up, his greed seemed to beat down his mind.

But Yves still didn't let Shuraina go. He couldn't stop himself. What was he going to do? This was a problem.

While Yves was quiet and internally panicking, Shuraina watched as she did exactly the same thing. She hadn't shown it while Yves kept taking chances here and there earlier, but she was panicking too.

He was even worse after not seeing her for a while. She kept feeling like she was getting swept up into his pace. She allowed touching once, but now the range of it had gotten so broad that it beat most lovers in how intense it was.

Shuraina liked Yvnes, as one human to another, so she wasn't as bothered by his actions as much as Yves worried about. She could let him hold her for his emotional comfort. But licking her body was weird, unlike a hug. They weren't even lovers–it didn't feel right. And it wasn't that big of an issue, but….

"I feel like I'm being eaten by an octopus. And I feel like there's a worm in my stomach."

"……"

"Don't do anything rash and just sleep. It's tickly."

Meanwhile, Shuraina was such a lovely person to Yvnes that he couldn't even dare to do anything rash. He forced himself to remove his mouth from her and rested his face on her shoulder.

"Can I kiss your forehead?"

"You did it to my lips before so no. But why did you do it that time? When you returned the royal heirloom to Noirelle, I mean. For your request to be a peck on the cheek….. A peck on the cheek….. So childish."

Shuraina thought about what had happened when they returned the heart to Noirelle. The time when he promised to give her a peck on the cheek but had kissed her on the lips instead. She had been pretty flustered.

Yves laughed lowly at her sleepy voice.

"If a peck is childish, then how about a kiss?"

Shuraina opened her eyes at the word 'kiss'. Her usually sharp scarlet eyes were gentle with sleep. She just threw him a look before she closed her eyes again.

"…….get it together. You've been acting weird from earlier. Do you like me or something?"

"……"

Shuraina shrugged her shoulders at his quiet reaction and yawned widely.

"Or not. If you don't like me or anything and we're not lovers, then this is all confusing so stop. It's baffling. I'll let go of the hugging."

If she slept right about now, would she wake up during lunch tomorrow? She hoped that her schedule would go back to normal. Shuraina found this entire situation awkward, so she turned away before she remembered that Yves had asked her to face him and turned back around.

She rested one arm on his waist and began to pat him, just as she did her younger siblings.

Yves just watched Shuraina as she fell asleep quickly. Early morning had passed, and the sun was going higher up in the sky. He didn't like the look of sunshine on her skin, so he closed the curtains. When darkness reigned supreme in the room once more, he was satisfied. He put his hand on Shuraina's face once again.

Every single feature of hers was adorable. Her entire face was delicate. Yves held out a finger and brushed across her face, starting from the top of her face down to the edge of her chin. His finger wandered around her chin before stopping at her lips. Yves brushed his finger across Shuraina's lips, which poked out like a bird's beak.

He pulled her closer and trapped her in his arms. He stretched his hand out to hold her face gently in his hand. Yves pressed a kiss onto Shuraina's sleeping lips. He kissed her desperately, as if this was the last kiss he would ever have in his life.

"…..eugh."

Shuraina turned in her sleep and, in the end, turned around. Yves just moved her on top of him.

"….."

Yvnes stared at her face as much as he pleased. She had been avoiding him, so he had been desperate to see her. He was quenching all of that desperate need right now.

He was ashamed of his actions. He had no idea he would act like this towards a sleeping person. No, he hadn't ever believed that he could love anybody. His past self couldn't even begin to fathom himself truly falling in love with somebody. He had felt like throwing up whenever he imagined himself doing so. Jealousy, hatred, and vengeance were completely on the table, though.

'If you don't like me or anything and we're not lovers, then this is all confusing so stop. It's baffling.'

"If I like you, you say……"

Yves muttered what Shuraina had said earlier before smiling. If it was just a simple 'like', then it would be a completely different story. How nice would it have been if I had just simply liked you–just purely liked you? If I hadn't grown up under the Lunaasha and had grown up in a normal, loving environment, and if I could be the kind of person who could purely love and respect and care for you? How nice would that have been?

He loved her, but he wasn't prepared to completely take responsibility for her. He was scared. The kind of fear that was deep-seated and was still rooted firmly in the present. If he acted solely based on affection, his fear-laden mind began to fear getting closer to her.

He cared for her a lot. He wanted to make sure she had someone who was better than him. He wanted to hand her to someone who was the best person in the world and beg them to take care of her, to make sure she never got a single scar and was treated preciously. But of course, it was her decision to choose who she loved, and Shuraina was strong enough to take care of herself without being handed to anybody. But he just wanted her to stay pure.

He couldn't ever imagine himself being by Shuraina's side. He could never let Shuraina in because of his own problems. He had grown up with brutality as his fuel. His greed and cruelty even reacted to Shuraina sometimes. Even if he didnt' show it.

She had plenty of people by her side who would put her happiness as their purpose in life and treat her as preciously as she deserved. She had a lot of people who could suit themselves to them. No, match each other and love each other deeply.

Yves knew that he was an unstable person. He was twisted somewhere, like Swanhaden of before. He couldn't trust people. He believed that nobody could be by his side forever. He could never be by anyone's side, after all.

But, for some strange reason, he wanted to tie himself to Shuraina–with not even an inch of space between them. He was too tainted to ever become as pure as her, so he wanted to dye her in his colors and tie her to him. He didn't want to be betrayed by her. He didn't want to betray her. He wanted to become one with her in thought and body.

Yves tried to distance himself from Shuraina, but he kept getting pulled back to her by her warmth. He hated how she pushed him away, but he was grateful for it. If she tried to pull him in, he would crumble right then and there. He would act selfishly and try to take her for himself if that was the case.

He was anxious.

'I'm scared that I can't take anything back.'

His twisted obsession, jealousy, and desires. His gaze was a mixture of tumultuous emotions before it dimmed.

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