Chapter 145: 139: Delving into the Past
Early noon.
"..."
I stood in front of a wooden door.
""...""
With the twins, Sana and Sona standing by my left and right sides and clinging to the hem of my jacket, the three of us stood in silence.
Today was a particularly cold day, and the chilly, late-winter breeze brushed us past, gently blowing the ends of the girls' chequered white scarves to trail behind them.
Pat.
I placed a hand on each of their heads and stroked their hair softly.
They seemed to enjoy it, nuzzling ever so slightly into the palms of my hands as neither party spoke a word.
"..."
My inner self had been in great turmoil, but now, it was time for that to end.
About two weeks had passed since I confessed my plans to the twins, and during that time, I had admittedly grown quite accustomed to such shows of affection like this.
Not only for their sake, but for my own satisfaction.
Stroking their silky white hair soothed my agitated heart and pacified my obstreperous mind, which had been especially chaotic and tumultuous recently, like a specially-designed tranquiliser.
Strangely enough, it was an action that I did not mind doing even when I started ramping up its frequency.
Unusually, I would even go so far as to say I enjoy it; perhaps, even more so than the twins themselves.
It was a peculiar feeling, but not one that I intended to disturb.
This action of mild endearment.
Something I was not used to, and yet.
It was comforting.
Calming.
I felt like I couldn't stop myself after I had started, and indeed, whenever I began stroking their heads, I often found myself unable to depart for at least an hour.
I didn't want to get distracted from the development of my artificial Measurement inducement drug, which had also come a long way in the past two weeks, so I had no choice but to halt myself except during my breaks, which had thus become more frequent.
Still, I thought it was fine.
After all, it was for my own health, so there was no helping it.
It was fine to sacrifice a little bit of my time each day to maintain a healthy sanity, and besides, it was something the twins seemed to take pleasure in.
At the very least, it was something that raised both of our moods.
So, there was nothing objectively bad about it, and I could continue without guilt or remorse.
An unfamiliar soothing.
It reminded me of the effects of the medication I used to be forced to take back in the Playground.
I don't remember much about it now aside from the horrible bitter taste that couldn't be erased even if the Professors disguised it in fruit juice that wouldn't compromise its efficacy, laced some chocolate sauce and peanut butter with it, or hid it in some other kind of food I enjoyed, like pasta.
Doing those sorts of things only made me begin to dislike those foods, and it never actually helped me to take the medication as they had intended, so thankfully, the Professors eventually ceased attempting such methods.
Anyway, that's all I really remember about it.
Aside from that, I can kind of recall that one of the reasons the Professors wanted me to take the medication in the first place was to soothe me, or something.
I don't remember why they wanted to soothe me, but it doesn't matter now.
Professor Marcus Lynton never mentioned anything about it when I talked to him last time at the school Christmas festival, so it probably wasn't a big deal.
There was a high likelihood that today, I could be shown the memories of that time, anyway, so we shall see.
Suddenly recalling that medication, however, also reminded me of that strange coffee Araceli ordered for me a couple of weeks ago.
On the day that I made up my mind.
To expose everything and find out the truth, regardless of whether it resulted in me destroying the world or not.
In any case, the peculiar drink I had experienced for the first time on that day.
Now that I think about it, that was also something with similar effects to the medication; it reminded me of that disgusting thing from all that time ago, just like stroking the twins' heads did now.
It wasn't a particularly enjoyable taste, but for some reason I found myself craving that weird coffee again.
Perhaps, once today's business is finished, I'll go to order some more.
I wonder if it might even be possible to adjust the drug to have the same taste?
I'll make sure to look into it when we return home.
In any case.
As much as my heart would like to be able to savour this sense of tranquillity until the end of time, I know that I couldn't allow myself to do such a thing.
So, although it leaves me with a lingering hint of regret.
"...Alright. That's enough for now."
I withdrew my hands from their heads.
"Later, when we get home, I am looking forward to spending time with you again, as we have done until now."
""...""
The twins didn't respond, but that was normal behaviour for the taciturn girls. Moving on, I steeled my heart and raised my hand towards the dark brown door of rich mahogany in front of us.
I didn't know what made me so hesitant, but perhaps it was natural to feel tense when what I was doing was certain to be the end of it all.
In the corner of my mind, I wondered.
There was still a portion of me that felt conflicted.
Deep within my heart, there lay a subtle concern about it.
After today, will I really want to destroy the world?
A heavy sensation seemed to form within me, but no matter the obstacle, there was no way I could stop here.
Knock, knock, knock-!
After knocking on the door three times in quick succession, it didn't take long at all for a response to arrive.
"Hello there. You must be Sir Herington, I take it? A pleasure to finally make your acquaintance."
A man who was neither too young nor too old answered the door; wearing simple yet classy clothing that was simultaneously casual and professional, with full brown hair lightly swept back and donning a pair of round, half-rimmed glasses.
This individual was Michael Guff.
I took in his appearance completely and engraved it into my mind.
As the person who would play the role of the one to finally end my long-time quest, I thought it only right to do so.
"Call me Michael, if you'd please."
I nodded my head and replied with the standard polite mannerisms I learned to accompany this high-class identity.
"Leander. A pleasure to make your acquaintance."
"I have heard many positive things from my associates about you, so I've been rather interested in a meeting for a while now. Admittedly, I was surprised to hear that you were the one to contact me first."
"Much obliged. Likewise, I've myself seen the stories of you helping people find their ways who were once lost. Furthermore, finding a cure in hopes of saving the afflicted elderly for once and for all; it is admirable, the work that you do."
"Haha, thank you. Well, in reality, it's not such a tough task that deserves the attention and reverence it brings, though I'm flattered that someone of your standing thinks so."
Smiling, Guff then turned to the twins by my side.
"These must be your esteemed daughters; it is wonderful to meet you, girls. Just like your father, I've been told the stories of your coolness by my own child; he attends Sacchim, too, you see."
""...""
The girls only nodded curtly to his statement, to which I explained.
"My apologies, Michael; the girls are not the talkative type. Do pardon them."
I wondered if there might've been a problem, but thankfully, Michael Guff briefly waved his hand.
"It's no problem at all; just like I've been told, in fact. I more enjoy the company of a quiet intellectual than a rowdy one, myself. There's no need to mind it. Anyhow, you must be a busy man; please, come in."
Having been done with all the tedious formalities and proper introductions, the twins and I entered Michael Guff's opulent abode.
It was unmistakably a rich person's home, and absolutely on par with Minami's house that we lived in.
There were so many small details and expensive decorations everywhere that, as well as being clear that it was a place nobody except the highest class could afford to take residence, it was a place that had been evidently lived in for a long time.
The subtle sense of 'background life' made that apparent.
It was also interesting to note that, despite living in such a remarkable place, there were no servants like butlers or maids to be seen.
As we walked through multiple hallways, I thought to myself about who this man, Michael Guff, really was.
To be honest, although I had heard about him occasionally in the past, I had never truly realised how famous he was until I began making public appearances as Leander Herington a while back.
His official job was sort of similar to a therapist or psychiatrist, except he used his Measurement to help people.
The thing is, Michael Guff was a doctor locked behind so many barriers to entry that it was unfathomable to think he still saw patients almost every day of the week.
For reference:
Ordinarily, to make an appointment with this man, one would be required to, first of all, belong to a certain private healthcare group; then, you would pay an unreasonably high sum before having to wait up to six months, and finally, after an appointment was scheduled, it wouldn't take place until another few weeks or months after that point.
That was just how absurdly busy and high-class this man was.
Needless to say, I was very grateful for the pseudo-existence of my Leander Herington persona allowing me to skip all of that nonsense and request a personal visit to his home almost immediately, which he thankfully accepted.
"Please, take a seat. Would you like tea, or perhaps a coffee?"
We soon arrived at the vast living room that was similar to our own, and upon taking a seat as he suggested, I was offered a drink.
I declined, of course, because I was not here to waste time with unnecessary things. Michael Guff nodded as if understanding my intentions, and we got right into the business of my visit.
"I would like you to look into the memories of my past."
I stated my purpose without hesitation.
Now, there were a number of concerns I would usually hold with what I was doing here.
For starters, I knew that letting this man look at my memories would expose my identity as well as the truth that Leander Herington did in fact, not exist in reality.
But, that didn't matter.
If I really wanted to hide it, then I could just silence or kill him, and although that would still mean Leander Herington was guilty of murder, he wasn't a real person anyway, so it mattered even less.
Regardless of the consequences, in any case, I truly didn't think anything could sway me at this point.
After all, once he shows me my memories of that time, then everything will be over.
I can feel it in the deepest reaches of my heart that such is the case.
So, there is no need to worry about something small like my identity being exposed.
Because, soon, nothing like that will matter.
Today, like always, I carried the Measurement evolution drug with me inside the interior pocket of my jacket, where it was safe.
It wasn't yet fully complete, but in the worst-case scenario, it was there if I needed it.
Of course, realistically speaking, something like that shouldn't be necessary.
"Naturally, I can do that. You need no more than let me know the range of time you would like me to search, and I shall do the rest."
Listening to his words, I nodded.
It was something I had only found out after doing some research into his background, but most of the appointments patients had with Michael Guff were related to dementia, as well as PTSD and various other forms of mental trauma.
I knew I didn't have PTSD, but the symptoms of trauma could vary between people, so I wouldn't know for sure. There was, of course, no need to mention dementia.
Michael Guff's Measurement was very effective in locating the root cause of many such mental afflictions and basically solving them by allowing the patient to relive those events in vivid detail.
It might sound like a bad idea for a sufferer of trauma to revisit the memories of their childhood that gave them said trauma, but it actually seemed to have helped countless people, so there must be something to it.
There was no need for me to explain to Michael Guff what my reason for coming here was, and although he probably had some kind of idea, there was an unspoken rule that he would not pry into anything the patient did not mention first.
Having worked this job for over two decades now, there's no doubt about the kinds of unspeakable things he must have witnessed.
No matter what it was, due to the fact that the majority of his clientele were people of higher economic class and that many of them were people of high social and political importance, there would have assuredly been countless important secrets leaked to his eyes.
Yet, he has never once leaked a secret of one of his patients.
When I think about it, that's probably the reason he became so popular in the first place.
Aside from that, there was a slight concern that his Measurement would not be able to see the events of that day since it was heavily correlated with Forbidden Knowledge.
Just like how Avon Laura was unable to foresee the events that took place beforehand, for instance.
But, I thought about it a little more, and I came to the conclusion that it should be possible.
At the end of the day, his power was simply to draw forth the target's memories and let the people present relive those memories as if they were there.
Unlike Avon Laura's Measurement, which worked by observing the events of the future as a third party; since we would be looking directly at my memories from my perspective, there should be no reason for the visions to be blocked or obstructed by Forbidden Knowledge.
After all, I was there, and I must have witnessed what happened.
All we are doing is observing the scenes from those memories.
And anyway, even if it doesn't work, I need to give it a try.
That's all it boils down to in the end.
"I want you to look at my memories from between ten to eleven years ago, going chronologically. Don't stop until everything is over."
Dropping all the manners and politeness I had persistently shown until now, I looked at Michael Guff with a stern gaze.
"Of course."
He replied with nought but a nod and a single affirmation.
"Then, I will begin."
Reaching his hand out towards my head, everyone in the room closed their eyes and sat with bated breath as we were all about to be shown the same thing.
In the next moment, I was abruptly struck by a familiar sight.
"..."
All of a sudden, a scene from within the Playground played before my eyes.
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