I Don't Want to Be Loved

Chapter 186 – Good and bad seeds

Translator – Yue

“I’ll make sure to look after Her Majesty the Queen… so please rest assured and don’t worry, Your Majesty”. Mrs Cessly said in a respectful tone.

“It seems like I’m in debt with you and Basil”. Igor said with a bitter smile.

“All I’ve done was to follow after the Grand Chamberlain, Your Majesty. It was thanks to his efforts that Her Majesty the Queen changed her mind. In the end, truth makes everyone change their mind. Please, don’t be impatient and give Her Majesty some time”.

Hearing Mrs. Cessly genuine worry and subtle warning, Igor smiled softly. He was relieved to know that she’d be in Rihannan’s side. He knew Mrs. Cessly would take care of Rihannan’s deep wounds.

***

Mrs. Cessly knew about the current tense situation. In the following days, she didn’t mention Rihannan Igor’s name, ignoring the King and paying all her mind to Rihannan’s wellbeing.

Rihannan wondered if her own mother would have taken care of her like Mrs. Cessly did during this difficult times.

“Thank God” Mrs. Cessly sighed, relieved. “Your morning sickness is not as terrible compared to the one I had. Mine was so bad I vomited blood!”

“Actually… me too…”

Rihannan was about to talk about her morning sickness, and how terrible it was, but she stopped herself before uttering a word. In her previous life, her morning sickness was unbearable to the point of not being able to eat properly, but on this life, her condition was much better.

The more she thought of this, the more her mind wandered around the notion that this baby was different. She was pregnant, she conceived, but this was not the same baby.

“I’m glad it hasn’t been as hard for me”. Rihannan smiled bitterly. “When I was on my mother’s belly, I heard her morning nausea was terrible, simply unbearable. Luckily, this isn’t my case”.

“Although there are instances in which mother and daughter have similar morning sickness, that isn’t always the case. It can also vary between the first and second baby. A woman’s body is truly astounding and full of wonders, don’t you think, Your Majesty?”

“…you’re right”.

Rihannan lowered her gaze and peacefully looked at the flower-painted teacup.

This was for the better.

If it had been the same baby she’d lost in the past, it would be harder for her to leave when the time arrived. She’d have given that baby all the love she could muster.

It wasn’t fair, but she’d leave this little one behind. When the time came… it would be really hard…

“My Queen, I heard the law act has been approved. I’m sure you feel relieved”.

Rihannan smiled a lightly. “I’m surprised, too. I didn’t think that project would be approved so quickly”.

“It was the perfect moment. Many nobles were in trouble after losing their dignity and states due to gambling. There was also the pressure from people who benefited from gambling. But, the law project would not have been approved so quickly had it not been thanks to Your Majesty’s efforts.”.

“I think using my father’s case as an example was quite effective. No noble wants to end up like him. Even with the establishment of a new law act, it’s better to give out realistic examples as a warning, though I never imagined using his death for something like this”.

“I found out he took the decision of ending his life due to the debts he’d accumulated. If you didn’t feel anything for him, you wouldn’t have proposed this act”.

“…I only wished for him to go on living normally, that was all”.

Rihannan did wish for her father to have a normal life. She knew her father was angry at her, maybe even hated her, but at least… she wanted him to live a good and honest life.

She didn’t know what ending he’d had in her past life. Perhaps they had a happy ending, Leticia and him. Maybe they’d achieved all they wanted. However, this life was different. Leticia became the wife of and old decrepit man and another man’s lover. She had an unfortunate childhood. And her father… he committed suicide with a poison similar to hers.

“…”

Rihannan suddenly realized something.

Two people were dead due to poisoning. Was this a coincidence? TaKing into account that Leticia was the one responsible for her death by poison… maybe… she ended her father’s life?

“Mrs. Cessly, maybe you’ve heard anything about my father’s death? As you know, I was in Chrichton at that time, so I never knew any details”.

Mrs. Cessly tried remembering. She was silent for a while, then shook her head. “I’m sorry, my Queen. After expelling Count Alessin from your property, he didn’t step foot on politics. I’m not sure what happened to him afterwards”.

“…I see”.

In her past life, after the discovery of the Arch Stone, her father became known as the richest man in Arundell, his power and rank within the nobility growing considerably. He was so powerful he could easily influence many political debates. But on this life, he lived a life of poverty before ending up with a sad and tragic death.

…if his death had been caused by Leticia, his beloved daughter, how miserable it must have been to die at the hands of the daughter he loved more than anything else in the world. In a certain way, it was an appropriate finale.

“Mrs. Cessly, do you remember that noble lady that was alone with me during Duchess Sofia’s birthday party?”

Mrs. Cessly nodded. “Yes, I remember her”.

“Leticia Olbach. She is my sister. We have the same father”.

Mrs. Cessly put down her teacup, startled. “Oh, my God… did you meet her by chance?”

“It didn’t look like a coincidence, but that’s not important”.

“Why isn’t it important, my Queen? It isn’t normal if she approached you with evil intent in her heart. I knew it. I suspected it from the beginning. Besides, that bighead also asked if the wife of Viscount Olbach went to the ball. I never imagined she was your sister”.

Rihannan realized Igor was aware of the situation, but that didn’t matter anymore. Even if he met Leticia again and fell in love… nothing mattered anymore.

“I guess it’s hard for people to change”.

Rihannan could never understand Leticia. From the moment she came to the mansion, she’d always viewed Rihannan as an obstacle, an enemy that had stolen everything away. It didn’t matter to her that the riches and luxury did not belong to her father, but Rihannan’s mother.

She’d stopped trying to understand Leticia long ago. And now, with the current situation, she couldn’t understand her either.

Rihannan thought Leticia would change if she was brought up in a different environment. In her past life, she’d given Leticia all she wanted, an on this life, she took everything away. Perhaps both choices had been a mistake…

“My Queen, do you remember the last conversation we’ve had at the ballrom?” asked Mrs. Cessly upon realizing Rihannan’s somber visage.

The conversation revolved around a book by Professor Laghman. Rihannan nodded.

“We talked about the type of environment one ought to have to become a good person, capable of contributing to society. However, I have a slightly different opinion. Even if poisonous plants are sometimes used for maKing medicine, that doesn’t change the fact that they’re still poisonous. Even if said plants are lucky enough to be carried by the wind into fertile soil with lots of sunshine, that won’t make them change. They’ll still be poisonous plants”. Mrs. Cessly smiled warmly and continued. “On the other hand, when good seeds are planted into safe and fertile soil, they’ll bloom brilliantly. Of course, I believe there are people capable of change, while others are not. That’s why, my Queen, I don’t think you have to worry too much about your sister and… what about His Majesty?”

Suddenly, tears started falling from the corner of Rihanna’s eyes. Mrs. Cessly quickly wiped her tears with a handkerchief, surprised.

“My Queen, did I make a mistake with my words? Please, don’t cry, my Queen”.

Rihannan couldn’t help her tears from spilling.

Mrs. Cessly hugged Rihannan and gently patted her back. Inside the arms of the duchess, Rihannan let out her tears. Perhaps Mrs. Cessly didn’t know it, but her words eased the problems that plagued her heart. Just like Mrs. Cessly said, there was no need to repeat a life full of suffering in an attempt to fix everything.

Rihannan wanted her sister to be a good seed. She wanted them to somehow be able to life together happily. She hoped for the wind to take her to fertile lands, where she could bloom into a beautiful flower that allowed the bees to carry her pollen to other flowers. She wanted her to be a flower that could help others, the ones in need.

She wished for that.

***

When Leticia arrived at Count Clovis’ mansion, the servants grew tense and silently bowed their heads. After seeing Leticia boldly grab a maid by the hair, they were afraid of looKing her in the eye. It didn’t matter what they thought of her, they couldn’t do anything due to fear.

Leticia smiled with satisfaction.

Whenever she saw the people who’d previously looked at her with disgust kneeling down, she felt quite the stimulating sensation.

She went to Count Clovis’ office with a smile on her lips. While she was lost in thought, she bumped into a man that was exiting the office.

“Oh, my apologies. Are you alright, lady?”

The man had a pitiful appearance. She could tell his clothes were torn and dirty with a simple glance. A black robe was covering his body from head to toe.

As the man reached out his hand to her, Leticia furrowed her brow.

“I’m alright, just get out of my way!”

Her words were filled with disgust. Meanwhile, the man’s lips, which were visible under the hood, slowly curved into a smile.

“I’m sorry, it seems like I’ve startled you”.

Men usually praised her. That was the usual reaction whenever she met any man. Leticia was aware of her beauty and she’d grown accustomed to the melodic, praising voices of men. Because of this, she became wary of this man’s strange words.

He looked like a beggar, but nonetheless treated her haughtily, in a way that showed his contempt.

His robe covered all his body, but he gave out a strange vibe. His body was slightly bigger than the average Arundell man, and his hair, which was lightly exposed through his hood, had a color common in the north.

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