Losing My Religion

Chapter 3

I heard Chris gasp and then scramble away from me on the couch.

We sat in silence afterwards, with me hoping that she wasn’t back, and him probably getting ready to run and find a priest. While Chris wasn’t someone I knew from church – we’d met a few weeks earlier during our first classes – I’d think most people’s instincts when confronted with a demon would be to find some kind of exorcist. 

Even worse, all of the things I’d been struggling with during the day were amplified with my transformation: the insatiable arousal, the distracting scent in the air, the wandering mind.

“Dude…” His voice wavered, sounding equal parts incredulous and concerned.

“It’s not what it looks like,” I insisted, my smooth, deep, feminine voice sounding just like the previous time.

“Dude, you’re a succubus!”

I opened my eyes to see him pointing at me petulantly, as if my curse was something I was greedily hogging to myself and not a horrible affliction that was going to ruin my life.

“No, I’m definitely not a succubus, I don’t even want to know where you got that idea.”

“With honkers like those? You’re definitely succ’n.” His crooked grin came back, as if we were just two dudes hanging out making jokes.

I stared at him. Why did he have to put it so crudely? And was that supposed to be a pun? I shook my head, “It’s just a stupid curse, it’s what I get for giving in to lust.” 

My tail itched against the rough fabric of the couch as I sat up. “It’s a test, and when I show that I can control myself then He will cure me.”

His grin turned to a puzzled frown. “You don’t have to give me the whole spiel – I’m in the know,” he said, as if that meant something.

I glared at him, “Clearly you don’t know anything if you think I’m some kind of demonic pervert,” I stood and moved to the other side of the room, staring at the wall and trying not to think about the fact that I was naked again or the fact that I’d seen Chris staring at my ass when I’d stood. “Give me a second to change back – and stay away from me, your smell is distracting.”

My focus turned inwards, away from the sweet smell that lingered in the air, honing in on my image of my body. A short moment later I was back, in my normal body, clothed.

I turned back around.

“Dude, you’re like a cuter mini-you!” 

And his darn grin is back…

I glanced down at myself, trying to figure out what went wrong, and realized that I was still the height of the demon, rather than my height. I closed my eyes and shifted again, but as I did, the feeling was strained, like I’d just overworked a muscle. My vision swam and a wave of exhaustion washed over me.

“Dude, are you okay?” Chris jumped to my side and held me up with his strong arms – not that I needed it.

I stumbled away from him and swayed on my feet. “Dude this, dude that – this is serious,” I snapped.

“Oh, yea I guess you’re a gal, huh,” he rubbed the stubble on his chin contemplatively, “Why are you even shapeshifted into a dude in the first place?”

“I’m not a damn demon, you moron, just get out if you aren’t going to be helpful!”

He must be corrupted too if he made me transform. I need him gone before he tries to tempt me again.

He shrunk back, hurt. “But–”

I pressed on, snarling in his face. “You’re just some sick pervert that thinks he can take advantage of my affliction. Well, it won’t work!” I declared righteously.

He winced. “I–”

I cut him off with a stern point to the door.

He reluctantly shuffled away, turning back in the doorway as he was leaving. “If you need anything just text me…”

The door shut, blowing another wave of the sweet air across the room. I hurried to my bedroom and opened the window to let in fresh air, eager to escape from temptations. For as much as I was resolute in my virtues, I didn’t want to make it needlessly harder on myself.

—

The next day was draining. 

Thursdays were often draining, in the same ways that the other weekdays were, but this one in particular drove me to exhaustion with a multi-pronged attack.

There were the boring lectures, already a staple of my young life. Then there was the lack of anyone to rely on. Chris was the only friend I had in my major, and I wasn’t speaking to him. 

And I wasn’t even thinking about Amber… 

Even worse than not having anyone to talk to was the worry that at any moment Chis or Amber could let my secret slip and completely ruin my life. And it wasn’t like I’d given them any good reasons not to.

Most exhausting, however, was my body. Ever since my last transformation, the one to fix my height in front of Chris, I’d felt drained, and it had only been getting worse.

No amount of naps or food alleviated it, nor did the prayers the previous evening. I was starting to grow desperate. Part of my agreement with my father for going to college was that I went into business like he wanted me to, I got good grades, and I didn’t fall into debauchery like the others. 

If I failed any of those, I’d be back at his house, training to become a priest under him, and, as much as I liked our church community and had faith in the Lord, it did not feel like the right path for me. 

So I was desperate, knowing that I was already failing morally half a semester in, and given how exhausted I felt, failing a class seemed inevitable.

My feet shuffled against the pale pavement as I moved in the direction of my dorm between classes. I had a couple hours of break where I was supposed to be eating lunch, but I wanted a nap, even if I knew it wouldn’t provide any lasting relief.

Despite the fact that it was late fall, the sun beat down on me, making me sweat the little bits of energy I was trying to hold on to. My slacks and polo shirt clung to my matted body hair, creating a sauna between my skin and the fabrics.

One foot landed in front of each other in an off-kilter rhythm, disturbing the peace of the flower beds between the varied architecture of the lecture halls and the winding paths. 

I stopped under a tall, thin tree with spiky leaves, leaning against the flaking bark and panting. 

I can do this, I can overcome this challenge. I told myself, trying to will it into existence. 

I pushed off the trunk and started stumbling again, continuing even after I heard someone calling my name. I’ve had enough of people lately.

“Adam!” A man’s voice called out.

My steps continued on shuffling, as if I’d ever escape from someone while moving at this pace.

Chris came around me and stopped, forcing my irregular gait to pause. 

“What do you want?” I slurred, mind swimming.

“Dude, you’re wasted,” He put his arm under my shoulder and held me upright, moving me along the path much quicker than I could hope to travel alone.

I mumbled back at him grumpily.

He continued, unperturbed, “I’m taking you to the health building.”

“No… I just need a bit of a recharge,” I managed, scared that my dad would find out somehow.

His eyes widened. “Oh, I see…”

We continued on to my dorm room, me complaining and him reassuring me the whole way. It’s amazing, the lengths sinners will go to try to tempt me…

Once we finally arrived in my room and he laid me on my bed, he hovered awkwardly.

“So… Do you need help recharging?” he asked.

What is he talking about? 

I shook my head, flopping my cheeks onto my pillow repeatedly. Why do I feel so cold? While he’d been close to me, there’d been a satisfying warmth that had paradoxically warded away the overwhelming heat of my fever and the sun. Now, alone in my bed, it was fading, and my body was feeling much worse.

Chris hesitated, conflicted between leaving like I’d asked, and staying anyways.

I grabbed his arm and pulled him into bed, ignoring the cute yelp he let out. I need this. Once he was laying next to me, I wrapped myself around him, plastering as much of our skin together as I could to absorb his soothing energy.

“Adam?! Hello?”

I basked in the feeling, letting out a satisfied noise, and allowing my eyes to close. I wanted to nap anyway, what does it matter if there’s company?

—

There were a lot of kinds of sleep. 

The kind most people are familiar with – the ‘not quite perfect but good enough’ of having to get up just a bit earlier than you want – came to mind first, but that was just the start. There was the kind of sleep you got from having bone-deep exhaustion, the mid-day nap, the restless nightmare – there were too many to count.

None of them I would describe as orgasmic – even a wet dream didn’t feel orgasmic, it felt embarrassing. 

When I woke up on Thursday evening, still wrapped around a wide-eyed Chris, however, it did feel orgasmic. My body thrummed with power as I yawned and stretched out my muscles; all of the exhaustion I’d been feeling was completely gone. 

“Uh.. Adam…?”

“Shh,” I shushed him and slowly extracted myself from his body, startling when I realized that I’d transformed in my sleep. Shoot, does that count as giving into temptation? It felt like I was going to die if I didn’t do something…

I shifted back to my normal, clothed body, taking a second to make sure everything was as it should be. The power I’d felt quieted, leaving me feeling empty and weak, but not nearly as bad as earlier in the day. 

With a clearer head I was able to compartmentalize all of the intrusive feelings I’d been having and analyze my conduct with a clear mind. 

I grimaced, thinking about how I’d lashed out at Chris. It was clear that he was just trying to help, even if he was a bit misguided, and if he was going to be guided on to the correct side of faith, it wouldn’t be helpful to alienate him.

“I’m sorry, Chris.”

He sat up, running a hand through his short, spiky, hair. “For…” One of his eyebrows raised, waiting for me to say the wrong thing.

“For how I acted earlier. I wasn’t feeling like myself…” I trailed off, trying not to think about everything plaguing me.

He sighed. “I’ll accept your apology on one condition.”

I inhaled sharply. With blackmail like this, he could ask for anything… “What do you want?” I asked hesitantly.

“You need to let me help you.”

I stared at him.

He shook his head. “You clearly aren’t figuring out this on your own, and although I don’t know much about succubi, I can still help out…” 

He glanced down at the bed, where we’d just been laying together and cleared his throat, “Not like that! I just meant like… figuring out all of your quirks and powers or whatever.”

I sighed. “I still don’t agree with the assessment that I’m a succubus, but we can agree to disagree for now. I’m thankful for your help,” I managed, fighting the urge to lash out again. The practical side of my brain was in control, doing its best to make sure I would survive and stay in college, as much as the morality of studying the demon inhabiting me made me wary. 

Chis’ crooked smile returned. “So, I guess we’ll be working together on this from now on?”

I nodded. “I suppose so…”

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