The Amusing Adventures of a Directionally Challenged Dad and Daughter

An elderly woman with graying hair at her temples, accompanied by a boy of about seven years old and a young married couple, approached. They were covered in dust, their tattered clothes caked with grime.

Wasn't that his sister-in-law in name only? She seemed to have quite the tenacious life force, managing to make it all the way here.

Old Gu Six merely raised an eyebrow, ignoring them as he drove his mule cart past, treating them like complete strangers.

Lady Chen tried to run after the cart, but how could someone on two legs ever catch up to a four-legged mule?

Chang'an lifted the cart's curtain to look back. Lady Chen stood there stomping her feet and cursing loudly. Though the words were unclear, it wasn't hard to guess they were quite vulgar.

"Father, have we encountered those troublesome old Gu family members again?" Chang'an asked.

"It's of no consequence. If they can't take a hint, then let the Gu family line end with them," he replied in a tone as casual as if discussing pleasant weather, despite the cruel content.

Before Chang'an could respond, the mule cart suddenly came to an abrupt halt, nearly causing her to crash into the cart's wall.

"Daughter, are you alright?" Old Gu Six asked urgently, hearing her soft cry of surprise.

"I'm fine. What happened?" Chang'an repositioned herself and curiously peered out of the cart.

More than ten officials had blocked their path, arrogantly ordering Old Gu Six to get down from the cart.

"Get down quickly and come with us," they demanded.

Old Gu Six ignored them. When one tried to grab the mule, he lashed out with his whip, sending the man crumpling to the ground.

A bright red welt appeared on the official's rugged face, and he clutched it while howling in pain.

Seeing their comrade struck, the others rushed forward to subdue Old Gu Six.

Old Gu Six's whip danced through the air with deadly precision, knocking them down into a pile with the first fallen man at the bottom.

The one on top yelled defiantly, "You'll be taken to the county office and beaten for assaulting officials! The magistrate won't let you off!"

"Whether he lets me off or not is another matter. Right now, I don't feel like letting you off," Old Gu Six retorted, delivering three or four more lashes in quick succession.

Cotton stuffing flew from their padded jackets as the whip found flesh, reducing the man to tears.

"Stop, stop! You'll kill someone!" he cried.

"Tell me why you're blocking my way," Old Gu Six demanded, snapping his whip around the man's neck.

The implication was clear - speak or be strangled.

Having already offended them, he might as well get a few more licks in.

The official's face turned purple as he struggled against the whip, veins bulging on his forehead.

He choked out, "Y-you... j-just... let... me... go... first..."

Old Gu Six loosened his grip slightly. The official gasped for air like a fish out of water.

When he could finally breathe again, he rasped, "We're rounding up passing refugees for logging and quarrying work."

"Do I look like a refugee to you?" Old Gu Six snarled, cracking his whip with each word, imbuing them with internal energy.

"Ow! Ugh!" The slowest to react was now taking the brunt of the beating. This seemingly frail man turned out to be a complete maniac.

The one at the bottom of the pile had started to roll his eyes back. Old Gu Six jumped down from the cart and kicked them one by one into the water-filled ditch beside the rice paddy.

Chang'an lit two firecrackers (the kind used to blast fish out of water - have you ever played with those?) and tossed them in.

Two loud "bangs" echoed from the ditch as mud flew everywhere, sending those who had just begun to stand up sprawling back down in fright.

The dozen or so yamen runners were now covered head to toe in muck.

Chang'an nimbly climbed back into the cart as Old Gu Six leapt onto the shaft and spurred the mule into a gallop.

Once again, Old Gu Six and Chang'an found themselves as wanted fugitives, though this time the sketches bore a passing resemblance.

Chang'an could draw too. She took out her makeup and got to work, transforming both father and daughter as if they had new heads.

"Daughter, I had no idea you were skilled in disguise," Old Gu Six marveled, looking at himself in the mirror. He had gone from a strikingly handsome father to one who wouldn't warrant a second glance in a crowd.

She had even stuffed his clothes to give him the appearance of a middle-aged, hunchbacked old father.

Chang'an's fair, soft cheeks had been transformed into those of a sallow, scrawny girl, her eyes seeming a size smaller.

"This isn't disguise, it's just makeup," she explained. The dark arts of Asia - look it up. It can make the ugly beautiful, and the beautiful ugly.

She stored the cart in her spatial pocket, then mounted the mule with Old Gu Six leading it by the reins. They strolled past the officials searching for them with wanted posters in hand.

One official stopped Old Gu Six, but perhaps because the current Old Six looked too ordinary, he didn't even bother comparing him to the poster. He simply asked, "Have you seen these two people?"

Old Gu Six made a show of examining the poster before exclaiming as if remembering something, "Aye, I saw 'em pass by our village a few days back!"

His thick rural accent shocked Chang'an. When had he learned to speak like that?

Hearing his accent, the official waved them on.

Once they were out of sight, Chang'an brought out the cart and hitched it up again. As a precaution, they kept their disguises on.

They continued their mad dash, but the further they went, the more Old Gu Six felt this couldn't be the end of it.

"Daughter, why don't we go rob the Hualan County magistrate's house?"

"Fine by me, as long as you don't mind the trouble."

They had almost left Hualan County when Old Gu Six turned the mule around. Halfway back, they stopped and waited until dusk to continue.

Hualan County wasn't large, but it was a small temple with a big evil wind.

The emperor was far away, and even when he had been able to govern, he had never paid much attention to this area.

The county magistrate had become the local despot. Being a native, he was relatively lenient towards his fellow villagers, but oppressed outsiders in various ways.

Though lenient in other matters, when it came to taxes, even father and son had to keep clear accounts. The tax rate was one-tenth higher than the imperial levy, with the excess going straight into the magistrate's pocket.

There was also a crooked inn in town run by the magistrate's relatives, specializing in fleecing passing merchants.

Sixty percent of the inn's profits went to the magistrate, with his relatives keeping the remaining forty.

In the dead of night, a tall dark figure carrying a smaller shadow leapt across the rooftops of the county town.

After darting through a couple of streets, they finally stopped at the magistrate's residence.

The Hualan County magistrate's mansion was the polar opposite of the Linyun Prefecture governor's residence - one extremely opulent, the other extremely austere. This magistrate's home wasn't even as nice as those of the town's wealthy families.

Old Gu Six, carrying Chang'an like a chicken, infiltrated the magistrate's residence as if it were deserted.

Perhaps the old magistrate was too confident, thinking that if he kept his mansion looking shabby, no one would realize he had money and he wouldn't need many guards.

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