Chapter Thirty-six. Big Fucking Nope.
Chapter Thirty-six. Big Fucking Nope.
Thidwell grunted as he grabbed the Lava-bear by the throat with his left hand, and forced it to the ground on its back, exposing its belly.
At the same time, he thrust his spear into the thorax of an Acid-Hornet and twisted, tearing its head from its body.
Ignoring the Lava that the bear was spewing onto his arm, Thidwell thrust his spear into its guts, then taking a two-handed grip on his spear and ripping it sideways out of the monster.
He took two steps backward, placing himself against the cliff face again.
Thidwell saw another swarm of Hornets come over a boulder, and he extended his spear and sent a cloud of razor-sharp ice shards hurtling towards them. He accepted the drop in his mana stoically. Storm was an expensive skill.
Two more bears raced towards him and he moved forward to engage them, all too aware that despite his strength, they outweighed him considerably.
As he stomped his foot, causing a spike of stone to rise up and impale one of the Lava-bears, halting its advance momentarily, he set his spear to meet to the charge of the other and wondered how the Adventurers on the walls were faring.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Harv dashed the back of his hand against his eyes and muttered, "Stars, that sand gets everywhere."
Elli gave a shrug of his shoulders as he smoothly stepped out of the way of an incoming stinger, and then moved in, thrusting his sword between a leg joint.
Harv pointed his staff, and unleashed a fireball, bringing the already wounded scorpion to an end, but increasing the already intolerable heat roiling up from the sand.
"I had it," Elli muttered, but took the brief reprieve to take a long drink of water.
"True, but I'm getting a bit bored," Harv replied as he pointed his staff, and a wall of stone beside another scorpion that had just then burst up from the sand, corraling it towards Elli.
"Just be grateful we're level ten," Elli said as he stepped back, then forward, avoiding a strike, and dealing one in turn.
Harv leaned on his staff as he maintained his wall spell and said, "True enough, we're leveling our skills at least."
"We've got everything stable at the healers' tent," Kelli's voice broke in from behind them, "mind if I step in for the next few dozen?"
Harv turned to face Kelli and nodded. "Kelli," he acknowledged.
Elli finished the scorpion he'd been fighting and stepped back, shaking Kelli's hand.
"So I'll play guardian and you smash?" Elli asked.
Kelli nodded and pulled out his huge hammer from his satchel.
Harv had already dropped his wall and was looking for another telltale swirling of sand.
Spotting one, he nudged Elli with an elbow, "Right in front of us, nice and easy," he said.
As the scorpion erupted from the sand, its tail darting to impale and poison Elli, its attack was thwarted by its target side-stepping, and then by a massive hammer crashing into its back.
Elli moved quickly, thrusting his sword into one of the scorpion's eyes at the same time that Kelli used the momentum from the rebound of his initial strike to spin and deliver another chitin-shattering blow.
Harv raised a wall to block off another rise of sand and said, "Got another up to the right."
Elli lunged forward, simultaneously avoiding a claw by moving inside the strike, and thrusting his sword into the thorax of the scorpion, turning to the side to avoid the stinger.
As the next scorpion rushed towards them, Elli stepped back, Harv launched a fireball, and Kelli wound up for another two-handed blow.
"Wonder how Bob is doing," Harv said conversationally.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Bob was considering his life choices.
He had wasted years at Fermilab. He could have done anything, but he'd persisted on the academic track because it was all he'd planned for.
He'd become mentally inflexible at some point.
And if he had chosen something else, something nice and safe, like say deep-sea crab fishing, he wouldn't have been blown into an alternate universe, and he wouldn't be rapidly free-falling down towards a small stone tower that was swarming with three-foot-tall rats.
He let himself continue to fall, knowing that each second was precious in terms of mana regeneration.
He cast another portal spell, this one set to drop him seventy feet over and twenty feet higher.
Then another.
And another.
Then he fell the ten feet out of the portal and onto the wall.
Bob looked around at the men and women who were busy fighting off the rats and... was that four-foot-tall spider? Bob shuddered.
He didn't recognize anyone, or rather no one he knew by name.
Turning to look over the wall, he saw the wave of monsters endlessly rushing the wall.
He reached up with his right arm to pet Monroe and winced.
He allowed himself a brief moment to close his eyes and take two deep breaths.
He opened his eyes and looked at his right side.
Bob nearly gagged.
His armor was just gone. And from the looks of the gaping wound, so were a couple of his ribs. It looked ugly. Like some sort of terrible cauterized wound, it was oozing blood, but not really bleeding. Clearly, the healing potion had done what it could.
He checked his health bar. Still a bit over half.
Bob stepped forward and dropped a concentration based UtahRaptor over the wall.
Jake went nuts, slashing and biting at the rats, letting out savage chirps of glee as he disemboweled and filleted monsters.
Bob leaned on his staff as he watched his mana climb back up steadily.
He saw movement to the left out of the corner of his eye and turned to see an economy size badger bowl over the group's tank. At least he assumed it was the tank as the man had a shield and a short spear.
Of course, he also assumed it was a badger, although he'd never seen a photograph of a badger that showed them with spear-like tusks.
With a snarl, he dropped his connection to the Jake below the wall and summoned a fresh effect over time UtahRaptor directly on top of the badger as it tossed its head, tearing a gash in the leg of the man who'd been standing behind the tank.
A pair of rats took advantage of the group's distraction and surged over the wall, digging their teeth into the legs of the fallen tank.
Bob cast again, dropping another effect over time Jake on the furthest rat, as he dashed forward and swung his staff as hard as he could, knocking the rat which was still chewing on the tank's tight, clear over the wall.
A spider extended a pair of legs over the edge of the wall, and Bob cast another effect over time Utahraptor in front of it.
He turned slightly to check on the group and found two of them carrying the tank away from the wall as he dripped blood from his injuries.
Given the nature of magical healing, Bob assumed he would live. Not that he could do anything about it anyway, he thought grimly as he kept up a steady stream of effect over time Jake's on the edge of this section of the wall.
Bob kept summoning five-second duration UtahRaptors, and while the monsters kept coming, he was managing to keep ahead of them, if barely.
Two minutes later, Bob felt a tap on his shoulder and turned slightly to see the Tank and his party behind him.
"Thanks for the save," the tank said sheepishly as he offered a hand for Bob to shake.
Bob shook his head slightly as he shook the kid's hand. This was another one who couldn't be old enough to vote.
"Happy to help," he said awkwardly, "I'm guessing you're ready to take your spot back?"
"Yeah, we'll take it back, thanks again Reef," the kid said as he stepped forward as the last Jake disappeared and started swiping at spider legs while the young man and woman behind him started throwing ice bolts at the monsters.
"It's Bob," he muttered as he turned away, wincing as the motion pulled at his wound.
He was walking up to a section of wall between that group and the next when a kid that was not only not old enough to vote but also not old enough to shave ran up to him
"Hello!," a startling high voice addressed Bob, who re-evaluated his initial assessment. Not a boy, but rather a slender girl with short hair. 'Shaving is probably something she wouldn't want to worry about,' he thought idly as he stopped and looked at her.
"You're the Reef right?" She asked anxiously.
Bob really wanted to rub his temples but raising his right arm hurt.
"It's Bob, but yes," he said.
"Oh good," she said hurriedly, "Look, the northern section has a big one coming, and we were hoping you could reinforce us?"
Bob let out a growl as he ground his teeth and said, "Show me the way."
He quickly resorted to portaling to keep up. 'Kid must be going down the Labourer path,' he thought grumpily as he watched the little shit run flat out without tiring.
He portaled one last time and dropped to the wall next to the kid who was waving at him while standing next to one of the people Bob recognized as a section leader from the plaza.
"Reef, thanks for coming," the section leader said, her voice hoarse with strain.
"We've got a big one coming and we could use any help you can give us," she said and pointed due north.
Bob followed her indication and then blinked his eyes rapidly, squinting.
'Yes,' he thought, 'that is in fact a massive spider.'
"Nuke it from orbit," he muttered as he tried to take in the dimensions of the monster, "it's the only way to be sure."
"What?" the section leader asked.
"Nothing," Bob said as he stared at the spider. Or spider-like-monster. Normal spiders weren't thirty feet tall. Nor did they have two extra legs in the front with scythe blades.
It was getting closer, maybe three hundred feet out he mused.
"I hereby dub thee Big Fucking Nope," he whispered to himself.
He turned to the section leader, biting his cheek as his right side complained about all the activity.
"Any chance you have some cheap mana potions?" Bob asked.
She let out a bark of laughter and shrugged a backpack off her shoulders.
"If you can keep that thing from killing more than half a dozen of us, you can keep it," she said bitterly as she handed it to Bob.
Bob took a second to consider the implications of CamelBak, presumably filled with mana potion.
He shook his head. It was a hundred and fifty feet out.
"I got this," Bob said, shrugging the backpack on, and biting the leather tube between his teeth, then dropping a portal at his feet.
The section leader blinked and turned as her eyes searched for Bob, before finding him plummeting down towards the ground just ahead of the giant spider.
"That's not what I meant," she muttered as she waved to get the attention of the group leaders, calling for them to focus their fire on the enormous threat when it came into range.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Bob recast his portal to take him straight up, and then summoned a concentration-based UtahRaptor directly on top of the B.F.N.
He then immediately portaled to gain some altitude.
He watched as his Jake tore into the spider's abdomen, noting that this particular monstrosity seemed to have a plated exoskeleton.
This was, to Bob's knowledge, not a common arrangement in arachnids. The exoskeleton, sure. Chitin plates on its back, not so much.
It rolled to the side and successfully caught Jake as he attempted to dodge, pinning the raptor to the ground with a scythe.
Bob let go of the spell, and dropped another portal at his feet, reappearing another eighty feet up, then jerked back as a massive wad of webbing flew past him, missing him by mere feet.
"Of course it can fucking throw webs," he cursed, and he dropped an effect over time UtahRaptor on the B.F.N.
The B.F.N rolled again, catching Jake by surprise as the UtahRaptor scrambled to gain purchase on the slick chitin.
Bob dropped a portal underneath his feet, trying to maintain altitude, but moving the B.F.N. back towards the wall, and hopefully in range of the archers and spell slingers.
Bob watched his mana drop after two back to back portals and grimaced.
He didn't really have the luxury of just falling and regening this time. The damn thing would draw a bead on him, and he wasn't sure what being wrapped up in a web and hurtling to the ground would do to his ability to portal, but he was pretty sure if he ended up cocooned he wasn't going to be able to see a target location.
He bit down on the leather tube and sucked in a mouthful of the mana potion.
His blue bar quickly began to refill, and he considered that he should recommend Harv to the section leader. Harv's potions, as a rule, tasted alright. A bit like an energy drink, they went down alright but left kind of a sharp, harsh aftertaste.
The potion in the Camelbak tasted like a fish and chip milkshake, that had been left outside on a hot sunny day.
Bob gagged a little, but still managed to recast another effect over time Jake, this time beside the B.F.N. and then portal as another web shot hurtled up towards him.
He fell another sixty feet, before opening another portal, then falling another thirty feet, then summoning an effect over time UtahRaptor.
He portaled again and watched with a grim smile as the Adventurers on the wall started pelting the B.F.N. with arrows and spells.
Monroe appeared to have adapted well to this experience, as he hadn't yowled and was in fact, making happy feet on his shoulder the entire time.
"I'm glad one of us is having fun," Bob muttered to Monroe, as he let himself fall for two seconds, then portaled up and over, avoiding a shot of webbing that would have nailed him had he teleported straight up.
Bob watched his blue bar drop, creep up, and drop again, his output constantly exceeding his regeneration.
He steeled himself against the taste and took another drink of the rancid mana potion.
Instead of his blue bar refilling, he felt a familiar burning along his right side, aggravating his already painful wound.
"Mother Fucker!" Bob shouted in pain as his body seized and his matrix started to burn.
As his entire body clenched, Bob watched as the ground approached. Thirty two feet per second, per second, he thought frantically as he tried to move his mana into forming the pattern for a portal.
He had been about a hundred and eighty feet up when he'd drank the potion and falling for one second, so this second he was falling at sixty-four feet per second, and the next second he was going to falling at ninety-six feet per second, and the second after that, he was going to make a hell of an impact on whatever was beneath him.
Monroe had determined that something bad was happening, and had decided that Bob was being far too cavalier about the situation, and thus had decided that yowling in Bob's ear would focus his attention on the important matter at hand.
He was less than five feet above the monster wave, and he could see a badger rearing up to impale him when his muscles unclenched, and his mana suddenly flowed into the pattern of a portal.
Bob gasped in relief as the pain subsided into a low throb, except for his right side, which was still singing him the song of agony.
His blue bar also began to rapidly fill.
"Fuck!" Bob cursed. That had not been ok.
He dropped another portal beneath his feet, taking him directly towards the wall.
Bob wasn't sure what had just happened, but he definitely didn't want it to happen again, especially when he was doing his skydiving impression.
He portaled to the wall next to the section leader and fell to his knees gasping. That last portal had taken him to a sliver blue that was barely visible.
"Sorry," he gasped out, as he struggled to standup, clinging to his staff.
"I've got some mana issues," Bob said hoarsely, his right hand clutching his side.
"Nothing to be sorry about," the section leader said as she let out a quick laugh.
"You kept it dancing around out there, in range of our archers and casters, for a good ten seconds - normally it would have closed the distance in three and been rampaging amongst us for several seconds," she continued, "instead it was chasing you while we rained down the damage."
She shook her head and gave him a pat on the shoulder, "You saved some lives out there Reef."
Bob gasped as she patted his right shoulder, as pain spiked through his wound and he struggled to stay on his feet.
"What?" The section leader asked quickly, as she pulled back his cloak, "Are you woun- Stones!" she cursed.
She carefully looked over his right side as Bob wheezed, then she asked "When did you get this?"
"Giant fucking rat," Bob growled as he gritted his teeth.
She shook her head and said, "You need to head to the healers, I'll have a runner show you the way."
Bob forced himself to his feet and said, "I can still summon, my side will hold together."
"No need," she said and pointed towards the tree line, "the wave is almost over."
Bob looked out and saw that the endless wave of monsters did in fact have an end - the trailing edge was just that, a trailing edge.
"Well damn," he said.
"Follow him," the section leader motioned to another kid, "he'll lead you to the healers."
"Are you Reef?" the kid asked excitedly as he started to lead Bob down from the wall.
"I saw you fight the giant rat!" the kid babbled, "that was amazing, the way you just kept dropping from the sky like that!"
"My name is Bob," Bob muttered as he gingerly followed the kid towards the healers.
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