I'm a Walking Disaster With My Unwanted Virginity

The headmaster was annoying. Really annoying. He looked old, like sixty or so. He was skinny, tall, and had a goatee with a small mustache. I didn't like him, not one bit.

He cleared his throat and kept tapping on the microphone. Did he have a few screws loose? 

His large elephant-like ears flapped every time he tapped, so it was kind of amusing in a way too.

But at this point everybody was already aware of his presence, so what was the point?

"Ahem!" He cleared his throat again. Did he have tuberculosis? "Now that I have everyone's attention-" He began in a serious voice. He was right though: after what he pulled, no one could afford to not pay attention to him that was for sure. "Good evening!" He grinned and talked like he was talking to babies. 

I had to do a double check on reality. "Is he for real? Did someone shape-"

The Angelmen guy smirked at me. "Oh, he's real alright. That smell is the proof. You see he eats too much sugar and so his juices are a little-"

"Enough!" Now I needed to do more reality checks.

And that was too much information!

'Is this really real? I'm not dreaming? Seriously?'

Pinching, exhaling, pulling my hair- none of them worked. This was real, too real.

'Oh shit.'

"Now I take it you're all freshmen?" The headmaster seemed awfully jolly about the fact.

The students on the other hand just watched him with glassy eyes: there were no replies. I was surprised that there wasn't any booing.

But the headmaster didn't give us a damn. "Alright. In this school, two things are punishable by expulsion. 1. Sleeping with a teacher. And 2. Scheming with other schools or outside entities and doing harm to your fellow students or the school. That's it." He chuckled. "As long as you don't get caught that is," he said under his breath. 

Was he for real? I knew he was but this, this was really something. Basically, we were free to do anything and we'd get away with it, as long as we didn't get caught? That was insane. 

"Handy, isn't it?" Clyde sighed. "Well, my troubles should be solved in a week and I'll join with you and your crusade. I have dibs on Mrs. Maire by the way." He pointed at my classroom teacher.

I couldn't believe the guy. He valued his fantasies over his studies. I guess he could afford that as he was the son of some commissioner I had no ideas about. But what kind of crusade was he talking about?

And why on earth did he want to go after the teacher, when the headmaster specifically told us not to? Like seriously!

I sighed. "She's all yours." I came here to study and that was all.

But really, the teacher? I couldn't even begin to wonder what sort of other fetishes he had. And I certainly didn't want to either. 

"Brother!" He grabbed my arm and shook it: not even the hand, just the arm. Yup, he had screws loose, no doubt.

I didn't say a freaking word and just watched the drama. 

"Alright then, I've been getting a lot of stares from the teachers so I'll take my leave now." The headmaster laughed hysterically and made his exit. The throne-like seat was never sat on even for a second. Why did he even bother showing up?

I watched him go. 'At least I can go to my room now.' But, I was wrong, again.

Someone cleared her throat and grabbed the mic. "Anyway, long story short, don't fool around with the teachers and don't harm your fellow students." A middle-aged woman was up on stage by the microphone. Her fierce eyes were like an eagle's, or maybe they were. "However, know that our school is renowned as the most prestigious…" She went on and gave a good speech about what this school was and what we could expect.

Frankly, I didn't care. I didn't want to be part of the tournaments and all that anyway.

"We also have prizes in cash. If you should even make it past the prelims, you'll be compensated generally by monetary means." Just for a second, I thought she was looking at me. 

But now she had my attention. She had the full course of my attention. 'Go on, go on!'

"…And now I'd like to announce the leader of the prefects. Annebell Rose and the leader of the disciplinary squad, Dickville Slak." She lifted her hands sideways and a girl walked on stage. 

I almost burst into laughter when I heard the name Dickville. It took a lot of willpower to not laugh at his name and just chuckle soundlessly. The same couldn't be said about our Angelmen friend though. He was laughing without any remorse and all eyes were on the two of us. 

But it didn't last long as a girl walked on stage followed by a boy. Both were the same height and looked similar but just for a second I thought this Rose girl was some sort of angel: she looked so captivating that everyone forgot about what they were doing and just stared at her, myself included. 

But after a few seconds, all I saw was her blonde hair and two white wings: She did look like an angel- if such a thing existed- but I didn't find her that attractive. Something about her made me stay on the edge. And unfortunately, she was no angel. 

'There are no angels apart from bunnies.'

Was it because my long-lost crush had bunny ears and a fluffy tail? I certainly didn't know.

"Good evening." The new girl began. "I've been tasked with managing general affairs like illegal student mating, drugs, and bullying. If anyone should see these activities please report to a prefect or visit our office in room 107. Good day." She spoke pretty heartily, but I got the impression she meant business.

I already knew one of those, but I guess I could always look the other way. I didn't want unnecessary trouble, after all.

But now the Dickville guy stood by the mic. He glared at us and I could see the creases on his forehead from way over here. "I will be the new head of the Disciplinary squad from today onwards. My first rule is as follows, 'anyone who laughs at the squad leader's name would be deemed punishable by one week of suspension.' That's all." The guy turned around, his coat fluttered and he left the stage just like the principal did. 

No one said a word. No one knew what to say anyway. It didn't seem like a joke and the teachers weren't really laughing either. This was serious and one thing was for certain, the guy was an asshole. It didn't bother Clyde though: he didn't have a care in the world apart from how to get laid. 

***

And that concluded the ceremony: sort of. It wasn't anything like I imagined by any stretch of the imagination. And it was awfully boring. Besides, who wanted to sit around for half an hour only to be disappointed by a geezer for five minutes? Not to mention they took another half an hour just to say stupid things and make up stupid rules.

The Angelmen guy acted awfully chummy with me but I kept my distance. I didn't meet Marg inside and I didn't want to either. Now all I had to do was go to the dorm and pray my senior would be done with his business this time, and get a good rest. Hopefully, I'd be able to set things straight and maybe from tomorrow onwards, focus solely on studies. 

***

It was already past six-thirty. The sun had set about ten minutes ago. But the whole field was lit up. Way too many stalls. There weren't this many even two hours ago. 

'Did the seniors make this happen?'

It was amazing, really. Students, parents, and even kids from everywhere were here. It was almost like a grand festival of sorts. I did have some pocket money, so maybe just this once, taking a stroll couldn't have been that bad, right?

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