This is a Beta Test?! - A Literally Broken System

I heard her audibly swallow before she replied, *I-I didn't have the time... At best, I managed to heat some water for noodles again...*

Oof... That sounded absolutely miserable, "I see. I'll let you eat before I ask you some stuff again. So eat up, yeah?"

*T-thanks...*

I shook my head in commiseration as I returned to my current pastime of staring at the marvel of impossible physics in front of me. The sound of nature was at least soothing to my ears, barring the occasional slurping noises that Guidance made into my ear. I could only imagine the taste of cheap-ass noodles sliding down her throat right now. Not that I'm dissing instant noodles, but there was a certain trick to enjoying them that made it all the more tolerable to eat...

Okay, I'm lying. I actually like instant noodles as much as the next broke-ass guy off of college. It was a reminder of how mortal we are in terms of being broke and miserable as college students. But I wasn't lying in that there were ways to enjoy instant noodles beyond savoring their ridiculously salty goodness.

But enough about reminiscing about the old times. I'm kind of itching to see what I have to work with. "Say. Think you can at least tell me how to open up my stats?"

A mighty slurp preceded Guidance's answer as I heard her place her theoretical bowl down her desk, *I- err... honestly don't know how you'd do it without a keyboard, Moriya.*

I scoffed, "Figures. Still, can't you at least give me some ideas?"

Another round of slurping echoed from the starry void as Guidance clearly took her hunger seriously, *I've told you about 'alt-s,' right?*

"Yes. And?"

*I-I don't know... Can you try to imagine it on some kind of... mental keyboard?*

Huh... A mental keyboard... It wasn't the worst control scheme to ever imagine, but it was infinitely better than nothing. "I'll try it out then."

Closing my eyes, I tried picturing a one-to-one image of my own worn keyboard back home. Using my fearsome intellect and ability to project images into my brain, I now saw myself looking at my old desk and pressing 'alt-s' on my keyboard. For added measure, I imagined a stats window popping up on my screen; my stats and skills all being shown to my face as I smirked to myself. Heh.. Maybe it might just work in some kind of roundabout way.

Opening my eyes, my smirk fell instantly at the same time I realized that I had already done this exact same thing just over an hour ago. And same as last time, nothing appeared in my vision beyond my HUD and bars. The bright halo above my head was still there, and Guidance's enjoyment of her breakfast was the only thing I heard amid the silent ambiance of the forest behind me.

For some reason, I couldn't even bring myself to get mad. I didn't really know what I expected.

*D-did it work?*

"Do you think?" I sarcastically stared at the void above, hoping that I somehow manage to deliver my annoyance back to the woman that was sitting behind a desktop. "No, Guidance. It didn't."

*Damn... I thought that would work...*

I raised an eyebrow at that. She actually sounded pissed with that small whisper. It was honestly kind of endearing. Still, I was far from even opening this mythical stats screen, let alone adding some points to some of my desired specs. I couldn't even begin to theorize on what I should try and build into since I have no idea what each stat even did in relation to my abilities.

"Got any more ideas?"

Returning to my old strat of trying out random gestures in hopes of activating something in this system, I just sat patiently as I waited for Guidance to either finish eating or to give me another idea to try. Not that I was expecting her to, really. It wasn't her that was stuck in this place.

A small part of me was jealous when I heard Guidance give her breakfast one last swig of slurping before a mighty thud echoed from the void. That was probably her bowl making an impact on her desk. *Let's see... Have you tried just... saying it out loud?*

I raised an eyebrow, "Like what? Just yell out 'Stats Screen' and it'll just show up?"

I could already hear her recoiling from my tone as she responded, *I-I err... just try it...*

I chuckled, "Sure." I mean, what else have I got to lose in trying?

I didn't even know why I was standing up as I found myself staring at the floating rock in the distance. The winds were gently blowing against my face, and my weapons were magically attached to my back as if I had holsters for them.

Weird, I know.

Still, "I can't believe I'm doing this..."

Casually yelling out one-liners was fine by me. A bit cringe, but it's fine for my own tastes. Shouting out attack moves and other gamey stuff, however? That was where I unfortunately drew the line. It was like shouting out gibberish in Japanese when it probably just made you look like a fool while doing so.

Oh god... "Okay... Stats Screen!"

...

...

Nothing's happening. Please let something happen for my own shame to be justified.

In the distance of the void, I heard giggles from one Guidance that clearly looked like she was enjoying my misery. "L-Laugh it up back there, Guidance!"

*I-I'm sorry!* the woman apologized in between chuckles. *it's just... HAHA- I mean, maybe it's not what it's called?*

I felt my eye twitch at the indignation she was putting me through, "Well?! What is it called then?!"

*I- HAHAHA!*

For heaven's sake... "Hey! It's not like my life's on the line if I can't get stronger, right?!"

Guidance audibly struggled to hold in her enjoyment of my misery, *I-I can't help it! I'm sorry!*

"Oh my god..."

And once again, I'm debating taking back everything I just said about Guidance's beautiful game.

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