Theatrical Regression Life

Chapter 32

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All of Lee Jaehuns actions were driven by highly rational calculations.

Humans naturally tend to exclude what is unfamiliar. They either fear or revere others, dismissing them as entirely different beings, or perceive them as something to be overcome through anger.

Two perfect examples of such unfamiliarity are humanity and death.

The problem is, neither of those concerns me.

Lee Jaehun felt Constable Kims gaze, which seemed to be dragging him down, and covered his eyes with his hand, as if washing his face to avoid meeting her eyes. It was a natural gesture for him to feel so disgusted with himself.

Of course, its not that Lee Jaehun lacked humanity. Its just that his humanity was something far removed from conventional wisdom, and for him, the humanity of this world was a concept that was difficult to grasp with current common sense.

Moreover, Lee Jaehun seemed to reincarnate after death, or something similar. The saying that everyone should feel the fear of death, spanning both past and present lives, didnt apply to him.

Lee Jaehun was a fellow worth suspecting, even if he wasnt a protagonist with deep thoughts or a detective with an unreasonably high guard. He had enough value to fear, reject, or be angry about. He was that alien.

But it shouldnt be like that.

This world is an adults-only survival game.

Nevertheless, humans are ultimately social animals, and Lee Jaehun is no exception. Its just unrealistic for him to dream of living alone and enjoying wealth and glory. Like the natural order where whats above requires whats below, it was only natural for him to help the chicks of today to achieve what he desired.

Ultimately, its a bothersome and irritating matter

Lee Jaehun had to become something acceptable to others.

Even though he didnt value death and life, he had to appear as if he did, and he had to be seen as being swayed by excessive confusion and profound corruption. Even if all those concepts and situations were perfectly peaceful to him, he had to adapt to his surroundings.

Thats why Lee Jaehun created a nonexistent past and fabricated traumas from it. All he needed was shallow self-brainwashing and the traumas he had acquired from past lives, dragging irrelevant traumas from past lives into the present to create a new past for himself. He obtained new traumas.

And in most cases, nothing more was needed.

Um, Im sorry. I I shouldnt have

A person in their right mind wouldnt delve into such traumas unnecessarily.

That fact was evident from the way Lee Jaehun refused to talk about the incident where he nearly choked in his sleep. Despite being curious about what dream he had or what happened to him.

It is nice to see a good person.

He didnt hate this type of person, but he couldnt help but find it inefficient.

Come to think of it, even if shes a policewoman now, shes aspiring to become a detective someday. Since she has some understanding of human psychology on such topics, she seemed to have noticed that what Jaehun showed was indeed a real trauma. Of course, it wasnt something that arose in the present life, but rather from a pure past life.

He replied with a subdued voice.

No, Im fine. Really, theres no problem at all.

Are you sure? You seem to be quite injured.

Well, I did receive treatment though

Lee Jaehun covered his mouth with his hand, as if to suppress a smile. Sometimes it was just a habit without any intention, but at the moment, it was to restrain the urge to burst into laughter or to stop the lips from forming a grin.

Yeah, really, theres no problem at all.

How does that person see me?

If it wasnt necessary, Lee Jaehun didnt want to make the same mistake twice. He imagined how the other person might perceive him.

Was he deliberately showing slight fear to appear more human? Just earlier, he woke up from sleep and almost choked himself as if he wanted to kill himself, and even Constable Kim didnt bother to tend to the wounds caused by the outburst. Reflecting on it again, those werent exactly normal behaviors.

So how would Lee Jaehun, who continuously engages in such crazy actions, appear? Someone trying to maintain composure despite being suppressed by trauma? Or someone who is driven to unconscious self-harm but is unaware of their madness? Or perhaps a mentally ill person who doesnt value their own wounds?

Whichever it is, hes quite a troublesome fellow to stick around with

But that wasnt a big problem. After all, Lee Jaehun had behaved quite normally up to this point.

He might seem a bit crazy, but hes not incapable of daily life, and hes trying to take care of himself, so hes not the type who needs a lot of attention like a mentally ill person. Plus, he showed some combat skills when we first met, so at least he wouldnt be seen as a burden.

Lee Jaehun now, regardless of what anyone said, was a useful lunatic. Regardless of his image, he wasnt going to be undervalued.

He checked his body one by one and then spoke up.

More importantly, is Kim Yeonwoo-ssi okay?

Of course, he knew she wouldnt be okay. He asked because he needed to take control.

It was inevitable, but Lee Jaehun didnt like the position he was in, being protected by Constable Kim.

Being protected meant there was a protector and a protected, meaning his autonomy was taken away, which would be a disadvantage in front of anyone he would meet later, whether it be his team or a visiting detective.

Until now, the focus had been on Lee Jaehuns mental state as a mentally ill person, but he didnt plan to reveal any more of the underlying issues. He felt the need to change the current atmosphere.

Constable Kim blinked and then responded.

Im fine, as I said before, Ive received treatment

Im talking about your mental state, not your physical health.

Yeah, theres no way shes okay.

Because shes a good scaredy-cat.

Lee Jaehun inwardly suppressed a smirk.

Not everyone who possesses ultimate kindness is brave. Rather, its about surpassing ones own limits and enduring all hardships and adversity, emerging as a hero.

Constable Kim Yeonwoo is a coward.

A good coward, indeed.

Despite using her composed exterior and rigid demeanor as weapons, her essence doesnt align with that. Its unreasonable to think shes in her right mind at the beginning of the story, even dreaming nightmares about people getting hurt or dying. Theres no way she wouldnt have encountered monsters even as she entered the parks pavilion.

And Lee Jaehun had a knack for digging into such mental weaknesses while pretending not to.

Just coming out of the company made me feel queasy. I felt like throwing up, my head was pounding

.

Ive encountered monsters several times, and each time, I couldnt breathe. I was speechless.

It wasnt that bad. Due to past trauma, there was some lingering emotional pain, but Lee Jaehun was adept at even using such mental anguish.

But such words are efficient in lowering the other partys guard.

Likewise, Im using these sentences to let the other person know that Im in the same boat.

Constable Kim was a person with a strong sense of duty towards her profession, so she usually didnt bring up her fatigue, which in turn became a barrier in her relationships.

Lee Jaehun tried to create a common ground with her, demanding empathy. Whether Constable Kim truly empathized with his words or not, she couldnt ignore Lee Jaehun, thinking of him as a patient who was suffering and struggling.

Sure enough, as her lips trembled, she nodded slightly.

A bit, yes. I was scared too.

I was scared too.

With those words spoken, Constable Kim unintentionally built a minimal bond of empathy with Lee Jaehun.

Such empathy might feel forced, but its quite effective.

Until just now, Constable Kim might have thought to herself, Im fine. That could have been the truth. Lee Jaehun only knew her through books, so it was inevitable that he didnt know everything about Kim Yeonwoo as a person.

However, words have a surprising amount of power. Stories that are not spoken directly and not heard disappear from the mind almost rootlessly, leaving only the stories told to the world with any meaning.

In the contradictory confrontation between Im fine and Im actually not fine, the one that ultimately surfaced outside of the mouth was the winner.

Observing Constable Kims unconsciously curling fingers, Lee Jaehun pretended not to notice and continued speaking.

Thats a relief. I was starting to think I was the only scaredy-cat.

You also helped, didnt you? Lee Jaehun-ssi, youre not a coward.

Well, Im quite fearful myself. Lee Jaehun intentionally wore a tired expression.

I have no idea how Im managing to survive. I was in a rush to flee earlier.

Is that so.

Constable Kim seemed to relax a bit at Lee Jaehuns words.

He continued to subtly elicit empathy from her, though he couldnt know exactly what she was feeling. After all, comparing ones own pain to others has been a longstanding human tradition. Of course, Lee Jaehun wasnt genuinely empathizing with her, but that wasnt the point.

The real significance lay in the fact that Kim Yeonwoo, to some extent, accepted the person named Lee Jaehun and through this, they could potentially lower the detectives guard just a bit. Lee Jaehun felt like he was gradually breaking free from the boundaries of being seen as someone to protect.

Alright.

Initially perceived as a dying patient, Kim Yeonwoo, through conversation, likely learned more about the person behind Lee Jaehun. This also meant that the term protected person was gradually becoming less clear-cut in describing him.

Thanks to another survivor like myself, she may have unknowingly received a positive influence.

Lee Jaehun subtly scanned Constable Kim, who was looking at the ground, without giving away his intentions.

Her gaze was remarkably dry and composed, almost like that of someone checking the performance of household appliances like a computer or a vacuum cleaner. There was no trace of human emotional exchange within it.

He thought once again.

Human beings are social creatures.

Thats why, even while trembling with fear for a long time, if there were other people around, he would gain at least a minimum of courage. Its the kind of courage that keeps you from committing suicide out of loneliness, at the very least.

It seemed that Constable Kim also had a rough idea of what the afterlife was like, and within it, Lee Jaehun, who showed a calm demeanor as a survivor with whom one could communicate, would be a quite welcome presence. Humans could gain strength from just one existence with whom common sense prevailed.

So, while I could probably manipulate her further to my side.

It was good enough around this point.

Lee Jaehun turned his gaze with a new sense of popularity.

Are you awake?

Oh, Grandma.

He caught sight of the person Constable Kim called.

Her white, thick hair bore traces of dye in places, giving it a patchy appearance, yet she had it tied back into a bun. Despite the visible wrinkles and the frailty of her skeletal body, her glasses perched on her nose masked those biases.

The owner of the popularity was the old woman who had supposedly treated them and had been a main character surviving with the protagonists party for quite some time.

The old woman wrinkled her nose and muttered.

They were all dying, but somehow they survived, survived.

Her indifferent yet brusque tone was not much different from that of any other elderly person, but Lee Jaehun knew she was scrutinizing him skillfully. It was quite similar to the gaze he had shown Constable Kim just now.

Pretending not to notice, Lee Jaehun lightly nodded his head.

I heard you treated us. Thank you.

Forget it, not necessary. Just lie down without bleeding all over the place, why bother standing?

Im fine now.

For a moment, he considered feigning illness like an ordinary person would, but then quickly changed his mind.

I should start looking for my companions soon.

It was already too late to pretend to be normal.

Although a doctor with specialized knowledge had joined the group, manpower was always needed in the underworld where people could die at any moment. Moreover, since Doctor Ha Sungyoon was an extra character, Lee Jaehun felt less hesitant about potentially killing him off if necessary for the storys progression.

In that sense, Lee Jaehun was determined to somehow recruit the old woman into the group. If the doctor were to die due to unavoidable circumstances, or even if not, medical personnel were needed. If that happened, then the image he had already tarnished would eventually be known to her as well

Then, even if he appeared normal now, in the future, she would only maintain her guard, and Lee Jaehun didnt want her to be wary of him unless necessary.

He decided to comfortably act disregarding all common sense of the present.

Um, are you leaving now?

Im sure your companions are worried about you not leaving on good terms. Its about time I went to look for them too.

That wont do in your condition, Lee Jaehun-ssi.

Constable Kims stern face contorted. At first glance, it seemed like she was angry, but Lee Jaehun, having read books, understood. The furrowed eyebrows were a response to anxiety.

Lee Jaehun thought pleasantly.

What kind of anxiety could it be?

It could be seen as simple worry, but who knows? Humans arent such simple beings.

He comforted Constable Kims mental distress to lower the detectives guard. He stopped any whispers beyond what was necessary, as excessive whispering would surely not look good either internally or externally. Therefore, Constable Kim must have felt comfort from the person Jaehun himself.

Well, Lee Jaehun was a survivor who could communicate.

He had the strength to escape from monsters for a long time and survive, so Constable Kim must have felt reassured by that. She was kind, but being a coward, she inevitably had anxieties and fears.

Of course, it wouldnt be to the extent of friendship or obsession

She would feel at least a minimal sense of regret. Thats how he led it to be.

Lee Jaehun, consciously stopping his thoughts, replied.

Its not a problem at all.

What do you mean, its not a problem?

The one who responded to Lee Jaehuns words was not Constable Kim, but an old man.

Dont trust this old man. Its nothing more than using a piece of cloth without even medicine.

It wasnt necessarily wrong, but he was skillful at it. Just by looking at how he applied an unknown cloth here and there and tied up broken areas, you could tell.

Ignoring his hobbling legs, he stood up from his seat and spoke.

Its been quite a while since you parted ways with your companions. Itd be worse if something happened because you worried unnecessarily.

Just leave it be. Those companions of yours arent all children, are they?

There are a few children, about two.

I see.

The old man, whose tongue clicked once, soon turned his head. It wasnt that he was upset or uncomfortable; it was thanks to her own indifference to everything in the world.

Only Constable Kim, who didnt know that, remained stiff-faced, then quickly washed her face with her hands.

Just a, just a little Couldnt you stay a little longer? At least until my leg can function properly. Id like to go out and bring back Lee Jaehuns-ssi companions, but my grandmother is here

Will a wound heal in a day or two? I dont think I can wait until then.

Then, then Ill find someone else! I just mentioned that the occupation of the companions I was talking about is a detective. If I find that person

But didnt you say you didnt know where they are?

Ah, um, well, I, I cant I really cant. I cant show you my condition right now because I dont have a mirror, but if I go to find the companions in that state, it will only worsen. How will you cope if you collapse while going?

Your physical condition is really not good. Even grandmother said so. Being alive is a miracle, she says. Just walking itself would be too much for you.

Lee Jaehun shrugged nonchalantly, as if it didnt matter.

Youre not dead, arent you?

Hasnt that group of people ever forced you to do anything, Lee Jaehun-ssi? Really? Like, forcing you to work until youre about to die

Thats not it.

Then are you working in some strange occupation? Like a gangster, loan shark, or something like that?

He chuckled involuntarily.

What what are you talking about.

In this life, let alone, even in the past life, he was far from such a strange occupation. If anything, Lee Jaehun was closer to being on the side of justice.

But even with such Lee Jaehun, Constable Kim didnt seem to feel relieved at all.

Well, they do seem to be not quite normal.

They are just newly hatched chicks devoured by the underworld. They probably havent forgotten the sensation of the comfortable reality yet, so wouldnt it be even stranger for Lee Jaehun himself to casually react to his own speckled body?

But Lee Jaehun was tired, and above all, he had given up on image management for such a crazy mindset.

Lee Jaehun, the odd one out in the village, answered with a touch of pity.

Surely I wont die on the way.

Im getting more anxious

Its okay. Im not dead, and I wont die.

.

And above all

He spoke, suddenly feeling a sense of melancholy.

Really, we need to go before something happens.

Like disgusting little chicks.

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