This World Has Gone Crazy

Yi Hang sniffled, turned away and saw a man walking over briskly. “What books do you want?”

“I’m just looking around,” Yi Hang looked at the familiar boss, only to cry as he made small talk. “Did you go out just now?”

“Mmm, I wanted to catch this guy but I couldn’t,” the boss said angrily. “He’s so annoying. He posted advertisements here... Guess what’s written on these?”

The two men glanced at each other curiously and saw the boss holding a few leaflets with huge words written on them. "Fortune telling! Exorcism! Make a fortune! All your problems can be easily solved by the Master Yijing’s favorite student. Accurate divinations and reasonable price. What are you waiting for?"

Qi Le, “......”

Yi Hang, “=口=”

Qi Le quickly regained his senses, “Who posted this? A man or a woman? Which direction did he run to?”

“Man, looks quite young,” the boss threw the leaflets into the trash can and pointed to the road on the left, “He ran that way.”

“It’s okay, we’ll help you chase him down.” Qi Le grabbed Yi Hang and ran as soon as he finished speaking. Yi Hang who was dragged by him asked, “Is it him?”

“I think so. This is a university town. He lives at school and the term is starting soon. There are many people around here now. What do you think?” Qi Le quickly caught up and looked around. Soon ,he saw a familiar figure on one of the streets and quickly ran over. He saw the Taoist priest in a cap and sunglasses, carrying a small bucket in his left hand, a pile of leaflets in his palm, and a brush in his right hand, smearing glue on a tree. He looked was composed.

“...” Yi Hang walked up to him, “Taoist priest?”

The Taoist priest turned around in surprise. “Oh, it’s you. Are you looking for me to buy some talismans?”

The two men thought that to themselves, you actually guessed it! Yi Hang quickly told his story. The Taoist priest listened quietly and shook his head. “My master leave the mountain so easily. Don’t you think I can do it?”

“...” Yi Hang said, “I want to see your master. He should help if you ask right?”

The Taoist priest was silent for a moment before sighing, “In fact, the old man has passed away.”

Yi Hang, “...”

Qi Le, “......”

The Taoist priest changed his tune now. “But he has taught me all of his skills. Let me help you. I happen to be carrying a bag and I have everything here. I can make them now and sell it to you.”

Fucking hell, didn’t you just say that he wouldn’t leave the mountain? How did he suddenly turn out to be dead?! Qi Le pursed his lips. “The so-called Master Yijing doesn’t exist, does he?”

The Taoist priest looked calm and unmoved. “My master has passed away.”

Yi Hang turned around and left. “I better look for someone one the streets...”

“They’re all liars,” the Taoist priest quickly stopped him. “A talisman from them requires at least 200 yuan. You might as well get me to do it.”

Yi Hang reminded him, “If you were for real, you wouldn’t have reached this point, would you?”

“I have sinned against God and naturally there I will have no good end, but I still have the ability to deal with demons,” the Taoist priest said earnestly. “Plus I use cinnabar to draw my talismans. Cinnabar itself has the ability to exorcise ghosts and demons. It’s definitely effective. How many do you want? I’ll give you a discount.”

Yi Hang thought for a moment, felt that he sounded rather reasonable but still asked suspiciously, “...Can you really do it?”

“Certainly.”

“Um... alright then...”

Qi Le stood by with a black face, not knowing what words to use to describe his current mood. He looked at the two of them and was about to leave after the deal was completed when the Taoist priest stopped him and said, “If you guys are free, help me stick these.”

“...” Qi Le said, “Dream on. To tell the truth, these won’t work at all. This is a school. You should use constellations, romance readings and so on. Or else, add a guarantee. No matter if it’s useful or not, someone will definitely buy them. Only these things are popular.”

The Taoist was slightly shocked. “It makes sense. Go on.”

“...” Qi Le said, “Goodbye.”

Taoist priest, “......”

Qi Le quickly pulled Yi Hang away and looked at those things as he pursed his lips. “Do you really believe in them?”

“Who cares,” Yi Hang held the plastic bag. “I’m desperate, I’ll try anything. I want to go back and play games. Where are you headed?”

Looking at the time, Qi Le found that it was still afternoon and he really didn’t want to go back so soon. He said, “I’ll go look for my older brother. Go home then.” He stood and watched the man leave. Then, he got on a bus and went to Ye Shuichuan’s apartment.

Ye Shuichuan was somewhat surprised to see him. “Why did you suddenly come? Are you looking for something? Where is Gu Bai?”

“No, I came out for a walk,” Qi Le was silent for a moment and looked at him. “Ge, do you get hard when you kiss your man?”

“Yeah.”

“...” Qi Le asked, “Why?”

“Because I like him.”

Qi Le couldn’t accept it. “What if you don’t like him?”

“Then what why would Laozi kiss him?”

“...” Qi Le thought that what he said was right. After thinking about it, he changed his question. “If you don’t like someone but he kissed you, will you get hard?”

“I’ve never tried that but if you ask Xiao Shu, he’ll say that he’s hard.”

Qi Le’s eyes suddenly lit up. “Really? Why? “

“He wants to do it with him.”

Qi Le, “......”

Ye Shuichuan asked suspiciously, “Xiaoyuan, did you and Gu Bai...”

“No!” Qi Le shouted defensively, “I don’t like him and I didn’t do it with him!”

“Then why do you suddenly ask these questions?” Ye Shuichuan stared at him, considered his little brother’s level of emotional intelligence, and asked tentatively, “Did you get hard when he kissed you? But you don’t think that you like him?”

Qi Le was silent for a moment, then nodded.

“Then I’ll change the question,” Ye Shuichuan looked at him with a broad grin. “Did you hate the kiss...”

Qi Le froze, then carefully thought for a moment, “I... don’t think so...”

“Mmm, you don’t hate the kiss and you got hard,” Ye Shuichuan smiled even more happily. “Are you sure you don’t like him?”

Qi Le, “......”

Qi Le wanted to cry. Fuck the whole "instinctive physical reaction" explanation! The fact that he got hard really didn’t make any sense at all!

Ye Shuichuan happily kissed him on the cheek. “Don’t worry, take your time to think about it.”

Qi Le remained expressionless and struggled for a long time. Finally, he decided not to listen to this opinion. He stayed until evening and went to the bar with his older brother to ask the group of people there. But the results were the same. He sat in a daze for a long time before he silently turned away. However, when he turned around, he ran into someone and couldn’t help saying, “I’m sorry... why is it you again?”

The hot-blooded doctor was all excited. “I came to see you. Oh, I’m so lucky!”

“...” Qi Le said, “Can I ask you a question? Why are you so attached to this matter?”

The doctor thought for a moment. After several failures and lessons, he felt that he could try to take advantage of his sympathy and said sadly, “In fact, I encountered the same problem...”

Qi Le was shocked. “What?”

“It’s true. Not me, but my lover. He couldn’t recognize me as soon as he regained consciousness,” the doctor said. Remembering Qi Le’s identity, he added, “He’s also gay. Besides looking for you, I’m here because I want to see him. Oh, that’s the man I’m talking about. Look...”

Qi Le looked in the direction he was pointing at. He was silent for a moment. He went forward to pull him over and pointed at a certain someone. “Brother-in-law, do you know him?”

Doctor, “=口=”

Zhong Ruiyuan looked at him, “I don’t, why?”

Qi Le’s lips slowly curved into a smile. “It’s nothing. Please continue to wait for my older brother. This person needs love and took you for his imaginary lover.”

Doctor, “...”

“Needs love?” Zhong Ruiyuan looked at him a few more times and said with glee. “He looks good. It just so happens that I have a friend who wants me to introduce someone to him. Would you like to try?”

The word “friend” hit Qi Le’s fragile little heart. He quickly pulled the doctor away. Although he hated this person, he couldn’t watch him fall into the fire pit. He whispered, “Let’s go. Don’t agree to him. His friends are all wackos.”

“Wackos?” The doctor immediately looked professional and asked in all seriousness, “What do I do?”

“Aren’t you a psychiatrist...” Qi Le shut up at once. Fuck! It can’t be, right?

The doctor left him and turned towards Zhong Ruiyuan, “I’ll try.”

Zhong Ruiyuan reached out his hand with a wide grin. “Come here, let’s talk as we walk.”

“Okay.”

Hot-blood doctor, do you want to break into their circle of crazy?! Qi Le silently watched them leave. He felt that the world was too horrible. He turned around and left. He decided to go back to look for Erquan. He wanted to try again. If he could was hard again tonight, he wouldn’t struggle with it anymore.

After returning home, Yi Hang rolled up his sleeves and stuck the bright yellow talismans onto the windows. Then, he covered the apartment with them as well. When Lu Yanbin came back from work, he found that his home had been changed into a haunted house surrounded by yellow things that floated around. It was gloomy and eerie. When a certain someone saw that he was home, he immediately got up, wearing several amulets around his neck and holding a small plate of cinnabar in his hand. He was ready for a fight. “Come on then. I’m not afraid today!”

Lu Yanbin, “......”

~~~

P.S. For those of you without Discord, my grandma’s in the hospital so I had some trouble updating yesterday. I’ll try to make up for it as soon as I can. I know I missed a few updates lately. I’ve been so busy with work and I seem to be going to the hospital a lot ugh Thanks for being understanding and patient! ❤

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