Thank You For Being Trash

Chapter 32: Confusion and Selfishness (3)

Acacia seemed to be telling me to leave this place with actions and words that he didn't mean. His embarrassed expression and guilty face seemed to say that to me.

“…If I leave, you will.”

His sharp eyes were subtly blurred. Meanwhile, his movement, which had been running wild under me, stopped. As he gazed at me with eyes full of resentment, Acacia sighed.

“…Ha."

Pulling out, he bowed his head. His voice trembled as he spoke. In the aftermath of the rough s*x that started unprepared, pink blood from my body splattered on the sheet.

"Why. Are you… worried about…me?”

He stared at me for a long time without saying a word, then saw the bloodstained sheet and lowered his head. Acacia was silent for a moment before he wrapped his wandering hand around my waist and held me.

He rested his head on my shoulder and whispered to me as if he was guilty.

“The one who ruined your country… The one who destroyed it… It is me.”

“….”

“How can I not worry about you?”

Acacia’s acted like a sinner to me.

His breath, which had been roughed by alcohol, grazed my neck. I felt excited again as I felt like a beast.

Getting excited even in this kind of situation where someone genuinely cared for me… Even animals wouldn’t be excited like me. How could he love someone like this? It was a negative thought that I would not normally do.

Seeing Rewan, who genuinely cared about me, I got a feeling I didn’t want to because I felt guilty. It was because he was more special than I thought.

“I don’t want to pass on the things I have to endure.”

I hid my insides covered with lust and spat out the words from my mouth. I uttered something that didn't suit my selfish me — free from worry.

For me, who didn’t value him much, I said something to ease his mind… I was such a person.

Familiar with a relationship of desire and lust, to covet and be coveted. Familiar with false relationships; positive emotions, such as true love, do not fit in. What worked for me was this. For a moment, I cleared up my regrets for letting him go.

“I will kill him with my own power.”

I spat out something I didn't want, saying things I wouldn't do — a future that would never happen.

"But… Why are you worried about me?”

Among all the words covered with pretense, that was the only one truth.

“….”

Acacia did not respond to that truth.

* * *

He hadn't come to my room since the next day.

After a long, boring life, the day came to return to the long-awaited Imperial Palace. Then, suddenly, Acacia came. Three days… I didn't see him for that long though he greeted me with a neat appearance, without any disarray of that time.

“I have something to say.”

I nodded my head in permission. He stopped breathing for a moment and lowered himself abruptly before pressing his lips to my foot.

“…I will be your knight for you.”

“….”

Before becoming Arne, her memories came to my mind — like my own memory. The act of putting the lips on my foot. It was an oath that Rewan, who was engaged to her, made to Arne in public… The pact of Sorano Kingdom’s master-and-vassal relationship.

Lower their body under the desired master and place their lips on the top of the master’s feet. It was such a sacred oath that it could not be broken even if death came before them. I didn't know why he was doing this to me.

…To just call it sympathy.

“I don’t have a master-and-vassal relationship with someone whom I don’t know their heart.”

It was too much.

Nevertheless, Acacia kept his body low and listened to me silently without straightening his body. I was lost, not knowing what he felt for me.

“…Moreover, with the knight of the enemy country.”

I passed by Acacia, who was still lowering himself. I walked down the hallway and went down the stairs to get on the waiting carriage of the Imperial Palace without an escort.

I just hoped that he wouldn’t come into my story anymore so that the story could end.

Even if it was the original story that had already been distorted and the end was unknown, I did not want to cause any more changes. This was not the ending I was hoping for. I didn't want to run into such a catastrophe and ruin the ending of the original story.

‘Ah… I just hope the original ending will end soon.’

I groped through my vague memories and thought of events to come.

…Did it make sense now?

Now that it was already gone haywire like this, was there an end like the original story? I struggled to suppress the anxiety that was rising from the side of my heart. To what extent was it a story, and to what extent was it a reality…?

Now, I could feel a sense of reality that I had never felt before. Arne's memories and my previous life’s memories were mixed.

‘…Who am I?’

I was confused as to who I was. Whether this was a story or not. I was lost in the context of the story and the actions of the characters that had changed so much. The love I felt for Rewan also added to the confusion.

It wasn't in the book I knew. They weren't the people I knew. I wasn’t… the me I knew either.

Shaking my head, I gathered my mind at the Imperial Palace that I could see. Ignoring personal feelings. The reason I came here is for happy s*x life… That was it. Nothing else was needed at all, whether it was love or loyalty… No such things.

I never expected to be treated like a human. It was my own utopia that I entered after checking how it ended and how Arne was treated.

…Why was it that the days ahead feel so gloomy even though I pulled myself together like this?

* * *

After a day in the Imperial Palace, Distria found me.

As a maid to attend his night, I was washed all day by the handmaids. After putting a red cloth around my eyes, I was laid down on his bed. The leash was tied somewhere, and I could not go beyond a certain distance.

My eyes were covered, and my sensitive ears caught on.

No matter where he went, I could hear Distria’s movement, which brought in the cold wind. The sound of closing the door. The sound of him taking off his clothes. The sound of him washing in the bathroom attached to the room…

“Is he okay?”

His languid voice was heard.

“I think it must be different, having s*x with me and refusing to see Rewan while doing that.”

It was a voice full of ridicule. His languid voice sounded like it was tight somewhere.

When I opened my lips, my mouth was suddenly blocked by something — something soft touched my lips. The scent of wine filled my mouth. Once, twice. He forced me to open my lips, not close them with his hands, then handed me the wine again.

As Distria's pouring hand was repeated several times, the alcohol effect began to rise, like water on cotton.

Was the wine strong, or was Arne weak…?

My limp body tied up, I swung my immobile arms, struggling to push him away. I didn’t even know if I moved properly.

"I'm not in a good mood right now, you better do what you're told."

“Huht… No—”

Distra covered my mouth with his lips. He bit my lower lip with his teeth and slowly tucked in his tongue before ruffling my hair with a gentle hand and pulling off my clothes.

When my bare skin was exposed to the cold air, I got goosebumps.

The growing heat and excitement shattered the thoughts and worries I had been thinking about before. I said to myself that I had an inappropriate thought, which would soon disappear.

Exhaling an exhilarating breath, I liked the brief heat and the pleasure that accompanies it. It was a story that I started because I liked it. I couldn't shake it while I focused on the pleasures Distria gave. Anxiety sank into the depths of the abyss.

"Ha."

His lips pressed firmly against the n*pples. Distra gently stroked my back and laid me on the bed.

Because my eyes were covered with a cloth, I felt regretful that only the red color was visible. I could feel his strong and ecstatic abs fluttering behind the eye covering. At that, I wished he would release the red cloth around my eyes.

The next moment, he grabbed my legs, spread them apart, and buried his face in the entrance. He teased the cl*toris with one hand and stuck his tongue out.

I welcomed the gentle caress from the wet tongue that was not like Distria.

“Huhk… Hu-ung…!”

With the other hand, he rubbed my hips and stroked my waist. The lips that had been caressing the bottom again came up to my chest and the stomach. His cold hand caressed my cheek, and his fingers touched the red covering.

‘Come on, hurry! Now! Let me go…!’

I turned my head away, leaving the sorrowful heart behind.

As he lightly pulled on the eye covering, Distria’s body slowly caught my eye in the darkened space. I continued to blink to restore the flickering vision.

“Are you seducing me?”

"No way… Kugh!”

Pulling on the leash as if to not let me speak, the sound of his exhaled breath reached my ears.

Then, he began to caress my moist inside with his fingers, licking my sensitive ears. Distria whispered while holding my legs, which were clenched like a habit even without being conscious of it, and bit my earlobe.

“Open your legs.”

I took a deep breath and stared at him.

Seeing me not moving, he frowned. Distria tucked his thighs between my legs and forced them apart. Contrary to my wish for him to put it in quickly, he put his p*nis to the entrance and only wiggled it.

Even though it felt like I was burning, there was nothing I could do so I just bit my lip. I was afraid I would moan when he inserted it. Where did the thoughts I had before go…?

My body, looking forward to the next action, heated up.

“Uh, uhng!”

“Ku-uhk…”

He let out a low moan as he shoved himself all the way down to the root at once.

‘Ah, f*ck… So damn sexy.’

With a frown on his forehead, Distria pressed his waist with force and swept my head with one hand. He moved slowly back and forth for a moment, then gradually increased his speed.

Haa.

As I let out a hot breath, he lowered his eyes and exhaled a breath before his expression was so lustful that it was a waste that only I get to see it alone. Feeling like I was floating, I felt twice as good as usual because I drank alcohol.

In addition, it was nice to forget the dark, gloomy thoughts.

Every time he moved, a rustling sound could be heard, like the leash showing its presence. He rubbed my white chest with both hands, which swayed as he moved. It changed shape to and fro in his large palm. Sometimes, he would pull it up.

"Pretty."

He said strange words that I couldn't tell if he was sincere or not and gazed at me with loving eyes.

‘Weird… It feels weird.’

Was it because of alcohol that I was looking at it wrong…? Did Distria become strange? I shut my eyes and turned my head to deny him.

Although I did something offensive, he didn't get angry or hit me.

Consequently, I had spent a week at Acacia's mansion without saying a word in the first place. However, he was not angry when he should be in an angry situation. That had increased the anxiety in my heart.

…The soft glance, the gentle touch — His kindness was unfamiliar.

My heart was in an uproar, and my anxiety gradually increased in size. Seeing his friendly face made me realize that the end was still a long way.

__

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