Once Upon A Time, There Was A Spirit Sword Mountain

Chapter 34: My Master Is A Meat Toilet

Translator: Subudai11 Editor: Chrissy

“In short, that’s the reason why it happened.”

At the Ru Family Inn, Wang Lu finished his explanation to the Lady Boss while blowing the steaming noodles with gravy.

While chewing a garlic, the Lady Boss cast him a sidelong glance. “And then what? Did you agree?”

Wang Lu nodded his head. “Since it had come to that, of course, I took the deal. She wanted to be my meat toilet; I would be an idiot if I didn’t take up that bastard’s offer.”

The Lady Boss slapped the table in anger, causing some of the soup to splash. “Why did you take her offer! Do you really think she’s that stupid! No matter how unreasonable she is, that girl is still a Jindan Stage Cultivator. Not only that, she is even a Peak Jindan Stage cultivator! As for you, you’re just in the middle of physical training and you’re not even a cultivator yet. You’re basically still a mortal. How could she ever allow herself to be your meat toilet! Just drop it, it’s way better for you to just masturbate!”

Earlier, Wang Lu had already picked his bowl up, evading the Lady Boss’s furious palm strike. “In any case, I am not the one who’s going to fight, so why should I be afraid?”

“Nonsense, you’re the one who bet with her, but I am the one who has to fight her!? I am just a Lady Boss of an inn, not the Sect Leader of the Spirit Sword Sect! Why would you make me fight a Jindan Stage cultivator? What did I ever do to you in these two years to deserve this!”

Wang Lu tried to calm her. “Rest assured, my Master promised that she would repress her strength to the level of a mortal.”

The Lady Boss waved her hand. “That was just an act! Even if she didn’t use the surrounding spiritual energy and her own magical power, just the virtue of her Jade Mansion Immortal Heart alone is enough to completely abuse any mortal world’s martial artist! You fool, you’ve been living with her for two years, and you still don’t know her? She would never take any unwinnable bet!”

“… If she’s a god of gambler like you said, she wouldn’t need to siphon off her disciple’s subsidy. Besides, I often heard her talking in her sleep, crying out ‘My money!’; ‘Why is it not big!’ [1]… and some things similar to that.” Wang Lu shook his head; he was still optimistic about the bet. “Let alone, Lady Boss, you’re not a normal mortal either. In the past, I still clearly remember that in the Immortal Gathering, you screamed “Papapapa” and shattered those magical treasures with your bare hands.”

“…” When he touched this subject, the Lady Boss immediately went into silence; she obviously didn’t feel comfortable talking about it.

In his heart, Wang Lu actually understood. Although the Lady Boss was bold and straightforward, she was still a woman after all. Screaming and fighting in that black outfit like in the Peach Blossom Village was certainly a memory that she wanted to forget.

However, seeing how conflicting the Lady Boss’s mood was, he would still need to butter her up, comfort her, reason with her and appeal with her emotional side. In short, he needed to provoke her!

“It’s like this; in the beginning, I didn’t want to be too hard on my Master, but then she said, ‘In front of Immortal Cultivators, all mortal world’s martial artists are dog sheet! I can turn any Xiantian Stage martial art master, martial art saint, or martial art emperor, into a meat pulp!’ She also said that the brain of whoever taught me Kung Fu must have been chewed by maggots, otherwise, why would you want to be famous by deceiving people? Moreover, she also said that you’re most likely a flat-chested, coarse, uncultured, unqualified, uneducated, barbarian masculine woman who not only can’t find a husband, but you can’t even find a real friend! In your entire life, your only friends are your fingers and cucumber, and in thirty years, you’ll probably raise several big dogs to improve your life, oh, hehe…”

“Shut up!”

The Lady Boss angrily glared and shattered the table with her palm! The thick mahogany table was instantly crushed by her single palm strike and turned into dust; nothing was left!

“That bastard, how dare she said that about me!”

“Crash!” Consumed by anger, the Lady Boss unexpectedly couldn’t control her power and crushed the bowl in her hand.

“Wang Lu, take me up the mountain to see her! If I can’t beat her into a pulp, I’ll close my inn for good and enter a monastery to be a nun!”

Wang Lu nodded slowly. “Excellent.”

And then he realized, “Did I provoke her too far? Who cares! I still got the desired result! The wrath of the Lady Boss, the warrior of justice, will bury the disgraceful Fifth Elder of the Spirit Sword Sect… Ha! This script is too awesome! I’ll definitely win that bet!”

The Lady Boss was a decisive person; once her idea has been set, she immediately set off to the mountain, boiling with killing intent, with Wang Lu behind her as a spectator.

The on duty disciples who guard the mountain gate would usually smile and greet the Lady Boss, but now, upon seeing her bloodshot eyes which made her look like a demoness from the netherworld, the two blue and white disciples suddenly went into silence; they pretended that they didn’t see anything.

Not long after, the Lady Boss and Wang Lu arrived at the Non-Phase Peak. Filled with heroic spirit, the Lady Boss bellowed, “Wang Wu, get out!”

That shout was replied with another roar from inside the hut, “Who’s dog is that! Disturbing someone in her sleep in the afternoon, be careful, you’re going to be struck by divine tribulation’s thunder!”

Wang Lu was amazed by her reply, “Damn… This retard is really something! Based on her moral behavior, she has the nerve to curse someone to be struck by divine tribulation’s thunder? And what’s keeping her asleep until this afternoon anyway? Is she trying to hibernate!”

The Lady Boss gritted her teeth. “Today, I will let her sleep forever!”

Then, covered with murderous aura, she kicked open the door. Wang Lu was about to follow her but saw his respectable Master only wearing half of her clothes.

His respectable Master was startled. “The hell! Are you a pervert? Forget about the door, can’t you wait until after I wear my clothes!?”

The Lady Boss froze at the doorway for a moment and then quietly closed the door.

Wang Lu stayed outside; he deliberately whistled without saying anything.

After a while, his respectable Master finished wearing her clothes and finally pushed open the door. However, her face was filled with surprise. “Little Ling’Er, how come it’s you? I thought I was seeing things just now.”

Little Ling’Er crossed her arms and looked up. “Do you need someone else to remind you of your good deed?”

But Wang Lu’s respectable Master slapped her own forehead. “Sheet! Don’t be like that, okay? I was afraid someone would ask me this question. Because there are so many of them, I don’t know where to start.”

“The hell! Master, how many ‘good deeds’ have you done actually?”

But not long after, his respectable master pointed to Wang Lu and incredulously asked, “Little Ling’Er, could it be that you’re the one who taught this idiot Kung Fu?”

Little Ling’Er sneered. “That’s right, I am that flat-chested, coarse, uncultured, unqualified, uneducated, barbarian masculine woman who not only can’t find a husband, but I can’t even find a real friend! In my entire life, my only friends are my finger and cucumber, and in thirty years, I’ll probably raise several big dogs to improve my life!”

His respectable Master was shocked; cold sweat began to pour out all over her body. “What are you talking about? Are you having your period? You…”

Little Ling’Er cut her off, “Don’t you have a bet with Wang Lu? I am here to help him win the bet, so cut the crap and let’s fight!”

“Wh-what fight! Our sisterly love is deep, whatever happens, we can talk this thing through, no need for us to resort to a fight.”

When she brought out their sisterly love, Lady Boss went into silence, seemingly hesitant.

But Wang Lu didn’t want this moment to pass; he immediately struck while the iron was still hot. “Master, you’re so smart. You know you have no chance of winning, so you brought out your sisterly love as a shield. You are indeed worthy of your shameless reputation.”

His Master fumed. “No chance my ass! If I really want to win, it would be very easy. I don’t even need a minute to do it!”

Upon hearing this, Lady Boss’s doubt evaporated. “Fine, then let’s see if you can win against me in less than a minute.”

“Sheet! Good sister, don’t be like that. Let’s talk this thing through, okay?”

“It doesn’t matter, in short, you got one minute to defeat me.”

Thus, this white dressed Elder was finally cornered. But this only continued for a moment; Fifth Elder was indeed Fifth Elder, regarding a fight, she was a decisive and reckless person.

“Fine, let’s fight! As the saying goes, you hit someone because you love her. Since our sisterly love has been stuck in the same place for a long time, after this fight, it’s highly likely that we’ll get married!”

“Damn, what an amazing comeback, Master! I can’t believe you’re actually this kind of person! I have totally underestimated your limit!”

However, those words from his respectable Master seemed to fall on a deaf ear because the Lady Boss just silently pulled up her sleeve and made a fighting posture.

Seeing that the fighting was inevitable, Wang Lu decided that his mission was accomplished and secretly congratulated himself. He then looked for a safe corner to sit down and watch the show.

His respectable Master, realizing that there was no turning back, lifted her bamboo sword and pointed at her opponent; she was ready to fight. At this time, she didn’t use any spiritual energy nor magical power. Yet, this simple gesture of her was enough for Wang Lu, who sat quite far away from them, to feel a rush of pressure from her imposing aura.

Although he was sitting cross-legged, Wang Lu felt that all the muscles in his body was paralyzed… “Is this the aura of a Jindan Stage Immortal Cultivator? It’s too f*cking savage!” Wang Lu had been practicing the Divine Skill of Subduing the Dragon in the past two days. By relying on his rare talent in learning, by now, he could be considered as a second-rate expert in the mortal world. Yet, in the face of this overwhelming pressure, he couldn’t even stand up!

No wonder the Lady Boss said to him that based on the Jade Mansion Immortal Heart alone, a Jindan Stage Immortal Cultivator could flatten any martial artist of a mortal world. The disparity in power was indeed too high! This domineering pressure alone could force any mortal world’s expert to bow their head in respect.

But this was irrelevant because his Master’s opponent was the Lady Boss who similarly could kill any mortal world’s expert! Although Wang Lu wasn’t quite clear on how high the Lady Boss’s martial art was, he was sure that it was definitely a thousand times better than those martial arts masters of Xiantian Stage. Even if her opponent was the legendary fighting master, martial art saint or martial art emperor, they wouldn’t stand a chance against her able-to-shatter-magical-treasure fists! Facing this Jindan Stage bamboo sword wielder, she didn’t even flinch. They stared at each other, waiting to see who would budge first.

“Lady Boss, my plan of turning my Master into a meat toilet depends entirely on you!”

This staring contest between the two sisters had gone for quite a while, but in the end, Wang Lu’s respectable Master, who still hasn’t had breakfast and lunch for today, was the first to lose her calm. Her bamboo sword shook, creating myriad rain-like rays of light which prevented other people from seeing its hidden danger.

Wang Lu’s eyes lit up. “What a brilliant swordplay!” In these two years, although his cultivation progress remained zero, his eyesight had been trained by looking at the training of the numerous talented Inner Court Disciples. As a sect who had the word “sword” in its name, the Spirit Sword Sect definitely had a foundation in swordplay. However, he rarely saw someone who was able to use a mortal world’s swordplay to display this needle concealed in silk floss destructive sword power even in the Spirit Sword Sect.

It seemed like even though she was quite reckless and foolish, this Fifth Elder did have some real skill…

Facing this first strike from a Jindan Stage cultivator, the Lady Boss’s reaction was simple and direct, even borderline crude.

A straight punch to the face! It was neither fancy nor skillful. The only unique feature was its speed, which was really fast! It was accurate and fierce!

Then, a miracle happened.

On one side, there was the top notch mortal world’s swordplay executed by an emerald green bamboo sword which was obviously a magical treasure. On the other was the Lady Boss’s delicate and soft white fist. Wang Lu’s eyes were wide opened as he focused all his attention on trying to see every detail of this fight…

In a flash, the result of this exchange was clear. The multiple rays of light from the emerald green sword shattered into specks of light. A certain white-clad Elder was punched away and flew out like a meteor until she crashed into rocks. And then, silence ensued.

The Lady Boss coldly sneered and shook her wrist. She only spared a glance at those crushed rocks in disdain.

“Wow! She’s too f*cking savage!” Wang Lu could only stare in silence with his mouth agape! The dignified Jindan Stage Cultivator who had clearly shown a real talent, his respectable Master, was actually punched away like a sandbag by the Lady Boss! “Lady Boss, I was wrong about you. I thought you were just a hidden character in the Spirit Creek Town, but that role was simply an insult to you. You’re actually a fucking GM!” [1]

After a long time, his respectable Master finally crawled out from those crushed rocks. However, she didn’t seem hurt at all. Although her dress was inevitably soiled by some dust, her breathing was normal, unlike someone who had received a serious injury. After she stood up, she put her hands on her waist and reluctantly sighed.

“Sheet, without Immortal Energy, I really can’t hold against your normal attack. Little Ling’Er, you’re really a freak.”

The Lady Boss still had her serious look, not saying any words.

His Master looked around and found out that her emerald green bamboo sword had already been destroyed; she shook her head. “Oh my sword handle, what had happened to you…” She casually picked up a piece of that broken bamboo. And then a bright green light shone out from that piece of bamboo. After a moment, that piece of bamboo had turned into the previous green emerald bamboo sword.

Wang Lu inwardly cried out, “What the hell! I thought her sword is at least a magical treasure… I have truly overestimated it! This bamboo sword is nothing more than a toy! No wonder she didn’t try to sell this sword to buy wine!”

“But anyway, I’ve lost this time. Little Ling’Er, I am at your mercy!”

Then, the Fifth Elder assumed the posture of a hero who was about to die a martyr. But even a little kid would now that it was just an act.

The Lady Boss couldn’t keep her straight face and sighed. “You really… I don’t know what to say to you. If you know this would be the result, why bother saying those things?”

Hearing her words, the Fifth Elder was somewhat puzzled. “Yeah, why would I bother with this in the first place when I knew I couldn’t beat you… Oh, by the way, how about your feelings for me? Are you in love with me now?”

Little Ling’Er coldly said, “I feel like my fist just now was too light. Moreover, according to the bet, you’ll be at your beloved disciple’s mercy, not me.”

Speaking about her disciple, the Fifth Elder finally realized that this was all his disciple’s trick from the beginning! “He truly deserved to be my disciple. No wonder that retarded Sect Leader told me that Wang Lu and I are fated to be master and disciple! This evil disciple is really my karma!”

“If only I didn’t drink too much a few days ago, which made my brain a bit muddled, then I wouldn’t have fallen into this kid’s evil trick of goading someone into action! Now, what should I do? Do I really have to let myself be his meat toilet? Holy crap, no way! He is just a fourteen years old teenager, his growth hasn’t completed yet! He certainly doesn’t have the necessary asset and the skill! Doing it with him wouldn’t be satisfying at all… Em, although I haven’t done it with anyone yet, but a simple imagination is enough to predict the future!”

“Master, actually, you don’t have to worry, I don’t have any interest in you.”

“That’s good then, that’s good. You don’t need to hurry about this thing, take your time.”

“Yes, I also think that some things don't need to be rushed. But some other things should be decided as soon as possible. Master, I won’t require you to do anything, I just want to ask a small request. Please be serious and teach me some real skill.”

When it came to this topic, his Master was unable to be serious. “You… really don’t understand my effort, do you really think I took you as my disciple just to keep you as my pet? Among other things, that retarded Sect Leader had made an agreement with me. If I can teach you to be a person worthy of respect, he would give me a lot of money and beautiful women…”

Before she finished, Lady Boss’s cold voice interrupted her. “Where do you think that destined-to-be-single-for-life old man would get the beautiful women?”

His master immediately fell into deep thought.

Wang Lu had no choice but to bring the subject back. “Let’s get back to the original topic. Master, can you please explain to me how much effort you had spent to teach me?”

His Master looked up. “How about you help me think about where that old retard would get the beautiful women, okay?”

“… I think it’s time for you to be a meat toilet.”

Note:

[1] Refer to big numbers in dice, where the gamblers bet on the dice showing big or small number.

[2] Game Master

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