I, Your Father, Carry a Big Stick

Chapter 27: I, Your Father, may not be Your Father, but I am Your Dadi

“Hmmm~?”

Though he had originally thought they were just ordinary cobwebs, kept in place to make the entrance seem less suspicious, Wu noticed that the spiders ‘manning’ the webs were each staring at him. Each spider was the size of a pea, so an ‘ordinary’ person would never have noticed they were being watched. Fortunately, Wu was ‘extraordinary.’

Distracting Wu from the spiders, a raspy voice echoed, “Borne to be born, lived to live…one sunrise to sunset…the life of a mayfly lasts but one day. Thinking that such a fleeting life-”

Before the voice could finish speaking, Wu raised his foot and slammed it into the ground with tremendous force. However, instead of causing the ground to crack or explode, he diffused his Chakra through the earth like an invisible wave.

With the ground beneath him solidified, Wu leaped to the edge of the affected area before shouting, “Ninja Art, Mat Flipping Technique~!” in an unnecessarily boisterous tone. Then, with a seemingly casual flick of his hand and wrist, a chunk of earth stretching 30m in diameter and around 8m thick was uprooted and flipped over. The technique resembled a B-Rank Earth Jutsu known as Burial Rotation, but the reality was far more terrifying as Wu used raw, physical strength to accomplish the feat.

Though his attack had exposed a section of the underground base, Wu didn’t immediately attempt to enter it. Instead, he used his staff to whack the overturned stone, splitting it in half to reveal what appeared to be a hunchbacked man with massive buck teeth. In Wu’s eyes, however, he, or, more accurately, she, resembled a slender, exceptionally thin girl around his age.

Unaware that her disguise had been seen through, the green-haired girl allowed herself to remain face down, ass sticking in the air as she feigned unconsciousness. Her posture gave Wu a tremendous urge to stab her in the butt, so that is precisely what he did, his staff extending just enough to force the girl to taste the ground as he teased, “You think you can trick me? I, Your Father, wasn’t born yesterday.”

Replacing her previously neutral expression, the green-haired girl could be seen tearing up from the perspective of Wu as she bounded to her feet and glared back at him, growling, “You’ll pay for that…” while rubbing her throbbing bottom. Her voice sounded husky and masculine, but Wu was absolutely certain she was a girl as he retorted, “Cut the crap, greenie. I didn’t come here to play house with a dreary-eyed brat. Now, be truthful. Is this the entrance to Otogakure, or was I lied to?”

Hearing Wu refer to her as ‘greenie,’ the green-haired girl winced beneath her guise. Her transformation was an advanced technique that could even sustain damage without breaking and giving away her true identity. She even had all the necessary ‘equipment,’ so she couldn’t comprehend how Wu had managed to ascertain the color of her hair. Green wasn’t exactly common, so it couldn’t have been a lucky guess…

Instead of answering Wu’s question, the girl calmed herself and asked, “Why are you searching for Otogakure? Are you from another village? You aren’t wearing a headband…”

As there was a treaty between the various nations mandating that Shinobi wear identifying headbands, Wu’s lack of forehead protector meant one of three things. He was either a missing-nin ignoring the treatise, a rogue, unaffiliated Shinobi, or someone violating the treaty to keep his affiliation a secret. Either way, his presence here was a problem…

Narrowing his gaze, a fiery glimmer began to spread through Wu’s eyes as he stated, “You know, it isn’t particularly ‘polite’ to answer a question with another question. It could easily be misconstrued as you looking down on someone…”

Seeing the change in Wu’s eyes, the girl muttered, “So that’s it…a Kekkei Genkai(Blood Release) manifesting as an ocular ju-”

Before the girl could finish speaking, Wu appeared right in front of her, his hand outstretched and covering her face as he narrowed his eyes, smiling as he asked, “Could you be ignoring me~?”

Since she hadn’t responded to him heretofore, Wu didn’t afford the girl a chance to speak as he gripped the face of her transformation with enough force to sink his fingers into it, tearing away its face to reveal the stunned girl beneath. The flesh and bones of the transformation were kind of like a cacoon made out of clay, so the moment Wu tore away the girl’s ‘mask,’ it gained an earthy hue instead of resembling blood, gore, and bits of bone.

Taking advantage of the girl’s paralytic fear, Wu gave her a ‘gentle’ flick to the forehead, sending her flipping backward several times as parts of her transformation broke away, revealing the petite figure beneath. The only clothes she was wearing were a single-strap white dress that left most of her back exposed, a pair of white panties, and a metal collar, so she gave off the impression of ‘fragility’ despite possessing the Chakra reserves of a mid-ranking Jonin.

Undisturbed by the girl’s apparent vulnerability, Wu walked over to her, his staff resting on his shoulder as he said, “Now that you don’t have mud clogging your ears, listen closely. Fail to answer my question again, and I won’t stop with simply poking your butt. I’ll make a fucking skewer out of you…”

Though his words were an empty threat, mainly because Wu assumed the girl was around his age, the glimmer in his eyes implied otherwise.

Fearing for both her bottom and her life, the girl was prepared to answer any of Wu’s questions. She had lived much of her life prepared to die, but the method proposed by Wu wasn’t something she wanted to experience. As such, she opened her mouth before pausing at the last moment, a faint glimmer of hope appearing in her bluish-purple eyes as a man with short black hair, thick eyebrows, and beady eyes appeared behind Wu. A large pair of sheers, capable of cutting just about anything, was attached to the man’s arm, and, due to his focus on her, Wu seemed to be unaware of the incoming surprise.

Reality was often disappointing…

Moments before the man’s sheers attempted to close around Wu’s neck, a smile appeared on the terrifying youth’s face. In the very next moment, he vanished into thin air, allowing the sheers to pass through where he had been standing before immediately popping up behind his would-be assassin.

Grabbing the man’s shoulders, Wu resisted the urge to rip the man in two. Instead, he dug his thumbs into the man’s back, eliciting a blood-curdling scream as he hooked his fingers beneath the man’s shoulder blades and spread them apart. It wasn’t a fatal, irrecoverable injury, but it more than took the man out of the fight.

Seeing the leader of her group of guards dealt with instantly, the hope in the green-haired girl’s eyes faded. Blood spattered on her face and body, but she didn’t even react, staring absentmindedly as Wu casually tossed aside the body of her fallen comrade, one of the few remaining members of her Clan.

Noticing the girl’s state, Wu raised his brows, stating, “Relax. Even though he tried to kill me, I only…dislocated his shoulders. His rehabilitation won’t be speedy, but he’ll live to see another day. Now, are you going to answer my questions, or do I need to take off the kiddy gloves…?”

“That won’t be necessary.”

Drawing Wu’s gaze away from the green-haired girl, a woman with ghastly pale skin, golden, snake-like eyes, long black hair, and a gargantuan ‘wall’ of a forehead emerged from the hole he had produced. Accompanying her was a sickly, ashen-haired man with an additional head growing from his back, an angry-looking woman with scarlet-red hair, a short, tanned man with six arms, a tall fatso with three stripes of red hair, a slender man with white hair, two dots, and red markings above his sharp eyes, and, last but not least, a fairly attractive woman with muted purple hair with long side bangs, a green outfit depicting a camellia flower, and a starburst ponytail.

Despite goose-pimples spreading across his body, Wu narrowed his eyes, smiling mischievously as he mused, “Looks like the big guns came out to play…”

Emulating Wu’s expression, the massive-domed woman replied, “You’re quite powerful for someone so young and…supple. Tell me, what brings you to this place? I take it you didn’t journey all this way just to play with my beloved subordinates…”

Maintaining his smile, Wu replied, “Let’s just say I enjoy gambling. I heard Otogakure would be competing in this year’s Chunin Exams and wanted to see if you had any interesting Shinobi that could act as a dark horse. This brat behind me seems fairly strong, but I doubt you would be able to slip her in with her Chakra reserves.”

“Hoooo~?”

Seemingly amused by Wu’s words, the five-headed woman gave him an appraising look, her snake-like eyes shimmering as she abruptly licked her lips with a long, red, slightly pointed tongue. Then, completely out of the blue, she asked, “How would you like to join my village, young man? I’m someone who can…appreciate talents such as yours. If you become a member of Otogakure, I can assure you that you will be able to discover a purpose that transcends the fickle politics of the self-absorbed Five Great Shinobi Countries…I can help you reach your full potential and more…”

Instead of responding to the woman’s question, Wu tilted his head to the side and asked, “You’re the Otokage?”

Nodding her head in affirmation, the gig-brained woman replied, “Indeed. Though I have a proper name, for now, please feel to address me as Lady or Mistress Snake. Now, tell me, young man…what is ‘your’ name? What is your ‘purpose’ in this world…?”

Unable to contain himself, Wu adopted a confident smile as he raised his chin and replied, “I am the man whose name will go down in the history of the Shinobi World. Soon enough, even the savages in the West will come to fear and respect the name of the Legendary Warrior, the splendiferous Saiko Dadi…!”

Failing to understand that Wu was joking, or simply not caring, the living whiteboard mused, “You’ve quite the ambition, Dadi-kun. With the support of my Otogakure, you may just be able to achieve it.”

Crossing his arms, Wu’s smile broadened into a toothy grin as he asked, “And if I refuse…?”

Adopting a broader smile of her own, the spade-faced woman combed back the strands of hair that were beginning to fall over her face as she replied, “I can’t have you revealing the location of my Hidden Village, Dadi-kun. Until we can reach an ‘amenable’ agreement, I’m afraid you’ll have to remain a guest within Otogakure. Don’t worry, my subordinates will be sure to take ‘proper’ care of you…”

Following the living billboard’s words, the angry-looking tomato, two-headed hunchback, three-striped manchild, and six-armed spiderman immediately encircled Wu. Individually, none of them gave him a sense of urgency. With how they were standing, however, Wu could tell they were prepared to imprison him using some kind of formation.

Seeing Wu unperturbed despite being surrounded, the woman who even the moon considered shameless couldn’t help but lick her lips. She had no idea who the boy was, but her desire to ‘obtain’ and ‘study’ him increased with each passing moment. Everything about him screamed ‘exceptional,’ so she-

Interrupting the living Noh mask’s train of thought, Wu surprised nearly everyone present by responding, “Sure, sounds like fun.” before tilting his head to the side and asking, “Is there, like, a sign-up sheet I need to put my name on? An explanation of my pay and benefits would also be nice. If your Otogakure is half as amazing as you make it out to be, you must pay your people pretty handsomely, right?”

After staring unblinkingly for several seconds, an inhuman grin developed across the Otokage’s face as she answered, “Oh, trust me, Dadi-kun. As a member of Otogakure, you will be well compensated. Wealth, power, and much, much ‘more’ will be provided to you in excess. All we require is your willingness to cooperate with a few…experiments. Ufufufufufu~”

Exhibiting no traces of fear or concern for his well-being, Wu decided to see how far he could push things, stating, “I already told you that I’m the man whose name will go down in the history of the Shinobi World. I might be joining your village, but I’m not your slave or underling. You don’t have to call me Lord, but I won’t settle for anything less than Dadi-sama.”

Though she was tempted to point out that Wu ‘would’ belong to her, the Otokage, whose brow could encompass the heavens themselves, mused, “Very well, Dadi-sama. And welcome to Otogakure…”

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