Merchant Crab

“Balthazar!” Suze called, pointing at the man’s feet. “His shoes!”

The merchant, still moving forward slowly, looked at the boots.

His shoelaces were tied together.

Balthazar did not know how she did it, but the girl sure had quick fingers.

“Huh?!” the commander exclaimed, looking back at the crab and then down at his own feet.

As if realizing that his boots were tied together suddenly made it more real, the man staggered back while trying to take a step to the side.

His momentary loss of balance was the opportunity the armored crustacean needed.

Putting all his power into it, Balthazar took a jab at the commander.

The guardsman still managed to bring his shield forward to block, but this time it wasn’t enough to stop the mighty pincer of justice.

The iron claw punched right through the wood of the round shield, shattering it into a thousand splinters and making the human lose the already precarious balance he still had.

Unfortunately, and in a bizarre twist of fate, losing his balance and falling backward as Balthazar’s strike pierced through the shield also made him go just slightly out of reach of the crab’s pincer.

The claw grazed past the man’s belt just as Balthazar closed it, snapping the buckle clean off.

What felt like a disaster playing in slow motion sped back up to normal speed as the commander fell back, rolling into a tangled heap along with his cape.

His baton had gone flying off his hand.

What remained of his shattered shield fell to the floor.

And also, his pants had dropped to his ankles.

“Oh! What the hell!” Balthazar blurted out as his eyes met the consequences of his unintentional belt snipping.

“What is—Oh, goodness gracious!” exclaimed Olivia as she stood up and quickly averted her eyes.

“What happened?!” Suze asked as she got back up behind the older girl.

“Nothing!” Balthazar hurriedly exclaimed as he moved in front of the little girl and placed his claw in front of her eyes. “Don’t worry about it!”

As if on a terribly timed cue, several steps came rushing up the stairs to the third floor just as the dazed commander started staggering back onto his—still tied together—feet.

A group of city guards appeared on the other side of the double doors to the corridor, seemingly coming to the commander’s aid.

“Chief! We just came from town when we saw the front door busted open. Is everythi—Oh!”

The guards all skidded to a sudden stop as their gazes met the embarrassing heap of a man hopping back up onto his feet with his pants down and his undergarments on full display.

“Aw, man, I didn’t need to see that!” one of them said as he turned his head.

“That just ain’t right,” said another with a pained expression.

“Did the crab do that?”

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“Are those… heart prints?”

“Why is there a yellow stain?!”

The commander stood awkwardly in the middle of the corridor, eyes darting between the crab’s group and his guardsmen, his cape still caught over his shoulder, ensuring he had no modesty no matter the angle.

“Oh no…” he muttered in a suddenly much higher pitched voice. “This is like the recurring nightmare I had every day before school!”

Tears began to well up in the man’s eyes as his expression turned into an ugly cry face.

“This is so embarrassing!” he cried out. “I can’t look her in the eye after this! I’ve made a fool of myself outside her bedroom door! She’ll think I’m a joke!”

Breaking into a sobbing mess, the commander ran—or rather, awkwardly hopped—away, hands covering his face and pants still around his ankles, disappearing down the stairs after the guards stepped aside to let him pass.

[Bewitched Commander of the Marquessian City Guard defeated]

[You have reached level 21!]

Bewitched, eh? Interesting. Still, no time to be pondering stats right now. I’ll have to do it later.

With a flick of his eyestalks, Balthazar swiped the notification aside.

Meanwhile, the group of guardsmen stood around exchanging glances at one another.

“Well, I don’t think I can ever look at the commander the same way again,” one of them commented.

“I used to fear that man, you know?” added another. “Kind of hard to take him seriously after this.”

Their gazes met the crab and his group.

“So, uh…” Olivia started. “We’re gonna fight or… are we good?”n/o/vel/b//in dot c//om

The men mumbled and awkwardly averted their eyes for a moment.

“Uhm, no, no,” one of them finally said with a concerned frown. “There’s no need for that, Ms. Marquessa. We were just following our superior’s orders before, we have no issue with you. Or your friends. Or anyone else, really. We’re just grunts, you know? I’m sure you will tell your aunt that. Right?”

The mayor’s niece placed her hands on her hips and scowled at them.

“You’re lucky we’re busy right now,” she said. “It’d probably be smart of you to get out of here before I have time to memorize your faces.”

The guardsmen bumped on each other a few times as they quickly turned back to the staircase, trying to leave as quickly as they could.

“Of course, Ms. Olivia! Right away! Thank you, Lady Marquessa!”

As they also left down the stairs, the crab and the girls were once again alone in the long corridor.

“Well, that was somehow even weirder than the previous floor,” said Olivia.

“Yeah,” Suze said. “The commander, Onion Jake… What is wrong with all those guys? Do all grown boys act that stupid over a woman?”

The older girl clicked her tongue. “Oh, sweetheart, you have no idea…”

“It’s a witching charm,” Balthazar said with a sigh.

“What?!” Olivia said.

“Or at least I think it is.”

“How do you know?”

The iron crab turned—slowly—to the curtained windows.

“I’ve seen it a while back,” he explained. “I wasn’t sure before, but the signs keep pointing to it. ‘She’ is a witch, and her signature move is charming others with some kind of hex to get what she wants while their common sense is clouded.”

“Bleh, I don’t like witches,” said Suze, sticking her tongue out in disgust.

Balthazar glanced at her from the corner of his eye. “Heh, you reminded me of someone just now. You two would probably like each other.”

“Well, witch or not, that doesn’t change much,” Olivia said. “We’re here now, a few steps away from that door, and we’re going to put an end to this, are we not?”

“Sure,” the crab said as he stiffly put his backpack back on with Suze’s help. “Just don’t leave me alone in the room with her and it should be fine.”

“Scared?” the young woman asked with a cocked eyebrow.

“Pfft, no, of course not!” the slightly embarrassed crustacean exclaimed.

Slowly stomping forward, the iron-clad crab reached the double doors that—according to the blueprints he got from the Thieves Guild—would lead into the master bedroom.

“Alright,” he said, taking a deep breath. “Let’s face that witch.”

Pushing both handles down with his claws, the merchant flung the doors open and confidently stepped into the room.

“It’s over, Velvet! We have… Huh?!”

Balthazar’s triumphant entrance died down as his eyes scanned the bedroom.

The place looked perfectly normal. It had a big bed, windows, curtains, more rugs and tapestries, dressers, a mirror, some chairs, and even a crackling fireplace off to the side.

But there was no woman there.

Just a gentle thrum coming from the armchair in front of the fire.

“What the…”

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