Life in Vain: Jobless Reincarnation

60 – A Worthless Father’s Reflection

Paul had messed up. He realized that. Hell, even an idiot would realize it after all that he'd gone through.

Zenith screaming at him at the top of her lungs about how he was selfish, stupid, and reckless. How she thought he was better than those nobles and how she couldn't believe she married such a hypocrite.

Lilia not saying a word, only silently slapping him over and over. As if that would knock some sense into him.

...And probably venting a bit of pent up fury she had from the past as well, now that Paul thought about it.

Then there was how Laws had pummeled Paul after finding out about the betrothal contract, Sylphy's confused and disappointed gaze, then her mother slapping Paul just earlier.

So Paul knew he messed up. And he regretted it. He wished he could say that it wasn't his fault... but he knew it.

This was all him.

Zenith was right. He had been selfish. Since he was worried, he let himself get talked into the betrothal contract so that Philip and Uncle Sauros would help him take over the Notos family.

No, it all started because Paul thought the only option he had was to take over the Notos family before his brother sent people after them.

And because he was worried that Rudy would do something reckless, Paul brought Ghyslaine over to try and show him how far he still had left to go.

Except he didn't expect Rudy to actually be that strong. Or that Rudy loved him enough to go into a blind rage at Ghyslaine because he thought it was her fault that Paul was acting like this.

Right. Rudy loved and believed in his father enough to forgive Paul's misstep. Enough to focus his ire completely on the woman who appeared to seduce Paul instead.

Rudy trusted and cared for Paul that much. No, from how he handled the situation with Lilia and Zenith. From how Rudy arranged everything and left it in Paul's hands to settle... he should have known already. Paul should have known already how much Rudy loved and respected him.

And yet Paul had gone ahead and ignored all of that. No, he took advantage of that fact while saying it was for his own good.

Just like Paul's father had done to him.

Paul stared at Rudy.

Rudy stared back, his expression unreadable and his arms crossed.

It was funny, actually. That was just like how Zenith looked when she was upset. Well, before she became inconsolable from rage.

Except, Rudy didn't look like her. Instead, it was like Paul was looking into an old mirror. Staring at his younger self being frustrated at his dad for not understanding anything and trying to force himself into something he didn't want.

The only difference was his hair, which was now a stark silver color.

...The result of mana strain from going all out trying to protect Paul.

That sent another stab of guilt into Paul's heart.

Rudy's hair would always be that color now. From what Zenith mentioned before she started screaming at Paul, Rudy had used up all of his mana and then some trying to kill Ghyslaine. And then he tried drawing even more mana after that.

...In short, it was a miracle that he survived. And it was another miracle that he woke up at all.

They hadn't mentioned it to Rudy, but from Roxy's examination, there was a time when Rudy's mana didn't recover at all. His body was fine, but his mana wasn't coming back. And it seemed like it wouldn't come back. But then all of a sudden, it came flooding back in.

Paul was lucky.

Despite everything else, Zenith and Lilia didn't blame him for that, at least. They blamed him for knocking Rudy unconscious and leaving, but they didn't blame Paul for Rudy's mana not recovering.

Except, Paul knew why that had happened.

Rudy had completely fallen to bloodlust in the fight against Ghyslaine. He was letting off enough killing intent that even Paul was frightened.

So in a panic, Paul had subconsciously gone all out and hit Rudy with everything he had to stop him. Thank Milis and whatever other divine forces were out there that Paul didn't draw his actual blade.

But he had hit Rudy with everything he had.

The fact that Rudy's mana didn't recover... was probably because it was being spent healing the damage to his mind and the backlash from suddenly having that tremendous spell forcibly cancelled.

Rudy had looked fine at the time, so Paul thought nothing of it. There weren't any wounds, and his hair hadn't changed colors at all.

...But apparently it had changed while Rudy was unconscious.

Which confirmed Paul's theory.

It was because of him. He did that to his son.

Paul had vowed to not be like his father. To not be like the old man who made Paul's life miserable. And yet now, he hadn't just done the same as his old man. Paul had done worse. He had forcibly changed Rudy's life forever. To always draw stares because of his unnatural hair color from that point forward.

And that was only because Paul... No, because Rudy was lucky.

If it had been anyone else. If it was any other kid, Paul was sure they would have died.

Paul would have gone to Roa all happy-go-lucky and then gone home to a grieving family. And one who would have chased him out.

And for just cause as well.

That...!

A sigh echoed. Rudy's. "Geez, Dad. What are you making that face for?"

Paul blinked and then reached up to grab his chin. "W-What am I...? What about it?"

He wasn't making a weird face... was he?

Rudy shook his head and then walked around the table to sit next to Paul.

Paul flinched and scooted over. "R-Rudy?"

"Don't get me wrong, Dad. I'm mad at you." Rudy frowned and looked up at Paul with cold green eyes. "This time, you messed up a lot."

Paul flinched and looked away. "I know."

"If it was any other person, they'd be dead right now."

Paul felt the stab of guilt in his heart again and lowered his head. "...I know."

"And it wouldn't be odd for Mom and Mama Lily to leave you behind now. It's enough for her to justify a divorce. And when that happens, she'll leave with Mama Lily and have a happy family with her instead."

Paul closed his eyes and muttered, "I know."

Their relationship was already a bit precarious from the beginning. After all, the only one who did anything wrong was Paul.

Meanwhile, the relationship between just Zenith and Lilia was strong as ever. In fact, it had grown stronger since they started being intimate with each other.

Then there was the shared motherhood and raising children together, along with Rudy...

In short, Paul was already an outsider. No, he was someone who just marched to his own beat and thought he was always in the right, dragging everyone along with him.

That was fine when he was an adventurer. And that was... okay when it was just Zenith.

But now he had a whole family to consider. Not only that, but friends too.

That was why Paul left in the first place with Ghyslaine. To try and head off the problem in the future so that his family could continue to live that peaceful life.

...Except Paul wasn't like his son. Sure, Paul was good at fighting. And he was confident that, at this point, the number of people who could definitively beat him in close combat could be counted on two hands.

But he wasn't smart. He wasn't cut out for all the politics and strategizing that came along with handling nobles.

That was why he wanted Philip's help and why he wanted the backing of Uncle Sauros.

Rudy was perfect for that. With how smart Paul's son was, and with how skilled Rudy was at reading people, Paul was sure that he would easily handle whatever plots came their way. All Paul needed to do was buy time until Rudy was ready.

Except.

Except he hadn't been thinking about Rudy at all.

Would he want to do that? Even if it was necessary, was it right to force that on Rudy?

The answer was obvious.

It wasn't.

Paul had gone ahead and made a loud mess, talking big about doing a coup on the Notos family. And he said that it was all about taking responsibility for his past.

But he was just running away again. Like when he was a kid.

Paul clenched his hands over his knees and grit his teeth.

And then he felt a light tap on his right arm.

Paul blinked and looked over to see Rudy pulling back his right hand, clenched in a fist. "Rudy?"

"There." Rudy nodded and said, "Now we're even."

"W-What?"

Rudy stared at Paul and said, "We're even. Since Dad was stupid, I punched you. So now we're even for you making a dumb mistake."

Paul blinked and then he shook his head. "No. Rudy..." He narrowed his eyes and said, "You should be mad! You should be angry! I... I've been a terrible Dad! A-And-!"

"And that's just the way Dad is." Rudy reached out and poked Paul's head.

He blinked.

Rudy sighed and leaned back. "Dad's dense. Well, when it comes to anything other than women and fighting. But that's not a bad thing. You just have to remember to talk to other people first to make sure you don't mess up while focusing on your strengths."

"...I don't get it."

Paul couldn't understand.

Rudy had every right to be upset. And he *had* been upset. That anger Rudy had when he found out about the betrothal contract was real. Real and burning red hot.

But it was gone now. Instead, Rudy just seemed disappointed. Disappointed, but not to the level of disavowing Paul.

So Paul didn't get it.

Rudy sighed. "To be honest, this is my fault too. You've been worrying about a lot of things ever since I was little haven't you?"

"That's not-"

"But it's true." Rudy nodded and said, "You've always been a bit unsure how to treat me ever since that incident when I was small, right? And while you know how to show off when you're training me, you don't really know how to treat me when you're not. You love me and care for me, but you don't really know how to show it."

Paul wanted to deny it. But there was also a bit of truth in it.

He knew how much of a genius his son was. But at the same time, since Rudy had such a fear of being a genius and broke down in the past, he didn't want to push him.

Yet, Paul couldn't help but see what Rudy could be. What he would be able to do, and what he *could* do right now.

That was proven in how Rudy beat Ghyslaine, and how he earned the respect of the Dragon God.

So Paul was at a loss.

Rudy was a genius, but he couldn't see it. And while Paul had tried to imply it a few times, Rudy just brushed it off.

He was someone that Paul wanted to rely on. But at the same time, he was a child. And not just any child, but Paul's son. Someone who Paul wanted to grow up happy and free, unlike him.

Eventually, Paul sighed and nodded. "That's right." He let out a wry smile and said, "How can a dumb old fart like me understand his super smart and charming kid, you know?"

"You're not that dumb or old, Dad. And I'm not that smart and charming either."

Paul rolled his eyes and said, "Says the kid who has a beautiful elf girl who only has eyes for him. And a beautiful elf girl who knows how to use chantless magic because you taught her."

"Some people are just built different, Dad. And what do you mean Sylphy only has eyes for me? She spends time with her parents, Mom, Mama Lily, and my sisters too you know? And recently with Master Roxy too."

Paul blinked and then muttered, "Alright. Maybe you're not as smart as I thought you were..."

Was Rudy just pretending to be dense, or was he actually that dense? Even if he's a kid, he's *got* to know how much Sylphy likes him, right? And he knows what a betrothal contract is, so...

Rudy rolled his eyes and said, "And I keep telling you, I'm not a genius. You're only going to be disappointed if you place your expectations on me, Dad."

Paul shook his head and said, "I could never be disappointed in you, Rudy." He rubbed his face and said, "If anything, I'm the one disappointing you."

"That's true."

"You're not supposed to agree!"

"But it is, isn't it?" Rudy smirked.

Paul sighed, feeling the edges of his mouth twitch in a smile.

"But anyway." Rudy wiped the smirk off his face and turned serious. "Dad."

Seeing that, Paul turned serious as well. "Yeah, Rudy?"

"This is the second time. I managed to help the first, and I... think I can help sort out this mess. But if there's a third, I can't help you. Mom and Mama Lily are already sick and tired of your antics."

"...Yeah."

Rudy leaned back and said, "You need to apologize. But that won't be enough. Words are cheap, so you need to show that you're sincere too."

Paul nodded, listening to everything Rudy was saying with his full attention. "So what do I need to do?"

"First... you need to explain everything to Mom and Mama Lily. From the beginning. Everything."

Paul winced, but he nodded. "Alright. What else?"

"Second... Well, is the betrothal contract final? And do we need it to stop people from trying to attack us?"

"That's..." Paul hesitated and said, "It... technically can be called off at any time. But it would look really bad. And while we don't *need* it to stop people from the Notos family coming after us, it helps."

Even though it meant that they were a threat to Paul's brother by joining hands with the Boreas family, because they were a threat, people from Notos couldn't move easily either.

Especially since Ghyslaine had started working there under Uncle Sauros as a personal guard and tutor to Eris.

It was hard to move against a family with one of the few Sword Kings in the world under its direct employ.

"Hm..." Rudy rubbed his chin and said, "In that case... It might be good to go through the motions. Well, I'd prefer to just walk up and kill every person aiming at us instead. Maybe keep some people half-alive with festering wounds continually being healed with healing magic to set an example. But that would play into Being W's hands, I'm sure. Too easy to twist public opinion if we do that."

"Wait, what?" Paul held up his hands and said, "Go back a bit. What did you say about killing people?"

Rudy blinked and then laughed. "Don't mind me. I was just musing a bit, Dad. I'm not *actually* going to go and kill off a bunch of nobles or torture them to set an example."

"No, hold on. Why were you even considering that in the first place?!"

Did Roxy teach him that? No, she wasn't the sort to do that.

Then Zenith? No, she was too soft-hearted.

Lilia?

...Actually, that made sense. Lilia worked in the inner palace of the Asura Kingdom, so she was bound to know all the dark and gruesome methods to quell uprising and other resistances.

But even then!

Rudy tilted his head. "You said it, didn't you? A man has to keep a sword in his heart and protect the people he loves. And if people are afraid of you, they won't dare trying to go against you. It's only natural. Ah, but don't worry. That's more of a hassle than I want to deal with, so I won't ever do that."

'More of a hassle than I want to deal with.' Not 'something that goes against what I believe' or 'something I would never stoop to.'

While Paul couldn't say he wouldn't do the same, to hear it come out of Rudy's mouth so casually...

Paul groaned. "I'm a terrible father."

Rudy reached over and patted Paul's shoulder. "It's okay, Dad. Since there's Norn and Aisha now, you have a second chance. Besides, it's better that you got all the real bad mistakes out of the way with me instead of with my cute baby sisters, right? Imagine them growing up and saying that they hate you or something."

Paul winced, clutching his chest. "I don't even want to."

"See? But anyway... We should probably have me go meet my fiancee. Putting it off is a bad idea. And I need to introduce Sylphy too."

Paul nodded. And then he froze. "Wait. What do you mean, introduce Sylphy?"

Rudy gave Paul a blank stare and said, "Sylphy's my best friend- No. The most important person in my life other than Master Roxy, you, Mom, Mama Lily, Norn, and Aisha. Even if I end up married to someone else, or if she marries someone else, that won't change. So it's better if my future wife learns about it now rather than later, right?"

"B-But...!"

Paul could already see how the meeting was going to play out.

That explosive and fiery Eris meeting Sylphy and getting told to deal with it. No, that her fiance cared about another girl more than her...

Not only that, but since Sylphy was so good at magic too, there was only one way this was going to play out.

Not to mention how Uncle Sauros would react too...

"Don't worry about it too much." Rudy waved his hand and said, "From what I heard about the Asura Kingdom from Mama Lily, it's filled with a bunch of perverts and people who have affairs all the time, isn't it? Considering that Sylphy isn't human, those prejudiced idiots will just think I'm an early bloomer and not even bat an eye. Right?"

Paul blinked.

Rudy... wasn't wrong. But even then...

"...I feel like I should disagree on principle here. But I can't find anything to disagree with."

Rudy blinked. "You mean that you can't disagree with the fact that they're prejudiced idiots who think the only reason you're taking a non-human with you is because they're your toy?"

A frosty tone of voice. Just like Zenith before she *really* got mad.

Paul quickly held up his hands and said, "No! I disagree with that too! I meant about you taking Sylphy with you to meet your fiancée."

"Oh." Rudy nodded. "Yeah. It's probably not a good idea. But I'm not budging. So it's either we do this, or I go find Orsted and we force everyone to listen by threatening complete annihilation."

"...You really take after your mother, Rudy."

Offering ultimatums and choices that weren't really choices... Definitely like Zenith.

Rudy rolled his eyes. "I take after you too, Dad. Sometimes a bit too much." He frowned.

Paul laughed and rubbed the back of his neck. "Yeah... Sorry about that. And... sorry for messing everything up, Rudy. Really."

Rudy nodded. "Apology accepted. Well, on the condition that you come with me to explain all of this to everyone."

Paul started to sweat. "Y-You mean just you coming back with me to Roa, right?"

"No. Everything. Especially the part about me having a fiancée now and taking Sylphy to meet her. And explaining what a fiancée and the betrothal contract means to Sylphy."

Paul lowered his head. "Guess I can't get out of this..."

"Yep. Can't run away from your mistake this time, Dad."

Paul sighed. But then he put on a brave face and nodded. "Alright. Then... should we get started?"

"Ah, hold on. There's something else I wanted to talk with you about before we chat with everyone else."

Paul nodded. "What is it?"

"It's about someone I like to call Being W." Rudy paused and then said, "But I think this is going to take a bit of explaining to understand the context. Let's see... I guess we can start with the fact that I've been able to see mana since I was a baby."

"Wait, what?!"

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