Soul Guardian

Chapter 55: Organizational Politics

In the blackness of the void the Metatron waited impatiently. He knew Lucy was wasting his time on purpose. (And that it had nothing to do with the fact he had called the emergency meeting without any warning.)

“Finally!” He said as the sound of flapping bat wings announced the arrival of his co-conspirator. “Bael went to visit that little worm Zaphiel. He's onto us.”

“Oh. Is that why you called me?” Lucy asked as she landed on nothing and floated in front of him. “I believe the little backstabber prefers to be called ‘Zephyr’ now. But it doesn't really matter. The plan is still on track.”

“He knows I'm involved!” the Metatron shouted.

“Good for him. What do you think he's going to do, follow you to work?” She laughed. “Oh, I see. You're afraid he's going to tell everyone how naughty you've been. It's harder when you have to stand and face the music instead of hiding behind your boss.”

The Metatron crossed his wings. “If he didn't want me doing this in his name, he would have stopped me.”

“Utterly flawless logic. Would you like to fill out your onboarding packet now or should I wait until you fall on your own?” Lucy mimed searching for a pen.

“This isn't the same!”

She cocked a perfectly sculpted eyebrow at him. “Really?”

“Why?”

“Because I'm right!” The Metatron shouted, not realizing the line he had crossed until he was on the other side of it.

A slow clap rang out through the darkness. Lucy and The Metatron slowly turned around to face the approaching figure. They could feel the power radiating from him. It made the hairs on the back of Lucy's neck rise up, like static electricity before a lightning strike.

Bael looked at the two co-conspirators with amusement. “Well, well, well. What have we here?”

Lucy glared at The Metatron. “You fucking idiot! He followed you here!”

“How? He's a demon!” The Metatron flapped his wings to put some distance between them, not paying attention to where he was going. There was a sound grinding of metal as steel birdcage formed around him. The angel swore and bashed itself against the bars.

“Now, now, Metatron. Don't hurt yourself trying to escape.” Bael shook his finger at the unfortunate angel. “Remember, I can always make your accommodations much less comfortable.” The metal groaned and shrieked as it began to crumple inward.

“No! No! No!” The Metatron tried to brace his wings to stop from being crushed. Luckily for him, Bael stopped before doing any real damage.

“Lucy! Help!” the angel called out.

“Let him go, Bael.” Lucy spread her black bat wings and called on the full power of hell. Or at least, she tried to.

What should have been a halo of hellfire sputtered out and died. She looked at Bael in horror. “How?”

“Every master is supreme in his domain.” Bael pointed up into the blackness of the void. “And Lou, is an old friend of mine.”

She looked up with rising terror as the darkness began to take shape. A massive creature with tentacles and bat wings loomed over her.

“Hello, young one.” Lou, the cosmic repair creature, rumbled. “Did you really believe that I would allow you to unravel the firmament of this reality? After all the hard work and time I spent trying to keep it together?”

The Metatron squawked in terror from his cage. “Lucy, this is bad. This is really really bad.”

The fallen angel clenched her teeth, took a deep breath, then slowly let it out. “What do you want, Bael?”

The Baron reached into his fanny pack and pulled out a plastic bag of trailmix. “What do I want? Now, that is an interesting question,” Bael said as he picked the M&Ms out of trailmix and ate them. Then he re-sealed the bag with a twist tie and stowed it away for later.

“I find that what I want changes from day to day. But, I would probably settle for being left alone. It would be nice to be able to relax and drink my tea without some plot or scheme interrupting me. On average I get about three good sips in before something stupid, like this, steals my attention.”

The Baron shook his head. “Tell me, Lucy. When did you get so careless? The void is Lou’s realm, nothing that happens here eacapes his attention. At least, not when he knows where and when to look.” The void around them ripped violently as he spoke.

“Did you really think that Lou wouldn't find out? You plotted to destroy the fabric of reality, in the home of an entity responsible for making sure that doesn't happen. That is either incredibly arrogant, or just plain stupid.” Bael crossed his arms. “So tell me, what exactly did you hope to get out of all this?”

Lucy glared at her offspring. “I'm suddenly beginning to understand how God felt when I betrayed him,” she said.

Bael laughed. “I suppose you are right. The only difference is, I'm not nearly arrogant enough to believe I could ever fill his sandals. But yours, on the other hand, I could probably squeeze my way into.”

He let the threat hang in the air between them. “So, tell me, before something more important steals my attention. What exactly was your thought process here?”

The fallen angel clenched her fists. “You wouldn't understand.”

“Try me. I'm a very understanding sort.” Bael replied.

Lucy shook her head. “No. Fuck You. You don't deserve an explanation. I don't owe you anything!” The fallen angel lunged towards him, but abruptly stopped when she hit the end of her chain. Lucy’s hand went up to the metal collar that had appeared around her throat. “Oh, you bastard. Get this fucking thing off of me!”

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“No. I don't think I will.” Bael replied. “In fact, I'm going to make sure you wear that piece of metal around your neck for the rest of eternity. But maybe, if you play nice, I might just remove the chain.”

“So that's it? If I tell you why I wanted to cause, the apocalypse you’ll unchain me?” Lucy asked.

“Yep. I'd say It's a fairly simple and fair request, seeing as you tried to involve me in it.” Bael replied.

The devil sighed. “Fine, but you aren't going to like the answer. The truth is, I'm tired.” As the words left her mouth, Lucy seemed to almost deflate. “I've been playing this stupid fucking game of his for far too long, and I'm sick of it. I'm sick of never winning. I'm sick of being the bad guy. And I'm sick of all the bullshit that goes with it.”

She grimaced. “I just wanted it to end, on my terms. One final fuck you to the old man on the throne.”

Bael waved his hand and the chain disappeared. “Well, the next time the urge hits, I'd suggest you take a vacation instead. I hear Lisbon is nice this time of year.”

The Metatron called out from his cage. “While you're at it, if you wouldn't mind giving me some breathing room, I'd appreciate it.”

The Baron responded by crushing the cage down even smaller. The angel began to panic. “No! No! No! Stop! Stop! I'll do anything, just don't kill me.”

The Baron slowed the crushing, but didn't stop completely. “Agree to give me all of your power, and I’ll relent.”

“Fine! Take it! Take it!” The Metatron called out.

Bael shivered as a wave of energy washed over him. “Mmm… tasty.” He smacked his lips. “There's nothing quite like the taste of divine power.”

The Metatron’s cage wasn't trying to crush him anymore. But it also wasn't getting any bigger. “Are you going to let me out?” He asked.

“No.” Bael replied coldly, turning to face Lucy again. She had tried to attack Bael while he was distracted, but a pair of enormous vise-grips held Lucy in place by her metal collar. “You forgot about Lou, didn't you?” He asked.

“It may have slipped my mind.” Lucy admitted. “So, what's the plan? Are you going to drain me too? Try and take my power for your own? I give it a year before the other Barons rip you apart for it.”

“You are absolutely right,” Bael said amicably, “If I took your power for myself, I'd spent the next thousand years fighting to keep it. That's why I'm redistributing it instead.”

Lucy blanched. If he split her power up, it would be impossible for her to steal it back. He noticed her expression, and smiled. “Oh, was that not something you accounted for? The idea that someone powerful enough to take you down would be willing to share the rewards?”

The Baron waved his hand and a black book appeared. “Now, if you don't mind, I'd like to get this disciplinary hearing underway. Maharet is making lasagna tonight and I don't want to miss it.”

“Disciplinary hearing?” Lucy laughed at the absurdity of the idea. “Are you joking?”

“Of course not.” Bael replied with an even wider grin. “Policy is policy, even for Lucifer herself. After all, you signed the little slip of paper saying you had read and understood the handbook, didn't you?”

“Oh balls.” Lucy blinked at her own stupidity. No wonder they had pestered her to sign the damn thing!

“Yes, I thought so. Now, since you have signed documents stating that you understand and agree to abide by the rules of hell as explained in the handbook, I believe we may proceed.”

Bael flipped to a page that was marked with a post-it note and began to read. “According to hell’s handbook, page fifty-seven, on the subject of unlogged travel outside of hell…”

Trapped in his cage with no way out, The Metatron was forced to listen as Bael read page after page of minor offenses and policy violations. The words burrowed into his mind and devoured his sanity, one bite at a time.

The angel twitched and shuddered as a particularly long section about travel expense reimbursement consumed his will to live. By the end of the session, The Metatron was nothing more than a barely sentient pile of feathers and eyeballs, softly drooling and making bird noises in his cage.

Lucy wasn't much better off. Her eyes glazed over as her mind tried to make sense of why she had to submit a travel expense report, even if she wasn’t asking for reimbursement. Even Lou didn't escape completely unscathed. (Though he had started taking notes.)

“And so, as the head of the Disciplinary Committee, it is my unfortunate duty to relieve you of your authority and power. Unless, of course, you wish to appeal?” Bael gave Lucy an imploring look.

She snapped out of her trance. “I want to appeal!”

Bael shook his head. “Your appeal has been denied. As head of the Disciplinary Oversight Commission, I find no fault in this ruling and move to make it permanent.”

“You can't be the head of the Disciplinary Committee and Disciplinary Oversight Commission.” Lucy protested. “That's unethical.”

“I can assure you, it's not.” Bael Sharoth, head of the Ethics Committee replied, “We investigated them both, and found no wrongdoing.”

“That's insane!” Lucy shouted.

“No, it's not.” Bael Sharoth, head of the Pedantry Department, corrected her. “That's just large scale organizational politics.”

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