Life in Vain: Jobless Reincarnation

36 – Young Child – Dad’s Bad Influence

I shouldn't have been surprised.

In hindsight, it was super obvious. But I guess I was just so used to nothing coming of my mom's hard work for all of my life that I didn't think it was going to happen any time soon.

But it seemed like my mom was pregnant. Not only pregnant, but more than a few months pregnant.

Since she had been eating more, she thought she was just getting fat. But while we were out today, she felt a sharp pang in her stomach. She was worried at first, but then she remembered how it was when she was pregnant with me and had Mama Lily double check.

And it turned out my mom's suspicions were correct. She was pregnant.

Which meant that I was going to be a big brother.

That was... a strange thought.

And terrifying.

I was the first born child. Meaning I had to set a proper example.

But... could I even do that in the first place?

I was well aware of the fact that I wasn't a normal kid. And I was also 100% sure that my birth as a reincarnator was a fluke. Meaning that the next child born to the Greyrat household would be a normal one.

Meaning that they'd be facing up to the standard I already set.

Meaning that they might hate me for setting the bar so high.

A gnawing sensation in my heart. My stomach churning with the thought.

It was a familiar sensation, but one I hadn't felt for a while. The regret from my past life, slowly creeping back in.

I sat down on a chair by the fireplace, watching as my dad leaned down to press his ear against my mom's stomach. A happy and silly grin was on his face as he did that. Standing next to him, Mama Lily looked happy too. And a bit expectant.

"What are you thinking about, Rudy?"

Sylphy's voice.

I blinked and realized that she had pulled a chair to sit next to me. And at the moment, she was staring at me.

Sylphy tilted her head and said, "Are you not happy about being an older brother?"

I reflexively opened my mouth to deny that. But then I heard them.

'It was because of you! Because you set the bar so high, nothing I did matched up! Nothing!'

'Why did you have to be so talented, huh? All I wanted to be was normal, but because of you...! Because of you Mom and Dad want me to be some genius!'

'Yeah, look at you now! Washed up and wasted! How does it feel walking on the Earth with the rest of us, you haughty bastard?'

Faint whispers. Phantoms of remnant memories I couldn't remember. Voices from siblings I could no longer see, even in my mind.

Hatred. Despair. Scorn.

I couldn't remember the reason. I couldn't remember the details. But I could remember that much.

Because of me, their lives were twisted forever. Because of me, they had to live in shadows of impossible expectations. Because of me, they were forced to run after me, never able to walk a path of their own choosing.

But...

I lowered my gaze and muttered, "I did it for you guys, you know?"

"Rudy?"

"A-Ah." I laughed and shook my head. "It's nothing, Sylphy." I smiled and said, "I'm just a bit nervous. I don't know what to expect from being a big brother, you know?"

Sylphy stared at me. Her amber eyes narrowed, peering into my own.

I stared back, keeping my gaze steady.

...Right.

Because as much as I regretted it, I also accepted it. It was my fault in the first place for not thinking about the people who couldn't keep up with my pace. Especially the people closest to me. But this time...

"...Are you sure you're fine, Rudy?" Sylphy grabbed my right hand and frowned. "You can tell me, you know? If you're sad, it's fine to say you are. You don't have to always be happy and cool around me." She rubbed my hand and then smiled. "I'm happy with you just the way you are."

I smiled back and then patted her head with my left hand. "Thanks, Sylphy. You're a really good friend." I sighed and said, "I don't know what I'd do without you."

I really didn't.

While it was a bit ridiculous how good she was with magic... and while it was ridiculous that a cute energetic girl like that enjoyed spending her time with a boring guy like me who just spent his time grinding away at various tasks, I appreciated her a lot.

If it was just me spending these days alone training with Dad and working on my magic... I probably- No. I definitely would have gone insane.

Between Master Roxy leaving, dealing with Whitey who kept showing up again at random times, and the random mental breakdowns that happened whenever I slipped and thought about who I was before I was reborn as Rudeus...

Mom, Mama Lily, and my dad were all helpful and supportive people. They were also my family, so I could lean on them when I felt weak.

But because they were my family, I didn't want to disappoint them.

It was hard. They didn't treat me like a genius, but I wanted to make them proud. But I knew that if I did too much, they might start expecting more-

No. That wasn't true. That was just my past regrets creeping up again, the doubts carrying over still to this day. The regret that I never managed to pay back my family to the bitter end. The regret that I actually continued to be a burden up until my death.

So I knew it. If it was just me at home like that, I would have broken.

Master Roxy was the first person to break that negative feedback loop by being someone outside who supported me for me. The first person who expected great things from me, but who also supported me unconditionally. Who showed that it was okay to be me.

That was something that I would always be grateful for.

And Sylphy... she was the first person outside of Mama Lily who didn't expect anything from me. Someone my own age who didn't judge, didn't scorn, and didn't condemn me for being different. Who wasn't jealous of my abilities or talent.

I stared at Sylphy.

Her eyes were closed, and she smiled happily as she nuzzled against my hand.

Seeing that, I laughed.

Sylphy froze and then leaned back, her face blushing. "S-Sorry, Rudy! U-Um... I-It's just, your hand was so warm and..."

"It's fine." I gave Sylphy a gentle smile and ruffled her hair. "Thank you. You mean the world to me, Sylphy."

"E-E-Eh?"

I pulled my hand back and then wrapped it around hers that were still holding onto my right hand. "I don't know what the future holds, but I promise that I'll always support you. If anything happens, make sure to tell me, okay? I want you to always be smiling."

It was the least I could do. For her who made my days happy and carefree instead of solemn and serious. For my dear friend who let me forget about the past and focus on just being Rudy-

"Awww! Aren't they so cute together?" My mom's voice.

"Hahaha! I knew Rudy would be interested in girls sooner or later!" My dad's voice.

"...Yes. And it seems that he took after you a bit too much, Paul." Mama Lily's.

I blinked, wondering what the heck they were talking about. And then I noticed Sylphy's completely beet red face. And the fact that I was holding her hands. And the fact that I just said some really heavy words that could be taken the wrong way...

I felt my face heat up and then I quickly let go of Sylphy's hands. "S-Sorry! I didn't mean that!"

Sylphy's face froze. As it did, her cute amber eyes started to water. And when they did, I could practically see her heart breaking.

I panicked and quickly waved my hands. "N-No! I meant what I said! I just meant... Argh!" I glared at my dad and said, "This is your fault, Dad! I knew I shouldn't have listened to your stories about flirting with female adventurers!"

My dad froze in the middle of laughing, suddenly sweating. "W-Wait a minute, Rudy! I-I never told you-"

I ran over to grab my coat and scarf I tossed on the ground earlier and ran outside. "I'm going to practice magic!"

Argh! Dammit! If I knew that listening to my dad's stories about him flirting around with so many girls would make me subconsciously repeat those lines when I meant to be serious, I would have done everything I could to ignore him!

Now things with Sylphy were going to be awkward...

No. It would be fine. My friendship with Sylphy was definitely stronger than that. This was just a small hiccup.

Right. A tiny hill to go over.

So... let's just forget about this whole thing and let time do its trick. For now... we try and figure out how to use earth mana to make metal so that we can make trinkets to graft with magic circles to repel Whitey.

Especially since that guy was bound to show his face around my new younger sibling's birth...

Right. So, since earth mana governed dirt, stone, and basically all sorts of minerals, it should be possible to draw out trace minerals and sift them apart.

And maybe it'd be possible to convert metals directly by brute-forcing with mana. Elements were just different amounts of protons and electrons, right? And with mana, I could manually adjust different energy levels as long as I came up with a proper working model-

Ah, wait. Neutrons were a thing too, and if they weren't balanced things could get messy. 

...And if I split an atom by accident, wouldn't I cause a nuclear explosion?

...Yeah, I think it would.

In that case, maybe we save that experiment for a different day. Preferably when fighting against a monster that other things don't work on and when I learned teleport magic to get away from the fallout. But for now, Minecr*ft time!

Let's see how far we can dig down before we hit bedrock...

...And let's try our best to forget about the absolute cringe we just did in saying that to Sylphy and how awkward things are going to be later because of it.

...And now I'm thinking about how cute Sylphy is and how beautiful she's going to be when she grows up.

FML.

Freaking Dad. I knew listening to all of his stories was going to come back to bite me... 

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