The Simulacrum

Chapter 109

"Why do you keep attending high school?"

The question made me raise a brow and glance over at Sir Percival, currently sitting on the couch in my living room, wearing a fluffy blue bathrobe, playing on his phone, and generally acting like he owned the place. It was early in the morning, and after a whole night's of enchanting work resulting in an absolute bitch of a headache, I didn't quite have the patience for him, but it would've been odd to completely ignore him. I sent a glance at the stairs, hoping that my sisters would show up soon, and then turned to the old man.

"What exactly do you mean?"

My question was sounding polite even to my ears, the result of several days of unwanted emotional control training, and the old man scoffed at me with a smirk, like my response was cute.

"Don't play innocent with me, young man. You're thirty years too early, and you know exactly what I meant." He said all that without looking up from his phone, but when I didn't respond right away, he glanced over and added, "You gain nothing from going there every day. It's a complete waste of time."

"Maybe from your point of view, but as for me, I think it's a worthwhile endeavor."

"Oh, don't you dare to say it's to 'experience the childhood you never had'. I swear, if you try to pull that sappy crap with me, I'll throw my phone at you. And then you'll have to buy me a new one, plus pay extra for emotional damages." That was followed by a long beat, then a series of barely stifled snickers, and finally him waving his hand dismissively. "Don't look at me like that. I'm obviously kidding. Who in their right mind would accept a phone from you? I bet you'd bug it anyway."

"Or at the very least put a parental control lock on it so you can't make in-app purchases," I retorted, and the old man's face twisted up like I just punched him in the gut.

"You're a monster, aren't you?" After pretending to be shocked and outraged for a while, Sir Percival shook his head and leveled a skeptical gaze at me. "You still haven't answered my original question. Does it have something to do with the Magi headquarters under the school?"

"Maybe," I answered with a shrug.

"Last I've heard, their whole leadership is coming to the island to antagonize you."

"Yes. So?"

"Brazenly going into the den of the lion like that is bloody stupid, and you're many things, but stupid isn't one of them. What's your angle?"

We locked eyes for a moment, and after considering my options, I lightly shrugged and said, "I like to keep my enemies close, where I can see them."

"I've already noticed that," he muttered, no doubt still laboring under the misconception that I adopted Snowy as step ninety-four of some nefarious master plan. I had no reason to correct him on that, at least not until I could trust him as far as I could throw him, and for the record, with my full gear, I could throw him very, very far. Potential one-man space programs aside, Sir Percival contemplated my words for a while. "I already told you this, but a conflict with the Magi is not in our best interest at this point in time. I went ahead and pulled a few strings, and with some luck, my insiders can get some dirt on the arch-mages coming to the island. Until then, I recommend you lay low."

"Noted, but what was that about dirt? Are you planning to blackmail the Assembly?"

"Is there a problem with that?"

After some consideration, I made an ambivalent noise.

"Eh? No, not really."

The old man let out a hearty guffaw and flashed a devilish grin at me.

"Trust me; it's going to be fun."

I really wanted to question his definition of 'fun', but before I could, our conversation was interrupted by Penny thundering down the stairs. Maybe it was for the better.

"Sorry!" she apologized the moment she barged into the living room. "I overslept a little. We aren't late, are we?"

"A little, but if we pick up the pace, we should get to school before the first bell without much trouble. No time for breakfast though."

"Awww" my knightly sister grumbled, sounding altogether way too disappointed, but by then Snowy also arrived downstairs.

"It's all right. We can just get some pastries from the cafeteria during the first break."

"Y-Yes, but they cost a lot" Penny griped, and it made me raise a brow.

While her wages as a Knight of the Ordo Draconis were still up in the air, thanks to a deadlock in the negotiations between the newly formed HR and financial departments of the Draconic Federation, as far as pocket money was concerned, I was rather generous with my sisters. No matter how I looked at it, a couple of Jens here or there shouldn't have even registered on her radar, which meant

"Kiddo? Did you already spend your allowance?"

"N-No, of course not! It's just erm It's in the bank."

"You're a minor. You don't have a bank account yet," I pointed out.

"Uncle Roland's account! I put it there for safekeeping!"

I was still skeptical, but since we were late, I decided to drop the issue. For now. If my suspicions weren't unfounded, and she really did spend all her money on what I think she did, then someone was definitely getting some parental controls set up, and it wasn't going to be the annoyingly grinning old man on the couch.

"Good for you, beansprout," he injected himself into the conversation with a genial chuckle. "You must make sure you start saving up when you're young, so you won't have to worry about your finances when you're older."

"Y-Yes! That's exactly what I'm doing!" Penny grasped at the lifesaver thrown her way, but by then, Sir Percival was already focusing on my other sister.

"What about you, girlie?"

"I let Leo take care of it," Snowy answered a tad guardedly. "I don't need much money, to begin with."

"And I keep telling you that you don't have to be so frugal," I commented without much meaning, yet Penny immediately doubled down on it.

"Brother is right! We aren't poor, so we can let loose every once in a while, right? Right?" When nobody agreed with her, she awkwardly cleared her throat and added, "So, erm Can you treat me today? I promise, once I get my first paycheck, I'll treat you back! I'll take you to a restaurant, and no, nonono, that's too I mean, I'll buy you a whole apple pie in return! You like apple pies, right?"

"Y-Yes."

Snowy was audibly taken aback by the direction the conversation took and sent me a glance that said she didn't know what to do, so I unceremoniously rubbed her head and raised my voice.

"You can figure this out on our way to the school, you two. At this rate, we'll have to run."

"R-Right! We should head out at once! Bye, Uncle Percy!" my redhead sister sputtered out and escaped ahead of us.

After a stunned beat, Snowy hastily followed after her, leaving me alone with Percival.

"I'll hold down the fort here, as usual," he told me with a cocky grin.

"Just don't break anything."

"You worry too much, Leonard. Trust me."

I really wanted to point out that I would've had a much easier time to do that if he wasn't a shifty bastard, and that I had already caught him red-handed while he was trying to inspect Snowy's wards around the house, but I held the retort on the tip of my tongue and only nodded. Following the girls, I slipped into my outdoor shoes and put on my winter coat, and then the three of us were finally on our way.

"Brother?" After only a few steps, Penny called out to me. I was half-expecting that she would try to excuse her sublimated allowance all over again, but instead she asked, "How long until Uncle Percy's office is done?"

"Beats me, but it'll probably take a while," I answered offhandedly. "He's going to be in charge of recruitment, and that's a low priority right now, when we already have our hands full with Draconian applicants. All in all, I guess it'll take until the Draconic Federation's budget gets fully ratified. Why?"

"I was just curious about how much longer he's going to live with us. Or is he going to move to the mansion once his office is done? Can't he continue to stay with us?"

" Do you want him to?"

In a rare display of non-tsundere sincerity, she nodded without any hesitation, and my inner feelings must've momentarily shown on my face, as her expression immediately wilted.

"He can't?"

"It all depends on him," I said with as much restraint as I could muster, and my knightly sister's face lit up right away.

"All right! I'll talk with him about it after school then!"

She apparently didn't get the true meaning behind my words, but that was probably for the better. In the meantime, we reached the familiar crossroad, where Judy and Elly were already waiting for us. Remarkably, Ammy and Mike were also there, and they were so immersed in discussing something, it took until we were almost right next to their little group that they noticed our presence.

"Leo!" my overly affectionate draconic girlfriend caught me in a hug and buried her face in my chest. It only lasted for a moment before she took half a step back and declared, "Guess what! We're going on a group date!"

"Hi, princess, and what do you mean by 'we'?"

After a quick round of standard morning greetings, it was, surprisingly enough, the local Celestial agent who awkwardly shuffled forward.

"Let me explain," he began, but then he fell silent, apparently unable to decide where to begin.

"We were invited by Josh and Angie," the class rep helped him out, and with that, mike finally found his dialogue sea legs.

"Yes, right. That's how it started!" he proclaimed with a profound nod. "Little Angie asked me first, because she was troubled by something, and wanted a second opinion."

"Before you continue," I cut in and theatrically glanced around. "Where's the childhood friend couple in question?"

"They've already left," Judy replied in everyone's stead while simultaneously entwining our hands, as is tradition, and Elly hastily followed her example as well, and before long, we all started walking again. "She had outdoors tennis practice this morning."

"In the middle of January," I noted a tad flatly and Judy actually considered my response seriously.

"Maybe it's a setup for one of those scenarios where one of the lovers catches a cold and the other one has to take care of them."

"Oooh? We did that a lot, didn't we?" the princess exclaimed on the other side, only to then add, in a much lower voice, "Though in our case, Leo was bedridden for other reasons."

"We're going into a tangent," I pointed out and turned my attention back to Mike. "So they asked you about something, and why are you here, in the first place?"

"Hm? Oh, that's because I had some business in Timaeus, so I rode an early train so that I could accompany my sunshine to school. We never got to do that, so I thought it would be fun."

"Mike! Don't call me that in public," Ammy complained with a reddened face, but her protests were made a little anemic by the way she was clinging to the guy. If I did that to her, I would've been punched, but apparently being unnecessarily handsome let him get away with it. It might've got something to do with that whole 'being in love' thing, but that was none of my business.

"Where was I? Ah, right! Little Angie asked me about dating. She told me she didn't feel like their dates were romantic enough, so she asked me for advice, and then I had this idea to go on a group date to serve as an example."

In all honesty, I felt a little odd about this whole situation. Wouldn't Angie normally ask any of the other girls in our group first, or failing that, me? But then again, they were distant relatives (though I couldn't figure out if that was literally true or just on paper), so maybe it did make sense? After all, out of all the people I knew, Ammy and Mike were the best example of the classic 'honeymoon period' couple, with the pink atmosphere surrounding them and everything.

"I get it so far. Where do we enter into the picture?"

"I told Amelia that I found a company that specializes in ice-fishing trips," Judy told me like it was self-explanatory.

"I was half-joking about that. Did you seriously look into it that much?"

"We didn't just look into it, we already made a reservation!" Elly proclaimed with a smug little smirk. "Our group is larger than six, so we get our own tour guide and a separate fishing spot!"

"Also, a discount," Judy noted, but the princess completely ignored her comment.

"I've never done anything like this before, but it sounds fun!"

"Hopefully it will be, but" Addressing the Celestial x Homunculus Magi couple, I said, "Didn't Angie ask for advice about more romantic date spots? I don't think she was thinking about an ice-fishing trip in the highlands when she did that."

"That's what makes it perfect," Mike told me with a sense of wholly undeserved gravitas and pulled the class rep closer. "We're planning to teach them about how the important thing isn't where you are and what you do, but that you do it with someone you love from the bottom of your heart. Isn't that right, sunshine?"

" Keep that up, and I'll start calling you cutie patootie in return," Ammy grumbled while shyly averting her gaze.

"I don't mind!" the usually hapless Celestial declared with a devil-may-care grin. "I told you I would accept everything and bear anything for you, so bring it on!"

"Ah, you're such a dunce!" she complained and pinched his nose, then they both laughed from the bottom of their hearts. As for the rest of us

"Chief? Did we ever look like that from the outside?"

"I really hope not," I answered without delay.

Meanwhile, the princess let out an amused giggle, and said, "Amelia is like a completely different person when she's with her boyfriend, isn't she?"

"Yes, and that's just another reason why trying to nail down her character archetype is infuriating," I whispered, but it didn't get any response.

In the meantime, we reached the street leading uphill toward the school gates, and Mike let out a disappointed noise when he laid his eyes on them.

"This was fun, but I'm afraid I'll have to go now. Let's talk again on the weekend," he said to our group as a whole before stepping in front of Ammy. "As for you, my sunshine, I'll meet you after school."

"Oh? What are the plans for today?"

"Penguins," the guy answered with a toothy grin. "The zoo has a special exhibit on them, and they look very cute!"

"Surely not as cute as my cutie patootie," she answered with a mischievous smile, and after a chuckle, the guy not only gave her a bear hug, he lifted her up so that their lips could meet in a rather chaste kiss followed by about half a dozen more, which caused my redhead sister to hide behind my other sister in embarrassment. She was weird like that.

Anyhow, once they were satisfied, he let her go and said his goodbyes before heading down the street leading to the city center. I had no idea what kind of business he had in the city, but just to be safe, I made a mental note to periodically check up on him with Far Sight.

Meanwhile, my dear assistant had a sour look on her face and uttered, "I really hope with never looked like that on the outside."

"Hush, you. Let them have their romance," I chided her, and with the princess's giggles serving as background ambiance, we made our way up to the school gates, with only a few minutes to spare.

"Hey, guys!"

Unfortunately, it seemed like those few minutes would be soon consumed when a certain unruly brown girl greeted us at the gates. More curiously, she had a bright red armband pinned to the upper sleeve of her uniform, and she looked rather smug about it.

"Morning, Sahi," Snowy greeted her first, and for some reason, she looked rather impressed. "Did you really join the disciplinary committee?"

"I told you I totally would, didn't I?" the ex-arch-mage answered with a shit-eating grin, but before we could explore the topic, she pointed a finger at me. "Leo, I have news for you!"

"For me in particular?"

She nodded so hard it looked like she wanted to give me a long-distance headbutt.

"Yes! Like, this is supposed to be a secret and stuff, but I thought you should know that the old dweebs are going to arrive on Monday."

"By 'dweebs', I guess you mean the Assembly," I deduced, and she nodded again.

"Fer shur."

"And why's that a secret?" Elly asked, seemingly just to move the conversation along, but then Sahi rolled her eyes.

"Like, it's because they want to make it this big dramatic-o-rama thing! They didn't even tell Endy about it just to be, like, melodramatic and stuff! Ugh! They are such posers."

"But if the arch-mage doesn't know about it, then how do you know?" Penny leveled a serious question at her, only slightly undercut by the fact that he was, for some reason, still hiding behind Snowy.

"Ah, that's because I called one of them, and totally pretended to be my innocent granddaughter, and acted totally cute, and he told me eeeverything."

"Did you seriously honey-trap one of the arch-mages of the Assembly?"

Sahi didn't take offense at my question, and she struck a gravure pose instead.

"Like, I'm cute to the max, so why wouldn't I use it?" She threw in a wink at the end, to which I responded with a flat stare, and so she finally stopped posing and waved her finger at me. "But seriously, they are coming soon, so, like, make sure you have all of your stuff sorted out by Monday."

I answered with a curt, "Thanks for the heads up," followed by a slightly friendlier, "I owe you one."

"Nah, don't mention it!" It was at this point that the warning bell rang, and she let out a gasp. "Ah! I have to close the gates, or Paz will be totally mad at me! See you guys later!"

We waved our goodbyes and quickly entered through the automatic glass doors at the main entrance, and while my sisters rushed ahead, I turned to the princess, still attacked to me.

"You said you already made a reservation for the ice-fishing trip, right?"

"Yes. It's on Saturday."

"Convenient," Judy noted on the other side, and I had to agree with her.

In retrospect, I wasn't especially thrilled about the whole ice-fishing thing, but I also figured that maybe I should take a page out of Mike's book, and instead of the 'doing what', I should focus on the 'doing it with whom'. At the very least, it should serve as a nice punctuation mark and one last laidback hangout before the proverbial shit was about to hit the proverbial fan.

Lake Leucippe was situated on a plateau on the southern side of the island of Critias. Its surface, currently completely frozen over and covered in a thin layer of fresh snow, glittered brightly in the rays of the early afternoon sun. The air was cold but fresh, and the snow-capped mountain and the brilliant blue sky painted a breathtaking background to what promised to be a memorable group date. Some could say everything was just perfect.

They would've been wrong.

" first hold it between your fingers, like this, and then you take the hook and pay attention, beansprout."

"But it's icky!"

"You've seen worse," Sir Percival told my sister and raised showed off the earthworm to her again. "To catch a big fish, you not only need good bait, but you also have to prepare it well and use it properly. Isn't that right, girlie?"

"I don't know. This is my first time fishing like this," Snowy answered him a tad guardedly, and Percival let out a hearty chortle.

"Then I'll teach you too. Come closer."

My Abyssals sister still wasn't entirely comfortable, but she obliged anyway and joined the old Knight and my other sister around the hole in the ice. Needless to say, Percival was still pretending to be a nice, genial chap, the bloody two-faced snake of a

"Leo, stop scowling! You're going to get wrinkles!" the princess knocked me out of my annoyance spiral by poking the spot between my brows. "There. Much better."

"Don't move around too much. You scare away the fishes," Judy spoke in a low voice while baiting her own hook with a grain ball. "I do agree that you should glare less at Sir Percival though."

"I can't exactly help it, and he definitely deserves it," I grumbled back, prompting Judy to look up at me with deadpan eyes. "What? He's obviously a bad guy!"

"It's possible, and I'm not trying to doubt your judgment, but by antagonizing him, you're creating your own self-fulfilling prophecy."

"Also," Elly chimed in, "even if he's a baddie, it doesn't mean he's going to stay one. Didn't most of our acquaintances start out as baddies?"

"She's not wrong," Judy pointed out and paused while she carefully lowered the fishing line into the hole in front of her. "It's also possible that he's our Token Evil Teammate, and you're just overreacting."

"Hey! Whose side are you on?"

"Yours, obviously," she answered with an odd look in her eyes. "You originally hired me to serve as an impartial observer, just in case your own point of view is biased on twisted. I'm just doing my job."

"True, but"

I tried to object, but the princess cut in by wrapping up the conversation and putting a neat bow on it.

"In other words, forget about that old man for now and help me with my fishing rod! I never used floaters before"

Lacking any other option, I had no choice but to drop the topic for the time being and help my draconic girlfriend with her fishing gear. That didn't mean I stopped thinking about it though.

For a start, let's address the elephant in the room: why was Percival with us on our grand ice-fishing-trip-cum-group-date? For an explanation, we had to go back only a few days. As it turned out, Penny was rather interested in ice-fishing, for some unfathomable reason, and after I clarified that this time it was for us three couples only, she spent the rest of the day sulking.

This didn't escape Sir Percival's notice, he contacted Judy, and before I knew it, he wedged himself and my sisters into the program. My dear assistant said she only agreed because with them, our headcount reached ten, and that not only meant further discounts, but an extra tour of a nearby ice cave. That was, admittedly, a pretty cool experience, but still not worth having him around.

Putting her (somewhat pointless) penny-pinching rationale aside, I had to wonder if Judy actually bought the old bastard's act. He certainly did his best to butter her up whenever they were in the same room, evidently still trying to find out exactly why I held her in high regard, but as much as I hated to admit it, his surface demeanor was certainly disarming enough to get his hooks into anyone, my girlfriends included. Heck, even Elly wasn't as guarded against him as she used to be, and only my Abyssal sister kept up her vigilance like I asked her to.

But looking at it from another perspective, could it be that Judy was right? Maybe Percival really was just our Token Evil Teammate archetype and could be safely ignored for the most part. However, the alternative was that he was an actual, credible threat, and my girlfriends were just too complacent. I couldn't exactly blame them; as the princess aptly put it, I already had a long track record of allying with, subordinating, or in rare cases, adopting people who were originally our antagonists.

It started with Snowy, then the Fauns, followed by Fred and Galatea, then Mountain Girl with her entire clan in tow, and then the Knights, closely followed by the major Draconian families as a whole, including Naoren, who was about as obviously set up as my love-rival as it could get. In fact, at this point I could probably add Lord Grandpa to that list as well, despite our mutual enmity. When looking at all of that in a vacuum, it was very tempting to chalk up my hostility towards the old Knight as just another point in the established pattern.

Worse yet, I couldn't exactly explain myself properly, since invoking my gut reaction to Sir Percival was as good as admitting that my animosity was irrational, and while they believed me when I told them about him being a two-faced bastard in general and his comments regarding Snowy in particular, I had a feeling they were altogether too ready to write them off as either me overreacting, or it being a misunderstanding stemming from him not knowing us well enough yet. While I couldn't exactly object to that, considering how many misunderstandings I'd already encountered (or caused) in the past, I still couldn't help but feel a little hurt over it.

So, long story short, I mostly ignored my girlfriends' advice on this occasion and continued to keep my guard up against Percival. In this case, it was better to create my own self-fulfilling prophecy of sudden-but-inevitable-betrayal and be prepared for it than to hope for the best and get caught with my pants down. In other words, practical pessimism was still the way to go.

"Oh! Oh! Josh, I've got a bite! What do I do?"

"Reel it in! Reel it in!"

My train of thought was derailed by a certain loud childhood friend couple struggling with their fishing rod. They were dressed warmly, befitting the season, but Angie's mittens got in the way of holding the rod properly, and when Josh tried to help, it just led to the fishing line getting tangled. That said, despite the Celestial girl having her reservations at first (apparently, ice-fishing wasn't romantic enough for her tastes), they seemed to be having a lot of fun, complications and all.

Compared to them, Ammy and Mike were the picture of tranquility. The guy was sitting on one of those three-legged portable fishing stools, and she was holding the class rep in a hug while she was sitting in his lap, holding the fishing rod. They seemed to be lost in their own little world, whispering between each other with occasional pecks on the cheeks serving as punctuation, and they looked stomach-churningly adorable.

"They are doing it again," Judy noted a touch absentmindedly, and it didn't take long for me to realize she was also looking at those two.

"It looks nice," the princess noted with dreamy eyes. "Do we have any chairs like that?"

"You can borrow one from the tour guide," I said, and while the princess vacillated, Judy let out a soft grunt.

"I almost want to try that, but at the same time, I'm not sure I want to look like those two."

"To be fair, even if you sat in my lap like that, I sincerely doubt we could look half as snug and fuzzy as them." My comment made my dear assistant hum, which I decided to interpret as agreement. "I don't even know how they are doing it."

"Doing what?" Elly asked, still unable to decide whether she should ask for a chair or not.

"That." I vaguely gestured toward them, but since she still didn't get my point, I did my best to put it into words. "They are just so openly in love and lost in it, it goes all the way around cute and becomes off-putting. Not to mention, seeing the class rep bubbly like that is also weird, isn't it?"

"I don't think so," Judy responded with yet another thoughtful hum. "Her archetype is the introverted heroine with a sad childhood who craves affection and imprints hard on the first person who gives it to her. It makes perfect sense to me."

"It's kind of hard to sell her as an introvert, considering how much she'd been nagging me over the months."

"It's because you're Leo," the princess quipped, and my other girlfriend was in complete agreement with her.

"What is that even supposed to mean?"

"It's not important," Judy said and gestured for me to come over. "Please hold the rod; I have to go to the toilet."

"It was over there," Elly pointed at the small building by the lake shore and sidled up to her. "Let's go together; the tour guide should be around there somewhere."

She apparently still didn't give up on borrowing a chair. There was little I could do about that, so after they left, I checked the bait and cast the line into the hole again. Then, just as things were about to become nice and quiet again, there was suddenly a trout in my face.

"Look, Leo! Look! We caught one!" Angie bragged while waving the fish in front of me. "I didn't think fishing would be this much fun!"

"I'm glad to hear that, but be careful."

As if on cue, the friendly Celestial slipped and Josh had to rush in to catch her before she fell.

"Careful, you dolt. You nearly dropped our catch."

"Boo! You're supposed to care more about my safety than a fish!" she complained, but then right after that she planted a peck on his cheek. "Thanks, by the way."

"How are things on your end?" Josh inquired while rubbing his face with a glowed hand. "Did the girls get bored already?"

"Nah, they just have other business. They should be back in a minute or two. What about two guys?"

"I love it!" Angie declared, and considering she was an outdoorsy type of girl, her opinion taking a one-eight turn wasn't that surprising. "It's a little cold, but the ice cave was gorgeous, and this place is amazing, and we already got a fish!"

For emphasis, she waved the poor, traumatized trout around like it was a floppy sword. I nodded in acknowledgment and turned to the guy, and he was still considering the initial question even while his girlfriend was fish-fencing.

"It's a nice change of pace, but it's a little too quiet."

"Spoken like a real city boy," I jested, and it earned me an indignant huff.

"Whatever. If Angie likes it, I'll like it too."

His comment made the energetic Celestial stop playing with their catch and she flashed a pleased, if somewhat dopey, smile at her boyfriend. Meanwhile, I couldn't help but raise a surprised brow at him.

"Oooh? That's one of the classic idiot-couple lines. To think you would be already spouting something like that You've come a long way, haven't you, pal?"

"Oh, can it," Josh grumbled with a bashful grimace. "You're the last person who can accuse us of being that."

"I resent that remark," I stated flatly, then after a long beat, I quietly added, "If it makes you feel any better, you have a looong way to go before you can reach those two's level."

I didn't even have to name them, yet the childhood friends automatically turned their heads in the direction of Ammy and Mike, and we just caught them having a good laugh about the tiny little fish they just caught.

"Would it be rude to say I don't want to?" Josh muttered, and Angie reflexively planted her elbow in his side. "I guess that's a yes."

"They are just precious," she said with a delighted smile, in stark contrast to the elbow still poking Josh's torso, and let out a captivated sigh.

"Sure, sure, let's go with that," the guy grumbled and stepped out of elbow-range, after which he peeked at Ammy and Mike again and clicked his tongue. "On the way here, he boasted about how he will show me what a real date is all about, but then they just got wrapped up in their own little bubble. I don't get it."

"Maybe that's the point," I nudged my friend with my best 'wise Taoist sage' impression, but he only looked at me funny.

"Me not getting it is the point?"

"Not that, you silly-goose," Angie cut in while putting one hand around his waist and using the fish in the other the vaguely gesticulate at the scenery. "It's all about living in the moment, enjoying yourself to the fullest, and spending time with the people you love the most." Normally this would've been the point where the audio engineers inserted some kind of inspirational symphonic background track, only to then cut it short with a record scratch when she limply let her arm down and muttered, "Or I think that's the point? I'm not entirely sure I've it either, but that has to be it, right?"

It took me a while to recognize she was talking to me, and I reflexively shrugged.

"Sounds good enough to me."

"Yeah, good enough," she nodded along and then started waving her poor fish like the previous intermezzo never happened. "Let's do that! Come on Josh, let's catch more! Whoever has the most fishes by the end of the day is the winner!"

"This isn't a competition," Josh retorted but followed after his girlfriend all the same.

In the meantime, I reeled in my fishing line, but there was nary a nibble on the bait.

"I guess they just aren't biting today."

"Or you're using the wrong bait," a certain sneaky old man uttered from my blind spot.

Glancing over, I did my best to keep my face from cramping up as he walked over and stood next to me. Great. Just what I needed.

"Are you done teaching my sisters how to fish?" I inquired through clenched teeth, eliciting a chuckle from the old man.

"They should manage. Unfortunately, even after you went above and beyond for setting this up, she didn't seem to get it. Or was it even aimed at her, I wonder?"

I had a distinct feeling we were having two completely different conversations.

"What are you talking about?"

"What else could I be talking about but this?" He gestured at the hole in the ice in front of me, and when I didn't react right away, he shook his head. "I see you've picked up the bad habit of teasing your elders since we last met. Can you at least tell me what you're angling for?"

"Fish," I told him with my best Judy impression, and he actually snorted.

"Okay, I admit I walked into that one. However, my question still stands. Is this about the girl, the Inannas, or the Nergals? Or maybe a message to that Bel of the Abyss fellow?"

By this time, I was one hundred and one percent sure we were talking in parallel, and it was freaking me out a little. However, I couldn't show it, so for the time being, I pretended to be completely unperturbed and forcefully twisted the corners of my mouth up.

"I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about. This is a completely innocent ice-fishing trip I organized for the sake of my friends. There's absolutely nothing nefarious, underhanded, or devious about it. Scout's honor."

"Oh, fine, you sneaky scoundrel." Despite his words, Sir Percival sounded genuinely amused. "If you went through all the trouble to set this up, I'm sure you have your reasons. Let's just pretend I never asked, and then I'll act completely surprised when it turns out this really was all about sending a message."

"Sounds fair enough."

The old bastard snorted again, followed by a few stifled chuckles, and at last he asked, "By the way, where's the toilet?" I sent him a skeptical glance, and he added, "What? I really have to go, but there are too many young girls around."

"It's that way," I pointed toward the cabin on the shore, and Percival gave me a thumbs up in return. I followed after him with my eyes, and then my gaze came right back as it followed the girls returning. As expected, Elly managed to procure a portable chair and was showing it off to me with an ear-to-ear grin.

"No bites?" Judy inquired as I handed the rod back to her, and I shook my head. "Hm. Maybe we should switch to earthworms after all."

"But those are icky," my princess complained, and while this was another opportunity to point out how strangely similar she was to Penny from time to time, I had something more important to do, so I refrained from that.

"I'll be right back. I want to check something with Snowy."

"But I just brought the chair," Elly protested, so before leaving, I planted a peck on her head.

"I won't be away for long. In the meantime, warm up the seat for me."

She nodded, and after kissing Judy's forehead (just the usual balancing stuff), I headed over to my sisters' fishing spot. Penny was sitting on the fishing box Percival brought along, while my other sister was crouching nearby and looking at something on the ground.

"Brother, look! We've already got two!"

I followed Penny's gesture and nodded at the two small fishes on the ice near Snowy. They seemed like some kind of salmon at first glance, though I admittedly wasn't an expert. In any case, it was nice to see that they had better luck than I did.

"Nice job, kiddo. Would you mind if I borrow Snowy for a second? I have something I need to ask her."

"Yes? Can I help?" my Abyssal sister stood up and walked over before Penny could even respond, and we walked a few steps away before I gestured for her to lean closer.

"Say, sis? Does ice-fishing have any kind of special significance or meaning in the Abyss?"

She ever-so-slightly cocked her head to the side after hearing my question, but then after some consideration, she opened her mouth.

"I'm not sure it's significant, but um Do you know the term 'cement shoes'?"

"Isn't that a thing in gangster movies?"

"Yes, that one," she nodded, and then awkwardly told me, "Saying that someone had 'gone ice fishing' has more or less the same meaning. I don't know why though. It's actually fun."

"I'm glad you like it, but"

"B-Brother! Snowy! Help! I've got a big one!"

Before I could finish that thought, we were interrupted by Penny's cry for help. Once the huge trout was reeled in, it ignited Angie's competitive spirit, which then jumped over to the princess, and so our laidback trip soon turned into a fishing contest, and so I had little time to wonder about just how Percival knew about an old Abyssal euphemism, or what he thought I was trying to imply with it. One thing was for sure; it didn't help my impression of the bastard one iota.

Oh, and on a side-note, the winner of the competition was the class rep couple, even though they didn't even really register what was going on. It must have been the power of love or something.

The group date at Lake Leucippe was well, calling it a 'resounding success' was probably stretching it a bit, but it was fine. In retrospect, there was very little of the promised 'teaching a new couple how to couple' getting done, but everyone had a nice time, and that was all that mattered. Or rather, most of us did. My disposition ended up considerably sourer than the rest's thanks to the aggravating presence of Sir Percival, but I did my best not to taint the experience for the girls. I even indulged Elly and let her sit on my lap for about an hour, though we never managed to recreate the same level of cutesy atmosphere the class rep and Mike radiated.

In any case, I was still feeling a little chilly even after the long car ride back to Critias, so I took a hot shower and made myself a big cup of piping hot tea, as is tradition, and was just about to return to my room when I was intercepted by my knightly sister by the stairs.

"Brother? Have you seen Uncle Percy? I can't find him."

Our house wasn't so big the old bastard could be easily misplaced, but she sounded serious, so after an obligatory sigh, I used my Far Sight to pinpoint his location. Less than a heartbeat later, I was looking down at him from above. He was in our small backyard, still wearing his light indoor clothes despite the cold, and talking to someone on the phone. Curiously enough, it wasn't his usual device, but one of those clam-shell design dumbphones. Was it a burner, I wondered?

Hoping that I might've caught him red-handed, I tried to listen in on his conversation, but I only caught the tail end of it.

" as we discussed. We'll be there."

I couldn't even hear the voice on the other end of the line, as he immediately put the phone down and pocketed it with a frown. Whatever that was about, I obviously missed it, but since Penny was still waiting for my answer, I didn't dwell on it for long and returned to my body. There was always a second time for these kinds of things.

"He's out back. Why?"

"We're going to cook the fish we caught for dinner," my sister replied without actually answering my question, and when I raised a brow, she hastily added, "I mean, Snowy's going to do that, and I'll help, but we don't know how to gut them, so I want Uncle Percy to show us."

That sounded innocent enough, and I was just about to drop the topic and be on my way, if not for Penny launching into another thought, completely unprompted.

"Snowy's so awesome! She's an Abyssal princess, and yet she can not only do all kinds of housework, she can cook too! Isn't that crazy?"

"I don't think 'princess' is the right term, but putting that aside, did I just hear a tinge of jealously in your voice?"

"No!" she exclaimed by reflex, but then after a long beat, she muttered, "Or I mean maybe a little?"

"Meaning you can't cook or do any housework, right?"

"A-Awawa! Why do you have to put it that bluntly!?"

"For your sake," I answered with a practiced smile. "You don't have to force yourself, since you're a tomboy, but you could at least try to take care of your own laundry."

"I'm not a tomboy!" she protested, going as far as to stomp her feet. "I'm a maiden at heart!"

"An iron maiden?"

"I'll punch you! I will!"

"Says the definitely-not-tomboy."

With my regularly scheduled teasing quota for the day fulfilled (it was part of the sacred duties of a big brother), I roughly tousled my fuming sister's hair, and was just about to head upstairs and drink my tea in peace when someone called out to me.

"It's so nice to see you two getting along," Sir Percival said loudly as he came into the living room and flashed one of his insincere grandfatherly smiles at us. "Leonard? Can we talk for a moment?"

"Sure, but before that, Penny was looking for you," I said and pointed at the girl by my side. "Go ahead, kiddo."

"R-Right! Uncle Percy! Please help us prepare the fish!" she requested altogether too loudly, causing even Snowy to poke her head out of the kitchen to see what the commotion was all about.

The old man looked conflicted for a moment, which caused a spark of glee to light in the pit of my stomach, but I pretended to be regretful and told him, "Go ahead. We can talk afterward. You can always find me in my room."

" Very well," the old man acquiesced, though the glint in his eyes said he was none too happy about getting passed off like that which, naturally, made me all the giddier.

"It won't take long! Come, this way!"

Penny grabbed hold of the reluctant codger and pulled him towards the kitchen, and after watching them leave, I said, "Be careful not to cut yourself."

"I'm a Knight!" my knightly sister answered with a daredevil grin. "Handling sharp things is my specialty!"

That response prompted me to glance at Snowy, and without the need for a single word to be exchanged, her lips bent into a reassuring smile that said 'I'll keep an eye on her'. My Abyssal little sister was a trooper, as always.

Anyhow, with that intermezzo over and done with, I finally made my way up the stairs and into my room. I automatically sat down in front of my PC, but didn't turn it on. It would've been pointless, as aside from watching funny animal videos, there was nothing else I could do with it. All my important observation files, along with the secure browser, were still locked away in the hidden partition of the hard drive, and I wasn't going to restore it until Sir Percival was well and truly out of my hair.

This, of course, meant that I didn't have proper access to the Hub over the past couple of days, but I asked Judy to keep an eye out for new developments in my stead. I gave her a moderator account, so she could peruse most of the site's functions regardless of the lockdown still in effect. She was still limited in what she could do, but it was better than nothing.

But speaking of the Celestials, I was planning to go on another excursion into the Elysium one of these days, as the amount of information I could gather through the common placeholder types I marked during my last jaunt around the tower and its surroundings had proven to be rather superficial and useless. The only semi-important mark I had available for me was Jaakobah, and even though I checked on him multiple times a day, I couldn't catch him talking to any higher-ups or learn anything I didn't already know.

Since I was thinking about him, I figured I might as well give the Celestial special agent a quick glance, and as usual, I found him dressed in his impractical hoplite-cosplay gear, along with his peers. To my pleasant surprise, however, there was some kind of briefing going on in a large, brightly lit room, with about a dozen of these guys lining up in front of a higher-ranked officer. Or at least I presumed so, considering his armor had way more golden inlays and fancy engravings.

" be deployed in Argentina. Our agents confirmed that the covert field team is already in the operational area, so you have to set up a gate and be ready for a lightning strike at a moment's notice. Any questions?"

"Sir." One of the Celestials in the front row, specifically the woman with the silly, midriff-revealing armor, stepped forth. "Are we authorized to use lethal force?"

The question caused the atmosphere in the room to tense up, and after an unnecessarily long beat, the commanding officer exhaled a shallow breath.

"I understand that you must have your reservations about fighting our own, but desperate times call for desperate measures. They are our brothers and sisters by blood, so you may attempt to subdue them if you can, but you must be ready to kill if you must. No matter what, you cannot let their operation succeed."

"Understood," the woman saluted and stepped back in line.

The man in the lavishly decorated armor waited for a while to see if anyone else wanted to say something, and when no one else came forward, he leveled a solemn gaze at Jaakobah.

"Optio Arpachshad. You have already received your briefing from the director, but I cannot stress it enough: don't fuck this up."

I nearly burst out laughing at the sudden and unexpected f-bomb in the middle of a serious briefing, but this kind of thing must've been a common occurrence, as nobody batted an eye, and the phlegmatic agent nodded with the utmost seriousness.

"Everyone, move out!"

"Sir!" the whole squad cried out in unison and did a fancy salute before streaming out of the room to get their gear prepared.

While I didn't have the full context, what I'd heard gave me enough clues to conclude that things were heating up on the Celestial front soon, with the likelihood of the predicted civil war getting higher by the minute. Once I was back in my body, the first thing I did was to pick up my phone and message Judy, telling her to keep a close eye on the Celestial Hub in my stead. Then, just after I was done typing and was about to finish up my drink, the door opened without as much as a knock.

"That was quick," I told my guest while doing my best to ignore the wave of irritation washing over me like a tsunami of wasps, yet Sir Percival didn't even acknowledge the comment and simply closed the door behind himself.

"As I said, we need to talk. If you have any plans for tomorrow, clear them."

I wasn't a fan of his commanding tone but did my best to hide my distaste with a curious hum and emptied my cup in a single gulp before responding.

"Do you need me for something?"

"As a matter of fact, I do," he answered, coming closer. "I told you I would pull a few strings, didn't I? I've managed to get hold of an insider on the Magi's side, and he could make a useful tool for the upcoming conflict."

"The Assembly's only arriving on Monday, so that means it's a local," I noted with a skeptical frown. "How is that going to help us negotiate?"

"Officially, maybe. If you're already keeping tabs on them, which you should, you should also be aware that it doesn't mean that they haven't already deployed some of their trusted pawns on the island in preparation."

"And you managed to get a hold of one of these 'pawns'," I surmised, and he looked at me like I just stated the obvious.

"Indeed. Everyone has a price, and in our line of work, only the best negotiators make it."

"Yes, yes. You're very impressive. Please get to the point and tell me why I need to clear my schedule," I bit back, though to be fair, I didn't have any plans that needed clearing, to begin with.

"Since you put so much time and effort into building up your reputation over the past couple of months, we might as well take advantage of it while it lasts," he told me off-handedly and patted his beard. "It should greatly help the negotiations if you were to 'show your sincerity' and appear in person, so I'll need you to come with me tomorrow morning."

"So you just want me to be there as leverage."

"Precisely. I'll do the talking, you'll just need to stand back and appear cooperative." Percival paused and narrowed his eyes, then added, "Speaking of which, make sure you appear as non-threatening as possible."

"Meaning?"

"No weapons, no armor, and for goodness sake, wear something other than a black long coat for once."

"I'll take that as a personal attack," I spoke in a deadpan voice, but the old guy dismissed me with a flat hiss.

"Pssh. Stop with the jokes and pay attention. I can't believe I have to explain this to you, but since you've lost your memories, I guess I might as well do it: this is going to be a clandestine operation. Dress inconspicuously, act naturally, and don't say a single word about it to anyone. Not even your 'girlfriends' and 'sisters'. Trust me; it's important to keep this on the low."

The way he was putting implied air quotes around the words made my blood boil, but after sneakily clenching and unclenching my right fist a couple of times, I gave him a curt nod. It was enough to satisfy him for the moment, and after checking the time on his phone, Percival locked eyes with me again.

"They should be done with the gutting, so I'll go and teach Penelope how to debone her catch. If she asks, this conversation was about buying a pedestal where we can put the rest of the helmets in our custody." That seemed to be the end of it, and he soon turned to the door, only to glance back and emphasize, "Just to be sure we're on the same page: nine in the morning, no gear, dress plainly, keep it a secret, and trust me."

"I've got it the first time. Go."

The old bastard wasn't exactly pleased with my tone, but nodded all the same and left the room. I waited until I could hear him going down the stairs before I let the tension drain from my shoulder, and I let out a groan of monumental proportions.

"So, we're off to negotiate tomorrow, huh?" I muttered under my breath, and after closing my eyes and taking a few measured breaths to expel the last vestiges of abnormal annoyance still clawing at my thoughts, I picked up my phone again and wrote a text message to Judy, spelling out the details of the previous exchange.

Because screw that guy.

Angie often complained about Sundays. According to her, it was the most bittersweet day of the week; you already had a day off on Saturday, so you felt refreshed, but at the same time Monday was already looming over the horizon like a sword of Damocles, always weighing on your mind. It sounded altogether overdramatic to me, but to be fair, I was always busy, regardless of which day of the week it was, so I found it hard to empathize with her plight. Was I losing out on some intrinsic part of the student experience, I wondered?

It didn't really matter, but just the fact that such thoughts were swirling around in my head told me that I was really ought to take a break. Not that I had much time for that, as it was already morning, but I figured catching my breath before heading out with Sir Percival wouldn't hurt. As such, I left Fred's workshop and headed into the lounge area of the main hall.

"[I wish thou a good morning, Blackloak,]" Brang greeted me from the other side of the bar. "[Thine presence is unexpected. What brings thou here at such a twilight hour?]"

"[Your question deserves the treatment of a mirror, general,]" I answered in Faunish as I sat down. "[The break of dawn is scarcely upon us, yet my eyes behold your fingers already hard at their delicate labor.]"

"[Aye. The turn of duty to take care of the wares of glass had befallen upon me, and there is no better time to start than the moment,]" he told me while his hands absently wiped yet another cocktail glass. I had no idea why, but the Fauns completely monopolized the bar and jealously guarded the post of the bartender. It was yet another quirk I couldn't quite understand, but if they liked it, I wasn't going to complain. More importantly, once Brang finished cleaning another glass and put both it and his fluffy washcloth away, he gave me his full attention. "[Thou have yet to answer the first question of mine. Is it due to a deed of secrecy?]"

"[Fret not, general. I had spent the nocturnal hours by applying torsion upon the mystic energies of creation to form an article of profound importance, and my work drew to a close only just.]"

For emphasis, I patted the buckle on my belt, though he probably didn't get it, as I had yet to show off the capabilities of my personal Magiformer Though, on second thought, calling it that was a misnomer, considering how I pretty much twisted the original enchantment into a pretzel to squeeze all the necessary functions into it. Would calling it Leoformer be too on the nose, I wondered?

I'll ask the girls to help me workshop a new name later, I surmised, and focused on the more important detail. Namely that it was not only fully functional, including all the utilities I put into the Knights' Uniformers, but I also managed to squeeze in a bunch of extra defensive wards, a system for tuning the enchantments on the individual pieces of equipment without the need to use my phantom limbs, and I even managed to increase the capacity of the storage enchantment I nabbed from Raven Boy. The result was an insanely complex enchantment array that put it on the level of the bubble that used to house Ichiko's soul and the tremendous construct that gave sentience to Cal.

Oh, but speaking of them

"[My mind just recalled a task most important I must accomplish before embarking on my journey to negotiate with coat-turning men of traitorous disposition and forked tongues and some leeches upon the lines of power, I suppose.]"

"[Sounds like an ordeal,]" Brang noted, his ears twitching in apprehension. "[Dost thou care for a drink before thine departure?]"

"[Nay, yet my appreciation is palpable. On a melody of equal nature, I beseech you to nudge my memory upon my return, for I wish to once again borrow your eyes and mind for a sacred Rite of Dominance.]"

"[Aye, Blackloak. I wish for thine safe and swift return.]"

Nodding in appreciation, I got up and headed to the armory area. Since I still didn't trust Percival half as far as I could throw him, I couldn't leave Cal within his arm's reach, so I decided to keep the sword here at the base for the time being. Not for much longer though, as after I upgraded the storage enchantment, I could finally fit it in there. On a side note, for some inexplicably hard-coded reason, the more complex and powerful the enchantment was on an artifact, the more 'space' it took up in Raven Boy's storage, and that attribute carried over to my copy. Ascalon could barely fit in the original, and even the improved version could only hold a few extra swords and tools after the chatty sword was placed inside it.

While I was lamenting over my inability to make one of those super-convenient infinite RPG inventories into a reality, I reached the armory and found Cal on the usual pedestal.

"{Oh. Welcome, young knight. What time is?}" Their words cut off, and through our connection, a vaguely defined sense of apprehension washed over me. "{Wait! Are you planning to put me!?}"

I wasn't in the mood to get bogged down in an argument, so after a reassuring pat on the crossguard, I put the sword into storage without a word. Cal didn't like it, because as long as they were in the storage enchantment, they were in a stasis that reminded them of being in the stone pedestal. It wasn't a coincidence, but a conscious design decision, as putting the sword's enchantment on 'standby mode' lowered the space it occupied. It also left Cal disoriented and quite irate upon retrieval, but I decided it was better to apologize after the fact than to spend half an hour arguing with them about it all over again.

But speaking of the time, I checked my phone, and it was a little past eight in the morning. I still needed to clean up before the agreed-upon time, so I Phased back to my room. One shower and a change of clothes later, I walked down the stairs in casual jeans plus a dark blue shirt-and-jumper combo, and as per the annoying old man's request, I put on one of my very few non-black outerwear, a plain grey parka. Of course, I didn't forget to wear my new Leoformer (name still pending), and by the time I got to the living room, Sir Percival was already waiting for me.

"I'm glad to see your amnesia didn't affect your punctuality," he noted and pointedly glanced at the clock on the wall. "Exactly on the minute. Impressive."

"Where are the girls?" I asked for the sake of appearances, even though I already knew they were on a shopping trip for today's dinner. Apparently, Penny took my teasing about her lack of culinary skills all too seriously, and now Snowy was teaching her how to cook.

All of that was beside the point though, as the old man turned a flat look to me and plainly said, "It doesn't really matter. Focus on the objective."

"Sure. What's the plan?" I followed him up while trying my best not to grind my teeth. I really wished that Cal could use the calming meditation circulation thing from storage, but at the moment it was impossible, forcing me to keep my temper in check by the power of dogged indignation.

"We head out on foot, and then take public transport to the North Corner," he told me as he handed me a medical face mask. I didn't take it right away, because I was still trying to remember which part of the city was the 'North Corner'. Was it the old industrial zone, I pondered? Meanwhile, Percival shook the mask in his hand. "Wear this. It's nothing special, but should help hide our identities in the crowd."

I expected something more high-magitech than this, but even after checking the mask with my phantom limb, it turned out to be a completely mundane item. My surprise might've shown on my face, as Percival let out an annoyingly amused chuckle and tapped on the mask already on his face.

"It's just like the first time all over again. You're wondering why we aren't using any recognition-inhibition artifacts, aren't you?" Before I could react, he let out another laugh and grimly stated, "People deep in the world of mystics tend to develop a kind of tunnel vision. It's why the Magi are still using magical eye spells for surveillance when we live in a day and age where anyone can order a full box of button-sized spy cameras from Congo for chump change. The best way to deceive people like that is by not relying on mystic arts at all. Trust me; by the time any would-be stalkers will realize they have no mana trail to follow, we're going to be out of their sights already. It's stupid, but it works because our opponents are also stupid."

"I'm not going to argue too much with that, but it's not a good idea to underestimate whatever opposition you expect," I told him a touch dourly as I put the mask on and pinched the part at the top to conform to the shape of my nose.

"And that's why we aren't going directly to our destination," he said and gestured for me to follow after him as he headed towards the front door. "We'll take the twenty-two line to the outskirts of the city, then the six line to the city center, and finally the thirty-nine line to the North Corner before covering the rest of the distance on foot."

I didn't know how to feel about the fact that he was more familiar with the local coach lines than I was, even though he'd only been living here for less than a week, but I put such concerns aside and followed his lead for the moment. Going through all of this trouble just to get to a clandestine meeting, while minimizing the chances of being discovered, made me acutely aware of just how absurdly cheaty my Far Sight and Phasing abilities were all over again. But then again, everything was a learning experience, so I figured I might as well pay attention to how the 'professionals' were doing things, if for nothing else than future reference.

As for the actual journey, it was exactly as how Percival described it. We got on the first coach, got off just before the last stop, then less than five minutes later we were already sitting on the second coach. Rinse and repeat for the third one, and at last, we got off at a mostly deserted area, surrounded by open fields and a few large factory buildings. Yep, it really was the industrial area.

"We're in time," the old man muttered as he checked his phone. "My contacts should already be waiting for us."

"Where?" I asked by reflex, and he casually pointed at one of the corrugated metal factory buildings about three hundred meters from the coach stop.

"There's a warehouse at the back of that compound. The plant should be empty today, so we should have no trouble getting inside. Trust me."

"If you say so."

My lukewarm answer made the old bastard look at me sideways, but when I didn't say anything else, he waved at me to follow after him. In the end, we sneaked into the property through a gate on the chain link fence surrounding the premises, left conspicuously open. Finding the warehouse in question was equally trivial, and after just a few minutes, we were standing at the door leading to our destination.

Without waiting for me to peek inside with Far Sight, Percival opened it up, revealing a remarkably empty open space. There were a couple of those large, ready-to-assemble metal shelves on the side, holding cardboard boxes of various sizes, plus a couple of wooden pallets scattered around on the floor. Strangely enough, that was all I could make out, as the place had no visible windows, and the lights were turned off, save for a single spotlight shining onto a desk in the middle, with a lone bald man in a suit sitting by it, facing us at the doorway.

So um What? Seriously, what the heck was I looking at? This obviously wasn't natural. Someone had to put that desk there on purpose, and last I checked, industrial warehouses didn't have tight-beam spotlights either, meaning it had to be installed just for the sake of this. Were they trying to make a striking first impression? Because they did. This was strikingly stupid, that's for sure.

Not to mention, where are the others? Were they hiding in the dark? Once my eyes adapted to the dimness, I could make out a few catwalks overhead, so maybe they were up there? Maybe this was supposed to be one of those scenes where a shadowy cabal of faceless people was overlooking the negotiations from above without being directly involved. Usually, that was done with implausibly huge, wall-covering video screens, but I imagined they didn't have the time (or budget) to install those.

"Are you Leonard Dunning?" the lean, bald man sitting behind the well-lit table called out to me, and for a moment I wondered how I should react.

"Don't just stand there like a dumb baby deer. Go inside," Percival hissed at me, and while my first reaction was to backhand him by reflex, I suppressed it and pulled the face mask off to reveal my face.

"They look really annoying."

"They are, but they mean you no harm and are here to negotiate, so get your ass moving already. Trust me."

That last part was patently impossible, but I nodded all the same and walked into the spacious room. When I did, I could hear some shuffling sounds from above me, which told me that my hunch might've been dangerously close to the truth. It filled me with oceans of trepidation, but my danger sense didn't give me any signals, so I tried my best to ignore the noises and headed over to the desk.

"I'm here," I introduced myself as tersely as possible, and I could once again hear some shuffling above. The fairly nondescript middle-aged man in front of me also straightened himself in his seat and audibly gulped. He seemed nervous, which meant that he was either under some kind of misunderstanding due to my wildfire of a reputation, or he was just a proxy who really didn't want to be here.

In either case, he cleared his throat and spoke in a level, subdued voice.

"We're infinitely grateful that you graced us with your presence. If you let me, I would like to convey our gratitude by"

"Can we cut to the chase? We're here to negotiate, aren't we?"

"Y-Yes, in a sense of the word, we certainly are," the bald man answered with a wooden smile, and I couldn't help but notice one of those convenient, highly-visible beads of sweat rolling down from the top of his head all the way to his chin.

"In that case, I'm going to let you two get started right away?"

I glanced over to my shoulder and planned to point at Percival, only to freeze when I noticed that he was still on the other side of the door. When our eyes met, he flashed me a genial grin, gave me a thumbs up, and then unceremoniously closed the door.

"Bloody what?" I muttered under my breath, and the sitting man raised his palms into the air at once.

"Please, do not be alarmed. We only wish to erm parley."

Was that supposed to make me feel less apprehensive? This nervous wreck, sweating like bullets, couldn't calm his way out of a paper bag! Who the hell put him in charge of negotiations? Not that it mattered, as this development told me Percival set me up for something, and I wasn't going to wait for the other shoe to drop.

"Sorry, but no. There's something afoot here, and I'm leaving," I told them with all the solemnity I could muster, but instead of arguing with me, the man only let his hands down.

"You can't."

It was a simple statement, yet it carried conviction, and before I could ask just how he was planning to make me stay, all the lights were turned on at once, momentarily blinding me. Despite the pain stabbing at my retinas, I kept my eyes open, only to then immediately blink in surprise.

There really were catwalks hanging overhead, but instead of a shady cabal of mages, my eyes were greeted by the sight of about a dozen bronze-armor-clad men and women aiming their fancy magical compound bows right at me, arrows of light nocked and ready to fly at a moment's notice.

Then, as if this wasn't alarming enough, the man behind the desk flashed with colorless light, and his clothes were replaced with a white toga, followed by two pairs of ethereal wings unfurling behind him. The people overhead also followed his example, and in a second, the already bright room was filled with the light of about a dozen pairs of shiny wings.

And then, just as the scene reached its zenith, the man in the middle twisted his lips into a disarming smile and pleaded, "Please. We just want to help you."

I gave him a flat look in return, then glanced up at the archers, and finally buried my face in my palm with a lung-rattling groan.

"You bloody. overdramatic. bastards."

If only I knew that this was but the tip of the iceberg, I would've probably Phased away on the spot, but as always, hindsight was my mortal nemesis

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